Monday, February 18, 2008

Bottom Five Superhero Flicks

So, the Hayden Christensen/Samuel L. Jackson teleporting Jedi movie came out this weekend, and made something like thirty-three million dollars. It got pretty horrid reviews, but apart from that, JUMPER really looked like an awful movie to me, so I didn't go see it. Maybe you did.

But it made me think of bad superhero movies, and want to make a list of them. So the Top Five list this week is a Bottom Five.

If I'm allowed to editorialise for a moment, I am sure that, had I seen them, MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND and STEEL* would've made this list, but I felt you had to have seen the movie to list them on this one. After all, I willingly sat through CATWOMAN (I'll bet I even stayed through the credits), so that made me qualified to review it. And you know what? It was a really bad movie.

My Bottom Five Superhero Flicks would be:
1. SPAWN (1997)
2. BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
3. CATWOMAN (2004)
4. MYSTERY MEN (1999)
(I was going to list BLADE TRINITY, but then I remembered Jon Cryer in S4. Somewhere, Ned Beatty is rolling in his grave)

This time, Merrill was the first one to respond. His list:
1. Spawn
2. Batman & Robin
3. Daredevil
4. Supergirl
5. Superman 4

Tyranist was next, writing:
Listing only movies I've seen and you'll have to deal with the fact that I even like some of these and own them.
1. Batman & Robin
2. Superman III
3. Elektra
4. Superman II
5. Hulk

Ryan said:
1. Batman and Robin
2. Superman IV
3. Superman III
4. Batman Returns.
Max Shrek was great, but I hated Penguin, and the travesty that they made of Selina.

I tried to tell Ryan that he had somehow mistakenly listed the best of the Batman movies on his Bottom Five list, but he would not hear it.

Big-shot lawyer man Ian gave me:
1. Batman & Robin
2. Batman Forever
3. Catwoman
4. Superman IV
5. Steel

Johnny Prison Guard was quite literal in his bottom five, sending:
30029. Supergirl
30028. The Hulk
30027. Superman IV
30026. Batman Forever
30025. Daredevil

I held off, thinking my buddy Beta Ray Charles would weigh in. You know, he loves superheroes more than I love the smell of that stuff that accumulates between my fourth and little toes. Maybe answering was just too painful for him.

So, I guess the "winners" this week were:
1. BATMAN & ROBIN (no big surprise)

Rish "Learn it well, for it is the chilling sound of your doom" Outfield

*Ooh, and SON OF THE MASK. I'll bet that's among the worst films ever made, let alone superhero films.

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