More Cover Wrongness

So, I recently posted that "Not Every Cover Is Art" blog post, where I showed some of the mistakes A.I. has created for me, in pursuit of cool covers for my stories.

Last time, I mentioned trying to get one of the Grim Reaper with a baby, and hey, I still have the images.

Now, that's just gross.

I like the Reaper, but those hands . . .

This one is really good . . . except for the flesh hands (and extra fingers).

Ummm . . .

For my story "A Gallon A Day," I asked for a woman drinking a gallon of water.

This one's close to fine, actually, except for the little Quatto hand . . .
which I could probably erase if I really liked the rest of it (which I don't).

Same woman, but new oddness.  Please note the monster-like claw
and some kind of futuristic water/breathing apparatus (and extra thumbs).

This feels like one of those Count How Many Things Are Wrong With This Pictures,
from the glass sort of in her mouth to the extra hand  to the water itself (what is going on there?). 
At least she has the correct number of fingers.  Do you?

This is the one that decided me to just remove the girl altogether.  The popsicle/water dispenser is neat,
but the gallon of water looked pretty enough by itself that it's what I went with for the real cover.

Here's another try for a "Friends in Paradise" cover.

It doesn't really work--but if she were turned toward the huge wasp, I might have used it.

Another attempt of a baby reaching out to someone.

Like the poster said, "For God's sake, get out!"

I asked for a doll dressed in black, wearing a veil.

You know, that Sydney Sweeney really is something after all.

This one isn't so bad, really.  It was supposed to be a teen girl hanging a banner in a high school hallway.

But look more closely.  How many things can you see wrong with this image?

For example, her hand is bent the wrong way.

And of course, the weird lettering (which seems unavoidable with English text, at least for now).

Her face is almost normal . . . just a little beestung.

The hallway is awfully narrow and compact, but I do like the reflection of her feet on the floor.

Wait, is someone sort of standing behind her in the hall there?

I wasn't kidding before: get out!!!

Think On Your Sins

One of the goals I set for May 2024 was to finally write--and finish--my Ben Parks story "Sins of a Sidekick."  YEAAAAAARS ago (I think it was 2018), I wrote another installment of the series, called "A Sidekick To Miracles," and while I was writing it, I thought, "Gee, there's room for two stories between Sidekick's Journey and this one."*  So, I made reference in "Miracles" to an experience Ben had with a Reverend Elias, and logged it for possible future use.  It's something I've learned to love about writing series, leaving breadcrumbs that I could come back and pick up one day, if I ever decided to.

Unfortunately, I made the choice, years back, to wait to publish "Miracles" until after I'd published "Sins," which I did start on, back in 2019 or 2020 . . . but then abandoned it, which meant that the story I'd actually finished never went anywhere either.  Sigh.

Cut to 2024.  Big Anklevich is writing like he's in port for only one more night, and is apt to lose the use of his wiener once he's back aboard his ship, and I can't help but feel like I ought to do something other than sleep, run around the block, and criticize people who want to see BEETLEJUICE 2.  I wrote "A Sidekick's Journey" (the best installment in the series so far) in 2015, and I decided enough was enough, and that I ought to get back on the horse (so to speak) and finish "Sins of a Sidekick."

But saying I'll do something and actually doing it are two different things.

I have had a heck of a time finding the strength to write this story, partly because it's a Western and I'm out of practice (it's easier to write about small town 21st Century America than 19th Century small town America) and because so boring.  I struggled the first time with writing this story because I didn't want to spend ten thousand words sitting on a homestead with Ben Parks, wishing he were someplace else.

But that's the story I set out to write, and I've written probably eight or nine thousand of those words . . . and then I can get to the fun part.  And then the super fun part, where I write those two glorious words.

This is preliminary artwork--what do you think?

Right now, the story is sitting at 17,851 words, so, maybe 3/4ths of the way there.  Sins notwithstanding, wish me luck.

*"Sins" begins with Ben coming back from a final adventure with Lorelei Skruggs, the female gunslinger he met in "Journey," though the details of that adventure are not revealed.

Podcast That Dares 48: Our Lady of the Shadows

In a nearly-lost episode, Rish performs "Our Lady of the Shadows," by Tony Richards.  An American in Paris encounters a helpful, friendly guide . .  but is he friendly?  Or helpful?  Or a guide?

Warning: Bad French.

Note: This was recorded before I had been to Europe, in case that seems incongruous.

To download this episode, Right-Click HERE. 

