Marshal and Rish Are Cursed By A "Demon"

Not long ago*, Marshal Latham and I sat down and watched 1957's CURSE OF THE DEMON (or MARK OF THE DEMON, if you're nasty), the filmic adaptation of MR James's short story "Casting The Runes."  When Professor Holden crosses the diabolical occult expert Doctor Karswell, he gives him the dreadful runes . . . and passing them uses lots of skills.  Terrible thrills, I tell ya.

It's the latest episode of our podcast The Outfield Excursions.  Check it out HERE. 

*Okay, it was long ago.  Sorry.

Rish Outcast 341: Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed 2

Rish finishes his presentation of his short story "Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed." Jesse picks up his ex-girlfriend Colbie at the airport and discovers that, at least in one way, he's not alone.

Rish talks a bit more about the story, its themes, the idea of passing a curse on to somebody else, OBSESSION (of course), IT FOLLOWS, WEAPONS, and Manic Pixie Dream Girls (though blessedly not a lot). I also talk about using A.I. to help you write, and the novel/screenplay that I seem unable to ever finish, "Seven Years Bad."

As always, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

You can support my Patreon (they got a longer version of the episode) by clicking HERE.

Logo by Gino "Mildly Worst" Moretto.

Oh Captain, My Captain

It was with surprise and much sorrow that I heard of the passing of Sir Patrick Stewart today.  He found success late-ish in life, and was known for his role as Charles Xavier in the Fox X-men (and two MCU)  films, Gurney Hallack in the 1984 DUNE, the CIA guy in "American Dad," and the Poop Emoji.*

But come on.  Captain Jean-Luc Picard.  That was The role.  How I first encountered him as an actor, how I remember him, and how I came to love him.

All of these guys were younger than you are now.

My dad and I would watch "Star Trek" (The Original Series) together when I was a child, but starting in September of 1987, my Captain was Picard. For six seasons, I watched TNG every week, sometimes twice, and it was my home series, even though I watched and enjoyed most of what came later.  If you argued that "Deep Space Nine" was the better show, I wouldn't disagree with you, but it's the Enterprise-D crew that's my favorite, and that's the group (even Pulaski and Barclay and Guinan) that feel like family to me.

This was the poster I had on my wall, while you had John Elway or Heather Locklear or Ted Bundy on yours.

In 1994, the series ended, and the movie GENERATIONS came out, and it was that film that showed me I had a Picard impression in me ("You are a Starfleet officer.  You will NOT be deactivated!"), and between us both, it's still pretty good.

I saw Stewart in several films after that, the three Trek films that followed, the one where he tortured Mel Gibson, the one where he was Bambi's father, the one where he played a psychotic Donald Trump supporter, and the one where he was naked.  He went on to play Professor X in the X-men films--some of them good, some of them not so good . . . though he always was.

Picard seemed so old to kid me (Stewart was forty-seven when the series began), but the character grew and changed as the years went on, and eventually, I looked in the mirror and I was older than Captain Picard had been at the start of the show.

Do you know the name of the character who replaced Wesley Crusher at the Conn? 
Oh, it's not a trivia question--I honestly don't know.

Besides Picard, though, my favorite Stewart performance was his one man show of A Christmas Carol, which I'd purchased a cassette of in school.  I used to listen to it often, admiring how he gave personality to all those characters using only his voice (it's possible that had an effect on my semi-professional life as well).

Despite being a fan and sharing a birthday, I only met the man once.  It was at a local comic convention a few years back.  But I came close decades earlier.

A lifetime ago, though it doesn't feel that way, I was a second assistant at a production company in LA**, and the other assistant would tell me when other positions were open. He urged me to go interview at Clive Barker's office. I was deathly afraid of going there and being asked what I thought of Barker's books or movies, and not being able to lie. But when an opening at Flying Freehold Productions opened up, I put on a tie and drove to Paramount to interview.   It was my first trip to Paramount, and I liked having a pass to show the guard out front . . .like you see in the movies.

