Thursday, June 22, 2017

Rish Outcast 75: Goodnight Moviehouse

There really ought to be a comma in there.

So, this is something I recorded really recently when the local neighborhood movie theater closed down.  It was among the shortest episodes I've ever produced . . . so I decided to write a little something for after the show.  Padding, if you will.

Hey, you wanna download the episode directly?  Simply Right-Click on THIS LINK.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

I Perform "Single Parent" on Cast of Wonders

Happy Father's Day, you male mothers!

In honor of the holiday, I got to narrate an odd little story over at the "Cast of Wonders" podcast.  It's called "Single Parent," by Sarah Gailey, and it tells the familiar tale of a dad checking his kid's closet for monsters . . . and finding one.
"Cast of Wonders" touts itself as The YA Fiction podcast*, and once again, this term vexes me.  In this case, there's no one in the story that even remotely would count as a young adult (ie, teenager), as the three characters are in their thirties, a six year old, and a grandmother.  Plus, there's the dreaded eff-word in the first five seconds of the story, which my reading has taught me would caused a YA reader to spontaneously combust.

But my gut is telling me that YA is whatever the person selling it says it is, much like when I ran a Horror Film review website and constantly had to do battle with the definition of "Horror."  Which films would we review on our site and which ones wouldn't we?  Why would PSYCHO count but not REAR WINDOW?  Why did JURASSIC PARK, TERMINATOR, and KING KONG count, but not WESTWORLD, CYBORG, and MIGHTY JOE YOUNG?  Ultimately, the decision was made that "Horror" was whatever the hell I said it was, and if other people disagreed, well, eff 'em.

So, apparently "Single Parent" is YA, and if I disagree, eff me.

It is Horror, though.

The story is certainly interesting (as the man's wife used to be the one to dispose of pesky spiders and/or closet monsters, and now he has to figure out how to do it himself), and it's neat they had a Father's Day story planned enough in advance to get it out for the day.

Anyway, check it out if ye like, at THIS LINK.  At the very least, it's got a fairly good narrator.**

*Oh, and these guys are now part of the Escape Artists network of shows.  I must have missed when that happened.

**Oh, and Fake Sean gets a bit of a shout-out in this episode too . . . so there's that.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

The Podcast That Dares 18: Celebrity D&D

Rish presents his most elaborate sketch yet, an episode of nobody's favorite reality/game show, "Celebrity Dungeons & Dragons."  With, of course, your host, Fake Sean Connery!

Thanks to Gino Moretto for his input (and the logo), and let's hope this goes over well.

If you wanna download this bad boy, just Right-Click HERE.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Unreliable Narrator

Not much here.  I just wanted to be able to use "unreliable narrator" and pretend I'm clever.  This is a segment of me falling asleep while narrating.

I was going to post this more than a year ago, when I was editing an E.C. Tubb audiobook and discovered the condition of my recording, but I forgot about it and threw away the outtakes when I got to that part.*

But here we are in 2017, and I've found another section in Abbie's new book that will do almost as well (in the Tubb book, I went on for much, much longer, but I've discovered the audio tends to be unusable no matter how many times I wake up and reline in that condition).  This may or may not be entertaining, it's difficult to say.

Even though I'm not quite done with my narration (I probably have a dozen or so more chapters, then I'll start on retakes), Abbie has begun to publish the audiobook in installments over on her Patreon page.  You can probably (possibly?) check it out HERE.

In the meantime, I will try to stay awake.


*Which is a shame because it was much more pathetic that this clip is.  In that one, I forced myself to carry on, despite my condition, until there would be twenty seconds or so in between lines where I had closed my eyes and only resumed when my head dipped and that woke me up.  Now I'm wise enough to just quit and say, "Well, there's no use continuing now if I'm just gonna have to record it again anyway."  It's like when you're falling asleep while driving, despite the radio and the window and slapping yourself.  Nowadays, I just pull the car over at the next rest stop or clear spot, and take a nap for half an hour or so, rather than risk actually zonking out right before a turn or cliff.

Thursday, June 08, 2017

Marshal and I Talk Star Wars Convention Experiences

Hey, there's another "Delusions of Grandeur" episode up over at "Journey Into..."  This one was a long time in coming, because I'd often call Marshal Latham up and tell him what I heard or saw at "Star Wars" panels at local cons, and he did the same when he went to one.  So, if our regularly-scheduled episode ever fell through, we always had this topic in our back pocket.

Once again, I do appreciate Marshal's partnership on this show.  I know he's busy with the other aspects of his life, but he often is the one who suggests we hook up and produce another episode of "DoG" (as he calls it).  Maybe nobody listens to the show, but I will continue doing it as long as he wants to.

So, why not check it out at THIS LINK?  Seriously, why not?


In this episode, Marshal took a phone call so we recorded in two sessions . . . and then I accidentally deleted the second half while clearing old files off my recorder.  So, what I did was listen to Marshal's half and tell my stories into my recorder again, trying to get the timing right and figure out what I must have said to make him respond or laugh.  It ended up taking much longer than just doing the episode over again would have taken . . . and one of us was not thrilled with the result.

Besides the time I erroneously referred to his children as "Ugnaughts," it's probably the only time I've ever sensed Marshal was angry about something.  And guess what that made me?  Yep, angry too.  Ain't life grand?

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

Out With The Old

In 2004, I went to my first comic convention.  It was while I was living in Los Angeles, and it was pretty exciting--so many vendors selling stuff that I might buy, if only I had any money.  Mostly, though, I went to panels (free) and stood in line to have artists do sketches for me (also free), but I did buy one thing that I remember: a black Spider-man t-shirt.

According to the calendar, it's been thirteen years since then, and I have to admit, that Spidey shirt has seen better days.  It's a bit faded, the neck is kind of stretched out, and there is cracking around the white spider symbol.  It had a good run, but I figured it was time to let it go.

Here's the last time I wore it.

But, I have money now.  And I waste it on things all the time that would make the 2004 me drop to his knees and curse the gods on Mount Olympus with Vesuvian Syphilis. 

