Sunday, January 15, 2006

Lucky Enough For Now

Jaunary 13th, 2006

Day two of the pre-Golden Globes luncheon get-together giveaway spectacular was very similar to day one. I left a couple of hours earlier, still missed my turn and had to drive around until I realised my mistake, and parked in roughly the same place. When I arrived, most of the booths were just setting up, so I had a few minutes to look things over. Mostly, it was products for the very rich that serve no practical use, such as a forty-five dollar cloth dog collar.

Since I knew the day would be longer, it was with gritted teeth that I put on the thick costume and stifling head again. Due to yesterday's soreness, I started out in pain, and gradually eased into discomfort. I didn't suffer so much that I had to "go to my happy place," but I did have to concentrate on breathing and avoiding back and neck pain by reminding myself that in a few hours it would be over and I would never have to do this again.

I had been told that today would be much busier and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was hoping to meet some A-list stars (or even some B-listers, why not). And it was a little busier than on Thursday, but not overly so. There were, however, even more hot chicks this time, though not as many celebrities as they led me to believe. Mostly soap and reality program personalities, as well as lower-tier actors on shows like "CSI," "Prison Break," "House," and "Entourage."

Two implausibly-cute sisters came over and posed with me. I put my arm around one of them and because I couldn't feel anything in my oversized hands, I didn't realise where my left hand was. Her sister laughed and mentioned, after the picture had been taken, that I had my hand on her breast. Apparently the girls, Courtney and
Ashley Peldon, are part-time actresses and full-time socialites, but to their credit, are much more attractive than the other two sister socialite teams.

A huge Maori-type guy came by and instead of posting with me, scooped me into his arms. When he said his name, I recognised him as Sala Baker, who played various parts in the LORD OF THE RINGS movies. He was very cool, but in picking me up, he popped part of my headpiece off, so I had to go back and adjust it again.

It was an ordeal to get back to where I could fix the head, since they decreed that I wasn't to be seen without my head on (I guess that would spoil the magic for the three children that made their way through there each day). Every time, I had to be led out of our room through the doorway, out of the salon, and down the hall to where the waiting room was (my visibility was so bad that when I tried walking through alone, I hit my head on doorways and tripped over a bed).

In examining the head, I discovered another tab that had been loose the whole time, causing further discomfort and awkwardness. Once I snapped it into place, the damn thing was much more comfortable than it had been.

Hilary Duff's sister Haylie came over and hugged me. Had I known who her sister was, I might have hugged her longer.

Because I couldn't take my head off in public, the people who came to the back room or saw me after the show were surprised by my actual appearance and were vocal about it. It was as if someone saw the STAR WARS Prequels and, in doing the math, were shocked that Darth Vader was not a forty-five year old Hayden Christensen when he took the mask off,* but instead, a feeble, crusty old white man. Luckily, they didn't treat me like I was the Elephant Man or the Phantom of the Opera and most of them were very sympathetic to my situation.

There was one guy, though, who took five or so pictures of me with the mask on, then followed me and took . . . jeez, maybe thirty pictures with the mask off. Heck, it might have been more than that, since he filled his digital memory with it. He told me he was going to use one of the pictures for his St. Patrick's Day card, which makes sense.

Wait a minute, St. Patrick's Day cards??

Back on the floor, Andy Dick came along and took pictures with me twice. I'm not sure what level a celebrity he is.

Finally, it was breaktime. I went into the waiting room, sat on the couch, and took off my outfit. I started eating my lunch, when suddenly, one of the Lucky Charms girls ran in exclaiming, "Quick, get your suit back on; Adrian Brody is here!"

So I did. I hurriedly stuck everything back on and waddled out in front of the booth again.

Adrian Brody, Oscar-winner and star of KING KONG 2005, took one look at me and said, "No, I don't want a picture with Lucky." Then he walked away.

He was the biggest star to go in there today, unless you count Tori Spelling.

Brody was also one of only two people who wouldn't come to our booth or be in a picture. The other was Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He wouldn't come over because he claims he doesn't eat sugar. I considered asking him if he ate blood, sex, or magik, but he couldn't have heard me in the leprechaun head anyway.

I did see Jeff Daniels, who was in DUMB AND DUMBER, a fine film, and told him so.

There's really not tons to tell about my experience. I went into much detail with yesterday's post, and I don't feel like spending much more time to basically say, "It was more of the same." If more comes to me later, maybe I'll stick it in here, but it really was more of the same: standing, sweating, posing, hugging, and waiting.

Last to show was the illegally attractive girl who plays Pocahontas in the new Terence Malik film. Her name is unpronouncable, let alone spellable**, so I just called her Pocahontas. She didn't seem to have a problem with that and was very sweet. Unfortunately, by the time she came by to eat some cereal, my superiors told me I could head for the changing room, and I didn't argue.

I was given some of the free stuff from other booths, as well as all the Lucky Charms I could eat (which is six boxes, I believe), and people were very cool to me, which I appreciate. In the spirit of full disclosure, which I'm sure you demand, I did tell them if they needed help in future promotions to give me a call. Famous last words?

Rish "Charmed" Outfield

*And that's generous math, imagining that Luke and Leia are already twenty by the time STAR WARS begins.
**It's Q'Orianka Kilcher, if you must know.

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