I was in his office, in front of posters for his Moby Dick and Christmas Carol adaptations, and while I made my best pitch that I was the boy for the job (well, man, technically), I could immediately tell that I didn't get it.  Knowing I probably would not be invited back, I asked the staffer, "Is Mr. Stewart here?"  He shrugged and said, "No.  He's filming.  Wendy's here, though."  And then our time was done.

I didn't get the job (the interviewer asked me what I thought of the TNT Dickens mini-series and I said I thought Stewart as Scrooge was too young for the part.  He then told me that, if I'd ever read the book, I would know that Ebenezer Scrooge wasn't old, and I told him it was my favorite book and I'd read it multiple times . . . a mistake in retrospect***), but I did walk around Paramount for a while.  It was something I'd do whenever I was at Warners or Paramount or Fox, hoping that one day I'd be working there, telling stories for a living.

I went to my first (and only) Trek convention in 2002, where I was lucky enough to see the crew on stage together.  Unfortunately, I also saw STAR TREK NEMESIS that same year (at the Grauman's Chinese Theater), the worst of all the films.  That was a long time ago, and even then, he was able to meet and hear from people that loved him and his work, not just a handful of people, but thousands, maybe even millions over the years.  And that's a big deal.

I was fortunate enough to absolutely love the third season of Picard, where all the "Next Gen" crew got back together, and even though its detractors say that it's just blatant fan-service and nostalgia-baiting, it totally worked for me.  Hell, I'd like to watch it again right now.

You are still older than all of these guys.

Captain Picard was my "Star Trek" captain, and I admired his strength, his wisdom, his dignity, his attempts to talk rather than fight (less so in the movies, of course), his voice and theatricality, and his palpable decency.  He was someone who brought his best to every encounter, and inspired those around him to bring their A-games too . . . just like you'd want in a real-life leader.  In every interview he gave--and he was one of those performers who told his stories over and over again with the exuberance of having told it for the very first time--it became obvious that the most positive traits of Professor Xavier and Captain Picard were carryovers from the man who played them.

It has been impressive and moving to see so much outpouring of admiration, love, and appreciation for Sir Patrick since his sudden death (from Alzheimer's and Lewy body dementia) was announced (it was sudden enough that he did press for THE SHEEP DETECTIVES earlier this year, and probably did some AVENGERS: DOOMSDAY interviews we'll be seeing in a month or two).  Other people felt the way that I did--a lot of them.  Impressive, though not really surprising.

"I like to believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment . . . because it will never come again."

Jean-Luc Picard

*In writing this, it occurred to me that a lot of young people would know him from this famous meme:

**Very likely my least-favorite job of all time.  One I didn't get fired from, but still 

***Not in retrospect, actually.  The second I said it, I saw the man's reaction, and realized I should've just agreed with him and admitted I'd never read the book I'd read just the year before.

Ready To Feel "Sanguine" About A Kaleidocast Episode?

Every once in a while, when the stars align, I get to narrate a story for the New York-based Kaleidocast, and it's always something special.*  This season, the story they've given me is "Sanguine" by Liam Burke. It's an insanely dark piece about a down-on-his-luck man who finds himself stuck in a strange town in the middle of nowhere (Montana) with no way to leave, no friends, no contacts in the outside world, and no hope. He's given a place to live and a debit card, but he is required to make a blood donation once a week . . . or else.

It's ostensibly about a hellish no-win situation (one of the bleakest stories I've ever been handed), but it's also about a selfish man who discovers, in the darkest hour, that he's still got a little humanity left. Pretty darn cool.

And, of course, so is my narration. They didn't say I couldn't do what I want**, so I tried to do something unique with the voice of the . . . being at the heart of the story, so to speak. Why don't you check it out HERE?

*Gotta say, "Kaleidocast" is almost as hard to spell as "beureau."

**Some podcasts do, after all, and let's never forget the story I produced years ago, adding in ambient sound and effects, only to have the producers say, "It was difficult, but we managed to get all the distracting background noise out of your recording.  You're welcome."  Yep, I still hate 'em, even after all this time.