So, I bought me a new shirt . . .

I sure have grown up in thirteen years.

Sunday, June 04, 2017

Slumming Attractions

I worked quite hard on this.  Heck, even the trailer was a bit of a headache.

Hopefully, you'll be there when this goes live.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Governator Ad

I recorded this years ago for use in an episode . . . then promptly forgot about it.

If you listen, you'll see why.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Rish Outcast 74: If It Sucks...

In this one, Rish talks about what to do when you produce something that sucks.  And that's about it.

Oh, and Fake Sean waits for a star to fall.

If you're feeling up to it, you can download the episode by Right-Clicking HERE.

And here's the link to "Varcolac," if you wanted to check that out.  Text version too!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Mindless May

How can we be in May already?  What happened to 2013??

It's past the middle of the month when I'm typing this.  Guess I care a lot less than I did just a few weeks ago.  Sorry.
Here were my goals for April:
1.  Publish ONE more story.

Don't think that happened.  Unless the ones for Patreon count.  And they don't.

Oh, you know, I did end up publishing "Chalupadale - Next Exit" on Amazon.  I'm not even sure why.  Tis a silly story.

2.  Type up ONE more story and ONE novella.

Hmm.  I typed up "Murdertown - One Mile" and got "Library Week" formatted for publishing.  I guess those count.

I got stalled in the middle of the novella, though.  After going to the library twice or more times a week for February and March, I haven't even gone once a week in the last month.  And the library is where I force myself to sit and write (or type up writing) with absolutely no distractions.  I need to go again, I realize that.  But I also need a haircut. 

3.  Enter the two newest stories in the contests they were written for. 

Hey, this one's good too.  I sent out "Exchange at a Harvest Festival" to one, and "Welcome To Hell" to another.  Not sure if either story is very good, but that wasn't part of the deal, was it? 

Oh, and "Welcome To Hell" was my slogan for the decade of the Nineties, by the way.

4.  Finish recording and editing "Spanksgiving: A Spanking New Novel About Spanking."

Grumble.  Bossk in Heaven, I loathed that book.  I got to a point, nearly 3/4ths through, when I just threw my hands up and seriously considered stopping on it altogether, despite the hours of work I had wasted up to that point.  But I forced myself to finish it, and hope to never think of it again.  Although the details of it will pop up in a Rish Outcast one day in the future.

5.  Finish reading "Jager Thunder" and start recording chapters of it.

Yes, I did that, and that's what's taking up the majority of my time right now.  It's going extraordinarily well.  I'm hoping to get it in within the deadline, because, frankly, I've already started spending the money.  My phone's been semi-broken for a couple of months now, and I've vowed to reward myself with a new phone* as soon as I get paid for this.

6.  Work on current novella, "Taste the Blood of Van Helsing."

Man, I was proud when I came up with that title.  Still am, a little bit.  The problem with this project is, it was conceived with the Peter Cushing Abraham Van Helsing in mind . . . and that means as a movie, rather than as a story (or more likely, a book).  I've explained it before: a screenplay I can write, no problem.  A book?  Not so much.

And this piece is definitely supposed to be the (cinematic) story of the final adventure/mission/temptation of Abraham Van Helsing.  There's some good stuff in it, if I do say so myself, but I keep writing it as though it's a movie, with a pre-credits sequence, an opening scene, then a variety of setpieces working toward the end of three acts . . . which COULD be the end of the book/story, but doesn't work as the end of a book so much as it would a movie.  In a movie, you can tie up some of the loose ends and say, "Well, that's all the time we have, children.  There are more stories to be told, but that all depends on the box office.  Goodnight."  In a book, it costs the same to write an 800 page book as a 300 page one,  and I don't have it in me to write a 300 page book.

I'm still writing it, but in fits and starts, and I am about 74% sure I will abandon this one before the end, because of the way the writing is going, and because I know myself.

I'd like to be wrong.  But hey, I'd also like to get nominated for another Parsec Award.

7.  Record my D&D sketch for my show.

Wow, you're not gonna believe this, but I recorded that, edited it, incorporated it into a Podcast That Dares, made a video of it, and made a trailer video for that video.  I guess I was REALLY enthusiastic about the project.

Boy, I hope someone else is.

I will try to get that published by the last week of May or first week of June.  Hold me to it (of course, the Patreon guys get it first, so keep that in mind).
So, I'd say that's about six-and-a-half goals complete out of the seven.  I was typing up "A Mark on the Sky" and quit working on it, otherwise I'd have all of them done.  I also have another story ready to publish on Amazon, having created the cover art today instead of what I was supposed to be doing.  All in all, not too shabby.
 So, now is when I'm supposed to come up with new goals for May . . .
And, well, I'm kind of done with all this.  Sorry again.  No more goals, no more writing every day, no more craps to be given.  'Twas good while it lasted.

If it helps, Big seems to have stopped too.  And that's much more tragic.  Me, I'm still sort of thinking about writing (worked on my story today, in fact), but my priority right now is Abiton's "Jager Thunder" audiobook, and ye olde Rish Outcast.  So, those are still going.  
But I'll get back on the horse as soon as the audiobook is done.  That's sort of a goal . . .
Rish Outfield, Goal Eff Yourself
*Okay, probably a used one off of eBay rather than the kind of phones the people around me keep buying.  Look, you can't live on your own in Los Angeles--well below the poverty level and struggling to make rent each month--without learning to be frugal.  Okay, I can't, anyway.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Fake Sean Patreon Promo (With Insults)


This was on the tail end of a recent episode, but feel free to share it with your dog, parakeet, or monkey.  Not the cat, though, please.

And be warned (maybe I'll do a whole post about it), the next episode of the Outcast is for Patreon supporters only.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Rish 'n Marshal Tease "The Last Jedi"

Marshal has been very helpful in getting episodes of our "Delusions of Grandeur" podcast out.  A pity nobody's listening.

But you know, he and I are staying in contact, maintaining a . . . friendship(?), and hey, that there is reason enough to continue talking about STAR WARS.

