Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Occurrence In Hall B

Big's old friend Dean once told him that, to make a living as a self-published writer, you had to have a hundred items available for sale.  Well, I've no idea if I'm even halfway there, but I really have to do better at putting stuff out there.  In the two months that I wrote every single day this year, I wrote two novellas and two short stories.  That, frankly, is astounding (for me, at least), blowing away any previous records I might have managed.

So here's another story ("Occurrence In Hall B"), one that I only wrote because I was entering a contest, came up with an idea that was acceptable but unremarkable, and forced myself to come up with something else.  It's about a young college student named Duncan (based on my buddy's kid, who works as a night janitor at the community college I also attended), who discovers that the corridor in B Hall may well be haunted.

As I've previously mentioned (over and over, I'm sure), cover art is my Achilles kryptonite, but for this one, I didn't do terribly.  I actually had Duncan take a picture of the hall where he worked, and sent it to Gino Moretto to see what he could make of it.  This time, I'm 75% sure I spelled the title right.

If you want to buy it AT THIS LINK . . . I certainly won't stop you.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Rish Outcast 71: Ladies Room

Too many stories about bodily functions?  Keep that stuff in the bathroom where it belongs.

Also, Fake Sean talks about Patreon, and hurls a few insults.

Look, if you wanna download this episode, just Right-Click THIS LINK, or Rick-Roll THIS ONE.

P.S. It appears the next episode of the Outcast will be a Patreon-only affair.  Be warned.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Hulk PSA

This one is from 2012.  I know at least one person who really liked this.

If you are number two, please let me know.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Rish Narrates "Feeding Malachi" by Abigail Hilton

Once, Abbie told me she had written a series of children's books.  I was quite impressed.  To impress her back, I told her I once wrote an Eighties Slasher movie script called "Sorority House Butchery."*  But a year later, she asked me if I wanted to narrate the series.

And hey, book one in the Eve and Malachi series, "Feeding Malachi," is available now on Audible!

It tells the story of a curious young rat who escapes her cage and goes exploring, discovering another cage belonging to a funny creature called Malachi, who is all tail and a big head with a flicking tongue.  Oh, and she also discovers what Malachi eats.**

I've never written a children's book (or narrated one), but it was fun, quick, and I'd be happy to share them with my own children.  If they could stand to listen to my voices, that is.


*Which was patently untrue.  I only started it.

**Spoiler . . . it's tofu.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Aimless April

Sigh.  Another month went by, and we're halfway through April.  I don't want to type up my March failure, but I at least knew that I had written every single day in February, and every day in March except one . . .

But then I discovered that wasn't even one of my March goals.  Bosskdammit!

My actual goals had been:

1.  Type up FIVE stories from notebooks.
2.  Publish THREE stories in text.
3.  Publish TWO stories in audio.
4.  Finish writing "Ten Thousand Coffins."
5.  Finish audio of first two books in AH's "Eve & Malachi" series.

So, now for the inevitable post-mortem of March goals...

1. Type up FIVE stories from notebooks.
I typed up one for sure, "Caller I.D.," which I've threatened often to run on the Dunesteef.  It had a partially completed sequel (which is already, sadly, out of date, since every sequel installment was going to cover a year, and I think that one was 2013), which I typed as well.  I believe I also typed up "Roll with the Changes," which was the October Scary Story I wrote in 2016 (not at all scary, though, but ah well).  Yesterday, I started typing another one, but it can't count for March.

2.  Publish THREE stories in text.
Sigh.  Nope.  I published one for sure ("Occurrence in Hall B"), republished "Like a Good Neighbor" (since I discovered a scene missing that I had never typed up from my notebook, and had somehow shrugged off*), and put "Chalupa Dale - Next Exit" up on Amazon, since it hadn't been available there before.  I also got the text file for my second audio collection ready to go, but didn't publish it (for no logical reason, except that there shouldn't be text versions of audio collections, but it's the only way Audible will let you self-publish something).

3.  Publish TWO stories in audio.
Well, this one I'm pretty sure I accomplished.  "New Year's Day" is up, "Varcolac" is up, and I published "Newfound Fame," but it still hasn't gone through (which tells me they had a problem with it . . . which also tells me that the extra work I did on it, with multiple voices and musical score, might have been for naught).

4.  Finish writing "Ten Thousand Coffins."
Ah, a good one.  Yes, that one is not only finished, but about 75% of it is typed up (rather than notebooked), meaning it will see release sooner than most.  Whether it's any good or not, well . . .

5.  Finish audio of first two books in AH's "Eve & Malachi" series.
Oh kids, I actually accomplished something.  You can buy them as we speak.  Guess I should do a post on that.

I'm not going to beat myself up over my failings, because the successes were pretty significant.  For a good while there in March, I was firing on all cylinders.  I got one thing done, then immediately started on another project, and amazingly, got that done.  I wrote two short stories in a week span after finishing my novella, and then started on another one. 

