New Year's

On my drive with my uncle the other day, he kept talking about how good the new year was shaping up to be. "It's all great in Oh-Eight," he said more than once. Now, whether he was told this by a Gypsy woman or found it in a fortune cookie or is just chanting it as a mantra to will it into being, I don't know, but wouldn't it be nice if '08 was a great year?

My friend Merrill set some resolutions for himself, the chief one being to get a better job. Tyranist has resolved to Spend Money As Though He Were Very Poor. My mom wants to lose ten pounds. My friend Matthew said something about wanting orgasms that last fifteen minutes. My cousin Ryan has vowed to spend less money on toys, so he'll have more money later on to spend on toys. And my little brother's resolved to leave better clues at murder scenes so the police can finally catch him.

But what about me?

I could do the old stand-by and resolve to Write More, or Finish That Pesky ______ I haven't completed, or Exercise More Than Once This Year, but I always resolve to do those.

And look at me, I'm unwritten, unfinished, and fat.

Which reminds me, my cousin and I were talking about the movies about the writers' strike and he said, "Didn't you go out to L.A. to write for the movies? What . . . what the hell happened with that?"

Okay, I'm paraphrasing, but it's the coked-up elephant trunk-molesting in the room, I guess, whenever anybody talks to me (you see my son making out with the older gentleman at the party and lean in and say, "Didn't you say you really wanted grandchildren one time?"), but I flopped uncontrollably on the ground for a minute before my cousin, sensing the awkwardness, moved the conversation to another subject.

But okay, I think I can at least manage five resolutions. The first one was easy, since I made it a couple of weeks ago. I resolved to blog more in 2008. Not just here, in my embarrassing public blog, but in my private, yet still just as embarrassing personal blog, where I talk about how great it will be to get a driver's licence, and how mean a teacher Mr. Quadlist is and how dreamy the girls on "Just the Ten of Us" are. But hopefully, that will mean more posts here too, and not just badly-recounted "Buffy" episodes.

And speaking of which, I do resolve to get through all the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" episodes in 2008, as well as the entire run of "Angel." I also resolve to buy that boffo gold "Twin Peaks" boxed set and try to get tyranist to watch them all with me. Heck, I could even do "Twin Peaks Tuesdays" posts and blog about the episodes . . . except that I won't.

I recently had computer problems and lost a great deal of data on my old system. I hereby resolve to do a backup of my important files every single month. Maybe there's a way to program my computer to remind me each month (though I don't know how that would be). Donations are being accepted for some kind of external hard drive to back things up on (if I'd had one of those, we might have had an HFC update since Halloween).

I really ought to echo Merrill and resolve to get a better job in 2008 (I'm not thrilled with my current one, which sometimes involves shooting Chinamen for the railroad). So there's that.

But as far as lofty, impressive, noble resolutions go, I just don't know. When someone's life has gone as off track as mine has, it may not be possible to steer it back in a easterly direction. I may not be able to move the vehicle in any direction. Maybe I should just get out and look around and say, "Well, this is where I'm gonna stay."

Of course, I'm more than a little insane, so I don't know what I'm talking about.

Rish "It's All Late in 2008" Outfield