Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Meg (not from "Family Guy")

So, I mentioned the other day that at the dinosaur museum they had a big recreation of a megalodon, the enormous great-grandad of the shark, which I assume was life-sized.
It had to have been, because I've seen people handling meg teeth, and they're huge.

For just a moment, I wished that out in the great big ocean, there could still be one of these big bastards out there.  It sounds like a made for the Sci-Fi Channel movie, except that then it would probably be called "Terrible Actress Versus Big Mutha Shark," and be spelled Syfy Chanell.

But I would really, really enjoy seeing a movie that was well-done and featured one of those things.

The C. Megalodon, or "Meg" to its friends, was between fifty and sixty feet long, resembled a roided-out Great White Shark, and only died out 1.5 million years ago.  However, the HMS Challenger discovered a megalodon tooth in 1872 that they claimed was only ten thousand years old (there was no way to verify that in those days).  Stories like that have lit a lot of imaginations on fire that there could still be a few out there that escaped extinction just waiting to show themselves when the time is right.*

You always get one of these douchey science-types who say, "No, we can't kill it, we have to study it!  Think of all the sexual positions it could teach us!"  But I think in this case, I would be one of those who'd say, "Hey, I know it just ate an entire Carnival Cruiseline of real estate brokers and reality show contestants, but couldn't we just catch this thing, since it's the last one in existence, and build a big habitat for it where we could watch it, and maybe build a whole amusement park around it?  Please?"

The photo above shows just how incredibly massive that creature would've been.  As terrified as my generation is of Great White Sharks, it's hard to conceive of a creature that could swallow a Great White whole.  But I enjoy conceiving of a world in which that creature still exists, and right now, is hungry for Republicans.

Rish Outfield, Shark Hunter

*My theory is that this is what happened to both Amelia Erhart and D.B. Cooper.  Oh, and Mikey the Life Cereal kid, Pop Rocks be damned.

No comments: