March Madness - Day 40 (4/9)

On Tuesday, I didn’t get much writing done, even though I thought I’d have amble opportunity.  My mom had another checkup from her surgery, so I knew I’d be in the waiting room with plenty of time to write.  But my sister had to go to work, which meant I needed to take her baby (heretofore referred to as The Childe) with us.  And The Childe will not be appeased. 

The doctor’s office had a great big saltwater fishtank, in fact the largest* I have ever seen outside of a zoo, and I thought that would entertain him (it certainly did me).  But he was not interested.  All he wanted to do was run around, explore, climb stairs, press elevator buttons, and see if there was anything he could destroy.

So I got absolutely no writing done.  Later, though, I grabbed a mini-notebook I used to carry around in my biggest winter coat (I wrote “Know When To Walk Away,” “Shoveling Match,” “Outgoing Transmissions,” “Hilton Helps the Hopeless,” and a story I didn’t recognize in it.**  I used to bring a similar notebook with me when I’d go to (or sneak into) movies in Los Angeles, so I could write during the wait before they started, and maybe I should again.

Anyway, I came awfully close to finishing the second “Lara and the Witch” story, but didn’t.  I introduced a doctor, and wanted to give her an unusual name, but when I told Big what it was, he did not seem to think that would fly.  He may be right, but it’s more important that I finish the scene and write the final scene in the story, and then, those most important two words. 

Tomorrow.

Rish

P.S. By that, I mean “Tomorrow, I will,” not “Tomorrow is the most important two words in writing.”  Duh.

Words Today: 897
Words Total: 29,385

*Seriously, it had to have been into the thousands of gallons.  I could have fit inside it and stretched out my arms without touching the glass.

**It was weird.  I read through it a little just now.  It’s about a guy who is picking up a woman he just met for a date, and a little girl answers the door.  He is surprised, since the date didn’t mention she had a daughter, but the little girl behaves in a very peculiar, unchildlike way, and it tests the guy’s patience to the point where he suspects this is a prank or some kind of test the woman does to see if a man’s worthy to go out with her.  But it turns out that the woman doesn’t have a daughter . . . and that no little girl lives in the house.  Again, I have no memory of writing it, but it’s totally the kind of thing I write, and it’s in my handwriting.  Remind me to publish it sometime.

March/April Madness - Day 39

I only managed 65 words during the day, in the couple of minutes I sat down and wrote. 

I got my bicycle out of the shed this afternoon, cleaned off the layer of dust it had accumulated, and pumped up the tires as best I could.  I say "as best I could" because I could see a certain how you say, flatness, under me as I rode around.  I'm out of shape (as is my wont), so I only managed half the route I usually ride (rode, since it was, what, 2017 the last time I rode the bike?). I didn't have any excellent writing ideas during the ride, but I did come home, get some work done, and then wrote for a half hour or so at the end of the night.  Luckily, that increased the total substantially. 

I finished up the Big Confrontation, as I've been calling it, and that will mean that, if I write any significant amount tomorrow, I will reach "the end."  I felt like I COULD have finished the story, if I'd gone to the library today, or if I'd really buckled down (if I'd really wanted it, in other words), but no, I think I can do that tomorrow, with little trouble. 
 

And that's something to look forward to.

Words Today: 1365
Words Total: 28,488

April Madness - Day 38 (4/7)

Today,  took my nephew for a ride in the car (my eleven year old nephew, not the one I attempted to murder with drain cleaner on Wednesday*), off to get Slurpees, since the sun was shining.  But as I drove around the roundabout near my place**, I heard a clanging sound, and thought I ought to stop and see what had happened.

Well, it appeared, strangely, that I had hit the handle of a screwdriver, since that was lying in the road behind us.  And the rear driver's side tire was hissing, letting me know it was soon going to be flat.  So, I started up again, and intended to race over somewhere to get the tire fixed, but it was Sunday, a day when everyone expects the Lord to protect cars from needing repairs or tires, and the only place open was in the next town, which I did not dare try to reach on a rapidly-deflating tire.

So, I had to take off the tire, borrow my brother-in-law's car, and take it in to be patched.  My nephew helped me unload it and said, "There's something inside the tire."  I mentioned it to the mechanic, and he said, "Yeah, sometimes the tire pressure gauge breaks off inside the tire."  I didn't know that was a thing, and it strikes me as crazy we'd have a gauge inside a tire.  What is this, the 21st Century?

But yeah, you probably know where this was going.  To get straight to the punchline, what was inside the tire was . . . the blade of a screwdriver.  Somehow, I had hit it just right to go into the rubber, break off, and stay in there.  The mechanic said that because of this, the tire was irreparable, and I'd have to get a new one . . . tomorrow, because they were closing up for the night.  I said, "Fine, just set me up with the cheapest tire you have, and I'll come back tomorrow."

So, the next day, I took my mom's car over to get the tire first thing in the morning, and wouldn't you know it, they were out of the cheapest tire they sold, but they did have a more expensive one.  But lucky me, the guy was going to waive the labor charge for re-mounting the tire . . . because I was going to be doing that myself.  Really, they ought to erect a statue to this guy somewhere.

