Happy Birthday, Mr. Connery

Today is Sir Sean Connery's birthday. Seventy-eight bloody years old.I am reminded of a game my buddy Matthew and I played once, called Lesser of Two Evils.* It was a sick trade-off of moral conundrums and sadistic choices, of an increasingly difficult and twisted scale. We came up with twisted, funny, and/or titillating scenarios and the other had to choose what he would do, all involving the people we knew from work. I never played "doctor" with Karen Jensen down the street, but it's possibly the only game I would have enjoyed more.

On my turn, I asked Matthew that at our upcoming office Christmas party, Nance, the resident sleazeball/ladies man was going to have his way with one of Matthew's friends, Kathy Frazier. But before it happens, she asks Matthew his advice. If he tells her not to do it, Sean Connery will die that very night. Of course, if he says nothing, then Nance will do what he does to all women, leaving them a hollow, sticky shell of their former selves.

Matthew thought about it for a minute, then said, "Look, I'll tell you the truth: I like Kathy Frazier . . . but I LOVE Sean Connery. So, no."

I think, Doc, that says it all.

So, in honour of Sir Sean, I asked around for the Top Five Sean Connery flicks.

My picks would be:
1. INDIANA JONES III
2. UNTOUCHABLES
3. ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE O' THIEVES (should this count?)
4. YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
5. DARBY O'GILL AND THE LITTLE PEOPLE

Hey, it's a damn fine movie. But I do have to say that Sir Sean has made so many truly terrible films that you could easily make a Bottom Five list and have some left over to spare (ZARDOZ, anyone?).

Tyranist was the first to respond. With his list, he just took the easy way out.

1. You Only Live Twice
2. Dr No
3. Goldfinger
4. Diamonds Are Forever/From Russia with Love I (tie)
5. Thunderball/Never Say Never Again (tie)


Lawyerboy Ian gave me this (mentioning that it was really tough):
1. Untouchables
2. Goldfinger
3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
4. Dr. No
5. The Rock

Evil Cousin Ryan sent me this list:
1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
2. You Only Live Twice
3. Diamonds are Forever
4. The Avengers
5. The Rock


My buddy Rhett also sent me his list. His number one was no surprise, considering he's the only person I know who named one of their children Kurgen.
1. Highlander
2. Medicine Man
3. The Hunt for Red October
4. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
5. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

That makes me wonder why I didn't consider HIGHLANDER on mine.

Prison Guard Johnny responded (for a change), sending me:
1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
2. The Rock
3. From Russia with Love
4. The Hunt for Red October
5. Time Bandits
Merrill sent me his list, along with a commentary. He explained that, while he loves Sean Connery, he doesn't love a lot of his pictures. And he also reminded me of the ENTRAPMENT moment with Catherine Zeta-Jones and the laser beam that made me wonder why I don't own that film.

1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
2. Dragonheart
3. Entrapment
4. Time Bandits
5. Darby O'Gill and the Little People

I expected a couple more responses, but they never came. That puts our winners as:
1. INDY III
2. YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE
3. UNTOUCHABLES
4. GOLDFINGER
5. ZARDOZ
So, here's to you, Sean, and may you have many, many more birthdays. You're the man now, dog.

Rish Outfield Connery

*Just between you and me, we played it more than once. Man, I miss that guy.