To support Rish on Patreon, click HERE. 

 Logo by Gino "Slim Shady of the Shadows" Moretto.

Missing Bracelet Found!

A year or so back, I posted that I was going to sit down and record "The Case of the Missing Bracelet," but the file was incomplete.  I ended up having to cobble it together from the daily blog posts I was saving to my old laptop, which I wrote at the cabin with no internet.  And by the time I had what I assumed was a complete file, I just went on to the next thing, not recording it at all.

But more than a year later, I sat down and got the work done, which didn't seem like so much work when it's something I care about, and the story is out and available.  It's another Lost & Found series story, and while it's the least consequential one, it at least let me catch up with Will Choner and Beth Vance ("...and the rest," as the song goes) for a bit, enough that I followed it up with a longer, more significant story, which I ought to put out soon.*

In this story, a sexy fellow student asks Bethany Reilly to have Treasures Regained track down her missing bracelet.  She may not be on the up and up, but of course Will Choner still goes after it.

I am loathe to promote my own stuff (when I get to Hell, I will probably be assigned as a publicist to someone like Justin Bieber or Kid Rock or Kanye West, and I dread that as much as the whole fire and brimstone and verbally-abusive demons aspect of the afterlife), but feel free to go to THIS LINK and grab a copy of it.  Or don't . . . some bracelets weren't meant to be found.

*But probably won't.

Not Every Cover Is Art, Kids

 I just wanted a chance to post some of the unacceptable images I've created for covers over the past two months.  Many suck, indeed, over half, but usually in a boring way.  Those I just ignore and forget about.  But every once in a while (let's say, 20% of the time*), the image is so awful or ghastly, that I save it, so that I never forget.

Take this, for example:

I've started small.  There's not REALLY anything horrible or wrong here.  Except for the shadows.  And, uh, what is that on the right?  That's a specter, isn't it?  And the little girl doesn't seem right--like, is there something covering her face?  Hmmm.

For my story "Troubled Child," I wanted a baby reaching for an old woman in a wheelchair.  It absolutely refused to do that, no matter how nicely I asked, so I told it to just create me a baby reaching out.  Simple, right?

The baby looks great, really . . . except for . . . oh my Lord.

This is actually a good image for a cover...

...except I told it I wanted an old witch reaching out her hand in a forest.

This was a cover I tried to do for my story "The Scottish Scene" (which still needs a new cover).  I asked for a witch standing in a high school hallway.  And it gave me . . . well, yeah.

I quite like this one, actually.  I told it I wanted an image of the Grim Reaper holding a baby (oh crap, it did so many terrible ones, with a baby Grim Reaper or a Reaper holding a mutant baby with two heads.  Do I still have those?  Hmm.  Remind me to look for them and post another one of these in a month or so), and finally, I just said, "Okay, forget that, give me the Grim Reaper standing in a mirror."  I thought it would give me Death reflected before a dude in a bathroom or something, but it created a side-view mirror instead.  And that didn't fit for my story, as cool as it turned out.

This one wasn't even A.I., but just met trying to create two hands reaching for a piece of pizza (for my story "Pizza Triangle," which I would've released this month, if I weren't so lazy*).

No, it's not very good, but you don't know these things until you try them.

I love this one.  No notes.

This one is endlessly upsetting to me.  Man.

I've really been struggling to get an image (for my tale "Roll with the Changes") of a young woman raking leaves.

This isn't bad, except . . . is that a giant spatula?

It really struggles with the concept of rakes.

Is that a hose, or what?

Maybe she's just gluing leaves to the end of a stick or something.

My dog, that's a lot of leaves.

I don't hate it . . . except the mini-rake seems to be growing OUT of her hand.

This one is almost alright, except for . . . those aren't rakes--what are they??

I just included this one as a jump-scare.

This one is closer . . . except for the rake and something is off with
her face (couldn't she just be looking a tiny bit more away
from the camera, so you couldn't see her CG-deformity?).

The rake is fine--but she's wearing jeans and a skirt . . . and her face is even more WRONG than the last.

This one is as close to perfect as I've gotten.  The girl is both pretty
and yet concerned, she has the correct number of fingers . . .
but what is she doing with her hands?  I really should just let this one slide.

What the hell, man?

I still haven't found an image for "Roll with the Changes" that satisfies me.  But it costs me nothing to keep on trying.

You, however, have already paid too high a price.

*Which is too much, but this technology is still very new, and still amazing for what it is.