In this episode, we talk about that teaser and ask a bunch of questions that will never be answered.

Here it be at this link.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Rish Narrates "Malachi and the Ghost Kitten" by Abigail Hilton

This is the second book in Abbie's Eve and Malachi series.  I thought it was a little disturbing, but hey, I'm only one voice.

Well, a bunch of voices, actually.  But you know what I mean.

In this second book, Eve, Malachi and company encounter a scary house down the road where many animals enter . . . but none ever leave.  It's an interesting Horror-centric installment with the series, and I would've loved this one most of all as a kid . . . which would have disturbed my parents almost as much as the 2012 copyright on the book.

You can find my reading at this link, or you can probably scoop it up from Abbie directly for cheaper.

Saturday, May 06, 2017

Rish Outcast 72: Episode from the Brown Depths!

So, I have finally published my Brown Depths Monster novella, "Newfound Fame," despite a number of hitches.

It's the story about the old man who was once in a movie, playing the Creature From the Brown Depths, and in the intervening years, the film has developed a large cult following.  And a legend of a curse on the production.  But is it just a legend?

I talked about it in this episode, if you want to remember with me.

In this episode, I talk about the project, what made it unique, and play a sample.

Plus, the Sobe Lifewater commercial!

If you'd like to buy it--and really, why wouldn't you?--the Text Version can be found HERE, and the Audio Version can be found HERE.

Feel like downloading the episode directly?  Just Right-Click THIS LINK HERE.

P.S. Okay, the NEXT episode will be for Patreon supporters only.  

P.P.S. And coming soon . . . CD&D!

Monday, May 01, 2017

Tarkin Doctrine

Marshal Latham, my podcast partner on the "Star Wars: Delusions of Grandeur" podcast sent me a clip from James Luceno's book "Tarkin" to read on the show, and it turned out to be really, really long.  But I still did it.
I made a little video of Grand Moff Tarkin to go with it.  This one isn't supposed to be funny (unless hearing me try to sound like Peter Cushing is funny to you).

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Occurrence In Hall B

Big's old friend Dean once told him that, to make a living as a self-published writer, you had to have a hundred items available for sale.  Well, I've no idea if I'm even halfway there, but I really have to do better at putting stuff out there.  In the two months that I wrote every single day this year, I wrote two novellas and two short stories.  That, frankly, is astounding (for me, at least), blowing away any previous records I might have managed.

So here's another story ("Occurrence In Hall B"), one that I only wrote because I was entering a contest, came up with an idea that was acceptable but unremarkable, and forced myself to come up with something else.  It's about a young college student named Duncan (based on my buddy's kid, who works as a night janitor at the community college I also attended), who discovers that the corridor in B Hall may well be haunted.

As I've previously mentioned (over and over, I'm sure), cover art is my Achilles kryptonite, but for this one, I didn't do terribly.  I actually had Duncan take a picture of the hall where he worked, and sent it to Gino Moretto to see what he could make of it.  This time, I'm 75% sure I spelled the title right.

If you want to buy it AT THIS LINK . . . I certainly won't stop you.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Rish Outcast 71: Ladies Room

Too many stories about bodily functions?  Keep that stuff in the bathroom where it belongs.

Also, Fake Sean talks about Patreon, and hurls a few insults.

Look, if you wanna download this episode, just Right-Click THIS LINK, or Rick-Roll THIS ONE.

P.S. It appears the next episode of the Outcast will be a Patreon-only affair.  Be warned.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Hulk PSA

This one is from 2012.  I know at least one person who really liked this.

If you are number two, please let me know.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Rish Narrates "Feeding Malachi" by Abigail Hilton

Once, Abbie told me she had written a series of children's books.  I was quite impressed.  To impress her back, I told her I once wrote an Eighties Slasher movie script called "Sorority House Butchery."*  But a year later, she asked me if I wanted to narrate the series.

And hey, book one in the Eve and Malachi series, "Feeding Malachi," is available now on Audible!

It tells the story of a curious young rat who escapes her cage and goes exploring, discovering another cage belonging to a funny creature called Malachi, who is all tail and a big head with a flicking tongue.  Oh, and she also discovers what Malachi eats.**

I've never written a children's book (or narrated one), but it was fun, quick, and I'd be happy to share them with my own children.  If they could stand to listen to my voices, that is.


*Which was patently untrue.  I only started it.

**Spoiler . . . it's tofu.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Aimless April

Sigh.  Another month went by, and we're halfway through April.  I don't want to type up my March failure, but I at least knew that I had written every single day in February, and every day in March except one . . .

But then I discovered that wasn't even one of my March goals.  Bosskdammit!

My actual goals had been:

1.  Type up FIVE stories from notebooks.
2.  Publish THREE stories in text.
3.  Publish TWO stories in audio.
4.  Finish writing "Ten Thousand Coffins."
5.  Finish audio of first two books in AH's "Eve & Malachi" series.

So, now for the inevitable post-mortem of March goals...

1. Type up FIVE stories from notebooks.
I typed up one for sure, "Caller I.D.," which I've threatened often to run on the Dunesteef.  It had a partially completed sequel (which is already, sadly, out of date, since every sequel installment was going to cover a year, and I think that one was 2013), which I typed as well.  I believe I also typed up "Roll with the Changes," which was the October Scary Story I wrote in 2016 (not at all scary, though, but ah well).  Yesterday, I started typing another one, but it can't count for March.

2.  Publish THREE stories in text.
Sigh.  Nope.  I published one for sure ("Occurrence in Hall B"), republished "Like a Good Neighbor" (since I discovered a scene missing that I had never typed up from my notebook, and had somehow shrugged off*), and put "Chalupa Dale - Next Exit" up on Amazon, since it hadn't been available there before.  I also got the text file for my second audio collection ready to go, but didn't publish it (for no logical reason, except that there shouldn't be text versions of audio collections, but it's the only way Audible will let you self-publish something).

