Library Hijink of the Week

If I had a dollar for every time I'd gone to the Quiet Floor of the library, but forgotten to put my phone on silent, or opened Instagram and some ultra-loud TikTok clip started blaring, or simply farted, drawing the attention of those near and far to me . . . well, I could buy a Big Mac (it's been a few years).  One time, there was even a clip of Kevin Hart saying, "You better not be talkin to me, muthafucka" that came out of my phone at top volume, causing all heads to turn and my face to turn red.

But, as the song goes, both girl and boy were glad, 'cause one library patron had it worse than that.  Today, I was sitting in the cubicle here, expressly not writing (what the heck is wrong with me?), when across the way, someone's earbuds turned off or they accidentally yanked out their headphone cords, because . . . how do I put this delicately? . . . the sounds of intense love-making could be heard, and not just quietly, but all-caps LOUDLY.  And it just went on, not for a second, like my phone noises usually do, or for three or four seconds, like my Kevin Hart clip did, but on and on, heaving and thrusting, gasping and squealing, to the point where everyone on the entire floor knew what was going on on that person's phone, but knew what position they were in.

The librarian, dark-haired and about six months pregnant practically leapt from her desk and crossed the room like an avenging angel, and all of us heard her say, "This is the quiet floor, you need that on silent please," and the recipient of her rebuke mutter, "Yeah, sorry."  Then there was a funny moment where everybody on the floor looked at the person next to them and either made a face or muttered something sardonic to the other*, and then we all went back to our studying or internet surfing or, in my case, not writing this L&TW story, despite being about 85% done now.

There's no, like, big punchline to add, and definitely no moral to the story, but let me mention this one detail: he's still sitting there, in his cubicle against the wall, the malefactor in question.  There is NO WAY I would've had the calcetines to simply sit there, basking in that level of negative attention.  Heck, I might start going to a coffee shop to write for a while.

Anyhow, I just wanted to share that.

*My statement was, "I'm just glad it wasn't me, which isn't perfect (and certainly ain't what Kevin Hart would've managed), but was pretty good.