May Sweeps - Day 485

I mentioned yesterday that I have this awful habit of absolutely NEEDING to have some meaningless bit of junk, and then, when the desire goes away, I either feel like I've dodged a bullet, or if I gave in, I have no idea why I felt like I so had to own/buy/steal that particular item.

When I was a teenager, there was this terrible Venom toy that came with a little box that, when pressed, exclaimed, "I want to eat your brain!"

I had it in my head that it would be funny to press the button over and over again.  And yeah, the first couple of times, it was amusing.  But thirty years later . . . ?

Anyway, two weeks ago, I saw this little tiny Ark of the Covenant that came out when INDY 4 was released in 2008 that I'm sure I saw at Toys R Us and elsewhere, probably on clearance, and never considered buying.  But now that it's rare and overpriced, I simply had to have it.

If you put me under hot lights, I couldn't explain why it so fascinated me, just that I thought it was cute . . . and that was enough to move heaven and earth to procure one.

And saner heads did not prevail.

Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In May: 3156

Today was Memorial Day, a holiday, and that's a good thing, because I slept way too late.  Now, I had stayed up until four or so last night, but that's my prerogative, and isn't an excuse for oversleeping twice in a week.

A new kids' park opened last week here in town, where they've created all sorts of elaborate ramps and water displays and swings and suspension bridges that were beyond the dreams of a child in my generation.  I thought I could let my nephew run loose in it, and I could sit here and write.  But three is a little too young to be left on his own, it would seem, and I don't dare get involved in anything, when I don't know if he can be trusted not to fall off something or simply to run away.

I ended up running around with him for a few minutes after that, and then taking him home.  Either I'm not much of a writer, or too good of a babysitter.

Push-ups Today: 176
Push-ups In May: 3576

I did end up going to the park (a different one--the one with the stairs) by myself a little later, taking my laptop and trying to get some writing done.  But I failed.  If I had to count the words (and I guess that I do), I'd suspect it's only around two hundred.  Or fewer.

The thing is, I don't even know how long I was there.  I was sitting at a park bench, almost-but-not-quite writing, and then, I realized I was dozing off.  Two young blondes and a (very lucky) guy were walking down the sidewalk and had said something and were laughing, and I, embarrassed, decided to pack up my things and head back to the car.  I could've been asleep for four seconds, could've been ten minutes.  And they might not even have noticed, but were laughing at something completely separate from me.  Guess I'll never know.

Words Today: 291
Words In May: 20,632

And that's it for May.  My worst month ever for words, I'll admit, but it's not a sprint, it's a marathon . . . one you're watching from the sidelines.

May Sweeps - Day 484

So, last year, I got this idea for a werewolf story (a bit of a spoiler, I guess, since the werewolves don't show up till Chapter 3) and I blogged about it briefly.  I mentioned then (and I guess am going to say it again), that it's much more of a screenplay in my mind, with that kind of structure, and a bunch of high school characters stuck on a schoolbus.

For some stupid reason, I got it into my head that I would name all the characters after names mentioned in one of my favorite Monty Python sketches, "Election Night Special."

You may or may not remember it.  I know it best from the "Live at Drury Lane" recording, but it features Tarquin Fin-tin Lim-bim Bus Stop Fatang Fatang Ole Biscuitbarrel.  This guy:

And sometimes I need to do stuff like that to entertain myself.

Sit-ups Today: 100
Sit-ups In May: 3045

The other night, I was watching a video on YouTube about the original Star Wars toys, and how there are still a small handful of characters/figures that were made in the vintage line that have never been made in the modern lines (modern being 1995 on, though it seems strange to think of a toyline from twenty-five years ago being considered "modern").  

And I discovered that, way back in the day, Kenner put out a set that included the large laser cannon that the Rebels used on Hoth.  It was called the "Turret & Probot Set."

It's primitive, and overpriced because it's forty years old.  But apparently, more recently, Target put out a set that included a much bigger one.

Not the Ion Cannon that shot a Star Destroyer, but this one:

And, for a couple of desperate hours, I simply HAD to have one.  It's a strange phenomenon, this focused need to buy something I have no use for (such as the first appearance of Klarion the Witchboy).  And I know that it will pass if I just give it time.  But many a thing I have purchased because I felt this overwhelming desire for them at the time, that I scratched my head over later.

And I don't really need to spend $150 on this:

Push-ups Today: 60
Push-ups In May: 3400

So, there's only two days left in the month, and I hadn't gone on a hike, so I chose today to do it.  And man, it was more effort than I've expended (not on the toilet) this whole year! 

It surprised me, because the last time I hiked it, it was hard work, but that was many months ago, and I've exercised every single day since then . . . and there's no improvement whatsoever.  Of course, I also weigh a lot more now than I did then, so maybe it's a wash.

I reached the end of the day, hadn't written one word (I had considered taking my laptop with me on my drive, like I did last week, but I was going to stop for ice cream--to replace the two gallons I ate during the week*--and didn't want it to melt while I wrote in the park again).  Maybe I wouldn't have written anything, but I turned on "Last Week Tonight" . . . and there was no episode this week.

This afternoon, I listened to my audio brainstorm for the werewolf story I started on yesterday, and while there was a lot there, I just don't know if it's worth getting into.  I certainly didn't want to start on it tonight (maybe I should make a list of the characters, twenty or so, and give them names and little bios, so that I can consult that as I start to kill them off--man, this should really be a screenplay instead of a story), so I sat down and thought, "What can I write, right now, as just a single one or two page story, so I can get my words done and eat some ice cream?"