Now, this story is neither exciting nor enlightening, but I felt like sharing it because . . . hey, who gives a Ziplock bag filled with half-frozen diarrhea if I write every single day anyway?  Couldn't I just switch it up a bit?

Words Today: 814
Words Total: 27,123

*Did I not write that up more extensively or do a podcast about that like I said I would?  Shoot, sorry.  I know that would've been a laugh riot.

**Christian H. Bale, do I hate roundabouts.  94% of people around here drive through them wrong, often speeding through as though they're yellow lights about to turn red, or red lights in a brothel district about to turn not-red, and I don't give crap one whether they save time or trouble or save taxpayers the price of four more stopsigns.  If I ran the zoo, I would convert all roundabouts to four-way stops, and damn anybody who gets in my way.  You can always vote for the other gu--  Oh, you already did.

March/April Madness - Day 37 (4/6)

So, I came to the library again this afternoon to see if I couldn't achieve something similar to what I did yesterday.  I did speak with Big after yesterday's post, and he seems to be doing better than me in his daily word count for the month of April (despite having started a day later), but he's still working on the story we were going to swap for Christmas . . . 2018.  So, no matter who wins, we lose.

Today, I've reached the point where I could be writing the Big Confrontation scene at the end of the book.  I could be doing that, except I'm blogging instead.  You see, I am the worst of people.  I have tons of free time and opportunity, and don't take advantage of it.  Then, I look in the mirror, realize I'm getting old, and have the temerity to feel sorry for myself.

Don't be like me, Junior.  Stay in school.*

So far, I have written forty words.  Even that took some effort.

And just now, I wrote an email.  Anything to keep from writing, kids.

I'm at 82 words, but wow, I ought to focus.  I will try.

It was hard--man, that internet is an insatiable parasite!--but I did write at least part of the confrontation.  It's magic versus magic, and I was reminded of writing a scene in a screenplay, years ago, where two demons do battle, and how little my heart was in that scene.  We had seen Neo fight Agent Smith by then, and Gandalf battle Saruman, and probably Yoda fighting . . . jeez, was it Saruman again?  And I knew I couldn't top that.  Plus, that's not what the screenplay was even about (it was ostensibly a love story, though I wonder now what I'd think if I read it today), and I wanted to write anything but magic-users slugging it out. 

And this is similar.  These Lara Demming/Old Widow Holcomb stories aren't really about Harry Potter fighting Voldemort, but more like Neville Longbottom practicing second year spells with Colin Creevey in the room where Professor Binns keeps his old textbooks. 

And maybe that's okay.  We'll have to see, if anybody ever reads this book.

Words Today: 867 (as in, 867-5309)
April Words: 3,822

Words Total: 27,176

*Forever.  I mean it, just never graduate.  Be ten or thirty years older than the kids in your classes . . . just NEVER join the real world.

April Madness - Day 36 (4/5)

So, this was a Friday, the end of a week where I did almost no writing.  It's not that I didn't want to (okay, yesterday I didn't want to, but I had talked to Big who said that writing ten words in one day was better than writing zero, because it keeps training your mind that writing is one of the things you do every day, like eating, drinking, urinating, and in his case, farting), but I didn't carve out a time where writing was all I did.

Today, I went to the library and forced myself to sit down and start writing again.  I was worried about it, because I had written myself up to the point where Something Bad happens to Lara Demming (if you've read "Remember the Future," you know what that thing is), and I had little idea how to go about it.

So, I just jumped in.  I wasn't sure how horrifying to make it, so I just wrote it out, almost clinically, was only confusion on Lara's part.  Big loves to butcher innocents (in his writing, I mean), so I texted Big while it was happening, and he too was writing, during a slow stretch at work.  We bounced word count back and forth, which is pretty cool, and while I barely beat his word count for the day, he's definitely got me beat for the month.

But fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day.

Words Today: 1579
Words Total: 26,309

 

Rish Outcast 135: Conference Sprawl (Part II)

Didn't get enough last episode?  Well, here's more of the same!

In this one, I keep on talking about the writers conference I went to, share some notes, share some empathy and some criticism.  But worry not, I believe there are no references to Ted McGinley included.*

And wait, there's more!  Later, Fake Sean Connery and Fake Ahnold will still have each other, even when the world runs out of lovers.

Feel free to download the episode by Right-Clicking HERE.

Feel freer to support me on Patreon HERE.

Logo by Gino "The Mant!" Moretto**

*There WAS a special extended version of this show for Patreon supporters, if you REALLY can't get enough.

**A mant is a half-man, half-ant.  Mant!

April Madness - Day 35 (4/4)

This has been a much worse week than the last one, but I haven't completely failed in my writing yet.  I say "yet," and mean it.

So, yesterday was a bit of a shit-show, as they say in church.  I won't go into it here (I think I'll talk about it in a podcast sometime), but my nephew ingested poison on my watch, and we took him to one hospital, then another when we discovered the hospital only a mile away is not covered by his parents' insurance. 