3.  Publish TWO stories in audio.
Well, this one I'm pretty sure I accomplished.  "New Year's Day" is up, "Varcolac" is up, and I published "Newfound Fame," but it still hasn't gone through (which tells me they had a problem with it . . . which also tells me that the extra work I did on it, with multiple voices and musical score, might have been for naught).

4.  Finish writing "Ten Thousand Coffins."
Ah, a good one.  Yes, that one is not only finished, but about 75% of it is typed up (rather than notebooked), meaning it will see release sooner than most.  Whether it's any good or not, well . . .

5.  Finish audio of first two books in AH's "Eve & Malachi" series.
Oh kids, I actually accomplished something.  You can buy them as we speak.  Guess I should do a post on that.

I'm not going to beat myself up over my failings, because the successes were pretty significant.  For a good while there in March, I was firing on all cylinders.  I got one thing done, then immediately started on another project, and amazingly, got that done.  I wrote two short stories in a week span after finishing my novella, and then started on another one. 

Once April arrived, though, all my forward momentum stopped.  I just didn't care anymore, because I wanted to focus on publishing, and I have two large audiobook projects on my plate right now.  So, I have been going to the library at least twice a week, but I've been using that time to type up stories from my notebooks, and it doesn't feel like wasted time to me.

So, for the rest of the month, perhaps I shall set these goals:
1.  Publish ONE more story.
2.  Type up ONE more story and ONE novella.
3.  Enter the two newest stories in the contests they were written for.  Which entails reading through them once more, making any revisions necessary, then--gasp!--actually submitting them, which is difficult for me.  At the very least, I've got at least one interesting tale out of this.
4.  Finish recording and editing "Spanksgiving: A Spanking New Novel About Spanking."
5.  Finish reading "Jager Thunder" and start recording chapters of it.
6.  Work on current novella, "Taste the Blood of Van Helsing."
7.  Record my D&D sketch for my show.

There, not so tough.  You see, Lord Vader, I can be reasonable.

Rish Outfield, Writer (Still)

*That was always a problematic story, since I started it at the end of one notebook, and then continued it in a later one, but didn't remember where those scenes were, so I ended up writing them again when I was typing it up.  And then, when I found the second notebook, I had two different sections of the story covering the same time period, and had to figure out how to reconcile them (me being me, I tried to combine them into just a longer version of that narrative).  But when it came time to record the audio for it, I was reading off the earlier version of the typed document, so it ended up different from the published version.  AND THEN, when I was producing it in "full cast" for the Dunesteef, I set up my recorder and re-did the scenes in question so they were the longer, later version . . . only to discover when I got the lines back from Bria that she had gone off the original version anyway, so that new audio was unusable.  Not to mention that I had aleady sent Big the later version to record his lines from, which didn't jibe with the Bria parts . . . sigh.
To make a long story slightly shorter, I did notice there was a scene missing when I was finishing up the Dunesteef version, and chalked it up to the two different versions, figuring the one on Audible was more complete, only to discover a week or two ago that scene in the notebook, never before typed up, and too late, frankly, to put into any but the text version (although, the version I release in my big audio collection will have the lost scene in it, so all that work isn't entirely wasted).

Delusions of Grandeur: Grand Moff Tarkin

In the most recent "Delusions of Grandeur" podcast (over at the Journey Into . . . page), Marshal Latham and I discuss the main bad guy in STAR WARS (or A NEW HOPE, if you prefer)(but never EPISODE IV), Grand Moff Tarkin.  We actually both sat down and read the James Luceno book about him and one of us watched episodes of "The Clone Wars."  Hopefully, our discussion is a bit different than the myriad other Star Wars podcasts out there.

Oh, and I do my impression of him too.  Maybe that makes us unique.

Check it out HERE.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Roderick Usher PSA

Here's another video.  I really ought to do more of these.*

Around November, I got it in my head to stop drinking soda, even though it was one of the three things that gave me the most joy in life.  I tried many alternatives, and one of them was the delightful products the Sobe company puts out.

I assume people actually buy them, but I can't be completely sure.

*Around May I wrote one up while I was at work where President Obama is giving an address to the nation, announcing that (as a matter of national security), the ownership of or listening to Mary Wells's song My Guy was being declared a criminal offense.  "And I invite the nations of the world to take similar steps to safeguard the innocent.  Even you, North Korea.  Let's agree on something for once."  I realized I'd have to attempt an Obama impersonation, and I never recorded the thing . . . and now it's too late.  :(

Sunday, April 09, 2017

The Podcast That Dares Not Speak Its Name 17: Surprise Inspection

In the return of ye olde Podcast That . . . Rish shares a fairly old story with y'all, based on a surreal experience he once had getting his car inspected.  Tis called "Surprise Inspection," and there's a slight chance you will like this one.

Oh, it was brought to my attention after I recorded this that in many parts of the country, they don't require a safety inspection to register automobiles.  So, that either makes me lucky to have had to do so (otherwise, this story never would have happened), or it's bizarre and alienating to everyone listening.  One or the other.

And if you'd like to download the episode directly, just Right-Click this here link.

Oh, and don't forget the Patreon fund, where you can support my efforts, get episodes early, and exclusive content!

Thursday, April 06, 2017

My Novella "Varcolac" Available on Amazon and Audible

In 2005, I attempted my first Western story, "Birth of a Sidekick." In 2008, I wrote my second, "Varcolac," a Western Horror tale that, while very different in tone from the Ben Parks stories*, still centers around a pre-teen boy main character. In this novella, a family of immigrants comes through town, bringing with them unusual traditions, exotic accents . . . and death.

As usual, you can scoop up the print version over at Amazon (this link), or the audio production I created at Audible (at this link). Either way, I hope you like it, at least until the moon is full and bright.

Rish Outfield, Varcolactose Intolerant

*At least until I introduce the supernatural in those tales, which may not happen, but probably will.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Rish Outcast 70: I Went Out Riding

Back in January, I shared an episode recorded while I went for a walk.  Here's one I tried--rather foolishly, I might add--to record while riding a bicycle.  The only thing stupider would be to record one while hiking through foot-deep snow.*

In case you're wondering, the recorder did survive its fall, and I'm too cheap to buy another one.