I decided to write a scene where Old Widow Holcomb goes to her very first parent-teacher conference, and meets Lara's 7th or 8th Grade teacher.**  It's a very dumb story without any plot whatsoever (except for if you like it, then hey, I managed a beginning, middle, and end all in less than two thousand words!), but I always enjoy writing Lara/Holcomb stories, and this one could easily be shared in the summer sometime, to see if people like it (I keep bumping "Last Friday In December" and "Hatchling" for the next audio project to start on, mostly because I have no space on my recorder, and now I'm thinking I'll record one of the new Lara and the Witch stories to work on in June).  Stranger things have happened.

Words Today: 1253
Words In May: 20,341

*

**I saw there's an actor named Noah Jupe in the QUIET PLACE movies, and wept long and hard that his last name is so horrible.  So I decided Lara's teacher would be Mrs. Jupe.  Then, after deciding she's reserved and hyper-conservative, I changed it to Miss Jupe.

May Sweeps - Day 483

It's a holiday weekend (Memorial Day on Monday), so I figured we'd all get enlisted to go to the cabin and paint, but my brother must be on call for work (he's a lineman for the power company one town south of me) or is out doing something else.*  So, I seem to be on my own this weekend, which means writing, going to the library, probably recording audio, and--

Oh, it's the end of the month, and I haven't gone on a hike.  One of my goals was to hike every month, and even though I planned on Wednesday or Thursday to walk around the lake or see if I could find the frog pond through the woods (I could hear them from the cabin when I went out on the front deck), I either forgot to do it, or chose not to.  That means it's either today, tomorrow, or Monday.  Computer, don't let me forget.

I took my nephew for a walk this morning, because I didn't feel like working (I guess I should count my blessings that I can take a three and a half hour nap on a Wednesday and do only about an hour of work on Saturday, and not suffer for it), and we went alongside the river, which is usually pretty high this time of year (a child drowned in it two years back, so I get nervous around it), but is low due to the drought.  I mentioned that the other day, right?**

There's a tunnel--presumably for bicycles that goes under the main road and alongside the river.  I went through it with my nephew, and he didn't seem very afraid, although it is a pretty terrifying place.  I took a couple of pictures, just in case I could use them for cover art sometime, and the boy did keep referring to it as "the scary tunnel" afterward.

(not sure if this is cover art material or not)

On the way back, we were walking through it, when there came the loud sound of rushing water, and the two of us made a run for it toward daylight.  Honestly, it sounded as though a dam had burst and a torrent was going to pour down and wash us away, but when we emerged into daylight, no water followed us.  I can't really explain what would've made that sound, unless there was somehow a toilet right above us that emptied into the tunnel.  There's a pleasant thought.

Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In May: 2945

You know that picture I posted yesterday of the hot chicks all looking at their phones?  That was actually the second photo I used to exemplify teenagers nowadays.  The first one was of a group of five teenagers, four of them looking at their phones, but one of them smiling for the camera.  I posted it, was about to move on, then thought, "No, that girl on the end defeats the whole purpose."  So I trimmed her out.

I reposted the picture, but then worried, because she was black, that somebody out there (not that anybody reads my blog, but you know how it is) would think that's why she was cropped.  So I put a little caption mentioning why I had cut her out, that I wasn't like China, I just . . .

And before I could even get that far, I reconsidered.  

And I actually deleted the photo and found another one, the one with the dubiously-hot girls in it.  Sigh.

But double-sigh, now I'm worried what people will think about me referring to the previous photo as "dubiously hot chicks."  Maybe I'll post this one instead:

No way THAT would get me in trouble.

Push-ups Today: 176
Push-ups In May: 3340

I only got three hundred and fifty-nine words written yesterday.  I'm setting a goal to do better today.  By at least one word.

I didn't get much done because just as I thought of an interesting scene to start the story (a student manipulating her teacher in order to get her way), the lights flashed and they told us to leave.  I actually wrote another couple paragraphs, trying to get it all down before it was gone, but everything takes longer than you think it will, and they were saying "The library is now closed" before I got out of the building.

I was torn as to what direction to go in with the story, and called Big Anklevich to ask if I was making a mistake, but he didn't answer, so I guess I'll write what I want.  I'm the only one who'll ever read it anyway.

Words Today: 458
Words In May: 19,088

*I really know very little about my brother's habits or social life--he's got plenty of money and no one to spend it on, so you'd think he'd have a different girl in every port.  But he's also related to me and definitely looks like a brother of mine, so he could be cursed in that regard as well.  Hmm.

**We live in a desert, so there are droughts from time to time, but I've never been through one severe enough that they tell people to stop watering their lawns (they did say to water only after sundown a few years back) or washing their cars.  I wonder if this year will get that bad.

May Sweeps - Day 482

Wookiee, Muggle, CHUD.  When you reach the doorman, tell him those three words.

Back in the library today, with time to write . . . but will I?

Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In May: 2834

I've mentioned (over and over) the good feeling I have when I reach "the end" in a story, novella, or project.  It's pretty grand.  But it's a fleeting thing, because the next day, I have to write again.  Like today.  What the devil am I going to write about?  What half-finished story can I get to work on again?  What done-but-in-bad-shape story can I look over and adjust a little so it feels more complete?  What terrible idea did I have today that I could turn into a story?