Today he was home and recovering, and while everyone was a little freaked out, I'm not sure if it helps to dwell on it.  He's a destructive child, willful and dangerous, but he's our President, and we owe him our respect.

Whoops, forgot the topic at hand.

I think I wrote today.  I'll have to check the notebook.  I can't remember.  Oh, oh yeah, I wrote this right before I went to sleep: Dude, I am so tired right now. Sleepy, I guess I mean. But I shouldn't go to sleep without writing. Can I?

After that, I forced myself to write a couple of lines for my "Delusions" sketch, then slept.  Better some than none, right?

Words Today: 213
Words Total: 24,730

April Madness - Day 34 (4/3)

I keep meaning to go back to the library, but I haven't managed it this week.

But an interesting new wrinkle to this month is that Bigglesby Anklevich said he was going to throw his hat into the ring also, and write every friggin' day. 

Of course, he's said such things before.  And that pudgy saint Marshal Latham said he'd write every day too.  It's easy to say, but a bit harder to do.  Like defenestration (I know, I tried).

Words Today: 241
April Words: 1262
Words Total: 24,517

March/April Madnesss - Day 33

So, it's the second day of a new month, and I'm going to continue this thing.

You may be wondering where my Rish Outcast episodes are, and why I've fallen behind.  I really have no excuse, except that I had the Optimus Prime sketch set up for the first, and that took up the time it would have taken me to upload another episode and publish it.  I wish it were easier than it is to get things posted, but haven't you discovered by now that EVERYTHING takes longer than you think it will?

Anyway, I only got a few minutes in with my notebook before it was time to go today, but I have a few minutes right now I could either blog or wri--

Okay, I'm gonna write for a while.

I got 269 and 41 in my notebook this morning, and 102 on my sketch tonight, which, I believe, makes five hundred and eleven (which is a single word more than yesterday).  Not great, but I'll take it.

Words Today:  511
Words in April: 1021
Words Total: 24,276

March Madness - Day 32

This was a pretty long day.  The kind of day you have regularly, but not me.  Oh no, not me.

My mom had surgery in the city at seven am.  Seven, for the love of Mike's Hard Lemonade, and I had volunteered to take her there and bring her home.  But that necessitated getting up at six (okay, I actually slept in until 6:10, but don't hold it against me), and driving her up there, then hanging out in the waiting room until she got out.  I took my trusty notebook, and wrote on "Balms and Sears" for a couple of minutes, then decided to go out and get me a donut. 

I love donuts.  The way you love, say, your spouse, or your eldest son, or long uninterrupted bowel movements, that's how I love donuts.

But the Walmart a mile away didn't have any yet, so I drove around, trying to find a Winchell's or a . . . dang, what are the other donut chains called?  I remember one with a yellow sign, what was it?  Or was Winchell's the yellow sign?

Duncan Donuts, I think was the biggest chain in the U.S., at least when I was younger.  Is that the one with the yellow sign?  There was a donut place directly across from my hotel room when I stayed in Chicago, and I peered down and looked at it, at the city around me, and the people walking around like Ant-men on the sidewalk below me.  It was glorious.

Oh yeah, donuts.  So I tried to find a place, and couldn't.  I drove all the way toward the mountains where I knew of another Walmart, and got some there (the sun was rising right there to the east, pretty much blinding me and making me wonder how often people plow into other cars or pedestrians when the sun is just coming up), then meandered back to continue writing.  But when I got back, my mom was already done and wondering where I had gone.  Whoops.

Still, that should have given me plenty of time for writing and editing, since my morning alarm went off while we were still driving toward home.  Unfortunately, later that day, my sister pointed out that the washing machine downstairs was leaking all over the basement floor, so we had to quickly pile up boxes and make a path out the garage door to get the washer out of there (it had broken some kind of seal that kept the water inside when it spun), and order a new one. 

There was a little good news there, and a little bad news, but no writing news (the good news was that I discovered a box of Marvel Legends figures from 2014 and 2015* that I had forgotten about.  The bad news is, I could do no laundry, and after all the manual labor, I smelled pretty bad.**).  So, sadly, I only got 130 words in today, that I can think of.  Let me double-check.

Oh yeah, at the end of the day, I started editing a "Delusions of Grandeur" episode where I wrote a Star Wars sketch last year and mentioned I might write another one.  So I started it out, and ended up writing three hundred and eighty words on it.  And I'm gonna count it as writing too.

Words Today: 510
Words in April: 510
Words Total: 23,864

*I imagine I'll get a hundred bucks or so for them.  Maybe more.

**And I am pretty renowned for smelling bad, even on a good day.  I remember a couple of years ago, when I still worked with Austin, they hired a woman named Carolina who had no sense of smell, due to a childhood snorkeling accident.  So Austin described me to Carolina as, "Can you imagine what the Devil smells like, being surrounded by all that sulfur and people sweating and being tortured all day?  Now, imagine if the Devil shat his pants . . ."  Carolina was promoted not long after that.

I Read "The Joining" By A. VanCluth

Well, this is a first. A listener has sent in a story, and I'm going to read it "live" on video. This could set a precedent, so be warned.

Enjoy?