Rish Outcast 340: Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed 1

Rish goes for a walk and presents his short story "Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed." Jesse takes his ex-girlfriend Colbie to the airport and discovers that he needs new floormats. He buys the wrong ones, to say the least.

To download this episode, Right-Click HERE.

To support Rish on his Patreon page, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Slightly Bruised" Moretto.

Marshal and I Fly Over AIRPORT '77

Marshal Latham and I teamed up for another Outfield Excursions episode!  

Another day, another airplane disaster.  This one's a good one, though, with Jack Lemmon, Darren McGavin, Jimmy Stewart, and Christopher Lee.  Who will survive?  Find out HERE.

One-Night-Stand With The Enemy(?)

On Thursday, I started recording an Outcast episode about generative AI, and how there's a lady at the library who uses it to write her book.*  One time, I was pasting two chapters into Google Docs, and it suggested a change to it, and when I accepted, it tried to have AI rewrite it for me.  Not cool, man.  Not cool.

Long story short--at the end of the episode, I thought I would share with you a chapter (or part of a chapter, I dunno how interesting you will find all this) from my new book, and then go ahead and let generative AI "improve" the chapter . . . and see which is better.

So, my questions for you (other than, Does this seem like a stupid idea?) are:

A) Is this something I am going to burn in Hell for?

and 2) Which program should I use for this?  Any suggestions?

*Or is it more accurate to say "write" her book.

Rish Outcast 339: I Don't Think That's Funny At All

After the recent(ish) White House Correspondents Dinner, I wanted to talk about what I find funny and what I don't. So, there will be a bit of profanity here.

Rish Benjamin Outfield once said that spit-takes and Uranus jokes are always funny. Does that still hold up? What about fart jokes and words that start with CH?

To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.

As usual, the Patreon supporters get an extra bit that I cut out for the regular show. Maybe support me on Patreon HERE?

Marshal and I Get DEEP

In the newest(ish) Outfield Excursions, Marshal Latham and I discuss 1977's THE DEEP, an underwater diving adventure flick with Robert Shaw, Jacqueline Bissett, Nick Nolte, and Jacqueline Bissett.

Check it out HERE.

Jacqueline Bissett.

I don't like it when posters or VHS covers (yeah, I said it) have questions on them, but without question marks

An All-Star Cast

I was looking at the new release DVDs at Walmart last night (as you do), and I came upon a movie I'd not heard of before, WIZARD OF OZ: THE DEAD WALK.  It's obviously a horror film, probably capitalizing on the public domain-ness of Baum's Wizard of Oz books.  

But what really stood out to me were the five actor names above the title, touted as though these were famous names that would help sell WOZTDW as a major motion picture worth seeing.  

I'm usually quite good at this sort of thing (ask me who played Jabba the Hut in the 1976 footage from STAR WARS* sometime), but darned if I recognize a single one of those names.  Do you?

No, this is not rhetorical--I'm genuinely curious if anybody reading this knows any of those actors.  "Hey, honey, Cleon VanderScontz plays the Night Porter in this!"  "Wow, guess we'd better check it out!"

But I'm going to do my due diligence (since I've got a pretty long shift today).  Alina Desmond plays Dorothy in this, and she is known for WINNIE THE POOH: BLOOD & HONEY 2, THE MADNESS OF HUMPTY DUMPTY, and the horror film PIGLET.

Playing Dr. Oscar Diggs is Stephen Samson, who has a hundred and eighteen credits to his name, in films as well known as THE QUEEN, "Ted Lasso," BLACK WIDOW, AQUAMAN 2, DR. STRANGE 2, and MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: THE FINAL RECKONING . . . all of them uncredited.  If I had to wager, I'd put fifty dollars on Samson being an extra who was able to cite his many, many jobs on the IMDB himself (or, I suppose it's possible that his agent did).  No shade on him, but you're not going to see me listed on IMDB under SPIDER-MAN, "The X-Files," SPIDER-MAN 3, or "CSI."  That being said, he does have various credits on there for bit parts, and hey, he's second billed in WIZARD OF OZ: THE DEAD WALK.

