Rish Outcast 318: The Last Christmas

For the holiday episode this year, Rish presents his story "The Last Christmas."  Jason finds a box on his doorstep, presumably a present for him . . . but it's one that will change everything.  Enjoy?

Note: we'll postpone Episode 317 to next time.

Download the file directly by Right-Clicking HERE.

Support me on Patreon HERE!

Logo by Gino "The Lost Christmas" Moretto.

From The Tropical Zone of Hoth

This December has been unbelievably warm.  It got into the fifties last week, the week before Christmas, which was warm, but not the hottest on record.  This week, however, it got into the mid-sixties (sixty-five on Christmas Eve!), which is the hottest on record, not just for Christmas week, but for the entire month of December.  While that is nice for me, who can still go to work without a jacket or go jogging at eleven at night, it's an ominous sign for the future, and devastating to those who want a white Christmas.

The last time I went to the cabin, there was snow there, though it was melting (it's always fun to hear the big chunks break off and slide off the metal roof--and you can hear it happening from the other nearby cabins all around), and I thought to grab some Snowtroopers and the GI Joe HISS Tank Big got for me so that I could turn it into a snow vehicle for the Empire.

I won't go into the work that I put into painting a black vehicle grey, or how it never looked right to me and I should've just gone with white*, but I'm happy I was able to put the vehicle out as the sun was low in the sky (I got low to the ground too, at least as low as I was able without laying down), and get a photo in the snow.  So, here you go:

I might try it again when we next get snow--there are new Snowtroopers that are ultra-poseable and still have all their weapons, maybe I'll grab a couple of them for photos instead of selling them (which is why I ordered them in the first place).  We'll see.

*Hasbro recently announced a white and red repaint of their big HISS Tank, and it looks really good.

Don't Go Beyond The Oakline!

There was a contest not too long ago, where they were taking submissions with the theme of The Deep, Dark Woods.  I thought I'd write about my childhood, and my father telling me not to go past the line of oaks beyond the end of our property, where there were deep, dark woods.  He continually told me not to go there, but would not tell me why.*

I like this cover a lot, mostly because I took the silhouette of a human figure and
shrunk it way down for the center of the image . . . and it kind of looks like it belongs.

So, here's a story I ended up renaming "Beyond The Oakline" (assuming others would call their yarns "The Deep, Dark Woods"), where I imagine what would have happened had I, at age nine, defied my old man and gone exploring up there one August afternoon.

Is it a great story?  Well, it certainly lost the contest (though they mentioned it made it to the second round of competition).  Do I continue to write pieces like this because I still have daddy issues and occasionally wonder why if we might have come to some understanding between us had he lived?  Only two ways to find out--one of which is to read the story HERE. 

*My father was big on the "Because I said so" philosophy.

Jonathan Wilson Does What I Fail To Do

I probably mentioned Jonathan Wilson's YouTube channel on here before, but let me mention it again.  He's fallen in love with the art of storytelling (including writing and narration) and has started putting out his work on YouTube.*

He's put together this channel, with the intention of sharing more of his narrations, and asked me if I wanted any of my narrations on there as well.  Now, I have wanted to do this for a decade now, and even tried it a couple of years ago, managing to put a half dozen or so videos on YouTube, despite only being capable of the most rudimentary video-making achievements . . . and then when my P.O.S. computer died, I wasn't even capable of that anymore.

I have, no exaggeration, between two and three hundred audio files that I have made over the years, split fairly evenly between the work of other writers (generally what I put out on The Podcast That Dares Not Speak Its Name) and my own (what I released on the Outcast, and to a lesser extent, on the Dunesteef).  I would love to put out a file or two a month, since YouTube is so visible and so popular, but I simply haven't the time or resources to do it.**  So, the fact that Jonathan is willing and able is a huge boon to me, and I hope many folks discover his work, and along the way, mine as well.

I sent him several of my readings, all but one old public domain ghost stories I had run on The Podcast That Dares.  The other one he deemed not quite ready for Prime Time, and I'll defer to his judgment there. 

Among the first of his released videos is my performance of "The Voice In The Night" by William Hope Hodgeson, and it's essentially the image of a lantern while my audio plays behind it.  But that's just fine, and makes me want to go to the library some Tuesday and do one of my own.  It's an excellent story, so do yourself a favor and listen to it again by clicking HERE.

*If you recall, he experimented with generative AI, making animations or images to go with his work which, creepy though it may be, I was very impressed with.

**There's never enough time in the day, and even when I had a movie-making program available to me, I didn't feel it was worth spending an hour or so to put out one of my readings, or the three or four hours it would take me to put out an actual video.  Sadly, I did sit down and record a couple that never saw the light of day, and that's an even bigger waste of time, wouldn't you agree?

Rish Performs "The Cat That Went To Uranus" on Cast of Wonders

So, another of my readings is available for you to listen to.  This one is "The Cat That Went To Uranus," by Dan Peacock.  Yeah, the story with THAT word in it.  It's over at the Cast of Wonders podcast now.

Two astronauts, on their way to investigate what might be an alien spacecraft near the planet Uranus, discover there's a third passenger on their ship . . . a black cat called Scoopy.

