Monday, June 23, 2014

Babysitter of the Month (June)

I took my nephews to the water park today because . . . hey, why do you need a reason?

Anyway, we were only there an hour or less when the three year old announced he needed to go to the bathroom . . . FAST.  I usually try to accommodate the kids when they do that, 'cause I don't want them still soiling themselves when they're my age.

Anyway, my sister tried to take him to a bathroom, but the ladies' room had a line leading out the door and past the snowcone shack.  So I grabbed the boy and ran to the nearest men's room.  The boy was too short to use the urinals, and told me he wanted to sit down, since he's used to the potty chair*.  Unfortunately, there were two stalls, and one of them had a toilet seat that had been used as a fudgin' diaper, and the other . . . well, some dipshit had locked it from the inside and then crawled out under the door.*

I tried to hold my nephew up to the urinal, but I knew that wouldn't work (he'd end up peeing right in his pants, it appeared), so I said, "Fudge it, we're goin' in the sink."  I carried him over to the sink and held him over it so he could use it like a toilet . . .

. . . and he did.  Except the boy didn't need to pee.  He had diarrhea.

Uh huh.

Anyhow, some of it DID end up going in the sink.  But most of it ended up going onto me, the floor, and the kid's shorts and underwear.

My sister wondered what was keeping us, so she sent the boy's brother in to check on us . . . and he stepped right in it with his bare feet.

Luckily, we were in a bathroom, so only one or two people saw us, and even luckier, we were at a sink, so I was able to wash myself and the boy's clothes, and wring out the water on the floor enough to wash away the offending substance.

After that, we all hit the showers (which are inconveniently located outside the bathrooms, but what can you do?).  A few minutes later, the boy needed to go again, so we ran back, and this time I had his brother go into the locked toilet stall and unlock it for us, and he was able to go to the bathroom as The Thunder God intended.

But after that, we decided we should go home, and befoul the water park no further.

It was a nice sunny day, though.


*This was my reasoning, at the time anyway.

**Originally, I typed "some motherfucker had locked it," but I thought I'd lighten it just a skoach.

1 comment:

Seraph said...

Oh no ! I'd like to say I've had a similar experience - but thankfully I haven't. I feel for you man.