All You Need Is A Miracle

Well, I've finally put out another installment in The Sidekick Chronicles.  When it came time to put a link to the other stories in the series (on the last page of the e-book), I discovered that there's only four others . . . and one of those ("Sins of a Sidekick") is not currently available (to you or me).

Even so, "A Sidekick To Miracles" is finally available for your scrolling pleasure. 

In 2018, I watched an episode of Rod Serling's "Night Gallery" that I hated so much I decided to podcast about it.  I bitched about its pointlessness and how there was a glimmer of a really good story in there but they chose to--and then, in mid-sentence, I came up with this story, "A Sidekick To Miracles."  I never used the podcast, for obvious reasons.

Ben Parks encounters a traveling snake oil salesman who tells him he's actually selling hope, and becomes his sidekick, however briefly.  Ben is young enough and naive enough to believe in miracles.

This is the image I liked back in 2024 enough to save it to one day use.

Is the story good, who knows?  Did I wrench every drop of potential out of that idea, probably not.  But was it worth doing?  Sure.  And is it better than the 1971 television episode that inspired it?  Yep.

I tried and tried to find an image I was happy with--
and poor Big created four or five of these for me--before I decided on this one.

But hey, don't take my word for it, check it out HERE.  

Rish Outcast 324: Writers Conference Report 2026 Part 2

Rish finishes talking about this year's conference. Look at me, Gino! It's all for you!

Rish talks about a writer who only managed to write one book in a year, about meeting a Disney director, about letting your subconscious work out plot details, tries to answer a couple of Marshal Latham questions, and what he has now decided is his favorite Disney animated film.

As always, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

And of course, you can support my Patreon by clicking HERE.

Logo by Gino "Biter's Conference" Moretto.

Rish: 1, Ghosts: 0

I haven't had anything to write on my blog in a little while (yes, I have posted, but those have been posts from January or February that I hadn't yet put up).  But something I haven't gotten a lot of complaints about have been my reports about brushes with ghosts.*

A couple of the crappiest cameras we have here are the ones in the halls downstairs and in the building next to us.  While that has proved problematic when trying to identify patrons or suspicious individuals, it does wonders for would-be ghost sightings.

Take this image, for example.  I glanced at the monitor and there was a shape standing on the west stairs in a long white dress, the kind nobody wears anymore.  Of course, she had no face.

Well, I've seen this phenomenon before--and haven't we all awoken on a Monday morning forty minutes before our alarms are set to go off only to discover that we have no face?--so I watched the spectre in question.  Turns out it was just a young woman, posing for photos, and color me surprised, she was not thrilled to hear that I had mistaken her for a ghost.

Between you and me, if you came up to me sometime and said, "Holy cow, I totally thought you were a ghost," I would take it as a compliment.  Also, feel free to sub out "ghost" with "zombie," "devil-worshiper," "Child of the Corn," "serial killer," "wereoctopus," or "pervert."

Apropos of nothing, ghosts often tell Chuck Norris stories around campfires.

P.S.  You may be wondering what the title of this post is all about.  To be honest, I couldn't decide if the ghosts should have gotten a point, with me getting zero, or the other way around.  Ultimately, I decided that I needed a win, just this once.

*Of course, I haven't gotten any compliments about it either, but whatchoogondo?

The Toughest Man In The Afterlife

So, Chuck Norris passed away this week.  He was 86 years old, and was famous for movies such as THE WAY OF THE DRAGON, DELTA FORCE, MISSING IN ACTION, FIREWALKER, and THE EXPENDABLES 2.  Oh, and the very successful television series "Walker Texas Ranger."  Also, he actually died twenty years ago, but the Grim Reaper hadn't built up the courage to tell him.

In other words, beyond his career in action films, Norris had a second success in a series of entertaining jokes about how tough, cool, or bearded the man was ("When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."  "Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.").  I first discovered it in 2004 or 2005, and found it endlessly amusing ("There's no such thing as evolution, only a list of species Chuck Norris has allowed to live." "Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully-loaded gun . . . and won."), swapping them with friends in California ("Chuck Norris can divide by zero."  "If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars . . . he has more money than you.").

