Rish Outcast 111: Grandpa's Prize

In an extremely noisy environment, I present a story from the Nineties about a little boy and his ailing grandfather. I talk about it being dated (and the ubiquity of cellphones), but it's up to you whether it actually is.

I tried to record this one at the lake again, and ended up getting turned away and rained on, but I hope you like it anyway.



Download the episode by Right-Clicking HERE.

Support me on Patreon HERE.

Logo by Gino "The Chimpanzee" Moretto

Noble House (of Ideas)

I recently got to go back to Santa Monica, California for the first time in a decade or so.

When I got out of school and moved to Los Angeles, I had (pretty close to literally) no money.  I learned to do, for leisure activities, things that cost very little, or things that cost nothing.  One of the first things I learned to do was to go to the 3rd Street Promenade (the street-long collection of shops, boutiques, and touristy places three blocks from the Pacific Ocean), where I could park for free in one of their multi-level garages, and look around, go to the beach, or cleverly . . .

. . . I could go to the Barnes & Noble on the corner, pick up a book or magazine, and leaf through it until it was time to go (or buy something), to keep from having to pay to park.

I loved the Barnes & Noble.  It had three levels, and there were escalators in the center of it, but instead of one side being to go Up and the other to go Down, they made you circle the entire floor on each level, just to eff with you.  It was kind of a magical place for me, since I ran into a couple of celebrities there (including a certain muscular Austrian I do a fairly unpleasant [but amusing?] impression of).

I wrote a story called "House of Ideas" that was set there.  Maybe not my finest work, but they say it's among the twenty-three best "magical toilet stall" tales ever run on the Dunesteef.

Well, after a dozen years, I went back this week, and found a rather sad sign on the window (as well as a rather empty building behind said window).  The Santa Monica Barnes & Noble has closed.

Of course, that is the way of things (the way of the Force).  Pretty soon, my local Toys R Us (and yours as well) will be closing its doors* and eventually, every place (and person) I've ever liked, visited, or loved will also be gone.  I ought to get used to it.

But it's nice to get melancholy about stuff like this; it's because I had good memories associated with the person or place that makes it noteworthy.

Guess I should find a new place to write a story about.  Maybe a strip club or two?

Rish Outfield, Once Actually Bought A Book In Barnes & Noble

*And I wrote a story that took place there as well: a Holiday-themed zombie apocalypse story where the town's survivors go in search of presents on Christmas Eve and one of them ends up getting trapped in the back room by the living dead.

I Perform "Water in the Desert" by Abigail Hilton

Sometimes I feel like one of those actors who were blacklisted during the McCarthy era, once riding promising careers, now professionally untouchable.  But Abigail Hilton is like Kirk Douglas to my Dalton Trumbo., keeping food on my table till this administration gets replaced.  Hopefully, like Douglas, she also lives to be a hundred and two.

The most recently-published Hilton piece I have narrated is called "Water in the Desert."

Set in the same universe as "Hunters Unlucky," WIND takes place seven years later, with the characters of Sauny and Valla now grown and having an adventure on their own.  Because I had voiced those characters as children, I pretty much got to come up with new voices for everyone in this story, which is fun.

Hopefully, the story (and my reading) is fun too.

Check it out, if you're of a mind to.  Here's the link, over on Audible.

Rish Outcast 110: Uptown Skunk

Continued from last show, I go (by myself, of course) to my family cabin, and look around. I find a smelly surprise waiting for me. Can you dig it?

Note: One of the five ideas I came up with on this trip I DID turn into a story. Just not a very good one.

If you want to download the episode directly, here's a LINK to Right-Click on.

If you want to support me on Patreon, here's THAT LINK.

Logo design by Gino "The Belching Spider" Moretto.

I Narrate "Cram Time" Over At Starship Sofa

So, I got to perform a short story on a podcast, and I thought it turned out well.

Written by Konstantine Paradias, "Cram Time" is a very tongue-in-cheek tale of a couple of students at a school based on H.P. Lovecraft's worlds, and the hijinks they get up to trying to undo the damage that one misused Necronomicon spell causes.

Feel free to check it out over at StarshipSo--

Wait a minute?  What?  Starship Sofa?  I thought I was banned on their campus.  After all, they once had Security escort me out, and added insult to injury by using their fattest, least-intimidating security guards (one used a solar-powered electric wheelchair).

I suppose I have Gary Dowell (late of Far-Fetched Fables) to thank for this dubious honor.  Guess it's like when one of the SNL cast members Lorne fires becomes famous and he has them come host the show,* only not, since I'm far less famous now than I was when I last "appeared" on SSS.

Anyway, I can heartily recommend the short story, though I admittedly have a bias.  One of the main characters hails from the sunken city of R'lyeh** (from ye olde Cthulhu Mythos), and I decided to give him an accent . . . which was more fun than anything else in the story.

The performance was actually a lot harder than most of the stories I do for podcasts.  But if they were all easy, I guess I would never get better.

Check it out at THIS LINK!

Rish "Ingrate Old One" Outfield

*That's happened several times over the years.

**Hoo boy, it was no fun to figure out how to say that word, or worse, the language R'lyehian.  Luckily, my boy Norm Sherman used it in a song, so I appropriated that pronunciation.  Thanks, Norm.

