Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Rish Outcast 69: Bland Ambition

On his last long drive, Rish remembers being told that he had no ambition.  Fake Sean also shares the first requested song from a Patreon supporter.

Yeah, "Bland Ambition" was the best title I could come up with.  Sue me.

You feel like downloading the episode?  Well, Right-Click this link and save it to your dee-vice.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

I Perform "Caveat Emptor, Caveat Venditor" on Far Fetched Fables

Friends, Far-Fetched Fables is a fabulous farm of fascinating fact, fiction, and folly, follow?

FFF is a podcast that puts out short stories, mostly Fantasy, every every single week.  I don't know how they do it, but hey, I can do a story for them when they ask.

This time, they asked me to narrate "Caveat Emptor, Caveat Venditor" by Edward Ahern.

It's about a wizard named Harald, who--

That's right, Harald.  Oh kids, I had a bugger of a time recording this one, with almost constant repetitions of "said Harold sadly, as he--  I mean said Harald sadly..."  And even then, about one of every five Harolds I forgot to correct, and I had to decide whether it sounded enough like Harald to get by, or whether I had to rerecord the line.

Anyway, Harald is a failed warlock who teams up with a failed demon, in an attempt to change his stars.

Oh, just go listen to the fudging thing.  It's free.

Here be the link!

Friday, March 17, 2017

"The Little Talk" in Video Form

Here's another video for you of an old sketch.

The first, "Sea Monkey Do," took me quite a while to put together (for reasons I can't quite vocalize), but when I did a second and third one the same week, those went much faster, once I got the hang of it.  If I could somehow have an incentive to do these all the time, I think they could become a regular feature.

This one, "The Little Talk," is about that time in every parent's life, where they have to sit down with their child and talk about right and wrong, light and darkness, Autobots and Decepticons.


Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Ides of March

So, today is the fifteenth, what they call The Ides of March.  In honor of the Roman new year and the assassination of Caesar, I figured I'd make a post.

I've now written more that forty-five days in a row, with no real reason to stop (although the other night, ye gods, I did not want to do any writing, and pretty much stopped after about three hundred words).  If you have been following Big's blog/Facebook posts, it's been kind of life-changing for the guy.  His outlook, his self-image, even his hair color has changed.

For me, the thing that's remarkable, is that I'm actually getting my writing projects done.  I've expressed before that there's only so much gas in the tank for each idea that I get.  Some of them I manage to keep going until I finish, some of the ideas have enough of a reservoir to last several months (or years), but a lot of them run dry long before I get to my destination.

But writing every day, and trying to write a significant amount every day (Big's goal is a thousand words daily, and that is actually quite a lot), has been just what the doctor ordered.*  Even though it's still a struggle to get to the end of a novella, when I'm writing them in only five or six weeks, instead of six months to a year, it's enabled me to push through with purpose, and think about the next project I'm going to tackle, knowing I may actually get to it before the idea has completely faded from my mind.

Plus, being able to write those holiest of words (no, Mom, not "drunk cheerleader;" but that's a close second) every month or so does wonders for my morale.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel like a total loser, and the fact that I objectively am doesn't help matters, but at least I'm a creatively-fulfilled loser.

At this rate, I should finish "Ten Thousand Coffins" by the end of March, and then . . . what?  I could start on the next Ben Parks adventure (the one with the old man with a secret), I could write "The Sin Eater" (a project I had literally forgotten existed until yesterday), I could write a story for a contest (there's another one just about to begin), or I could try again to write a novel (that seems to be where the money is).  The sky could be the limit, as long as I do the work.

Here's to you, Gaius Julius Caesar.

Rish Outfield, The Chides of March

*And I'm not talking about Doctor Kevorkian this time.

Monday, March 13, 2017

College Graduate?