About a decade before he died this week, a gas station was built in town, and to celebrate its opening, Chuck Norris came to cut the ribbon and take photos with fans.  I was not necessarily a fan*, but I went anyway with my nephews, who had absolutely no idea who Norris was.  

Would they have been impressed to know that his tears cure cancer . . . but he unfortunately has never cried?

I've not seen a lot of his movies.  They weren't really my thing.  But dang, did I love to swap "facts" about him.  Did you know that when he left home, he told his father "You're the man of the house now?"

Still, all evidence to the contrary (the man had unsavory politics, was quite a limited actor, and sued the publishers of a book collecting some of his famous "facts"), he seemed like a pretty nice guy on that Saturday afternoon.  And I'm glad to have gone down there and gotten a photo with a beard so hard, it could not be chiseled into Mount Rushmore.

Norris wears a hat to protect the sun from him.

By the way, Norris once threw a hand grenade and killed fifty people.  Then it exploded.

*I could like him a lot less--my buddy Jeff hates Norris so bad he will not watch any movie Chuck Norris is in (or has expressed fondness for).  I guess Norris was Jeff's Vin Diesel.

Rish Outcast 323: Writers Conference Report 2026 1

The yearly writers conference that Rish goes to has come and gone, and somebody somewhere wanted an episode about it. Be careful what you wish for, son.

In this half, Rish asks "Am I arrogant?" He encounters the author of "Dungeon Crawler Carl." He attends a panel by a writer that hogs all the attention, he gets in a bit of a sticky situation, and he goes to a panel with a magical technique to improve your writing . . . or has Rish got brain damage?

To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.

To support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by "Dungeon Crawler Gino" Moretto.

One Book Down

I just finished reading "The Royal Assassin" by Robin Hobb, and I realized a terrible thing: it was the first book I had finished in 2026.  It is March, and I have only read one book.*

There was a Saturday Night Live sketch years ago of a game show called "What Have You Become?" where the host (I think it was the German actor from Bond and INGLORIOUS BASTERDS) would ask each contestant, "What have you become?" and they would realize they had had all these aspirations, all these dreams they had once pursued, and now . . . they were nothing.  One by one, they break down in despair, then he moves on to the next contestant.  It was not a brilliant sketch (I vaguely remember the last contestant, who was actually happy being a stay-at-home mom asking the host what he had become, and he reacts the same way), but it seems relevant now.  

Because, dude, what have I become?  My sweetest friend.

I like to read, very much, and I work . . . holy R.I.P. Jennifer Runyon, in a bloody library.  But I don't ever do it, or hardly ever.  I probably read as much as I write, and you know how good at that I am.

I am partway through another book I have been listening to in the car, but it is a miserable experience, the narrator absolutely ruining the main character every time she opens her mouth, but because I'm two-thirds of the way through it, I am unwilling to quit on it completely--to admit defeat--because all I'd have to do is give it an hour or three more, and I'd have two books read this year.

I heard the other day that writer Dan Simmons had died (which is sad--he was highly underrated), and I told myself, "I ought to read The Terror again sometime."  But at the rate I'm going, that will never happen.  I never make the time to read new books, much less books I've already read.  

And last year, I told my buddy Jeff about "Dungeon Crawler Carl" when I was reading it, and he read all seven books in the series before I had even finished that first one.**

I guess it's not too late to try to do better--and I do tend to read for an hour or two every time I go to the cabin in the summer--but I suspect this is the worst year on record for me and reading. That being said, I just checked out a book at the library (a 350 page T. Kingfisher book), and I will do the best I can to get it finished in less than three months.  Maybe even two. 

Rish

*Plus, I wouldn't even have finished it not been a warm afternoon so I dragged a chair outside and read until it was too dark to see anymore, then forced myself to finish it before I did anything else (otherwise, it might even have been April).