Want to download the episode to your Chalupa?  Simply Right-Click HERE and save.

And of course, remember the Patreon fund, where you can support my efforts, get episodes early, and exclusive content!

*And that one's forthcoming.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

The End (good and bad)

So, two kinds of "the ends" this week.  The first, and the important one, I guess, is that I finished my story "Ten Thousand Coffins."  It ended up (first draft anyway) about fifteen thousand words, which is either too long to match the title, or too short for a novel.  Actually, the title ended up being a little less relevant, since the story went in a slightly different direction than I intended it to (still the same story, except I zagged when I figured I would zig).

I didn't work from an outline on this one, just a one page premise I wrote up in February.  It's much closer to "pantsing" than I typically write.*  And normally, that would be the death of my story.  I would write it for a little while, and eventually get to a part where I didn't know where it was going, and I would stop or lose interest.  To thine own self be true, and I never don't have that happen.

Except this time, because I was writing every single day, and even though I got to a couple of crossroads and dead ends, I never had the time to lose interest in it, since I was back to work the next day and the next.  Pretty cool.

But speaking of that, the day after I finished "10KC," I started a new story, and the day after that, I didn't write.  I went to my childhood home, we were hauling truckloads of garbage to the dump, we went out to eat for my sister's birthday, I worked for a couple of hours on an audiobook . . . and then I fell asleep.

After nearly sixty days in a row of habitual writing . . . I fell off the wagon.

It's over, Johnny!

And the next day, let me tell you, I felt like a bobbing turd.  It's weird that I would react so harshly, after something that should have been no big deal (I was up until four or five working on that audiobook too, so I technically had a fine excuse), but I did.  It was the second "the end."  My watch had ended.

And another remarkable thing about that (this was yesterday, I'm talking about): a lovely inner voice said, "Well, you failed.  No point in trying again."  I actually considered giving up and just focusing on other things, now that I no longer had to (yeah, HAD TO) write every day.  After all, I had set the goal of publishing five things in the month of March, and what did I manage, a paltry two?

So, I went ahead and published another short story, bringing me to three, and the day ended with me having not written, and resigned to watch television until I fell asleep (a luxury most folks don't even have to think about, I would posit).

But I thought about that story I had started just two days before, and thought, "Well, I could look at that, just to really rub it in about yesterday."  And I got out the notebook.  The work I had done on it was pathetic, really, just some half- or quarter-assed silliness, and only a few paragraphs of it.

"But silliness is kind of fun, isn't it?" I thought, and started typing.

I typed it through to the end, forcing myself to do it as penance for the day before, and wow, in two days had finished another story.  Then I watched TV until I fell asleep.

That was yesterday.  I don't know what will happen today (except that I'll get together with Big and he will make me write, the harsh taskmaster he has become), so I could start something new, pick up something old and abandoned, maybe come up with something for an upcoming contest.

It was "The End," but maybe not the end.

Rish Outfield, Ghost Writer In The Sky

*"Pantsing" being writer-talk for the people who do not plan out their work, but instead write by the seat of their, well, you know.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

"Sea Monkey Do" in Video Form

Back in 2014, I did a couple audio sketches involving my nephew.  Today I was thinking of doing a new one, so I figured I'd make the first two available on YouTube.  Look, I'm never going to do real videos, I'm not in my twenties anymore.*  But this'll have to do.

This is "Sea Monkey Do," and everything in it is just as true now as it was when I recorded it.

Again, I would like to make more of these, since they're just going to get easier to put together, but I need to have an idea.  Maybe the four or five short film scripts I wrote for me and Big Anklevich to do when I was first moving from California, though probably not.

*I once made a video in my parents' basement of three hitmen on a party line together.  I set up three sections of the room with different telephones, and tried to change my appearance for the three characters (I remember slicking my hair back for one, wearing a suit and sunglasses for another, and the shaving off what little facial hair I had after recording all of the first guy's lines), then on my VCR, edited them together like they were having a conversation.  It took an unbelievable amount of time, and the finished product was one rung below mediocre, but that was the ambition I had in those days.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

My Story "Trick" in Weirdbook #34

A couple of days ago, Big did his first-ever (far as I'm aware) video podcast.  He filmed himself, edited in all sorts of footage, and even used his kid's drone to get a shot or two.  I was impressed, but not motivated to ever do it myself.  I consider myself if not a master then at least a bator of audio production, so I'll stick with that.

But when I saw a package from Wildside Press, whom I had sold a story to, I did having my nephew six year old nephew film me opening it.  I thought his little video might make an interesting blog post, especially since millions of people apparently watch videos of folks opening packages and boxes (for some reason).  But saner head prevailed, and I simply had the boy take a still photo or two.

The magazine is Weirdbook, issue 34, which is a continuation of their classic Weird Tales mag, in digest form.  It's big and looks good, published by John Betancourt, who owns the rights to those Dumarest of Terra books I used to drag my feet on narrating.

I checked out their website, and noticed their next theme for submissions is Witches.  They have to be original, unpublished stories, otherwise I think I might have a tale or two I could send them.

Or, I could just write something new.

It was nice to hear I had sold something a couple of months ago when they contacted me.  A couple folks on Facebook were really congratulatory, inferring that it was a bigger deal than I thought it was.

Of course, the fact that I actually submitted something somewhere is the real trick.

And speaking of tricks . . .

"Trick" is that story I wrote on Halloween night a couple of years ago, talking about taking my daughter out trick or treating that I posted as my status on Facebook.  It's only notable for the fact that people responded to my Facebook post not with surprise that I had encountered a ghost, but that they hadn't realized I had a daughter.

Other than that, not really notable.

Except for the publishing, I guess.  That's pretty notable.