Well, for the last one, it was this: a rich old man encounters a kindergarten/first grade class on a field trip, and is impressed or touched by their youth and innocence.  When he dies, a short time later, the teacher finds out that the man has left the bulk of his estate and holdings to that kindergarten class.  Hooray, they can all go to college, and support their parents, and try whatever drugs they like a few years earlier than they had planned!

However, it is stated in the will that, in order to receive all the money, the kindergarten class--every single one of them--must spend the night in the old man's spooky, infamous mansion on the hill, and not leave the premises until the sun rises the next day.  Otherwise, his millions are to be given to the state prison, in order to provide free pornography for the worst of the inmates.

Not good, eh Mom?

Push-ups Today: 50
Push-ups In May: 3164

I wasted my time at the library blogging and pasting the scenes I wrote on May 23rd into the body of the story proper.  I did do a word count on the piece as a whole (temporarily entitled "Unidentical Twins," though I'll give a Fake Sean Connery song to anybody who can come up with a better title that means the same thing), and it's sitting at 23,446 words.  That's longer than I thought it was, but will surely gain a couple thousand when I do a revision.  There are one or two ____ spots in the story, where I'll have to fill in the blank with something relevant, such as where I mention an ingredient in diet soda that is absent from regular soda, and meant to compare two different cans sometime.

As I get older, I imagine it will be harder and harder to write teenaged characters, and it upsets me to think that Layla Shonauer, the main character of this story, is actually younger than the shirt I'm currently wearing (and surely all but one of my shirts are from the 21st Century).  It's difficult to know what one of them would be aware of or care about, so I simply have to write them as human beings, and if one of them says "Cool" instead of "sick," or one makes reference to a movie from 1994 when an actual Zoomer wouldn't be caught dead watching something that old, well, I can live with that.*

I killed WAY too much time today reading about the insane (and utterly pointless) media coverage of a single negative review torpedoing PADDINGTON 2's perfect Rotten Tomatoes score (a few weeks back, someone posted a negative review of CITIZEN KANE from 1941 that knocked it from the top spot of all time, replaced by--of all things--the second Paddington film).  I read the review, I read the outcry about it (tons of people are angry, for various head-scratching reasons), and then read up on LEAVE NO TRACE, the new top film on the RT website.  I don't really understand why I would've had any interest in that, much less invested so much time reading articles about it.

(you know, seeing this image--with five Hugh Grants--makes me want to watch the film)

I didn't end up starting (or working on) any other projects today.  I simply looked mine over, and tried to identify where I had blanks or empty spaces.  I filled in a couple of paragraphs, but it wasn't much.  And then the darn library made their announcement and flickered their lights, and I got going so I could do my run before it got dark (if I run at night, I always put a light-colored shirt on so cars will/might see me, but if I run during the day, I can wear whatever).  Better luck tomorrow.

Words Today: 359
Words In May: 18,630

*At the beginning, I had the sisters reference a cute celebrity Layla used to have a crush on, and I picked Timothy Chalomet, even though I'll be DAMNED if I can spell that without looking it up (had to just now once again).  I also had Layla NOT know what a Wookiee is, though I nearly changed it to Muggle, since I figured everybody knows Chewbacca, just like I would think everybody knows what Muggles are, whether they're fans of Harry Potter or not (just like I knew a field goal was worth eight points, even though I'm not a fan of tennis).  I texted my niece and asked if a girl in high school would know what a Wookiee is, and she said no.  It makes me want to put my arm around Layla and say, "You've got so much living yet to do, little one," because I am, in every way that matters, her father.
I also asked Cathexis if she knew what a C.H.U.D. was.  She did not, and said she would watch the movie sometime.  I told her not to.  I saw it thirty-something years ago, and even then, I knew it was not good.

May Sweeps - Day 481

Well, that's better.  I woke up about six, looked around, saw it was dark on one side of the cabin, and went back to sleep.  It was so warm under the covers, after all (I have to go grab at least ten logs today and stack them by the door for next time).  But then, the next time I woke up, at seven-something, I did get up and started my day.  I've got a lot of work to do before my alarm goes off if I'm not going to feel like the slacker I did yesterday.

I went out on the back deck shortly after waking up, and found five deer out in the clearing, the same place they tended to congregate last year.  They looked at me and nervously moved on, but didn't run.  I heard another sound to my right, and looked to the next cabin over, the one on the hill.  An unbelievably old man (the same one who made all the gross sounds last year) was walking up there, wearing a wifebeater/strappy t-shirt.  I don't know if he saw me, but I saw him, and that was enough to turn me around and back in the cabin.  I scared off the deer, the old dude scared me off, a vicious cycle.

After recording last night, I sat and watched one of the movies I'd gotten from the library, figuring I'd fall asleep to it (which I didn't).  It was a Dwayne Johnson flick called CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE.  And it, well, it wasn't bad.  It wasn't great either--I think there was potential there, but it was a bit uneven.  It starred Kevin Hart as this high school superstar (prom king, student body president, star athlete, stud) who is kind to a fat, dorky kid, sort of played by The Rock.*

Cut to twenty years later, and Hart is an accountant who hates his life, he missed out on a promotion, he feels unfulfilled--he peaked too early.  It's time for his twenty year high school reunion, and he doesn't want to go, but he gets a Facebook request from a name he doesn't recognize, and when he accepts it, he gets a message from Dwayne Johnson, who has changed his name, and wants to meet him for a beer.  Hart goes, and finds that the fat, dorky kid has transformed into The Rock (and when he asked him how he did it, the reply is, "It was easy: I just worked out for six hours a day for twenty years.").  