In editing my reading, I questioned the voice I assigned the main character (if it's set today, no way would a NASA mission have a commander with an English accent), but the story's author is OBVIOUSLY not American, by the words, spelling, and phraseology he uses, and things sounded more natural with that accent*, so that's the choice I made.

I did two other voices for the other human characters, as well as meowing for the cat, and my own made-up language for the remaining character.  Feel free to check it out HERE.

*Can you imagine if the American actors in THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING had retained their filthy Yank accents while delivering that odd pseudo-medieval dialogue?

Not A Last Christmas, But "The Last Christmas"

So, here's the holiday story I wrote last year, "The Last Christmas," available for you to buy or give a bad review to . . . or preferably both.

Another great cover by Big Anklevich.

It tells of Jason Baumgarten, who discovers a present outside his apartment door, one without a name or return label on it.  Inside is a strange object and a note with a single word . . . "remember."  And remember he will.  

It's pretty good . . . high praise, coming from me.  You can check it out HERE . . . if you dare.

Oh, because it's the holidays, let me share with you the other cover Big made for me.  It's very similar (though it has fewer legs), but I thought you might be interested in seeing it.

A much better cover for the story than the story itself . . . but isn't that often the case?

"On Your Side" Is A New Lara Demming Story (sort of)

I'm doing my best to get publishing again.  In fact, I ought to crank-start my microphone and record another story right now (instead of blogging, I mean).  But first, let me mention that I put out another Lara and the Witch story, this one called "On Your Side."

I told Big I wanted the text to look like it had been carved in there, and holy Shenk, he pulled it off!

This story is only significant in that it introduces two characters that show up later, and establishes that Holcomb owes another witch, Calpernia Shenk, a favor.*  Other than that, it's just a little Mother's Day piece I wrote to get myself in the Lara & The Witch mindset.  And it worked.

As for whether the story itself is any good, I suppose the only way to find out is to go HERE and, you know, find out.

*One that will be called in a year later, in a story I wrote immediately after this one.

Rish Outcast 316: Door Number Three 2

 ...and the story continues. Here I present the 2025 portion of the story "Door Number Three," written after considering the original ending unsatisfying/unsatisfactory.

Afterward, I'm including the original second half of the first episode, where I talk about what I would do differently if I wrote the tale now (ultimately redundant, since I went ahead and did it). Sorry(ish).

If you wish to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you wish to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Door Number Pee" Moretto.

My Voice In Journey Into's "Daydream"

You remember that story I wrote about the man who meets the dog-faced boy at a secret circus? Well, it was one of the finalists of Marshal Latham's diabolical Journey Into Journey contest, and now, if you like, you can check out the other winning story, "Daydream," by R.C. Anderson.

Now, I haven't read the whole story yet, so I can't say how good (or great) it is. But Marshal asked me if I would perform one of the characters, as Bria Burton narrates all the rest.

I voice King Eric, an older man who is dying in a world that he designed. And it was enough of a challenge that I had to try to come up with a voice for this guy, then try to make it consistent when he is emotional, scared, weakening . . . and singing a song. I had the advantage of getting a bit sick and going ahead and recording before I'd recovered 100%. 

Did I succeed? Does it just sound like my regular voice? And more importantly, will you even notice? Find out HERE.

The Scariest Book

You sometimes see weirdness in the public library--for example, a dude just walked by with the exact same haircut Randy Quaid had in that Farrelly Brothers movie KINGPIN.  And that reminded me of something I had meant to post the other night.

This is a dumb story, but I like it when I have something for my blog, even a dumb thing like this.  I was closing on Friday, the librarians had gone home, and one of the last things I do is walk through the library to check that the emergency door is secured (it has an alarm on it, so I don't imagine it ever isn't locked).

Do you see what I see?

And on this night, I was on my way through when I spied--or thought I spied--someone looking at me from one of the aisles.  My blood went cold as I stopped in my tracks and looked over again . . . and yes, there was a guy standing behind the book trolly, looking my way.

I took a step in that direction, and of course, it was just Harlan Coben, up to his old tricks.  One of his books had been placed there in such a way that, well, see for yourself.

As I said, it was no big thing.  But I had been warned that Coben was a vindictive man, and then I went and said that the two books I read by him had the exact same plot.  

Is it too late to apologize?

Rish Outcast 315: Door Number Three 1

Rish shares a story from many years ago about a babysitter that discovers a new door in the hallway. It was meant to be a single episode, way back in March or April . . . but then it mutated.

Just like your sister-in-law.

Remember, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

Don't forget, you can support my Patreon by clicking HERE.

Logo by Gino "Dork Number Three" Moretto.

An Exercise In Numbers

I know I just posted my Exercise chart for the year a month ago, but I guess I had to get on here and boast about how I did in the month of November, at least as far as jogging goes.

This represents how I've done so far, and if you look at November, I exceeded my goal of 25 days by four, meaning there was only a single day in the whole month that I didn't go on my little run.  That's rather remarkable, and it was partly due to realizing that I was on a streak and didn't want to break it.

Plus, if you look at my goal for the year, I have already exceeded it, which seems like something a high-functioning person would do, not somebody like me.  Anyway, I just wanted to post it here before I failed to replicate it in December.