**I keep telling myself, "Tonight I'm going to sit down and record that story."  And then I don't.  Rinse and repeat.

Rish Outcast 280: Ten Thousand Coffins 4

Rish finishes up his "Ten Thousand Coffins" reading. The Dawn Breaks is pretty big, but there's only room on the ship for either Brooklyn Lisst or the Ledouceur creature.

Afterward, Rish answers half a question from Abbie Hilton, and talks about where the story could go from here.

Note: The sound gets a bit rough before the end . . . but hey, you knew that going in.

Be a sport and download the episode by Right-Clicking HERE.

To support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Just Two Coffins, Jacob: One For You, One For Me" Moretto.

The eff is this, you ask?  Well, I told A.I. to show me a vampire aboard a starship,
and it misunderstood the assignment.  But still, watch your language.

R.I.P. Roger Corman

Over at the Outfield Excursions podcast, Marshal Latham and I have reviewed a handful of movies, but there has been one director we've gone back to again and again, and that is Roger Corman.  Corman, often known as the King of the B-s, was one of the greats of the 20th Century, directing, then producing more films than we could ever possibly review (although we never did get to WASP WOMAN, Corman's 1959 "hit").

Corman died this week, at the ripe age of 98.  

You know who Corman was, right?  Director of the Vincent Price Poe Cycle of movies, the man who gave a start to Ron Howard, Francis Ford Coppola, Jack Nicholson, Joe Dante, Dennis Hopper, Jonathan Demme, Martin Scorsese, and James Cameron.  The man who produced more schlock than, jeez, anybody I can think of.

But I appreciate schlock myself.

I'm reminded of the summer between my Junior and Senior years at college, when those of us in the Film program who weren't getting married that summer, volunteered to be interns in Los Angeles, to be placed (at random) at a variety of different companies and businesses, to get experience, make contacts, and in my case, run a Xerox machine for hours at a time.

I was placed with a low- to mid-level talent agency, which I do not disparage (at the end of the summer, they offered me a full-time job there, and I always wonder what would've happened had I taken it, instead of coming back the next year and being told they had no position for me or even memory of my time there).  But the point is, one of our group (not me, unfortunately) was placed with Roger Corman's company, Concorde/New Horizons.  At the end of our days/weeks, the group of interns would get together and talk about what sorts of things we had done that week, and Erik, that one guy, told mind-boggling stories of Corman's company making him work on actual productions, doing whatever had to be done, including playing a henchman who had to tie Michelle Lintell to a chair.  Poor guy absolutely hated that.*

Anyhoo, the man died, and I should have written more . . . except I never met the man, and he was finished directing movies by the time I was an adult who could recognize any director's body of work other than Spielberg (and Hitchcock, I suppose).  But he made a huge mark, and to my surprise, he got an honorary Oscar in 2009, for his mark on cinema and encouraging filmmakers who went on to much greater things.

Like Jim Wynorski, famed director of SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE 2 and 3 (which are the same movie, just in different locations).  Oh, and a remake of WASP WOMAN.  Hmmm.

*Am I exaggerating?  No, if anything, I'm underselling it.  He bitched about working on an actual set (as an unpaid P.A., sure, but still), with lights and makeup and fight choreography and everything, while the rest of us had to learn how to get coffee and replace toner cartridges in copy machines.

Progress On The Female Front

One of the goals I set for myself in May is to get the Female Protagonist audio collection published.  And believe me, it's waaaaaaaaaaay more work than just doing the text version (even a paperback text version).*  Some of the files are old, and have to be leveled and noise-reduced.  For some reason, I included Author's Notes at the end of the stories (most of them, anyway), and a few of those I hadn't recorded before, so I have to sit down, record them, clean them up, edit them, and then upload them.

But there's a palpable thrill I get seeing the total runtime go up and up and up.  It happened when I reached two hours, happened on three, and I imagine it'll happen on four (and five and maybe six, who knows how long we'll get here?).

I've found two typos in the Author's Notes (should that be capitalized?), and I'll go ahead and fix those in the digital version, but I don't know that I will for the print versions--who even reads A Word About The Story at the end?

Here's my current screenshot of progress:

More than halfway there.  I think can do this.  Just pretend you'll buy it, and I'll work faster.

*I originally typed "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay," but didn't want to be childish.

Another Day, Another Gallon

A couple of years ago, I read an article about a woman who drank a gallon of water a day for an entire month.  It totally changed her life for the better, and in the end, she threw water (for lack of a better term) on the whole thing by proclaiming she was glad the month was over and she'd never have to drink water again.

