Under The Big Top World

Last year, Marshal Latham did a very bad thing.  But what I did might have been even worse.

Over at the Journey Into... Podcast, he created a story contest once again inspired by the music of Journey.  This time, though, there was a visual aspect to it all, as he fed the lyrics of each song into an image generating program.  The song I was assigned was Faithfully, the one about a musician on the road, missing his lady love, and most certainly not mutant related.

But this was the image it generated for me:

Circus life, anyone?

So, I wrote a story ("Faithfully") about a man who used to travel around, judging records for the Guinness Book, who has lost his sense of wonder.  And then he goes to a mystifying backwoods circus, and sees Marcelo, the dog-boy.

It's another of those tales that I wrote in a fever, with very little memory of, which is always nice for me to revisit.  It ended up a quite long story, but is it a good one?  Well, you can find out for yourself by listening to this week's Journey Into... podcast episode, where my tale is narrated by the talented (and muscular) Wilson Fowlie.  Click HERE and send all your love along the wire.

Podcast That Dares 61: Goodnight, Mr. James

Rish presents Clifford D. Simak's 1951 Sci-Fi tale "Goodnight, Mr. James," where an unstoppable alien creature escapes captivity and only one man (or technically, two) can stop it.

It was also the basis for a 1964 episode of "The Outer Limits" called "The Duplicate Man," which only the Patreon version explores.

Warning: Distractingly noisy audio.

If you'd like to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

Come support me on Patreon HERE.

Logo by Gino "G'Day, Mr. James" Moretto.

Marshal & I Find Monsters Among The White Rocks

Over at the Outfield Excursions podcast, Marshal Latham and I review the 1959 low-budget horror film, THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS, no doubt one of your favorites.  We have so little to say about it, though, that I change lanes to talk about a little-seen John Cusack adventure, HOT PURSUIT.

Check it out HERE.

Rish Outcast 311: In Security 5

This is the big one folks--the most significant thing I've experienced since coming to work as a security guard*--and hopefully, I tell it well.

So, in this episode, you'll hear:
1. The Patron That Was M-wording
2. The Sleeper Has Not Awakened
3. Rish Says Inappropriate Things About Minecraft Club

As always, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

And of course, you can support my Patreon by clicking HERE.

Logo by Gino "In Maturity" Moretto.

*If you don't count the time the poor man befouled his britches because the bathroom door was locked.

If I Was A Ghost, Would I Tell You?

I meant to blog about this months ago, but it seemed so unimportant.  But here we are, at the end of summer . . . and it's even more unimportant.  But I'm going to tell you about it because the library just put up its first Halloween event notice, and wouldn't you know, it has three ghosts on it.

So, because of weirdness, I always go running at night, and I seldom encounter other runners or dogwalkers or crossing guards, etcetera.  But one evening, pretty close to midnight, I was doing my usual spin around the block, when I saw a dark figure at the end of the street.  They weren't jogging or walking, they were standing still as a tree, only the illumination of a nearby streetlight pointing them out to me.  I kept jogging in that direction, but they didn't acknowledge that I was there . . . or even that they were alive.

My pace slowed, which you'd probably think was impossible.  I was only a few yards away now, and the person--it was definitely a person--had not acknowledged me.

"Hey," I said, but the figure didn't move.  I was still moving, though, and as I got closer, I could see that, while it was a person, they appeared to have no face.

I got nearer and nearer, and I have to admit that my pace slowed considerably* and I began to wonder just what I was encountering.

Finally, just as I was passing by, I said, "Are you a ghost?"

At that, the figure moved.  He pulled back his hoodie so that he could lift off one of his headphones, and said, "What did you say?"

Nope, it was just a dude, who had been standing in silence, presumably listening to Chantal Kreviazuk or Cannibal Corpse.**  "Nevermind, sorry," I said and began to jog again, distancing myself from the stranger in the way we always do.

About a half a block away, I turned my head to look back, just in case.  The figure was gone.

No, that's not true.  He had gone back to listening to his Lil Nas X or Rebecca Black.  And I envy him that.

*As I was typing this, the lights in the Attic here at the library began to flicker, and I saw a woman standing alone in the room, looking around as it alternated between dark and light.  Turns out, they're having yoga classes in there tonight and another woman was testing out the lights, but for just a moment...

**Both are equally likely.

Rish Outcast 310: Judge Not

It's time for another sketch, guest-starring Bigglesby Anklevich! This one's called "Judge Not" and deals with a boss very pleased his employee is not the judgmental type.

If you want to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you want to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Fudge Not" Moretto.

Know Why I Pulled You Over?

Twice in a week, I have been pulled over by policemen.  The last time was in March 2020, when the pandemic was just kicking off.  On Thursday evening, I was driving home from Jeff's house (we had watched a Spanish art horror film from the Seventies and . . . well, that pretty much says it all), when a police car pulled up behind me and flashed his lights.  Often, when that happens, I assume they're after me, but they're really after someone else (conversely, when I'd speed and a cop flashed his lights, I often hoped they were after someone else, but alas) so I tried to pull over quickly, but safely.