**Now, that's not to say I should compare myself to Jeff in all things.  After all, he reads two or more books a week.  Also, he is planning to retire within two years, and I plan to die penniless (and soon).  

Podcast That Dares 68: The Number Thirteen

Rish presents M.R. James's 1904 spooky story, "The Number Thirteen." A historian in Denmark stays in Room 12 of the local inn . . . but who is in Room 13? And is there even a Room 13?

Rish then talks and talks about the ending of the story (and so should you).

If you wish to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you wish to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Thirteen Ain't Nothin But A Number" Moretto.

Sidekick Chart 4

The last day of the month was a Saturday, and luckily, most of my family had gone out of town.  I had the choice between trying to write at the library, or sitting down and recording a chapter or two of my novella, "A Sidekick To Miracles."  I chose the recording, mostly because it was the end of the month and I'd have to admit defeat on my Patreon address (again), and I already had failed in my exercise goal for the first time in years, so I sat down and checked my recorder.  I had just under five hours of recording time left.

I did Chapter 5, then Chapter 6.  I thought about quitting then, because I had done alright and I could raise the red in the bottle.  But I still had space to record, so I went on to Chapter 7.  Then there hit a point where, despite my lofty insecurities about my own writing abilities, the story started getting really good.  I did Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 without taking a break.

I checked, and I had forty minutes left of space to record, so I continued until that time was gone.  And then I deleted a couple of files so I could keep recording.  I ended up going all the way to the end and was delighted to discover that I was getting a chance to voice an adult Ben Parks (something I've never done, and even forgotten I had written).  The story, while not perfect, and not even great, is at least good, and I can rest from my labors knowing I actually accomplished something I had set out to do.

For once.

P.S.  Okay, okay, I didn't accomplish the sample part, but that's for editing audio anyway, so eff you.

Hit Me With Your Best Aught

If you were unfortunate to have seen my recent post about having a hundred Fake Sean Connery song quote videos over at Instagram, you may have observed that the decade of the 00s (or Aughts, as people smarter than me sometimes call them) had been practically ignored.

I figured I would try to remedy that, so I went online and looked up the biggest hits (on Billboard) for those years, and yikes, what awful, awful songs.*  I guess it's not a wonder that I started listening to talk radio, Oldies, and--gasp!--Country music during that era.

I also looked up Rolling Stone magazine's list of the Top 200 songs of the 2000s, and while I only recognized a fraction of those, there were a bunch more tracks I would consider "good" on that list (my impression from the Billboard list is that relatively few hit songs made it to Number 1, then hung on to the top spot of a while, hence there's not as much variety there.**  And out of curiosity, I checked and "A Bar Song" by Shaboozey is the current record-holder with nineteen weeks at the top).

My point is, I'd like to do more songs from that decade, but I found maybe one single song I liked enough to feature.  Do you have songs from the 2000s that Fake Sean could quote?  Let me know in the comments, or if I have already passed by the time you read this, via Ouija board.

P.S.  No, the Shaboozey song is not TECHNICALLY the longest-running Number 1 on Billboard, but don't be a "Well, ackshually" guy.  You're better than that.

*That is, when I even recognized them.    

**And what they claim to have been the biggest hit of the year 2000--"Breathe" by Faith Hill--never actually made it to Number 1.

Rish Outcast 322: The Dark Gift 2

Finishing the presentation of "The Dark Gift." Thanks to you. People are finally starting to notice Nobie Miller . . . a lot of people at the Pickle Days carnival. And they're noticing her a lot.

Rish goes to a pretty dark place (no pun intended) with the discussion afterward, but also explains the main character's ridiculous name (still not as bad as the majority of Gen Z names are--Braxton, Oakley, Addison, Jaiden, and Rayleigh--I'm looking at you).

Warning: Wilson Phillips.

Download the file directly by Right-Clicking HERE.

Support me on Patreon HERE!

Logo by Gino "The Slightly-Tanned Gift" Moretto.

Ghostwatch '26 Update

Spoiler here--still no ghosts.