The magazine is pretty cool.  I intended to read through it all, making notes of any stories I really responded to, and maybe scooping them up for the Dunesteef.  There are no author names I recognize, but there are fun titles such as "A Demon in the Doughnut Shop," "Blood of God," "A Kiss for the Mirrorman," and of course, "Bunnies of the Apocalypse."  You know which one I'll be reading first.*

If you wanna buy yourself a copy and read along with me at home, check it out at this link over at Amazon.

Rish Outfield, Bookweird

*That'd be the bunny one, kids.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Rish Outcast 69: Bland Ambition

On his last long drive, Rish remembers being told that he had no ambition.  Fake Sean also shares the first requested song from a Patreon supporter.

Yeah, "Bland Ambition" was the best title I could come up with.  Sue me.

You feel like downloading the episode?  Well, Right-Click this link and save it to your dee-vice.

And remember, I have a Patreon fund, where you can hear exclusive episodes, monthly updates, and send me a few bucks.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

I Perform "Caveat Emptor, Caveat Venditor" on Far Fetched Fables

Friends, Far-Fetched Fables is a fabulous farm of fascinating fact, fiction, and folly, follow?

FFF is a podcast that puts out short stories, mostly Fantasy, every every single week.  I don't know how they do it, but hey, I can do a story for them when they ask.

This time, they asked me to narrate "Caveat Emptor, Caveat Venditor" by Edward Ahern.

It's about a wizard named Harald, who--

That's right, Harald.  Oh kids, I had a bugger of a time recording this one, with almost constant repetitions of "said Harold sadly, as he--  I mean said Harald sadly..."  And even then, about one of every five Harolds I forgot to correct, and I had to decide whether it sounded enough like Harald to get by, or whether I had to rerecord the line.

Anyway, Harald is a failed warlock who teams up with a failed demon, in an attempt to change his stars.

Oh, just go listen to the fudging thing.  It's free.

Here be the link!

Friday, March 17, 2017

"The Little Talk" in Video Form

Here's another video for you of an old sketch.

The first, "Sea Monkey Do," took me quite a while to put together (for reasons I can't quite vocalize), but when I did a second and third one the same week, those went much faster, once I got the hang of it.  If I could somehow have an incentive to do these all the time, I think they could become a regular feature.

This one, "The Little Talk," is about that time in every parent's life, where they have to sit down with their child and talk about right and wrong, light and darkness, Autobots and Decepticons.


Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Ides of March

So, today is the fifteenth, what they call The Ides of March.  In honor of the Roman new year and the assassination of Caesar, I figured I'd make a post.

I've now written more that forty-five days in a row, with no real reason to stop (although the other night, ye gods, I did not want to do any writing, and pretty much stopped after about three hundred words).  If you have been following Big's blog/Facebook posts, it's been kind of life-changing for the guy.  His outlook, his self-image, even his hair color has changed.

For me, the thing that's remarkable, is that I'm actually getting my writing projects done.  I've expressed before that there's only so much gas in the tank for each idea that I get.  Some of them I manage to keep going until I finish, some of the ideas have enough of a reservoir to last several months (or years), but a lot of them run dry long before I get to my destination.

But writing every day, and trying to write a significant amount every day (Big's goal is a thousand words daily, and that is actually quite a lot), has been just what the doctor ordered.*  Even though it's still a struggle to get to the end of a novella, when I'm writing them in only five or six weeks, instead of six months to a year, it's enabled me to push through with purpose, and think about the next project I'm going to tackle, knowing I may actually get to it before the idea has completely faded from my mind.

Plus, being able to write those holiest of words (no, Mom, not "drunk cheerleader;" but that's a close second) every month or so does wonders for my morale.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel like a total loser, and the fact that I objectively am doesn't help matters, but at least I'm a creatively-fulfilled loser.

At this rate, I should finish "Ten Thousand Coffins" by the end of March, and then . . . what?  I could start on the next Ben Parks adventure (the one with the old man with a secret), I could write "The Sin Eater" (a project I had literally forgotten existed until yesterday), I could write a story for a contest (there's another one just about to begin), or I could try again to write a novel (that seems to be where the money is).  The sky could be the limit, as long as I do the work.

Here's to you, Gaius Julius Caesar.

Rish Outfield, The Chides of March

*And I'm not talking about Doctor Kevorkian this time.

Monday, March 13, 2017

College Graduate?

I won't bore you with the background details of what I'm about to share (although, man, why would you be reading this if you weren't bored already?), but basically, I wrote a story not long ago about my buddy's kid working at the college where I went to school, and had him snap a picture of the hall when nobody was in it.  Then I made an alteration or two to the picture, because it wasn't at all what I wanted, but I wasn't going to ask him to take another one.* 

That photo is here:

So, I wrote up the text for the story, in my usual green text, like so:

It doesn't look great, I know, but it was pretty close to what I was looking for.  And honestly, I'm real easy to please when it comes to . . .

Wait a minute, there's a misspelling on there.

Thank Krishna I caught it in time!  I was able to grab the image, fix the spelling, and whew, here's the final product:

(relieved sigh)

Yes, I went to college.  That college.

Rish Outfield, Aware of the Mistake or I Wouldn't Be Posting This

*The poor kid risked deportation just snapping the single phone pic he sent me.  Honestly, I had wanted a photo of one of the super-wide main corridors, lined with windows on both sides, so you could see that it was night.  This hall doesn't look anything like the hall in my memory (or the story), but ah well.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Rish's Voice on "The Eyestalk Kid" on YouTube

A long time ago, I was asked to contribute my voice to Al Bruno III's "The Eyestalk Kid."  Well, it's available, in video form, over at YouTube.

The carnival comes to town, and with it a barker wanting fifty dollars to view something called The Eyestalk Kid.  Hilarity does not ensue.

I voiced Mister Fether, and it was long enough ago, I had no idea where the story was going.  There are characters called "Mister Fether" and "Doctor Tarr" in there, like you would in a horror story.  Oh, and one more thing: the characters attending the carnival are all adults, with spouses and jobs, as opposed to the usual teenagers that would populate one of these stories.  I found that strange.

Here's the link.