I won't bore you with the background details of what I'm about to share (although, man, why would you be reading this if you weren't bored already?), but basically, I wrote a story not long ago about my buddy's kid working at the college where I went to school, and had him snap a picture of the hall when nobody was in it.  Then I made an alteration or two to the picture, because it wasn't at all what I wanted, but I wasn't going to ask him to take another one.* 

That photo is here:

So, I wrote up the text for the story, in my usual green text, like so:

It doesn't look great, I know, but it was pretty close to what I was looking for.  And honestly, I'm real easy to please when it comes to . . .

Wait a minute, there's a misspelling on there.

Thank Krishna I caught it in time!  I was able to grab the image, fix the spelling, and whew, here's the final product:

(relieved sigh)

Yes, I went to college.  That college.

Rish Outfield, Aware of the Mistake or I Wouldn't Be Posting This

*The poor kid risked deportation just snapping the single phone pic he sent me.  Honestly, I had wanted a photo of one of the super-wide main corridors, lined with windows on both sides, so you could see that it was night.  This hall doesn't look anything like the hall in my memory (or the story), but ah well.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Rish's Voice on "The Eyestalk Kid" on YouTube

A long time ago, I was asked to contribute my voice to Al Bruno III's "The Eyestalk Kid."  Well, it's available, in video form, over at YouTube.

The carnival comes to town, and with it a barker wanting fifty dollars to view something called The Eyestalk Kid.  Hilarity does not ensue.

I voiced Mister Fether, and it was long enough ago, I had no idea where the story was going.  There are characters called "Mister Fether" and "Doctor Tarr" in there, like you would in a horror story.  Oh, and one more thing: the characters attending the carnival are all adults, with spouses and jobs, as opposed to the usual teenagers that would populate one of these stories.  I found that strange.

Here's the link.

This is an interesting format to release it in, since it's still totally just an audio file, with a couple of images in the background.  Makes me wonder if I should release a story or two of my own on YouTube, since I've already got them edited, and it would only take an hour or so to make a "video" version.  Hmmm.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Rish Outcast 68: Unique Combination

This week, Rish shares with you the first (at least I think so) Broken Mirror Story* he's put on the show, one based on the premise "a group of kids mix together a 'suicide,' with unexpected results."

It's called "Unique Combination."  Is it any good?

Say it with me, children . . .

Oh, and Big's story was called "True Colors."  Ask him about it sometime.

If you wanna download the episode, you can Right-Click here.

And please remember the Patreon fund, where you can support my efforts, get episodes early, and exclusive content!

*I never shared the one about the dandruff shampoo that also serves as male enhancement, did I?

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

March Update

So, it was a huge relief when February came to an end and I no longer had to go through each page in my notebook and count the words.  Not only was it ridiculously tedious, but I would lose count on pretty much every single page, and get some number that was either impossible or wildly underwhelming.  Even in tabulating the daily totals on the blog my math skills failed me, and I ended up with about eight hundred more words I had somehow not added to the total.

But with March 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, at least, I still counted the words in my notebook, and when I went to the library (usually twice or thrice a week) and wrote next to Big on Mondays, I had a digital counter to tell me how well I was doing.*

Regardless, I still write every day, and have now passed the halfway point in my novella (which would have taken me months or years just a dozen years ago), despite having started it in late February.  I'm waiting on notes for my werewolf story, and then I'll publish it (which contributes to my March goal of five items released).  Also, I have finished revising an older story, and I could publish or record it anytime, and am just about to send out my most recent short story "Hack Reporter"** to anybody who wants to give me notes on it, for a future Outcast episode where I talk about the process from first draft to release.

It sounds as thought there's going to be another Broken Mirror Event at the Paradise Lost forums, so I'll be writing a story for that, I've been invited to guest blog on a horror site, and I got an offer to produce an audiobook in the unusual genre of Western Romance (though it may turn out to be Western Erotica, depending on the amount of spanking).

So, I'm keeping busy.  Busy is good.