I was told that the library was haunted, oh, probably three years ago (the librarian that told me it was "totally haunted" no longer works here), and I've kept my eyes open ever since.  No ghosts so far.

Tonight, there was a woman, however, standing completely still in the hallway.*  When I zoomed in on the image, I saw that she had empty sockets where her eyes should be.

Other than that, it's hardly worth mentioning (she's not dressed in an old-fashioned or ghost-like way), and she's not scary in the slightest . . . so why am I mentioning it?  I don't know, I just like to type blog posts when I'm here at work, and I imagine people (or person) out there like them.

The thing is, there are a couple of high-definition cameras here in the library, where you can zoom in and get facial details or license plates, but most of them are just low-def video cameras that get more and more pixelated as you enhance the image.  And because of that, I've seen several people that have empty eye sockets or gaping black Edvard Munch mouths.  I just don't bother writing about it anymore.  

But if I ever see a woman with long flowing hair and a wispy white dress blowing in a non-existent breeze pointing her finger at me in a silent accusatory scream, I'll be sure to let you know.

I realize this image isn't great, but I kept it because the hand is on the wrong side.  VERY common with ghosts.

*Sometimes--okay, nearly always--the video readout glitches and the images are momentarily frozen, so people will appear or disappear as the footage catches up with realtime, but this was just a woman standing there, thinking or listening to music or ____.  

My Voice In "Manor Of Frights" Collection

I often mention it when I narrate or lend my voice to a story on other podcasts, but I suppose I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Emerian Rich has recently put out a collection of stories that she performed on the HorrorAddicts podcast, many of which feature my voice as well.

The collection includes (at least as far as I can tell) seventeen stories, each taking place in a room of a macabre Victorian manor, and are as follows:

Flowers in the Foyer by DW Milton
Storage by Ollie Fox
Bye, Baby Bunting by Leslie Warren

Withered Bindings by Michael Fassbender
Dinner Guests by Emerian Rich
A Green Thumb by Daphne Strasert
Turning Pages by Mark Orr

A Fresh Start by D.J. Pitsiladis
The Living Room by Amanda Leslie
Lanai by BF Vega
Cacophony by Judith Pancoast
Nightbears by Loren Rhodes
Beyond the Ensuite by Barend Nieuwstraten III (I remember reading this one and thinking, "What the devil's an ensuite?"  Oh, I was so naive in those days.  But I still don't know)
The Desiccated Heart by Sumiko Saulson
A Study in Terror by Jason Fischer
Come Find Me, Mummy by Rosetta Yorke
Missing by R.L. Merrill

Emz put these out where you can buy the whole collection in audio, and it's now up on Audible HERE.  Just pray the doors don't lock behind you.

Sidekick Chart 3

It's practically the end of the month, and it seems clear I will not make my goal of finishing "A Sidekick To Miracles," even though it was totally doable.

The problem is, writing is hard.  And rewriting is, if not just as hard, probably less enjoyable, and that makes it just as difficult.  I have had several opportunities to get to work on the audiobook this month, and have found an excuse not to nearly every single time.

Today, though, I found myself alone in the house for a few minutes, and I forced myself to sit down and at least finish Chapter 3.  It took approximately five times longer than it should have, which is not great, but also not the worst I've done on one of these.  And then, after my run tonight, I did Chapter 4 (which is barely a chapter, and still took twenty-something minutes).

So, here's where our bottle stands as of now (great, it is not):

You may think I'm doing better than last time, at least as far as the bottle goes . . . and you'd be right.  Last time, I thought there were fifteen chapters in the book, but there are only thirteen.  So it looks like I've made much better progress than I have.

Marshal & Rish Bury . . . The Living??

I remember watching I BURY THE LIVING! at the family cabin alone on a Sunday afternoon last fall.  It's a 1958 horror film about a man (Richard Boone) hired to work at a cemetery with a big map of all the burial plots who discovers that, when he puts a pin in a space, the person who owns that plot dies.  Or do they?