Rish Outcast 109: Idea Man/Boy

Rish drives down to the family cabin, through a rainstorm, talks about Ray Bradbury, calling up a girl, the name of his would-be production company, and brainstorms a story idea on the fly.

If you care to download the episode, simply Right-Click HERE.

If you care to support me on Patreon, here is the LINK.

Thanks to Gino "The Man-Bat" Moretto for the logo.

Marshal, Renee, and I talk about Han Solo on "DoG"

Hey there, Marshal Latham has published another of our "Star Wars: Delusions of Grandeur" podcast episodes. This is one we recorded to discuss the character of Han Solo BEFORE he gets his own origin movie in a few days.

The editing on this particular episode was a real beast (for some reason, Renee's lines kept getting out of sync with our lines, despite us all starting at the same time), but I was buoyed up by the feeling that, if this isn't the best episode we've ever done, it's at least in the top two.

Check it out HERE?

Rish Outcast 108: Around the Block A Time Or Two

Okay, I'm going to try to get these episodes published again on a semi-regular basis.  Starting now.

In this episode, I ride around on my bike again, and talk about my attitude at the time, my measure as a podcaster, and whether I should keep on keepin' on.

Also, Fake Ahnold tries to get Fake Sean to feel the beat (of the rhythm [of the night]).

Note: As of press time, "Water in the Desert" is currently only available for Abigail Hilton's Patreon supporters.  I'd procrastinated putting this show out there long enough, and need to get back on schedule, but I'll insert a link here when it's up for purchase.



If you're up for downloading this episode, please Right-Click HERE.

If you're up for supporting Rish's creative endeavors, check out his Patreon HERE.

If you want to support Abbie's Patreon instead (you monster), check it out HERE.

And thanks to Gino "The Winged Spider" Moretto for the Outcast logo.

Like a Real Writer

I felt like a real writer today.  I was working, so I went out to lunch late, and took my notebook with me, jotting down notes about where the Ben Parks story I'm slowly constructing was going to go.  Then I went over to the mall to see if I could find a blouse for my mom (I found two I liked but, shamefully, did not know her size, so I texted her and waited.  No response), then I suddenly got an idea of how I wanted to end the story, so I left the mall and hit the library.

I sat down at my usual cubicle there, and fired up ye olde MS Word programme.  I started typing, only pausing to waste time on the internet to look on Wikipedia to see what caliber shell a Colt Peacemaker fired.  Then, I went back to writing my story.

Basically, this is a "Sidekick Chronicles" tale that takes place when Ben Parks is twelve years old (he is eleven in "Birth" and "Journey," and seven in the still-unpublished Christmas prequel).  The piece I wrote last year was a short story, and I figured this one would be too, but after today, I'm afraid this is going to be a novella like the other two.

It's supposed to be a simple tale--and it is, technically--but it's just gotten too out of hand, and the work I did on it today (around 2000 words*) showed me that, once it's said and done, it should be around thirteen to fifteen thousand words.  Maybe longer.

I have bemoaned the fact that I just haven't felt like writing in 2018, and have had to force myself to do it nearly every night for a month.  But today, well, I really hit my stride.  I was feeling it, typing away like a madwoman, and totally enjoying it, to the point where the library announcement went off that they were about to close (I've complained before that they close obnoxiously early on Saturdays, but wow, today really snuck up on me), I would've been happy to go another half hour or more.

I didn't quite reach the end, but I came close enough that, if I had come home and continued to write, all I needed was the final scene and the coda, and I'd have been able to type those two sweetest words in the English language.**

Now, that doesn't mean that it's finished, or even close to the point of sharing (I need to go back and fill in a space I skipped, wherein Ben goes to a little town and tries to speak Spanish to the Mexican villagers), but it was enough Real Writing (or at least as close as I'm capable) today that I feel pretty good about myself.  We'll see how long that lasts.

Also, last weekend, I took a photo of my nephew with one of my dad's old cowboy hats and a gigantic muzzle-loader rifle that I figured would make a good cover for one or more of these stories.  I'll post it here:

He was wearing a garishly-modern blue shirt (and neon sandals), so I did my best to drain the color out of them in this version of the picture.  Another reason to be proud of myself.

I'm also seriously considering running "A Sidekick's Journey"in three parts this summer, so I can talk about this, and the other two story ideas I haven't written during those episodes.  Let me know if you think that's a good idea.

Rish Outfield, Real Writer

*According to my copy of Word, it was actually 2972 words.

**Yes, yes, behind "horny cheerleader."  Thanks for reminding me.

I Narrate "Free Balloons For All Good Children" On Pseudopod

"Free Balloons For All Good Children." What a title.  But that's the name of the story written by Dirck de Lint that I read over on Pseudopod, the Horror Podcast.

A father takes his toddler out to a park, and discovers a balloon there that threatens to do more than just pop with a startling sound.

I shared the story with Big Anklevich because it so reminded me of a story he wrote, where we took something that shouldn't be scary (a balloon, in his case), but tried to make it scary.

It's a very short piece, but effective nonetheless.  Link Right Here.

Rish "There Are No Good Children" Outfield

P.S.  Have you ever known anyone named "Dirck?"  Be honest now.