Nathan Livingstone was in CINDERELLA'S CURSE, ALIENS RETURN, and NAZI ZOMBIES, before playing Alistair Garland in the above flick.

Simon Ellis plays the Tinman, and previously, he had a part in MONSTERNADO, "Way of the Exploding Dickhead," a Depeche Mode video,, WINNIE THE POOH: BLOOD & HONEY.

As the Scarecrow is Hywel Webb, and this is his first screen credit.  But he did go on to play Ranger Harrelson in THE BIGFOOT EXPERIMENT.

I also wanted to mention that there's a character in the movie called Jack L. Antern, which is pretty clever, right?  Well, kind of.

The director of THE DEAD WALK is Louisa Warren, known for BRIDE OF SCARECROW, CURSE OF THE SCARECROW, SCARECROW'S REVENGE, and TOOTH FAIRY (2019) and TOOTH FAIRY 2 (2020).

As taglines go, it ain't quite "Be afraid, be very afraid."

Lastly, it's not April Fool's.  I'm not making all of this up.  In fact, I was a little impressed that one of these actors had done anything I'd ever seen, much less heard of.  

Go ahead and support me on Patreon, and maybe I'll force Jeff to watch THE DEAD WALK some random Thursday evening.

*Yeah, it was Jabba the Hut for the first two movies.  The second -t didn't show up until JEDI.

Marshal & I Once Saw SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY (And Talked About It)

Once, long long ago, a new Spider-man movie came out.  It was called BRAND NEW DAY, and Marshal Latham, Keith Teklits, and I got together to talk about it.  Somehow, I missed that Marshal had released it over on the Journey Into... podcast channel, but hey, why not post it now, in case someone wants to hear our thoughts on it.

It was a good movie, no?  Check out the episode RIGHT HERE. 

Fear Of A Black Mask

I go to the local comic-con every year.  Have since the very first one (sadly, this is the first one my oldest nephew will not be attending since he was five years old*).  And some years we dress up, some years we don't.

This year is one of the former.

My cousin's three kids basically choose which year it'll be, and this year, they wanted everyone to dress up as DC Comics characters.

My first idea was an ambitious one: I wanted to be Bizarro Superman (Me Am Bizarro).  But even if I figured out a way to turn the S backward on a Superman costume, I had no idea how to do the face (I always think of Bizarro as the angular "Superfriends" version, though there are much easier-to-put-off iterations, including the one who's just an ugly Superman.

Next I thought of Red Hood, the "evil" version of Jason Todd**, a cool design, which I figured would entail a dark shirt, dark pants, a leather jacket and somehow, his helmet.

Hmmm, that helmet.  I think I'd have to buy an expensive one, or get someone to 3-D print it (which might also be expensive).  And how does one breathe in a "hood" like that?

Even easier would be the classic, Golden Age version, which would require a black suit or tuxedo, a red cape . . . and a red plastic helmet.

Oh.  How on earth would I pull that off?  And if I did manage to figure it out (maybe taking some kind of bowl or helmet and putting clear red plastic around it), how hard would it be to see out of?

Lastly, I thought about Black Mask, who is, or was, a childhood "friend" of Bruce Wayne's, whose parents dropped him on his head as an infant, and resented them so much he burned down his family mansion, killing his parents and inheriting their cosmetics company.  As you do.  

Oh, and apparently, he was inept enough to release product that disfigured the faces of several women who used his makeup.  And that was BEFORE he was struck by lightning and started wearing a skull mask around leading his own team of criminals.  I was only vaguely familiar with the character, never having read a comic with him in it, or having seen the movie with the repellent title where he was played by Ewan McGregor.