And this is the reason I wanted to tell you this: The Rock is seriously dorky, in his speech and mannerism and dress (he wears a unicorn t-shirt, despite it bulging out like a superhero costume).  He continually refers to Hart as his best friend and/or his only friend, and I was really enjoying this nerdy, backward character unlike what we've seen Johnson do before (although he did get to flex non-physical muscles in those JUMANJI sequels he did).  

Johnson is ridiculous, but when a group of buttholes picks a fight with Hart in the bar (and these aren't just garden-variety douchenozzles, they're Trump-flag-on-the-pickup-truck-bring-a-gun-to-a-neighborhood-bar type assholes), he beats them up easily, all at the same time.  It turns out that Johnson is in the CIA (I guess), and needs Hart's help to decrypt some files, and either he's been targeted by traitors or he's a traitor himself, and now Hart's life is in danger.

It's fairly funny,** and pretty well done (although the violence is head-scratchy, no one can hit anything when it's the CIA he's shooting at, but right on the mark when it's mafia goons, though toned way down for fear of losing that divine PG-13), but the dorky, odd character we meet in the first two scenes is mostly gone for the rest of the movie, replaced by ultra-competent, tough and charming Dwayne Johnson, despite him SUPPOSEDLY really being that unpopular kid from the flashback and bar scene.  I wish they had had the guts to embrace that, to have a guy who looks like The Rock, but whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees the fat loser who was humiliated and bullied all through high school, and that's who he'll always be on the inside.  I dunno, I guess it's brave they had him wear a pink shirt and say "Gosh" for any part of the film, but they could have kept it going (his favorite movie is SIXTEEN CANDLES and he goes on and on about it, and actually reenacts a scene from it at the end.

It wasn't a bad film, but it wasn't great, and somehow that's sadder than if it had been bad.

Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In May: 2723

I edited all Big's lines into "Dying Is Easy" (and I only asked him to do about six, which I hope didn't insult him--I should've given him a big part, but I always feel weird when I ask friends to help me for free, like if I called up Gino Moretto and said, "Hey buddy, you're gonna be doing my cover art from now on!  Isn't that great news?"  After that, I wanted to start on the episode itself, but couldn't find Big's half of the conversation.  Next week, I guess.

I got asked to do another Pseudopod episode, and this one is pretty long, so I'll start on that now.

Push-ups Today: 175
Push-ups In May: 3114

So, I started editing the 200th episode of the Outcast, and in starting to splice Big's lines into my story "Dying is Easy," I realized that the line "You do good job and we will be bringing you cheeses" is maybe the dumbest thing I've ever written.  It was my attempt at a joke (a bit of an irreverant one, but an attempt to be clever on my part), and it's the perfect example of that "You have to be willing to kill your darlings" rule of screenwriting, since I fully recognize the joke does not work, but I like it too much to cut it out, so there it stays, even if nobody gets it, or people find it the opposite of funny (which is either sad or unfunny).  They say acting is all about choices.  I feel like with writing it's even more true.

As always happens at the cabin, I kept an eye on the clock and knew the time would come sooner than I planned to head for the hills (or more technically, head out of the hills).  In the past, I've always been in the middle of something, and I have to scramble to get everything packed up and/or cleaned up so I can leave before it gets dark (I don't want to have to worry about deer while driving home--although one did run in front of my car on the way TO the cabin, and that was at about three in the afternoon).

But I was so close to the end of my twin story that I forced my head down and pushed on through, typing "the end" before it was even close to dark outside.  I was happy with myself for my accomplishment, and hey, if I live to be seventy (or even older) I sure hope that good feeling still happens for me when I finish a story.  It would be nice to be able to count on that.

So, I accomplished one of my June goals ("Finish twin story"), and if I really push myself, I could accomplish another ("Title twin story").  I don't think "Unidentical Twins" is terrible, but I wish that first word sounded better--Distinguishable?" "Unequal?"  "Inexact?"  How about "Unmatching Twins?"  I'm not quite there yet.

I've no idea how long it is (maybe I'll check tomorrow), except that I know that it's too long.  AND, there are characters that show up for one scene, and are never heard from again.  If this were a screenplay, in my second draft, I'd combine the boy Layla likes in her Science class with the girl she hangs out with in the hall and goes to the mall with, just so it would be more streamlined (and the love interest character would mean more in the end***).

Words Today: 1243
Words In May: 18,271

*So, in probably the weirdest bit of the movie, it appeared to be a really fat young actor with The Rock's face digitally superimposed over it, and even Kevin Hart looked like he wasn't really Kevin Hart in a couple of shots (I can't imagine the casting call for that one: "Seeking an African-American 18 to play younger, athletic, lean, MUST BE UNDER FIVE FEET TALL").

**At one point, Johnson is trying to talk up how great Hart is and says, "You're super cool--you're like a black Will Smith!"

***Right now, he just sort of flirts with her, and then is heard no more, like a poor player fretting his hour upon the stage.  But hey, that's how romance has been for me, with a faint glimpse of brightness that turns out to be a broken bottle reflecting light . . . or worse, the shine of the scope held by a rifled sniper.