Okay, I'll be honest: until today, I had completely forgotten we had watched this movie, and had it confused with the Daisy Ridley zombie flick that came out a month back.  But not too long ago, Marshal Latham and I did an episode talking about it, and I even did a whole separate podcast episode inspired by it, talking about Stephen King's "Obits," which was also inspired by it.

Maybe you'll be inspired too.  Check it out HERE.

Rish Outcast 321: The Dark Gift Part I

Rish presents the first half of his recent carnival story, "The Dark Gift." Nobie, Eris, and Grump are enjoying the 1992 Pickle Days celebration when Nobie spins a wheel and it stops on something it wasn't supposed to.

Afterward, Rish explains the title and inspiration--making this probably the only story he's ever written due to spite.

Note: This was not intended to be split into two episodes, so it might behoove you to wait and listen to both parts together.  Or, judging by its reaction elsewhere . . . not at all.

If you want to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you want to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "The Dork Gift" Moretto.

Funny, You Don't Look A Hundred

Not too terribly long ago, I posted on here that my little Instagram clips of Fake Sean Connery had reached fifty installments (I don't quite dare call them episodes).  It was a little game I came up with where Fake Sean would quote a popular song, and those in the comments could try to guess it.

Well, nobody gave a Yeti's bunion about my little enterprise, but I enjoyed it so much, I just kept doing it, vowing to go to a hundred videos, come high or hell water.  And now, here we are, with a hundred of them*, and I wanted to commemorate it on here.

It could always be worse.

And, like I did before, I thought it would be fun** to count the number of songs by each decade, just to see how many Eighties songs I shoved in there.  There will always be more from the Eighties than any other decade, you understand.***

1800s: 1

1920s: 1

1940s: 1

1950s: 2

1960s: 9

1970s: 13

1980s: 39

1990s: 12

2000s: 8

2010s: 5

2020s: 9

Unfortunately, I discovered two doubles this time--"I Don't Like Mondays" was the 63rd video and the one I thought I was saving until 100th (whoops).  Worse, I noted that "Mad World" by Tears For Fears was both the 49th and 97th song presented, but instead of deleting it as I did "Mondays," I figured that one could be the Tears For Fears version (80s) and one the Gary Jules version (00s).

And now that I've reached the landmark one hundredth segment, should I stop?  

Oh, it's a rhetorical question.  I'm not stopping.  Try to stop me if you want to.  I checked and I still have seventeen songs recorded during my various trips to the cabin I've not yet used.  At the rate I've been putting them out, I should be able to start on new ones once the snow melts again in the spring.  Oh joy.

*Though I did substitute Fake Michael Caine twice the week of Christmas.  It's an impression that's not nearly as good as my Connery, but since no one was watching . . .

**Fun not guaranteed.  Consult your physician if fun becomes excessive or swollen.

***I recently saw a YouTube rant about a woman--middle-aged and nearly as pleasant as that tool who replaced Tucker Carlson on Fox News--complaining about having suffered through the Eighties once already, why would she ever want to listen to Eighties music now?  I quickly turned the video off, lest it give me AIDS.

Rish Narrates "Restroom Finds" on Tales To Terrify

 Okay, this one has to be the last one.

Once again, I lent my voice to the Tales To Terrify podcast to narrate a story, this one Calvin Demmer's "Restroom Finds."

This is a very short story, one that shows just a glimpse of a post- or mid-apocalyptic world where the government has given way to martial law, and it's every man (or woman, or child) for themselves.  The narrator drives along, picking up supplies when he can, and stopping at a truck stop restroom, hoping to scavenge something useful . . . you never know.

No, Calvin, you don't.

This story is almost ridiculously short, but that doesn't automatically make it not worth your time.  After all, I'm the narrator, so . . .

Check it out HERE.

Rish Outcast 320: In Security 8

Rish tells more stories about being a security guard. Will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know.

In this one, Rish talks about being at the library for one year, as well as the lady who has seizures, and what seems like actual progress with her. He also talks about the relationship between librarians and security, the girl whose first day it wasn't, his limited Spanish-speaking ability, and in a bit of a downer*, the girl who was covering her face.