Anyway, I went out looking for a white suit and, failing that, grabbed a light-colored suit that I figured I could use over a black shirt.  I then ordered a nice skull mask on eBay, which was quite a bargain, figuring I could paint it black.  Within a couple of days of ordering it, the tracking number said it had been delivered . . . to Ohio.  I don't live in Ohio, so I contacted the seller, who said that the shipment had been damaged, but not to worry, another one was on order from Japan.

I told him I needed it by a certain day, and he assured me it would only be ten days--if I would wait, he would give me a 20% refund.  I checked this guy's feedback, to see if he was a scammer, and literally nobody else complained of a similar problem, so I let it go.

After twelve days, it hadn't arrived, and I waited two more, then contacted him to say it had been more than ten days, even not counting weekends.  He told me it was here, but had been held up in Customs, but if I'd give him just a little while more, he'd send me two instead of one.  So I waited.

And waited.  And--insert Maytag repairman image here--waited.

I told him I needed it immediately, and he said, "Two more days.  It will arrive in two days."

Three days after that, I went to cancel the transaction and discovered that . . . because it had been marked as "Delivered" weeks before, I could no longer claim that it hadn't arrived.  Huh.

Anyway, at the last minute (not literally, but a day before) I went to Walmart and got a replacement skull mask.  Not nearly as good, but it would do in a pinch.

As it was getting dark, I grabbed a can and spray-painted it black, then left it overnight to dry.  I also found a black balaclava (if I'm using that word in the non-racist sense) to put over my head, since this was just a face mask, and it worked alright . . . but was better after I got a piece of felt and Sharpie-ed it black, then taped it over the nose hole.  

Not perfect, but fine for what it was.

Unfortunately, that meant I was inhaling the smell of spray-paint the whole day, but that would still have been a problem with the more expensive 360 degree skull mask.  I touched up the teeth with dark gray, and it looks fine.  If I had it to do over again, I'd have painted it with acrylic paints and a brush, but live and learn.

In the end, our group was Two-Face, Batwoman, Robin, Black Mask, and Lex Luthor:

I was only recognized by one or two people (which is about how it was when I went as General Zod), but my costume looked fine, and it was neat that our whole group was dressed up together.***  My youngest nephew looked great in his costume, and enjoyed wearing it.  And my cousin's oldest was already talking about what we'd wear to the NEXT con, so there's that.

My cousin lent me an Airsoft gun, which worked better than the Nerf gun I was going to spray black.

*I didn't get him a ticket, worrying that he would have a job this September (he graduated high school in May).  Well, he doesn't have a job, and due to that, doesn't have any money (well, not a ton anyway).  But his big sticking point was not wanting to stand in line with me outside the building--something that's been a tradition for years, going to the end of a line so long it's on a different block and waiting for our turn to go inside.  I'll miss him.

**Please don't correct me if I'm wrong--this shtuff changes in DC Comics more than Courteney Cox's hair in the Scream movies.

***My cousin's youngest daughter didn't end up being able to go, despite having bought a Supergirl costume, and while that's really too bad, there's no reason she couldn't be Supergirl next year.  Or, if she doesn't want to, I could go as Bizarro Supergirl, since I looked, and she's just a zombiefied version of her usual self.

The Saddest Gal In The Library

I have mentioned--much to the chagrin of my many female fans (this is a joke) that there are a heck of a lot of attractive librarians at my work.  There's a stereotype of what a librarian does and what she looks like, but there have been a couple over the years that would give Rachel Weisz in THE MUMMY a run for her money.

That notwithstanding, there is one librarian that I seem to notice every time she comes in, as though it's the first time, and it's not because she's so darned attractive.  No, it's because this girl always looks so sad.

You've heard of Resting Bitch Face, no doubt?  Well, this is the only person I have ever met to have Resting Heartbreak Face.  Every time I see her, I wonder if she was the model for that old Dust Bowl photograph or just stepped out of a screening of SCHINDLER'S LIST.  

Apparently, the photo's title is Migrant Mother, but "Dust Bowl Woman" brought her right up.