May Sweeps - Day 480

Well, I've always been a bit of a screw up, but today, I really screwed up.  I got up, got ALL my work done, packed up, drove down to have lunch with my cousin (only ten minutes or so later than I usually do on Wednesdays), ate, grabbed a couple of donuts (they're probably in my top five things in the world, up a notch from this time last year), and then drove down to the cabin.

And I started falling asleep during the drive, surprising myself because I was only one-fourth of the way there.  I did what I could to stay awake, turning off my audiobook and listening to music so I could sing along, and when I finally got to the cabin, I considered--CONSIDERED, mind you--just crashing on the couch for a few minutes.  But instead I unloaded my car (along with my own things, it had all the supplies my mom gave me to take down, lightbulbs and towels and Orange Sunkists and stuff), then set up my laptop, turned on the power and water, and sat down to edit the latest "Delusions of Grandeur" episode, which I should've turned in last week--or if I was really ambitious, the week before*--and got a few minutes in.

The cabin was cool, but not cold, actually pretty wonderful in temperature (low sixties, which of course plummeted as soon as the sun set), but I thought I'd lay down on the couch with a blanket for a moment anyway, maybe listen to a podcast for an hour (or less, if all I needed was fifteen minutes or so).  And I did . . .

. . . and woke up with the sun setting in the distance.  I scratched my head, dragged my groggy, stupid body off the couch, and realized that it had been more than an hour.  Somehow, I had slept until eight-thirty pm, and now the day was gone.

Well, I owed my 2020 self a song (which I'd been thinking about for the past month), so I grabbed my phone (which I couldn't find, and scrambled all over to locate, as the magic hour faded right outside the window), and then hopped in the car and drove up to the dam overlooking the remains of the lake** and ran--not walked--to set up my camera to sing a song as the sun--

Well, the sun had set and was just the afterglow now, so hey, I'd better get it right in the first take.

I cursed myself and my unbelievable laziness as I sang a less-than-stellar version of the greatest song ever, and then felt my hands start to freeze as it got dark and I took advantage of the wi-fi on the hill to check current events (apparently, Kick-Ass is playing Kraven the Hunter in an ill-conceived movie they're actually going forward with making***), until I couldn't stand it anymore.

Then I hightailed it back to the cabin, where it was pitch black all of a sudden, and chose to grab some wood for the fire I'd need to make if I wanted to eat and not spend the whole night shivering--and hmmm, all the wood I had stacked in the fall up against the house was gone.  It was there on Saturday, because nobody had used the cabin since the day I put it there, but my niece and her boyfriend used it on Sunday, and I guess they didn't depend on body friction to stay warm.  Sigh.

So, I don't know what I'll do.  I guess I could go down, turn on the gas, and see if I can get the heater to work, but I--

Okay, that's what I'll do.  I might as well see if I can fix that right now before it gets really cold (it's 45 outside and a nice 62 in the cabin itself).

Sit-ups Today: 100
Sit-ups In May: 2612

Well, I didn't manage it.  

My brother struggled for a long time (at least fifteen minutes) on Saturday to get the darn thing going, and I didn't see how he ultimately did it, but I turned on the gas, turned on the stove (seems like that's how he got the flow all the way to the wall heater), and then pressed the Ignitor button between fifty and sixty times before I realized I hadn't plugged it in.  So, I did so, then pressed Ignite another hundred times.  Nothing.  Not a spark, not a smell of gas, nothing.  I tried it in various different settings (even twenty times in the Off position, t'would be ironic if that had worked), and went back to trying it with the fan unplugged.  I got nothing at all, except a feeling of worthlessness, which I already had down pat for sleeping the whole day away this afternoon.

I finished editing the DoG podcast, and made myself some rice and beans and an awful little can of Chef Boyardee (I've really got to stop buying that, but it looks so good on the package), and started a fire in the fireplace, but--big surprise--it went out.

So I started it again, my hands already getting cold despite the typing, and guess what?  Yep, it went out again.  Now I'm sitting, thinking, and worried that I'm not going to get any words written today or exercise (although I kind of have to, despite wanting to come here to edit audio****).  A real man would just stand up and start doing push-ups.  

So I will.

Push-ups Today: 66
Push-ups In May: 2939

So, something I observed around this time last year was that, even though I was exercising a lot (not every single day like now, but getting close to it), I found it incredibly difficult to do it up here in the mountains.  Well, I had forgotten that until I did push-ups and my body didn't want to obey, and sit-ups were literally twice as hard as they usually are (sometimes my three year old nephew will sit on me while I'm doing sit-ups, and this was close to that feeling, despite only ghosts holding me down).  But I did some, and will try to do more later.

I often talk about the weird/scary sounds I hear out here at night (and during the day--I don't know what I heard elsewhere in the cabin earlier, but I suppose it could've been an animal in a trap, rattling the cage).  I heard frogs and owls and nightbirds, but no obvious werewolves.  Obvious, mind you.

There's a supermoon out today (which my brain REFUSES to believe is a scientific term.  It's like a silly Millennial term like "Goldilocks Planet" that somehow the experts have adopted, despite it sounding like something out of a badly-translated Japanese cartoon), and hey, I can see it through the window as I type this.  If I believed in werewolves even 2%, it would be spooking me right now, being the only warm two-legged meat for a mile in any direction (although, while I was butchering that song earlier, two noisy vehicles drove by, reminding me that my fear of embarrassment was one of the reasons I started singing these songs in the first place).