It pissed me off enough to write this story, "A Gallon A Day," which is available o'er on Amazon.  It gives the month-long blog posts of Catherine Reilly, who tries drinking a gallon of water, as difficult as it is, every day for the month of April.  And it really does change her life . . . in increasingly impressive ways.*  I'm not sure how successful the story is, but it was really fun putting myself in the shoes of a made-up stranger for thirty-one fake blog entries, something I'd enjoy trying again one day.  Check out the story HERE!

P.S. I did record an audio version of this one, but though it's quite well done, it'll only be available in the Female Protagonist audio collection, available soon.

*I originally was going to write it from a male point-of-view (to make it less like a copy/parody of the actual woman's experience), but feared it would grow tiresome after having sex with eight to twelve co-workers, strangers, and supermodels throughout.  I still wonder how different that would have been from the woman's perspective.

Uh Oh, Now I'm Committed

Or should be, anyway. 

I keep sending Big possible cover art for stories I've written, to see how they'd look.  Some have been so-so, some have been horrible abominations*, but some are rock-solid.

This one, though, that he just sent back to me, gives me pause:

This isn't the exact image he sent me, because I tried
 pasting a new mushroom into his hands, then
accidentally hit Save.  The sentiment's the same, though.

You see, it's one of many I've sent him and then dismissed, because it would be for a story, "Accept No Substitutes," that I haven't written yet.  It was the first of three Lara & the Witch story ideas I came up with in 2023, and the only one I haven't turned into a finished tale.  

In it, Lara Demming gets a new substitute teacher (for Mr. Seckler's Science class) and there's something sinister about him, something that sets off her admittedly-limited supernatural alarm bells.  Turns out, he's someone (or something) Old Widow Holcomb is familiar with, and happens to be  much more powerful than she is.  

Gosh, it sounds so good when I logline it that way.  But I never wrote it, only the first chapter or so (it's got to have a happy ending, right?  And not contradict the other stories I've written in the series, so I need to figure out where it's going before I just strongarm my way through it).

But now that Big has sent me this quite-excellent cover image (the original image had him holding an apple, but I like blue mushrooms), I feel like I'm semi-committed to.  If Big were to, say, send it to me again with the title, byline, and "A Lara & The Witch Story," I'd absolutely HAVE to write it.

Hint, hint.

*I've written an entire post with images like this one, of a young woman raking leaves:

Don't make me angry, Mr. McGee...

Or this one, of a teen girl hanging a banner in a high school hallway:

Well, that's sort of right.

Rish Outcast 279: Under the Covers 2

Rish and Big Anklevich move into the Skynet era, as they talk about using A.I. to create (and replace) their story covers. 

They talk about a dozen or so covers, and their struggles to improve them.  Check out THIS PAGE of the blog to see the various images (or https://rishoutfield.blogspot.com/2024/04/under-covers-2-images.html, if you're nasty). 

Of course, to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

Of courser, to support me on Patreon, go HERE.

Course of supporting Big on Patreon HERE.

Logo by Gino "Under The Lovers" Moretto.

Don't Know Why/There's No Sun Up In The Sky

One of my favorite stories that I've written over the years was this little thing called "Stormy Weather," about a blizzard in a small town and the mayor who tries to keep everyone safe.  It's one that turned out just as good in my hands as it seemed in my head, and I'm 95% happy with it.*

Anyhoo, this was the cover art that it had been saddled with for these past years:

And it's not bad, at least as far as my self-made covers go, though it is square instead of rectangular (but I didn't know, in those days [though I should have, since it was 2015 when I published it] that they had to be rectangular).

So, cut to 2024, when we're upgrading the covers for stories (and yeah, a couple of them are "upgrades" simply to make them all uniform), and this was one that I thought could be made more indicative of what the story was about.

But I had a computer create some art for me of a huge snow-covered turn-of-the-century house . . . then a separate image of a wrought-iron fence, but A.I. could not create both for me**

Which do you prefer?

Of course, you can go to THIS LINK and buy a copy, or also find out which version I decided to go with.

*I always wanted to expand it, add and develop a couple of characters, and put in the scene with the car stuck in the snow that I started to write then got rid of.  And who knows, maybe doubling its length that would ruin it.

**It also could not make it look like it was snowing, or in a blizzard, or in windy sleet.  But when I simply typed "Snowy sky," it could create that no problem.  It's not quiiiiiite ready to take over the world just yet.