At one time, I wanted to make a living with words (life has taught me, however, that a successful writer must have backbone as well as talent), but I'm not capable of expressing just how sad this girl looks, each and every time I see her.  Perhaps I should learn to play the cello or the saw.

Still, I want to just keep on typing, until I convey the depths of despair this gal constantly appears to be in.  I remember an old Leonard Cohen song that went
    Everybody knows the boat is leaking,
    Everybody knows the Captain lied
    Everybody's got this broken feeling
    Like their father or their dog just died.

And that's how she looks, every single day.  Thanks, L. Cohen.

I don't usually do this, but I managed to snap a photo of the librarian in question with my phone.

And nearly every time I see her, I am almost overwhelmed by a desire--jeez, it's so powerful it could be described using the word "lust"--to run over and tell her not to be down, that everything is going to work out alright, and that she has friends she can lean on (not me, of course, I don't even remember her name, but hey, she can lean on me too if she wants to).  There are certainly librarians that are prettier than she is, but if I had the opportunity to give one library employee a hug, it would be her.  Not that I imagine it would help (might even do the opposite), but it would be worth a shot.

I do have to wonder, were she to find out that I wrote this blog post about her, how she would take it.  I've a pretty good feeling it would make her sad.

*I had this idea for a story recently, of a man with the super power (or "super" power, if you want to be that way) of knowing just what anyone in front of him needs to hear.  He doesn't understand the power, it just works.  So, he could approach a stranger and say, "Your sister is alive," or another and say, "It was February 2nd, but not last year," or "Rodman Flender is a great film director," or "Three inches is totally fine," and never know what the comment was about.  But he sees their faces change when they hear it, and knows that, somehow, he made a different (assumedly for good) in their lives.  It doesn't benefit him in any way, unless I want to contrive a way for it to almost get him laid (it's more fun to write about if it doesn't quite work out, but you think it might the next time), but it does turn him into a sort of Good Samaritan, where people will ask him to talk to their soon-to-be ex-girlfriends or errant children, and he somehow says just the right thing.
Of course, once the government learns about what he can do, everything comes tumbling down.  He's placed in increasingly-dangerous situations, used to find out passwords and meeting places and secrets.  And when he inevitably fails at his task, due to, say, not being able to speak Chinese, he finds out that he's only valued by the military as long as he's useful to them.  If only he knew what to say to get them to leave him alone.

Support Abigail Hilton (And Me) On Kickstarter

I recently mentioned that my friend Abigail Hilton has uploaded her novel "Hunters Unlucky" to YouTube, it being the first book I narrated for her years ago.  Well, the reason she did that was to hopefully gain some new fans and to generate interest in her forthcoming novel "Thrive," which she has launched a Kickstarter* to earn funding for.

Basically, Abbie was tired of paying for the audiobook versions of these books herself, knowing it might take years to recoup her investment (years . . . or never), and has decided to make YOU pay for them.  "Thrive" is already written (and indeed, I've already narrated the first section of it), and this is a fundraiser for the digital version of the book, potential physical copies of the book, and yes, a potential audio version, depending on which tiers it reaches.

She's promised to write an extra story that the backers can vote for the subject on, and will probably enlist me to voice sketches, stories (if they take place in the worlds I narrate for her), and bonus material.  She always produces good work, and you can help her reach her goals RIGHT HERE.

*Recently, Big reminded me that the two of us were considering doing a Kickstarter for a story anthology produced by the Dunesteef, hoping we'd earn enough money to pay a couple of our favorite writers to contribute something to.  I had no memory of that (well, very little memory anyway), but we never went through with it because it seemed like a huge amount of work for (potentially) very little reward.  And listening to all Abbie has had to do (and think of) to get her project off the ground makes me wonder if we would have even survived it had we tried.

A Bird In The Hand

You know how reflections on glass works, right?*  Well, often birds don't, and up at the cabin, they will often see the trees or sky in the windows and fly right into them.  Sometimes the birds are alright, sometimes they're not.