I took a break from writing--if two hundred words can be considered writing--and recorded an old Poe story (I guess they're all old, but you know what I mean, this is one I'd never actually read, and was short enough I could get the whole thing done without deleting anything off my recorder).  I don't know what I'll do with it--Marshal likes to run Poe stories on his show, or I could put it on my podcast, and talk about the various times I've gone to hypnotism shows.  Or I could simply upload it to YouTube, like I used to do with Stephen King stories.

Words Today: 566
Words In May: 17,028

*Or, if I made money from it and treated it like a job, the week before that when we recorded it.

**We're in the midst of a drought, which will surely be terrible by the end of the summer, and the water level is way, way down, which I'm sure I said multiple times last year, but it's only May, and it's already where it's supposed to be in July.  The Fish n' Wildlife Bureau might be wise to skip planting trout in the lake this year, since I can already hear them flopping on dry land a month from now.

***???

***I am constantly out of space on my SD card, since I only have the one (when I had multiples, I could switch between them, knowing that when I filled up one, I could go to another and delete stuff off it that had already aired or been edited, but I never have found those other cards, despite having two Rish Outcasts on them that were already supposed to air--hence April and May having almost zero episodes--but being unwilling to record them again).

May Sweeps - Day 479

Today marks forty-four years since STAR WARS came out (and 38 since ROTJ).  Just figured I'd mention that.

(I've never really liked the Hildebrandt Brothers poster, but hey, it's vintage)

This is my last visit to the library for a couple of days.  I have to remember to grab a couple of movies I have no interest in, that I probably won't have time for (it's a tradition).

Oh, and I wanted to mention (not that it's interesting, but things occur to me while I'm exercising) that during yesterday's run, I got heckled by a truck going by for the second time ever.*  They zoomed past and shouted something at me . . . but I didn't understand what they said because I was talking to myself at the time.

Ah well.

Sit-ups Today: 100
Sit-ups In May: 2512

I mowed the lawn today, and as always happens, I got a couple ideas for bits that could happen in the story (early on, as a set-up for the end, but not the ending itself, which is overdue).  I ran a few errands, and got here around five, so I could write . . . and promptly started surfing the internet.  And we complain that today's kids have no attention span.

Push-ups Today: 174
Push-ups In May: 2873

Even so, once I got focused (and by that, I mean that I hit a bit I was passionate about), it worked really well, I wrote my semblance of an action scene, and left with more words than I thought I had.  Which is nice.

Words Today: 1124
Words In May: 16,462

*Heck, it might have been the same vehicle that shouted mockery at me as they drove past in 2020.

May Sweeps - Day 478

The other day, Big Anklevich let me know that one of my blog posts was NSFW (which stands for Not Safe For Work, for you senior citizens out there), and that I needed to watch what sorts of pictures I post on here.  So, for his benefit anyway, I removed the picture of naked Hitler achieving full-color climax, and replaced it with a black and white smiling Hitler photo.

Sit-ups Today: 100
Sit-ups In May: 2412

Are you familiar with the Marvel Comics character MODOK?  He is a bad guy, the leader of AIM, and his name is an acronym short for Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing.  

My first exposure to the character was in 2006, when ToyBiz put out an excellent version of him in their Marvel Legends releases.  I just loved the name, and kept the figure all these years.

But now, in 2021, Hasbro has put out their own version in a big, expensive, deluxe package.*  I knew I didn't NEED it, since I still have--and quite like--the 2006 one.  But yesterday, I saw it on store shelves, and I was sorely tempted.

Then, when being told that they were on sale this week . . . I bought three.  Sigh.

Push-ups Today: 66
Push-ups In May: 2699

Fungible.

I went to the library, thinking I'd get some writing done.  But instead, I blogged and surfed the internet.  I got tricked into clicking on an article about the "Charlie Bit My Finger" video being removed from YouTube ("You won't believe why!"**), and it included an interview with the boys' father, who said that the "Charlie bit my finger, it really hurt!" video has touched so many people and changed so many lives, I pretty much had to stop reading.

There is one girl in view wearing a mask (oh, another one just walked past--oh, and she has a boyfriend with a mask too!), and everybody else is maskless.  Yesterday at Walmart, I saw an obviously-too-young girl running a register, and she was so pretty as to make me stop in my tracks.  She looked at me, somewhat alarmed, and I said, "It's nice to see people's faces again."

Would've been a perfect opportunity for her to say, "Ugh, speak for yourself," but she only nodded and continued ringing up purchases.

Now I will TRY to write something (my word count for the day stands at 27 words).  

Damn.  I made reference to carbolic acid just now, and then had to go online to see if it was what I thought it was.  And then . . . it was Wednesday.  Somehow, I had fallen through a trapdoor into internet obscurity, and woke up reading the script to Monty Python's "Election Night Special."

But hey, I got into it when I went back to it.  I wrote the climax, and got an idea for the next moment in the story, which I should be able to write up tonight or tomorrow.  With any luck (or more accurately, effort), I'll have finished the whole thing this week.

A very brave Kevin Phillips Bong there.

Words Today: 937
Words In May: 15,338

*Shoot, I am reminded now (in looking up photos) that another company put out a smaller, cheaper version in 2015 or so, and that I also bought that version when it went on clearance.  I may have a problem.

**It would seem that some greedy pervert bought the rights to the video, thinking he would gain all the monetization from this point on, but has yet to reupload it.

I Narrate "The Centaur's Lament" by Ted Rabinowitz

About a zillion years ago, I performed a story for Kaleidocast, a New York-based podcast anthology.

