FixFlix 1

So, not long ago, my cousin got one of those CleanFlix DVD editor machines, where you put in a disc of, say, Disney's HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME, and it cuts out the "Hellfire" song. Or you put in TITANIC and there's no painting scene.* Or you put in SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION and the cursing and buggery is removed. Or you put in BASIC INSTINCT, and it's suddenly twenty-three minutes long.

I don't know how many hours of fun he had playing his movies and seeing what edits were made by some faceless Mormon board of censors, but he'd heard that if you played TERMINATOR in it, then John Connor was created through immaculate conception, so he wanted to borrow my T1 and T2.

I told him no, told his wife no, and then, when I was in the bathroom, he opened my DVD cabinet and took them himself.

He later returned the DVDs, and I believe he returned the player, and that was the end of it. I never asked him how his experience was because, well, I don't give a rodent's posterior, but I've always been curious as to what gets taken out and what gets left in in movies if you stick 'em in one of those players. Then, due to a conversation I was having with Jeff yesterday, I thought I would give it a try myself.

Oh, I didn't buy one of those censor machines, no sir. I just drew up a little cartoon to let my imagination go to work. So, enjoy!
Rish DaVinci Outfield

*I nearly said, "Or you put in E.T. and it takes out all the weapons," but then I realized that all DVDs do that.