This happens literally every other time I come to the cabin.  And today, it happened twice (so far).  I went out back to check the first one, but I was barefoot and if there was a wounded bird lying in the weeds and bushes, I didn't see it.  So I went back inside, and maybe two minutes later, there came a heavy thump right behind me, at one of the two front windows. 

I did go out on the deck to investigate this one.

This one was a pretty yellow bird--though not a canary (I also don't know bird species), and it seemed grievously injured (though not dead).  I felt bad for it, and approached, expecting it to freak out and try to flee.

But this one didn't.  My guess is that it was too stunned to know what to do as this frightening, bad-smelling giant, who can't even finish a blog post (let alone a short story) was creeping up to it.  It did not struggle as I scooped my hand under it, but it stood in my palm as I lifted it toward my face to examine its wound.

Well, it looked very much like it had broken its bill (or jaw, if birds have them), and it looked at me with glassy black eyes as I wondered if a bird would die of the shock of this injury, or die slowly of starvation, which might be worse.

I've explained a time or three about my weird hyper-empathy, which I've had since I was a young child.**  Needless to say, life has beaten some of that out of me, but not all of it (the other night, there was a guy sleeping in a van in the parking lot, and I absolutely AGONIZED over whether I should go over and make sure he was okay.  I didn't want to bother him, and it was none of my business, but what if something was wrong, you know?  So I finally asked my boss what I should do, and he seemed to think it was a trick question.  "You, uh, come in and finish your rounds and we go home."  Ultimately, I went back to my station and zoomed in on the camera to get a good angle (and the license plate) in case the morning guy showed up the next day and found a dead guy there.  Despite the vehicle being gone by the next shift, I still don't think I did the right thing.

Anyhow, the bird didn't seem to be suffering, unless me holding it in my hands was distressing it, and suspecting that, I set it down on the bench next to me.  After a moment, it closed its eyes, which I took as a bad sign.

I got up and went in to get my camera, though I figured I wouldn't do a blog post about it if the bird died, because I don't BELIEVE I have when birds have broken their necks while I'm up here.  But when I returned, the yellow bird was standing up, and after I took a couple of pictures, it roused itself and flew to the tree directly across from the deck, where it hopped from branch to branch, apparently no worse for wear.  I'm happy for it, really.  I had (briefly) considered putting it in a box or something to take it home and see if my niece might want to keep it as a pet (or see if she could keep it), since she's a sucker for abandoned or wounded animals, but honestly, this is better, that it took off and is (presumably) living its life.

I wish I had gotten a picture of it in my hand, though.

Oh, and it pooped while I was holding it.  I didn't mention that bit.  Probably shouldn't have mentioned it here.

 

*Actually, I don't, to be honest.  I'm not very scientifically literate.  I don't know how combustion engines, vinyl records, Slurpee machines, or colostomy bags work, I only know that they do.

**If I haven't told you this embarrassing detail, I used to believe that plants and rocks and fish and Republicans had feelings, and would agonize over which of my stuffed animals to play with, because the ones I didn't would feel left out or abandoned.  And while I'm not NEARLY that bad anymore, I still feel for the homeless or the ugly or the disabled people I see at work, and will allow children at the library to use my phone to call their parents, despite being told not to.  Heck, I even felt sorry for the My Pillow Guy when Jimmy Kimmel was interviewing him and, despite his temper and mental illness, may still have been a human being down deep.    

Rish Outcast 338: In Security 12 (That's Our Guy)

Rish tells more library stories, and worries that being too honest will make him look bad. Has his empathy started to run low?

Case in point: When there came a threat to the building, Rish happened to be the one who was "just sitting there." Is your job as boring as mine?



Care you to download the episode at THIS LINK?

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Swear you to click on THIS LINK?

Logo by Gino "Scare You" Moretto.

Haunted Library Presentation - One Month Off

If you support me on Patreon (and shame on you if you don't), you may have heard that I've been trying to get a "haunted library" presentation to happen at my place of employment for a year now.  When I found out the library was unwilling to pay even a single dollar to the local folklorist/ghost hunter, someone suggested I just do the presentation on my own.