Actually, it was just in 2015 (A story called "Dating Kali, My Sweet" by Alger Bliss), but time is fleeting.  Madness takes its toll.

But listen closely, not for very much longer, I was asked to do another story for their second season, at least that was the goal.  I simply can't spell "Kaleidocast" to save my life.  Even now, that doesn't look right.  But this is their logo, so . . .

Well, it came out a while later, as part of the third season.  This one is a short piece called "The Centaur's Lament," and it's one of those tales (I'm sure there's a name for this category, sort of a kissing cousin to Second Person) where you're getting half of a conversation, and have to infer what the other person is saying.  Kind of like hearing one side of a telephone call, and ends with a surprisingly funny line.

Whether you love the format or not, I think you'll find the story (by Ted Rabinowitz) amusing.  

THIS IS THE LINK!

Kaleidocast requested the story around the time Nixon was President, and I have dogged their website many times in the years since.  I have always been baffled by their website whenever I go.  Even following their link I sometimes wonder if I went to the wrong site.

May Sweeps - Day 477

It was a cold, rainy day today, but actually kind of beautiful.  I took this picture right as I started out my day, and before long, there was only grey in the sky, with no more blue.

I went for a long drive, and discovered that Olivia Rodrigo has an entire album out.  To my surprise, pretty much every single song was about getting her heart broken by that same dude, and expressing her pain with pastiches of other artists' music, like Paramore, Avril Lavigne, and Billie Eilish.

She's just a kid (yes, yes, who has experienced much more of life than I have, thanks for rubbing it in), but I'm currently writing a story about a teenage girl, so I chalk it up to research.

(this is the Target-exclusive version, where she doesn't have stickers all over her face)

Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In May: 2312

And speaking of that, I know I sound like a broken record, but I really ought to have finished this story by now.  It's taken me at least a month,* and it reminds me of stories from my past like "New Year's Day," "Birth of a Sidekick," "Strangelove," and "Office Visit," that would take me six months or more to finish, since I really only worked on them when I really, really wanted to.  Not that a month is comparable, but stuff like "The Calling," "The Night Clerk," "Waffle Iron Man," "The Sleeping Princess Wakes," and "The Company You Keep" were written in a mad rush of days, and I really prefer that sort of thing.

Push-ups Today: 173
Push-ups In May: 2633

When I went on my run just as it was getting dark, the sky was grey as slate . . . except directly in front of me while I ran, where a space of blue sky opened up as if to say, "I've been watching you, Outfield.  Better luck next life."  It was cool enough I had to stop and record it, and I guarantee you it doesn't look nearly as good on my phone.

I am circling an ending on the twin story, and I called Big at one point to talk through the final action beat.  I asked him questions about diabetes and he told me about something called hypoglycemia, and suggested I use a screw-top bottle instead of a fast food cup to hold soda.  I tried to write that scene late, late last night (okay, it wasn't even two yet, but I was nodding off while sitting at the keyboard), and managed a bit of it before 

Unfortunately, in mentioning my story "Office Visit" above, I am reminded that this is essentially the same damn story, just way, way, way longer.  Either you die a hero, kids . . .

Words Today: 452
Words In May: 14,401

*I started writing it around the time Kayla the Twin went on her maternity leave, and her child starts school this fall.

Rish Outcast 198: Calling A Run Away

Rish presents a segment regarding "The Calling: Reunion" recorded in 2017, as well as his short story "Run Away."

Download the episode directly by right-clicking HERE.

Support me on Patreon by left-clicking HERE.

Logo by Gino "Run Toward" Moretto.

May Sweeps - Day 476

Today, we reopened the cabin for the summer.  It was only a few days earlier than we did it last year, but judging by how little snow was up there, we surely could've done so weeks ago.  However, I have to remember that it's not MY cabin, and even though I used it last year more than everybody else (combined), it's much more my brother's place than it is mine.

During the drive over, my thirteen year old nephew proclaimed that he was going to be providing the music for our drive, and though I told him he couldn't do it until we'd lost the radio stations we were listening to (about ten minutes into the canyon nearly every station cuts out immediately, and the super rural southern stations take over), my sister told him to go ahead.  He played the usual tracks that are his favorites, that Dance Monkey song, the Lizzo "I got a DNA test" song, Circles by Post Malone, and various Hip-Hop songs I had never heard before.

and then my nephew said he was going to play three of my favorite songs.  I was curious what he picked, but he put on Every Breath You Take by the Police, Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish, and Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi.  Pretty good picks.

Unfortunately, my ten year old nephew asked to borrow my phone while we drove (you can't simply listen to music or sit in silence on an hour-long road trip, understand), and he left it back there so I couldn't take pictures of anything once we got up there.  There were more deer along the side of the road than I can ever remember seeing, and we started counting them once we got to ten.  I believe we reached forty-something by the time we left for home once again.

I was glad to be able to go to the cabin again, even if my brother says we're going to have to re-varnish the entire accessible exterior (that will be weekend tasks for the next month or so).  I was able to sit on the back deck and read a library book for about twenty minutes, though I must admit it was still a little bit cold for me.

It was really windy, and I remember last year, sitting on the back porch, when the wind blew like that, and you could hear it roaring through the distant trees and over the mountain before it reached you, in a very unusual way.  It was blowing so hard that I wondered why all the dead trees didn't blow over (my brother and I cut down a tree right in front of the porch last year worried that it would happen), and my guess is that the wind blows that hard up there all the time and the trees DO fall, I'm just not around to see them.