*A bit??

Download the file directly by Right-Clicking HERE.

Why don't you support me on Patreon HERE?  What, are you chicken?

Logo by Gino "Sit & Spin Security" Moretto.

Sidekick Chart 2

Okay, I sat down and recorded the opening and closing titles, half of Chapter 1, then went for a drive (I had meant to get my oil changed, but they claimed they were all full up for the entire day--"double-booked," is how they put it).  I came back and finished Chapter 1 and got Chapter 2 done.  It was a bit of a slog, but hey, this process always is.

Are You Blind, Mister Spock?

Sometimes people will come into the library to take pictures, often for graduation, sometimes for engagement photos, and occasionally for a third reason*.  It's a public building, and we try to be welcoming to people who want to come here, so unless they're shooting a Slasher film or a striptease, they are free to do so.  There are some on the second floor doing that right now.

Anyway, at the same time, there's a guy and a girl moving from point to point throughout the building taking pictures, ostensibly for some kind of modeling gig (they're right in front of me now--I guess I could sneak a photo for the blog, but it's going to be pretty blurry).  And I wouldn't even notice it, except that I still have it in my head that pretty people are better than the rest of us, and I doubt I'll ever outgrow that mindset, even if I live to be sixty-five.

Also, I certainly wouldn't be blogging about it except for one unusual feature--the young model in question is dressed entirely in black and white, with a long black jacket, boots, and a long white dress.  And her hair is blond on the right side and completely black on the left, I guess like Cruella De vil, but what it really reminds me of are those aliens in the "Star Trek" episode that were black and white in that way, yet had this ridiculous racist idea that black on the right side was somehow better or worse than black on the left side.

In the episode (1969's "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"), Frank Gorshin says, "Are you blind, Commander Spock?  I am black on the right side!"  The people he hates are white on the right side, and that's all it takes to not only hate them, but want to exterminate them.  

It's a clunky episode in a lot of ways, and always pisses people off because it doesn't properly explain race dynamics or vilify white men enough, but it does get one thing right: there's no real justification in hating another people, just arbitrary, invented excuses for it.  And that applies in the 21st Century as well as in the 20th (or the 23rd).

Another fantastic photo taken by me.  Truly, I missed my calling.

As I was typing this, the friendliest of the homeless folks that come here daily, Roger, pointed at the girl through the window and said, "Look, it's Cruella!"  To which, I stood up and said, "Are you blind, Homeless Roger?  Cruella has white hair on the right side.  That girl has black hair on the right side!"

Okay, I didn't actually say that.  I just nodded and kept on typing.

*In fact, there are three about-to-be college graduates standing above me at this very moment, and if they're not careful, I can see up their grad gowns.

Goal Chart of a Sidekick

So, nearly a decade ago, I wrote "A Sidekick To Miracles," another Ben Parks novella, this one inspired by a piece of media I hated by one of my favorite creators.  For years, it has sat, gathering dust and irrelevance, but I set the goal of getting the whole thing recorded in the month of February.  In keeping with my goal, tonight I created a goal chart thermometer thing* so I can track my progress--in public.  Here goes.

This may not work, but I put a progress bar on there for each chapter I get recorded.

*I know there's a word for this, but I am never able to remember it.  Never.

Rish & Josey Wales Review THE OUTLAW MARSHAL LATHAM

From A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS to UNFORGIVEN, Clint Eastwood made a lot of Westerns.  This one, from 1976, lies somewhere in the middle.  A war veteran seeks vengeance on the soldiers that murdered his family, but gains allies along the way.*  It was a movie both of us liked a lot, even though I've already forgotten why.

Let's find out together . . . right HERE.

*In many ways, Marshal Latham can relate, except for he actually sought vengeance on his family, for what they did to soldiers . . . and now he's telling me they were toy soldiers.  Holy cow, he may not be nearly as good a guy as I've been giving him credit for.