And that appears to be exactly what we're doing, one month from today, with me as the sole presenter (I had arranged it with one of the librarians, thinking we'd present it together, but she seems keen to step back and let me do all the heavy-lifting*).  I have been thinking about what I'll say and which stories I will tell, and we did put out a call for other library employees (and visitors) to share their own experiences, but I imagine I will ad-lib most of it, since to me, it's not that different from podcasting.

I will keep you posted . . . especially if I see any ghosts between now and then.

*Although she did put together a flier promoting the event that showed up last Friday. 

I Discuss "The Measure of a Man" with Marshal Latham and Keith Teklits

 A long time ago, I got together with Marshal Latham and Keith Teklits to watch the extended version of the excellent Star Trek: TNG second season episode* titled "The Measure of a Man."  It's the one where Data goes on trial to determine if he is a person or property.

We discussed the episode for their "Trekkin'" series over at the Journey Into... podcast.  Did I cry?  You have to ask???  And it's been long enough since we recorded it that I look forward to listening to it RIGHT HERE.

*Yeah, the second season IS the worst one.  But even it had some gems in it.

Damned Poltergeist Again

 I was doing my rounds at the end of the night, and I stumbled upon this . . . 

Oh my god.  

Building blocks piled as high as conceivably possible, dangerously so.  This is it, veritable proof of spirits beyond the mortal veil!  Evidence of the afterlife!  And those wandering spirits love playing with Legos!

Or, I suppose, it could've been some kid that did it.  Hmm.

Podcast That Dares 71: Landlady & Skin

Rish performs two Roald Dahl short stories: 1959's "The Landlady," about a young man looking for a boarding house in a new town; and 1952's "Skin," about an old man in Paris with a very unusual tattoo.

To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.

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Logo by Gino "Skinlady" Moretto.

How Do They Know?

So, this one is a little bit weird.  

As you may know, Spock, I am on YouTube way too much.  When I'm working in the morning, when I'm running at night, when I'm driving to the cabin, when I'm trying to go back to sleep after waking up at seven to confer with ye olde china oracle, when I'm in the storage unit fighting the combined sinister forces of entropy and disorganization.  And part of the reason for that is the algorithm, which pitches me videos that it thinks I might like (also, the damned AutoPlay keeps switching itself on every few weeks, showing me one video after another until I remember to turn it off again).  

And advertisements are like that too--the website and/or phone is tracking my preferences, gauging my interests, scrutinizing my habits, and, in certain cases, seeming to be reading my mind.

Look at these two screen-captures from my phone, from different days, different videos.  See anything in common?

Take, for instance, that I keep seeing this ad, at the bottom of whatever I'm watching.  It's this girl, in a black and white striped shirt, with some kind of harlequin makeup on or something . . . and she's, like, exactly all the things I'm most attracted to.  She couldn't be more up my alley if she had a tattoo of Spider-man right below her bellybutton.*

But it gives me pause.  How do they know?

Look, I understand a phone knowing that I like Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and "Knight Rider," and operas about sinners burning in Hell, and kittens dressed in fighting armor, and bikini pictures of Cloris Leachman.  Who doesn't?  But I'm not even sure this person is a real flesh 'n blood girl, or that the algorithm calculated what I would most quickly notice and/or pay attention to, and were it your phone it would've conjured a very different girl, or boy, or old person, or in Marshal Latham's case, Muppet (he is deeply unwell).

And honestly, it doesn't really matter how they know, in the end.  I noticed it one night, I re-noticed a couple of nights later, and I started doing a screenshot every time after that (the accompanying images represent a week or more).  So, in a way, they totally succeeded.  But me thinking a girl in an ad is attractive is one thing (and blogging about it), but me actually CLICKING ON the ad, which I have not yet done, is very different.  So, they haven't really succeeded, have they?

Yet.

*This is true--I'm not really a tattoo guy.  Sorry.