And no, they don't make a sound.

Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In May: 2201

I got an email that my local Disney Store is closing next month.  While that's sad news, I don't usually find anything there I like.*  Or maybe I should put it this way: while I don't usually find anything there I like, it's still sad news.  One fewer option for places to go, and it was the place where I once bought a figure and the big, ostentatious Star Wars collector started yelling and complaining and bawling until the manager gave him one (yeah, a grown man in his late thirties pitched a pre-school fit in a store for children).

(this is literally my least favorite picture on the entire internet, filling me with psychotic rage each time.  I would rather see a photo of my family roasted by Stormtroopers, ala Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru)

Once the store is gone, I'm sure will miss the hell out of it, and romanticize it like I have Toys R Us and Media Play, and even terrible stores like K-mart and Shopko.  I do remember, before the pandemic, that Target stores were going to gain mini-Disney Stores in their toy section, but only one of the three Targets around here ever got one.  Maybe that will change now.

Anyway, I drove over to the Disney Store, and maybe I should've bought something, but I didn't.  I went out to my car and sat there, writing as best I could until it got dark and I slouched back home like that unspeakable antichrist in Yeats's poem.

Push-ups Today: 66
Push-ups In May: 2460

I am simply spinning my wheels on this darn twin story.  I wrote a new scene (or heck, maybe it was only part of a scene, if we're being technical), then I went back earlier in the story and wrote another new scene setting up the other one.  I don't know if real writers work this way, but it's the way I've been doing it (I created a character named Perry Dunshire, then went back and mentioned Perry Dunshire in two earlier conversations, so that it would seem like she had always been a character), and while the story is gaining a bit of weight (especially around the belly and arse), it's no closer to being finished than it was when I sat down at the park the other day and wrote up everything I had in my head. 

Words Today: 620
Words In May: 13,949

*There was a girl that used to work there that was startlingly beautiful, and always brushed her hair over her ears.  One time, I saw that she had some kind of mal-formed ear that she was covering up, and I kept thinking about it, wanting to use it in a story sometime.  But never did.  Of course, she's long gone from Disney Store, and soon, I guess it will be long gone too.

May Sweeps - Day 475

My back feels a lot better today.  However, every once in a while, tying my shoes, picking up something off the floor, digging a hole to bury another of my other personality's victims, and worst of all, sneezing, will cause a spasm of pain, or maybe whatever's on the threshold of pain.  I mentioned it yesterday, but sneezing is just a natural part of the spring season for me, and I'm surprised, now that it costs me such discomfort, by how many times I sneeze each day (probably four times today so far).*

It's a gross, rainy day again today, with strong winds blowing dust through the air that coats the windshield of my car and leaves everything slightly grungy . . . like my soul.

Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In May: 2090

Last night, I called Big Anklevich and we did a podcast for my 200th episode of the Rish Outcast.  It was, in many ways, what we used to do every week or two, and I missed it.  We presented a story of mine from 2011, and Big brought up a criticism he had with the story, and it struck me: I'd heard this same complaint from him before.  But I couldn't think of what other story I'd written that was similar enough to it to make him suggest the same change, so as soon as we were done, I went into my old files, finding the 2011 ones . . . and sure enough, not only had he made that particular critique, but I had done a revision incorporating that very thing, and somehow not used it for the podcast version.

Sigh.  So, I figured I'd sit down tonight and re-record that section of the story, going by the second draft, and then splice it into the finished production.  And, while I was at it, I'd have Big voice two of the characters, and splice those lines in as well.  It's entirely possible I can drive down to the cabin next Wednesday and spend all night writing and editing, so there's something to do.  I guess we'll see the 200th episode in June instead of May.**

Push-ups Today: 172
Push-ups In May: 2394

There is a team (very much like the Guardians of the Galaxy) that are sometimes-allies of the X-men called the Starjammers, created by Dave Cockrum, with a bunch of different aliens as members, and, of course, a human from Earth as their leader (Corsair, who is Cyclops's absent father).

For some reason, I was always fascinated by the great big green reptile member of their team, partly because he looks exactly like Marvel's Abomination character down to the gills . . . but mostly because of his name.

  

It's Ch'od.  

For some reason, I wasted an entire hour reading wikipedia entries about Ch'od, the Starjammers, their allies and enemies, Carol Danvers/Ms. Marvel, and finally, Captain Britain.  One thing that I find strange about that character (who I've been aware of since 1988) is that nobody knows who created him.

One more interesting thing about Captain Britain is that, when he was first introduced in the above costume, the symbol on his chest denotes royalty to Americans, but was the logo on egg cartons in the U.K., and was eventually replaced with the flag costume that's still used today.

Unfortunately, I didn't get anything done here at the library today.  I should be ashamed of myself, having wasted over and hour sitting here surfing the internet, but dude, I just don't care right now.  It's been a fine run, both the blogging and the writing (not to mention all the exercise), so I'm going to give myself permission to slack off today and go home early. 

I hereby give you permission to slack off too.

Words Today: 153
Words In May: 13,329

*The weird thing is, and if you're educated, maybe you can explain why, the most painful thing is the way my body takes a deep hitching breath in anticipation of sneezing (perhaps filling the lungs, perhaps straightening the spine, I dunno), to the point where, a few minutes ago, I actually didn't sneeze at all, just almost did, the jolt chasing it away.

**I guess that means I should start recording songs again, if I'm going down to the cabin every week