This is an interesting format to release it in, since it's still totally just an audio file, with a couple of images in the background.  Makes me wonder if I should release a story or two of my own on YouTube, since I've already got them edited, and it would only take an hour or so to make a "video" version.  Hmmm.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Rish Outcast 68: Unique Combination

This week, Rish shares with you the first (at least I think so) Broken Mirror Story* he's put on the show, one based on the premise "a group of kids mix together a 'suicide,' with unexpected results."

It's called "Unique Combination."  Is it any good?

Say it with me, children . . .

Oh, and Big's story was called "True Colors."  Ask him about it sometime.

If you wanna download the episode, you can Right-Click here.

And please remember the Patreon fund, where you can support my efforts, get episodes early, and exclusive content!

*I never shared the one about the dandruff shampoo that also serves as male enhancement, did I?

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

March Update

So, it was a huge relief when February came to an end and I no longer had to go through each page in my notebook and count the words.  Not only was it ridiculously tedious, but I would lose count on pretty much every single page, and get some number that was either impossible or wildly underwhelming.  Even in tabulating the daily totals on the blog my math skills failed me, and I ended up with about eight hundred more words I had somehow not added to the total.

But with March 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, at least, I still counted the words in my notebook, and when I went to the library (usually twice or thrice a week) and wrote next to Big on Mondays, I had a digital counter to tell me how well I was doing.*

Regardless, I still write every day, and have now passed the halfway point in my novella (which would have taken me months or years just a dozen years ago), despite having started it in late February.  I'm waiting on notes for my werewolf story, and then I'll publish it (which contributes to my March goal of five items released).  Also, I have finished revising an older story, and I could publish or record it anytime, and am just about to send out my most recent short story "Hack Reporter"** to anybody who wants to give me notes on it, for a future Outcast episode where I talk about the process from first draft to release.

It sounds as thought there's going to be another Broken Mirror Event at the Paradise Lost forums, so I'll be writing a story for that, I've been invited to guest blog on a horror site, and I got an offer to produce an audiobook in the unusual genre of Western Romance (though it may turn out to be Western Erotica, depending on the amount of spanking).

So, I'm keeping busy.  Busy is good.

Rish Outfield, Aspiring Poet

*Speaking of which, Bigglesby is doing phenomenally well this month with his writing, easily outpacing me in productivity, which, let's be frank, is both impressive and hard to get my head around.  He upped his daily writing goal to a thousand words, and has stuck with it.  Though I may have declared this the Year of Rish Outfield, historians may disagree.

**Title may change.  NOT A FLYING TOY.

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

Bast(ard) from the Past

Today, I was trying to determine when exactly I started doing audiobooks "professionally"* and remembered that I had a folder on my computer where I'd stick all my auditions in those days.  They're still sitting there  . . . for some reason.

I saw among them, the audition I made for a fairly well-known author where I got a personalized rejection note unlike any other.  It came flooding back.  The writer told me that he was not going to pick me to produce his book, and he would NEVER pick me to do any of his books.  He then told me, and I still remember the quote, that my "performance might be appealing to some," but that he found my "voice and delivery to be irritating and obnoxious."

I recall the afternoon I got that email.  In those days, I didn't quite realize that I was offering to produce hours and hours of audio for these writers for *free* (I'll put that in bold, italics, and do that little asterisk thing, in case I'm being at all unsubtle), and I considered this guy's message a validation of what my inner voice had always said to me, that I wasn't good enough, and that the mighty Pacific awaits me.

But then . . .

2013 Me stopped.  I understood that, in that moment, I had a choice: I could either take it to heart, and become depressed, repeating the rejection over and over in my head like an inane religious mantra . . . or I could dismiss it, and the author, as an asshole, and try my best to forget it, and just move on, make more art, audition for somebody else, etc..

I chose the latter.

Years have gone by, and it honestly doesn't bother me anymore, because I had chosen not to believe it.  In fact, it's almost a badge of honor to me at this point, and if there's one author out there that I feel better than . . .

Well, it's Drac Von Stoller.  But if there are two . . .

So, today, I saw that audition in the folder, and thought I'd listen to it . . . just in case he was right.  I mean, maybe I was tired when I recorded it, maybe I forgot to edit it, maybe there was something obnoxious about it.

But I listened and, nope, it's just me, and a bunch of voices I did for the characters.  But two things: 1) the audition was nearly fourteen minutes long (which seems like more than a great deal), and 2) the segments I read were just weak, with especially lame dialogue.  The thought of me spending weeks or months producing that kind of mediocrity is cringe-inducing, even back in 2013 when I was just learning the ropes.

And yeah, maybe it's simply sour grapes talking.  I wondered if I listened to the same audition, but for somebody who hadn't sent me a personal attack, if I would have felt differently about it.  Impossible to say.

But the guy is an asshole, there's no wiggleroom there.

Rish Outfield, Audiobook Narrator and Parsec Award Winner

P.S. Hey, if you want Rish's obnoxious and irritating delivery for your own audiobook, feel free to contact him at this address.  Or, you can support him via Patreon at this link.

*I put "professionally" in quotes because I got my W2 from Audible and the number for 2016 was way less than even my lowball guess would've been.  Ah well, back to the drawing board.

Sunday, March 05, 2017

My Novella "New Year's Day" available on Audible

My story "New Year's Day" is out there at last.

It tells the tale of three teenagers who go investigate the locale haunted house, ostensibly for a Halloween article for the school newspaper.  But what lies inside the dreaded Laemmle House?  For when the trio emerges . . . it's a "New Year's Day."

Set in 2001, I worried that this would be hopelessly dated (NONE OF THE TEENAGERS HAS CELL PHONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and actually started updating it, but then stopped.  It was written when it was written, who cares if nobody (but Big) has read it until 2017?

This was a story we were going to run on the Dunesteef in earlier years . . . until we discovered it ran about three hours.  Still, a part of me would've enjoyed hearing Renee as Britt, Big as Dave, and me as Rob.  Ah well, guess I'll have to be satisfied with me as all three.