Podcast That Dares 67: Brothers Beyond The Void

Rish, with special guest Big Anklevich, presents Paul W. Fairman's 1952 story, "Brothers Beyond The Void," about the first man to visit Mars. They also talk about the classic episode of television it inspired.

To download this episode, Right-Click HERE.

To support Rish on his Patreon page, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Brother Beyond The Droid" Moretto.

Jonathan Wilson Brings My "Ash Tree" Reading To Life

Well, a half-life anyway.

One of my favorite writers to run stories by on the Podcast That Dares is MR James, and my favorite of those stories (so far) has been "The Ash Tree."  It's a really creepy tale about skulking creatures in the night, and the ending does not disappoint.  And what Jonathan has done is extremely simple, yet it totally works--he's got an image of a foggy manor house at night that is subtly animated, and that's the only visual.* 

It's something I wish I were capable, not only due to its effect, but its simplicity.  Anyway, give it another listen RIGHT HERE.  Thanks, Jonathan!

*Other than burned-in subtitles, unfortunately.

The Case of the Wandering Laptop

INT. PUBLIC LIBRARY - DAY

A homeless dude was talking to me at my desk about an hour ago, which is totally fine except for the way his voice carried every time he used the f-word (funny how variable sound can be), when a patron--young, probably a student--approached me and said that someone had taken his laptop.

Well, that was the homeless dude's cue to leave*, as I stood up to help the guy out--or see if I could.  The young man (let's call him "the student" from this point on) explained that he'd been sitting in the northwest corner desk, typing on his laptop, then he got up and got lunch, and when he came back, his laptop was gone.

My immediate question was, "Why would you leave your laptop alone when you went to eat?" but people always do that--every single day, I see someone's phone left alone to charge, or their iPad left unattended, or worst of all (and it is rare), their keys or wallet just left on the desk while they walk away.**  However, I didn't have to.

The student explained that he had gotten up, put his laptop in his backpack, went to lunch, and when he came back, the laptop was gone from his backpack.  I checked the recording, and he had sat right under a security camera, so I told him I would look at the footage.  Sure enough, he got up, put the laptop in the bag, then left his books there while he walked offscreen.  He came back about half an hour later, his backpack still on his shoulder.  On the video, he sat down again, opened his bag, and then started looking around.  So if someone had stolen the laptop, it was when the student had been outside the view of the cameras.  

I asked him if he had put down his bag while he ordered or ate, and if someone might have taken it then.  He didn't know, all he knew was when he came back to the desk, his computer was gone.

Well, there wasn't much I could do.  I told him the story of the lady who had put her laptop on top of her truck and driven away with it on there, but this was nothing like that.  He said he had checked his car thoroughly and the laptop was not there.  It was a mystery.  He said, "You saw me put it in here, right?" and he patted his backpack.  Then, a look came over his face, and he unzipped the bag . . . revealing that the laptop was right there in the bag, and had been the whole time.

He apologized, he went red, and he tried to explain, but ultimately, he walked off to continue his homework where he'd been sitting before.  Embarrassing, isn't it?

Buy hey, I believe him.  I really do.  That sort of thing happens to me all the time.

So, all's well that ends well, no?

*I guess I would be suspicious about that had this story gone another way.  But it didn't.

**When I was first hired, I would grab people's wallets to take to the lost and found whenever I saw them just sitting there.  But one guy actually told me not to, that people around here just leave his stuff alone.  So my current rule is: I take any wallet or keys that seem abandoned to lost and found . . . except his.

My Story "Returning The Favor" Available - Warning: Idaho!

I recently put out a Lara & The Witch story called "On Your Side," which I believe I mentioned was a sort of two-parter*, even though I decided they're distinct enough to release separately.

In this tale, the time has come for Old Widow Holcomb to pay back another witch for a favor she did her.  She takes Lara on a road trip to find a mushroom . . . the magical (and impossible-to-find) Cordobese bone fungus.  Who knows what they do, but they taste great on pizza!

