Stupid Thing of the Week

I believe I've complained about how manly and ultra-cool my Uncle John is before. I do everything wrong and he does everything right. He is loved by all and is real darn fond of himself, whereas I, well, I can't even stand to be around me. He's really Superman to my Bizarro, or Bruce Willis to my Mister Glass. And sometimes I despise him for it.

But the tables turned, however briefly, at Sunday dinner at my mom's house.* We were having our meal around the table, and my sister complained that the Ranch dressing was really runny.

Uncle John mentioned that that was because the bottle needed shaking. So John, take-charge leader that he is, grabbed the Ranch dressing bottle and shook it up. And up.

And up.

I guess he didn't bother to tighten the cap, or the raw strength with which he shook it forced the lid right off because there was a micro explosion from that side of the table.
My mother, the baby, John's wife, and my niece were spattered with Ranch dressing. My sister and John were both covered in it. It got everywhere, on people's faces and plates, in their drinks, the table, the floor, the wall, and even the ceiling fan.
And not a drop got on me or my food.Rish "Lucky the Leprechaun" Outfield


*Wow, what an overlong set-up. It's not like this is even a great story, and I apologise. It's like my one-time friend Chris said: That was a long ride for such a short trip. Or something. I can't really remember what Chris said anymore. Don't get old, boys and girls.