Sunday, November 25, 2007

Stupid? Thing of the Week

I've not listed a Stupid Thing in a long time. Not because I've not done or said anything stupid, but because . . . well, I don't know why. Maybe I'm just not very smart.*

Anyway, there was a Stupid Thing today that, as I thought about it, didn't seem all that stupid. I went out to dinner with my family, and my niece was ranting about this doll she wants called "Baby Alive," that is remarkable in that it urinates and, get this . . . defecates on command.

My niece wants one, and the store shelves tend to be empty, so a lot of others do too. And she says that her chief reason for wanting this doll is that it "pees and poops." Heck, it says it right on the package.

You know, that alone merits an entry here, believe me.

But afterward, my brother and I started riffing on spin-off toys they could make from Baby Alive. He suggested Crack Baby Alive (self explanatory). I suggested Baby Dead (which would do nothing). Maybe they'd make a bedridden grandparent doll that was also incontinent.

And then I thought about Baby Undead. They could make a series of zombie babies, with different features (such as bleeding or dismemberment or fresh from the autopsy table) and differing levels of decomposition. You could squeeze them and they would moan or say, "Braiiiiiins!" Or you could remove body parts, and like the old Cabbage Patch Dolls, they could come with a death certificate. Maybe a headstone.

We laughed about this sick idea for a few minutes, and then my mother ruined our fun, not by telling us we were eating or that this was in bad taste, but by saying, "You know, you ought to market that. I think something like that would really sell. And not just for Halloween either."

Well, our conversation puttered to a halt after that, but I do wonder, was my mother right? Would people buy something like Baby Undead? Or would only the sickest of adults (like me) find that amusing? And wow, imagine the outcry from parent and religious groups. People like my aunt, perhaps armed with pitchforks and torches, would thirst for the manufacturer's blood. It would be like high school all over again.

Ah well,

Rish "Barely Alive" Outfield

*Actually, there was a post a while back that I started to make, then didn't publish, because I looked like such an a-hole in it. I wrote it, but never stuck it on here because, as much as I dislike myself, there was just too much to dislike in that one. Maybe I'll reconsider, I don't know.

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