If you'd like to read it, check it out HERE.

*Enough that I nearly called this story "On Your Side: One Year Later" instead of its own thing.

I Narrate "The Oval Portrait" On Journey Into...

Hey there, sir, would you take a look at that portrait there?  What shape would you say it is?  Not a circle, exactly, but definitely not a square or rectangle.  Hmmm.

The other day, I sat down to record some audio (I finished another reading of a Lara & The Witch story), when I got a text from Marshal Latham, reminding me it was Poe Month on his podcast.*  He was thinking of running "The Gold Bug" again (Princess Leia forbid), and I told him I could record something.  While I waited for his reply, I did a search for Edgar Allan Poe stories, and found "The Oval Portrait," which I had never read.  It was short, so maybe I could record and edit it in time.

A minute later, I got the message from Marshal, "How about The Oval Portrait?"

Well, it was Karma, I suppose, so I quickly performed the story, got it edited, and sent to Marshal the same day.  Like I said, it's real short.

So, the newest episode of Journey Into... is up and available.  Feel free to check it out HERE, and feel free-er to go HERE and support Marshal's fine podcast on Patreon.  Tell 'em Large Marge sent ya.

*To all who celebrate.

How Much Horror Is Enough?

(I covered this in my New Year's episode, but since I went to the trouble of typing it up . . .)

Well, just turning on the news is too much horror, but as far as horror movies go, this is what I watched in 2025.  I had set a goal of seeing fifty horror movies in that year (and I'll set it again for this year), so here's how I did:

 13.  Watch 50 Horror movies (149 films total)

-1.  Nosferatu (2024)*

-2.  Village of the Damned (1960)*

-3.  Children of the Damned (1964)

-4. 13 Ghosts (1960)

-5.  Hell's Trap (1989)

-6.  Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984)

-7.  Food of the Gods (1976)

-8.  The Ghost Ship (1943)

-9.  The Leopard Man (1943)*

-10.  Talk To Me (2022)*

-11.  Heart Eyes (2025)*

-12.  The Monkey (2025)

-13.  The Monster of Piedras Blancas (1959)

-14.  The Thing From Another World (1951)*

-15.  Squirm (1976)

-16.  Sinners* (2025)

-17.  The Conjuring  (2013)

-18. Until Dawn (2025)

-19.  Frogs (1972)

-20.  Final Destination Bloodlines* (2025)

-21.  IT! The Terror From Beyond Space (1958)

-22.  The Monster That Challenged The World (1957)

-23.  Annabelle (2014)

-24.  28 Years Later (2025)*

-25.  Fantasy Island (2020)

-26.  M3GAN 2.0

-27.  Planet of the Vampires (1965)

-28.  Daughters of Darkness (1971)

-29.  House of Whipcord (1974)

-30.  I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025)

-31. Dead of Night (1945)

-32.  Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)

-33.  Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo (1977)

-34.  Weapons (2025)*

35.  Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)

36.  Jaws (1975)*

37.  The Conjuring 2 (2016)

38.  Transylvania Twist (1989)

39.  Jurassic World: Rebirth (2025)

40.  The Dungeonmaster (1984)

41.  Kill, Baby, Kill (1966)

42.  Ants/It Happened At Lakewood Manor (1977)

43.  Annabelle Creation (2017)

44.  The Savage Bees (1976)

45.  Terror Out Of The Sky (1978)

46.  The Bees (1978)

47.  Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

48.  Black Phone 2 (2025)*

49.  The Cabin In The Woods (2011)*

50.  Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982)

51.  The Nun (2018)

52.  The Woman In The Yard (2025)

53. Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

54. The Birds (1963)*

55.  Five Nights At Freddy’s (2023)

56.  Willy’s Wonderland (2021)

57.  Jaws 2 (1978)

58.  The Curse of La Llorona (2019)

59.  Anaconda (2025)

60.  The Incubus (1982)  

(*Denotes particularly good, underline denotes seen before)

How did you do last year? If you watched more than twenty horror films, between you and me, you have a problem.