Rish Outfield, Aspiring Poet

*Speaking of which, Bigglesby is doing phenomenally well this month with his writing, easily outpacing me in productivity, which, let's be frank, is both impressive and hard to get my head around.  He upped his daily writing goal to a thousand words, and has stuck with it.  Though I may have declared this the Year of Rish Outfield, historians may disagree.

**Title may change.  NOT A FLYING TOY.

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

Bast(ard) from the Past

Today, I was trying to determine when exactly I started doing audiobooks "professionally"* and remembered that I had a folder on my computer where I'd stick all my auditions in those days.  They're still sitting there  . . . for some reason.

I saw among them, the audition I made for a fairly well-known author where I got a personalized rejection note unlike any other.  It came flooding back.  The writer told me that he was not going to pick me to produce his book, and he would NEVER pick me to do any of his books.  He then told me, and I still remember the quote, that my "performance might be appealing to some," but that he found my "voice and delivery to be irritating and obnoxious."

I recall the afternoon I got that email.  In those days, I didn't quite realize that I was offering to produce hours and hours of audio for these writers for *free* (I'll put that in bold, italics, and do that little asterisk thing, in case I'm being at all unsubtle), and I considered this guy's message a validation of what my inner voice had always said to me, that I wasn't good enough, and that the mighty Pacific awaits me.

But then . . .

2013 Me stopped.  I understood that, in that moment, I had a choice: I could either take it to heart, and become depressed, repeating the rejection over and over in my head like an inane religious mantra . . . or I could dismiss it, and the author, as an asshole, and try my best to forget it, and just move on, make more art, audition for somebody else, etc..

I chose the latter.

Years have gone by, and it honestly doesn't bother me anymore, because I had chosen not to believe it.  In fact, it's almost a badge of honor to me at this point, and if there's one author out there that I feel better than . . .

Well, it's Drac Von Stoller.  But if there are two . . .

So, today, I saw that audition in the folder, and thought I'd listen to it . . . just in case he was right.  I mean, maybe I was tired when I recorded it, maybe I forgot to edit it, maybe there was something obnoxious about it.

But I listened and, nope, it's just me, and a bunch of voices I did for the characters.  But two things: 1) the audition was nearly fourteen minutes long (which seems like more than a great deal), and 2) the segments I read were just weak, with especially lame dialogue.  The thought of me spending weeks or months producing that kind of mediocrity is cringe-inducing, even back in 2013 when I was just learning the ropes.

And yeah, maybe it's simply sour grapes talking.  I wondered if I listened to the same audition, but for somebody who hadn't sent me a personal attack, if I would have felt differently about it.  Impossible to say.

But the guy is an asshole, there's no wiggleroom there.

Rish Outfield, Audiobook Narrator and Parsec Award Winner

P.S. Hey, if you want Rish's obnoxious and irritating delivery for your own audiobook, feel free to contact him at this address.  Or, you can support him via Patreon at this link.

*I put "professionally" in quotes because I got my W2 from Audible and the number for 2016 was way less than even my lowball guess would've been.  Ah well, back to the drawing board.

Sunday, March 05, 2017

My Novella "New Year's Day" available on Audible

My story "New Year's Day" is out there at last.

It tells the tale of three teenagers who go investigate the locale haunted house, ostensibly for a Halloween article for the school newspaper.  But what lies inside the dreaded Laemmle House?  For when the trio emerges . . . it's a "New Year's Day."

Set in 2001, I worried that this would be hopelessly dated (NONE OF THE TEENAGERS HAS CELL PHONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and actually started updating it, but then stopped.  It was written when it was written, who cares if nobody (but Big) has read it until 2017?

This was a story we were going to run on the Dunesteef in earlier years . . . until we discovered it ran about three hours.  Still, a part of me would've enjoyed hearing Renee as Britt, Big as Dave, and me as Rob.  Ah well, guess I'll have to be satisfied with me as all three.

Anyway, you can buy the text version on Amazon, or the audio version on Audible, and one day, I'll put it in an audio collection.  Just not yet.