Once April arrived, though, all my forward momentum stopped.  I just didn't care anymore, because I wanted to focus on publishing, and I have two large audiobook projects on my plate right now.  So, I have been going to the library at least twice a week, but I've been using that time to type up stories from my notebooks, and it doesn't feel like wasted time to me.

So, for the rest of the month, perhaps I shall set these goals:
1.  Publish ONE more story.
2.  Type up ONE more story and ONE novella.
3.  Enter the two newest stories in the contests they were written for.  Which entails reading through them once more, making any revisions necessary, then--gasp!--actually submitting them, which is difficult for me.  At the very least, I've got at least one interesting tale out of this.
4.  Finish recording and editing "Spanksgiving: A Spanking New Novel About Spanking."
5.  Finish reading "Jager Thunder" and start recording chapters of it.
6.  Work on current novella, "Taste the Blood of Van Helsing."
7.  Record my D&D sketch for my show.

There, not so tough.  You see, Lord Vader, I can be reasonable.

Rish Outfield, Writer (Still)

*That was always a problematic story, since I started it at the end of one notebook, and then continued it in a later one, but didn't remember where those scenes were, so I ended up writing them again when I was typing it up.  And then, when I found the second notebook, I had two different sections of the story covering the same time period, and had to figure out how to reconcile them (me being me, I tried to combine them into just a longer version of that narrative).  But when it came time to record the audio for it, I was reading off the earlier version of the typed document, so it ended up different from the published version.  AND THEN, when I was producing it in "full cast" for the Dunesteef, I set up my recorder and re-did the scenes in question so they were the longer, later version . . . only to discover when I got the lines back from Bria that she had gone off the original version anyway, so that new audio was unusable.  Not to mention that I had aleady sent Big the later version to record his lines from, which didn't jibe with the Bria parts . . . sigh.
To make a long story slightly shorter, I did notice there was a scene missing when I was finishing up the Dunesteef version, and chalked it up to the two different versions, figuring the one on Audible was more complete, only to discover a week or two ago that scene in the notebook, never before typed up, and too late, frankly, to put into any but the text version (although, the version I release in my big audio collection will have the lost scene in it, so all that work isn't entirely wasted).

Delusions of Grandeur: Grand Moff Tarkin

In the most recent "Delusions of Grandeur" podcast (over at the Journey Into . . . page), Marshal Latham and I discuss the main bad guy in STAR WARS (or A NEW HOPE, if you prefer)(but never EPISODE IV), Grand Moff Tarkin.  We actually both sat down and read the James Luceno book about him and one of us watched episodes of "The Clone Wars."  Hopefully, our discussion is a bit different than the myriad other Star Wars podcasts out there.

Oh, and I do my impression of him too.  Maybe that makes us unique.

Check it out HERE.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Roderick Usher PSA

Here's another video.  I really ought to do more of these.*

Around November, I got it in my head to stop drinking soda, even though it was one of the three things that gave me the most joy in life.  I tried many alternatives, and one of them was the delightful products the Sobe company puts out.

I assume people actually buy them, but I can't be completely sure.

*Around May I wrote one up while I was at work where President Obama is giving an address to the nation, announcing that (as a matter of national security), the ownership of or listening to Mary Wells's song My Guy was being declared a criminal offense.  "And I invite the nations of the world to take similar steps to safeguard the innocent.  Even you, North Korea.  Let's agree on something for once."  I realized I'd have to attempt an Obama impersonation, and I never recorded the thing . . . and now it's too late.  :(

Sunday, April 09, 2017

The Podcast That Dares Not Speak Its Name 17: Surprise Inspection

In the return of ye olde Podcast That . . . Rish shares a fairly old story with y'all, based on a surreal experience he once had getting his car inspected.  Tis called "Surprise Inspection," and there's a slight chance you will like this one.

Oh, it was brought to my attention after I recorded this that in many parts of the country, they don't require a safety inspection to register automobiles.  So, that either makes me lucky to have had to do so (otherwise, this story never would have happened), or it's bizarre and alienating to everyone listening.  One or the other.

And if you'd like to download the episode directly, just Right-Click this here link.

Oh, and don't forget the Patreon fund, where you can support my efforts, get episodes early, and exclusive content!

Thursday, April 06, 2017

My Novella "Varcolac" Available on Amazon and Audible

In 2005, I attempted my first Western story, "Birth of a Sidekick." In 2008, I wrote my second, "Varcolac," a Western Horror tale that, while very different in tone from the Ben Parks stories*, still centers around a pre-teen boy main character. In this novella, a family of immigrants comes through town, bringing with them unusual traditions, exotic accents . . . and death.

As usual, you can scoop up the print version over at Amazon (this link), or the audio production I created at Audible (at this link). Either way, I hope you like it, at least until the moon is full and bright.

Rish Outfield, Varcolactose Intolerant

*At least until I introduce the supernatural in those tales, which may not happen, but probably will.