Anyway, you can buy the text version on Amazon, or the audio version on Audible, and one day, I'll put it in an audio collection.  Just not yet.

Friday, March 03, 2017

Rish Outcast 67: Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before

Rish drives in his new car and worries about repeating himself, either on the show or worse, in his writing.*  He asks the musical question, "Do I just write/say the same stuff, over and over again?"

Uh oh, what if this episode is a re-run, and he doesn't even realize it?

If ye wanna download the episode, do so by Right-Clicking HERE.

And remember, I have a Patreon fund, where you receive exclusive episodes, monthly updates, and you can send me a few bucks.

*Also, Rish pitches another "Sidekick" story.

Thursday, March 02, 2017

Freaky February

Well, that month went by quick.   I feel it went well, though.

I only set four goals for my February, knowing that the first one would be the big challenge.  Well, let's check it out.

1.  Write every day.
2.  Keep track of the words I write (and occasionally post them here).
3.  Record and edit AH's "Awake."
4.  Publish "Varcolac."

1. I did write every day in February, plus a few days before and after.  2. I hated having to count the words, but I sure enjoyed posting them.  More than twenty thousand words in a month is pretty not bad.  3. And "Awake" took very little time to get to Abbie, and hopefully is making her a dollar or two as we speak. 

4. I don't know if I accomplished that last one.  Probably not?

Weird.  I don't know what happened there.  I think what happened was, I finished the audio version, and wanted some beta listeners to go through it, checking for errors.*  But I never did.**

No excuse at all for not publishing the story on Amazon, though.

Okay, goals for March.

I'm going to keep writing this month, though it's not going to be my chief priority.  That should be publishing.

1.  Type up FIVE stories from notebooks.
2.  Publish THREE stories in text.
3.  Publish TWO stories in audio.
4.  Finish writing "Ten Thousand Coffins."
5.  Finish audio of first two books in AH's "Eve & Malachi" series.

Somebody told me that I get three extra days this month compared to last, so I should be able to manage to get it all in.  We'll see.

Rish Outfield, Chalupadale Resident

*That is a thing I'm gonna need to do from now on, since errrorrs just keep on slipping through.
**Let me know if you wanna be one.

Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Writing: February 27th & 28th

At one point, seeing how close to the end of the month we are, I realized that . . . hey, I'm going to miss February when it's gone.  This writing-every-day thing has been enjoyable, and though counting up the words in my notebook has been like Chinese water torture, I've even enjoyed keeping track of the words and adding them up each day.  Heck, the blogging has been kind of fun.

I never would have guessed I'd be sorry to see February go.

Words Written: 1694
Total Words: 22,566

This was interesting day, writing-wise.  I had a few minutes in the afternoon, so I hurried over to the library and wrote for a while.  Then I had errands to do before I met with Big, and managed to mostly get those done in time to get together with him for our usual Monday night activity (okay, I was ten or fifteen minutes late, but ah well).

And as of last week, our Monday activity now includes sitting down in silence and writing, which Big was anxious to do again ("and every time," he proclaimed).  To show me he really means business, he brought headphones along to play music during our half hour of writing, in case I felt I had to speak to him, like I did last week.

He's been more productive in February of 2017 than he has in his whole life, writing-wise, and is planning on doubling his output in the month of March.  I'm not going to follow suit, but it would be a shame if I lost this momentum.  Last year at this time, I think I wrote daily for five or five-and-a-half weeks.  We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, I brought my laptop and plugged it in, and wrote another scene next to him, getting (I think) to the one-third point on my story.  I can't say for sure (though it would be just a matter of scanning through the posts), but I think that makes Monday the 27th my highest word count day of the month.*  When we were finished, Big said, "Do we quit, or should we keep going?"  And I have to admit, if he had wanted to keep going, I would have done so.  Could have been competition, could've been peer pressure, could have just been the thrill of creating something outweighing my own feelings of worthlessness.

Maybe people who go to the gym experience that kind of adrenaline rush, and the desire to push yourself past what your body would normally be capable of.  Of course, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy mutha f...

Words Written: 493
Total Words: 23,059

Well, this is sort of an out with a whimper sort of day, although I did write.  I sat in the car with my notebook and wrote for fifteen minutes, then I go out to get something to eat, but forced myself to sit back down and write for five more.  Then I did spend a few minutes typing up my story from last October ("Roll with the Changes"), and I didn't count any words I added (or subtracted, hey, it's possible.  But unlikely).

I'm writing this in the pm of the twenty-eighth, and I have to admit that I'm tempted to do a little bit more writing, see if I couldn't get it up higher.  But I've got to do some actual dollar-sign work.  Dang it.


Weird, but I couldn't let it go.  I did my work, then got together with my cousin for a little while for some dinner and conversation.  And then . . . instead of going to bed, I sat down and wrote for a few more minutes, despite the fact that it was past two in the morning when I stopped.

So, let me amend my numbers.

Words Written: 1403
Total Words: 23,969

That'll do, pig.  That'll do.

Rish Outfield, Writer of Words

*Alright, damn you, I did go back and check.  And there was the day that I was writing the climax of "Mark on the Sky," where I apparently wrote over three thousand words.  Sort of takes the helium out of my balloon there.  Thanks a lot, math.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

I Narrate "Angus MacBain and the Agate Eyeglass" on Audible

Not too long ago, I thought I'd try auditioning for a couple of new audiobooks.  I got the contract to do a . . . Middle Grade Fantasy book, I guess you'd call it.  Maybe it's even a Children's Book.  Angela Townsend has written a trilogy of these Angus MacBain adventures.  Somehow, I managed to narrate the middle one.

It tells the tale of young Angus, son of a human and a seal fairy, who goes on adventures in magical lands near Scotland.  In this story, his lass Vanora's father falls under a witch's spell, and the two friends set out to find a cure.  Danger ensues.

Will there be more?  Magic 8 Ball says "All signs point to yes."

If you feel like checking it out, here be yon linke

I'll update this if the first book falls into my lap.  After I put some ice on it, I mean.