Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Top Five Dealbreakers

So, I was having a conversation not too long ago about "dealbreakers," a term I coined for actors or actresses that I dislike so much that, if there's a movie coming out and it has one of them in it, I just won't see the movie. Or worse, there's a movie that sounds like it might be good, then I find out who's in it, and I decide to pass.* It was an interesting conversation, since one of the people my friend considered a dealbreaker actually used to guarantee I'd go see the movie.

I explained this, and asked people to give me their Top Five Dealbreakers. Only one person responded. So, I amended the request and asked people to give me five actors/actresses they despise. Only one more person responded.

My cousin told me that there simply aren't actors that do that to him, and, with the exception of Pauley Shore (and maybe the late Rodney Dangerfield), he likes everybody. Not surprising for someone who likes every movie he sees.

But I am just so very critical, judgmental, and easily-irritated, that I could make a Top Twenty list of Dealbreakers, not just five.
So, here you go:
1. Vin Diesel
2. Mark Wahlberg
3. Owen Wilson (who I couldn't remember the name of and so called "The blond bottle rocket shanghai noon guy")
4. Steven Segal
(though he's not really such a factor anymore, is he?**)
5. Reese Witherspoon
6. Kate Hudson
7. Michelle Rodriguez
(sorta makes FAST & FURIOUS a non-issue for me)
8. Catherine Keener
9. Madonna
10. Ashton Kutcher
11. Vince Vaughn
12. Cameron Diaz
13. Thandie Newton
14. Keanu Reeves
15. Ben Stiller

And lots, lots more.

Tyranist was, of course, the one who responded right out of the gate. His list:
Leonardo DiCaprio
Cameron Diaz
Meg Ryan
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Abigail Breslin

My buddy Rhett also sent a list of celebrities he's sick to death of, which is a fair response, I suppose, to my second request. It was:
1. Rosie
2. Anna Nicole Smith
(apparently she did more for mankind than we can even imagine with how she has been immortalized)
3. Lindsey Lohan, Madonna, and Britney Spears
4. Brad and Angelina
5. Tom and Katie

Merrill sent me a couple names, because I complained that no one participated in this one. His list:
Vin Diesel
Jean Claude Van Damme
Steven Segal
Molly Shannon

(almost but just not quite) Steve Carell
(another who's getting there)Will Ferrell

Well, this was probably a failed attempt. I won't bother to tally our "winners." At least Merrill had the right idea on his.

Rish Diesel Outfield

*An example would be: last year, I heard the plot to SHOOTER and thought, "Dang, that sounds like it's gonna be right up my alley." But then I found out its star, and I thought, "Oh, that's too bad. Guess I'll skip it."

**Fairuza Balk, Rosie Perez, and Molly Shannon could all join him on the "they really don't show up anymore, so why count them?" list.

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