Top Five R080Ts

Apparently, this is my three hundred and thirty-third post.

We're halfway there, kids.

My pal Big Anklevich and I have had a podcast going for a few months, and we've done fourteen episodes. I've really enjoyed reading fiction stories and being insulted weekly by R080T, Big's android sidekick. If you'd like to participate in insulting me, check us out at The Dunesteef Audio Fiction Magazine.

Sometime I'll have to ask Big what "dunesteef" means.

And speaking of robots, WALL-E came out on DVD this week, and I ran out and bought it (of course). I was discouraged to see that the special edition was ridiculously overpriced, and that Disney "justified" the extra cost by including a third disc with a digital copy on it. That sort of thing is absolute crap, like the mini-fad a few years ago of including the soundtrack album (or worse, portions of the soundtrack album) as a "bonus" disc (which you still have to pay extra for).My pal Merrill is the biggest Pixar fan I know. I think you'd actually have to work for Pixar to love it more than he does. I had told him, a few years ago, that I had thought Fox's ROBOTS computer-animated film was pretty good. Well, Merrill accused me of orally pleasuring a wildebeest when I told him that.

But today, while raking leaves and thinking about WALL-E, I realised that ROBOTS is a steaming, undulating wet turd compared to WALL-E. It sucks to be wrong.

Then I started to think about robots (not the movie, but the . . . beings) and I thought I would ask everyone for their five favourites. Because I messed up so badly on the Fourth Films list (by sending an IMDB link that included video games and fourth installments that haven't even been made), I left it up to everyone for what they considered a robot and what source materials they'd pull from.

My picks are:
1. C-3PO
2. R2-D2
3. Lt. Commander Data
4. WALL-E
5. The Terminator
Big Shot Lawyer Ian was the first to respond. His list:
1. R2-D2
2. C3-PO (it was really hard to decide who was number 1 between these two)
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger as T800 (is it the T800?)
4. KITT From Knight Rider (does he count as a robot?)
5. Ash from Alien

Jeff the Chemist not only sent a list, he sent a list of (I kid you not) every robot he culd think of from his childhood and how much he liked or disliked it. I guess I could include that here, but I didn't even recognise a name or two on the list (for example, Seven Zark Seven, and something called "Johnny Sako and the Flying Robot"), and really only wanted his top five. They were:
1) Terminator
2) R2D2
3) WALL-E
4) Data
5) Bishop
Merrill sent me this list, explaining that he didn't take the time to think it through because he wanted to be the first responder (which he wasn't):
1. Optimus Prime
2. R2D2
3. Wall-E
4. C3PO
5. Johnny Five

I had a conversation with my cousin shortly after asking for his list, and he said, "I listed a robot from the Star Wars movies, but it wasn't Artoo and Threepio." I said, "It was EVE-9D9, wasn't it?" He seemed really surprised that I guessed that (though my second guess would've been IG-88), but I guess that just shows we have more in common than I believed.

Ryan's list:
1. Brainiac (Superman: The Animated Series)
2. Data
3. T-1000
4. T-X
5. EV-9D9 (the droid in charge of all droids at Jabba's)

He also said that if anyone listed Twiki from "Buck Rogers," he would hunt them down and beat them to a bloody pulp with a rusty crowbar. I'm not a fan of Twiki myself, but he's better than the Terminatrix from T3, man.

Tyranist sent the following infuriating list:
1. Cybermen
2. T-800
3. K-9
4. Bender
5. Maximillian

Beta Ray Charles sent me a list that he assured me was only robots, and no cyborgs or androids like the rest of us plebeians would cite. It was (oh, and it's in reverse order):
5. H.E.R.B.I.E.
4. The Iron Giant
3. Optimus Prime
2. WALL*E
1. R2-D2
Rhett who works for the government was last answer. But his list was:
1. Darth Vader (I know, but you remember the line: "He is more machine now than man...twisted and evil."
2. Optimus Prime (Any time that they make the character of a robot so cool that you want to be like him is saying something.)
3. The Terminator
4. The T-1000 Terminator
5. Data

If I'm not incorrect, that makes the following our winners:
1. R2-D2
2. The Terminator
3. (tie) Optimus Prime/WALL-E/C-3PO

Sadly, no one mentioned the Buffybot.

It's amazing how varied and unusual everybody's lists were. Maybe I should've narrowed the parameters a little. But maybe not, maybe it's more interesting this way.

If it's interesting at all.

Rish "More Machine Than Man" Outfield