I parked and took off my seat belt so I could get my wallet out, then quickly put the seat belt back on, worried that he'd think I was driving without it.**

I put down my driver's side window.  The cop--super-young, possibly aspiring to be a policeman when he grows up--came up to my passenger window and knocked, startling me a little.

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" he asked, and it was a good question, as I was sure I hadn't been speeding.*  

I could think of nothing snarky, so I said, "No, sir."  

He said, "I can't read your license plate."  

I thought that was odd, so I asked, "Is it gone?  Did somebody take my licens--"  

He interrupted, "No, it's still there.  License and proof of insurance please."

Well, I leaned over and opened the glove compartment, and grabbed the registration paper, but he said, "That's your registration, I need your insurance form."  Well, I have insurance, but as I had an accident a month or two back, I must have left it in the house when I was dealing with that.

I gave him my license and he then said, "By the way, I saw you putting on your seat belt just now." 

Now maybe I was impolite about it (I tried not to be), but I insisted I had had my belt on, but took it off for my wallet then put it back for the exact purpose of not being accused of not having it on.  "Uh huh," said the man, like I do when I hear people claim Trump's going to drain the swamp (or has already).

Maybe I overstated my case, because I promised him I had had it on, and have to admit that I wasn't pleased that he didn't believe me.

Anyway, he explained to me that there's a reflective material on license plates, and mine has faded to the point of not being able to read the number, then he went back to write it up.

I took advantage of the lull to get on my phone and look up my insurance information for when he came back.  When he did, I tried to show him, but he said, "It needed to be in a timely manner, sir," which sounded kind of like he thought I was a douche.

"Sorry," I said.

He added, "Oh, and you really shouldn't reach over the way you did when you get pulled over."

"Well, I was reaching for my proof of . . . never mind."  As soon as I said it, I knew it sounded lame.

"We don't know what you're reaching for, so be aware," he said.

"Sure, sure," I said, trying to sound like one of the good guys here.

Regardless, he told me I needed to go to the DMV and order a new license plate, one that was readable, and that he'd just let me go with a warning, on the assurance that I'd take care of it.

Honestly, I was just relieved about the insurance thing, so I thanked him and went home.

Hey Rish, you may be asking, why are you wasting my time with this?

To which I say, Is it a waste of time?   You don't like this blog post?

No, I'm just asking, why would you blog about something like this when there seems to be no good reason for it?

To which I say, Well, now I feel bad.   Do you really think it's a w-- 

No, no, I didn't mean waste of time.  I just meant you seldom write about things that happen to you anymore, and yet you spent the time to write this one up.

I did.  Yeah.

But this one doesn't seem to have a f***ing point.

Huh.

So, here's my point, basically.  That night, as soon as I got home, I printed out my proof of insurance, and made one for the glove box and one for my wallet.  Just in case.

And on Sunday, I took out the 8.5 metric tonnes of crap from my trunk until I found the other license place (the one that goes on the front) and I switched it with the old one, since it was still brand new (I also stuck the registration sticker on it, hoping it would stay on at least until next year's stickers came).

I went to the cabin for the day and came home this morning, and as I was emerging from the canyon, I passed a sheriff's department vehicle on the side of the road.  I was going too fast, as was the truck that was riding my hind end, presumably trying to figure out what my bumper sticker was supposed to represent.***

"Do you know why I pulled you over?" this cop asked me.  Well, I was pretty sure it was because I was speeding, but he'd also pulled over the pickup truck too, which I'd never seen before.  It may have been that he was pulling everyone over that came through the canyon, because they might not be aware of the zombie apocalypse going on in the cities.

Maybe they ask the question that way so that people will say, "I dunno, is it because of the baggies of heroin under the spare in the trunk?" or "Because you finally found out what I did at the synagogue?"

Anyway, in this case, he said, "Clocked you and the other guy doing 46 in a 35."

Ah.  Anyway, I got out my license and said, "Can I grab you my proof of insurance?"

And the cop said, "I don't need it.  If I want to, I can check to see if you have insurance."

Ah again.

Anyway, he checked to see if I had any outstanding warrants, then let both of us speeders go.

And that's it for my scintillating tale . . . unless I get pulled over a third time this week.  I'll let you know why he pulled me over.

*I wouldn't have said my car was capable of speeding until today, but that's putting the patrolman before the horse.

**My car, and I assume yours as well, has an ear-splitting beeping that goes off if you don't put your seatbelt on, or if you've got a box sitting on the passenger seat until you're about to lose your mind and you pull over, get out, and put a seatbelt over the box.

***It's the second Death Star.  You know, the one that was still under construction.

An Excursions Diversion

I was going on a run (unfortunately, I still do that*) and it occurred to me, "Jeez, I never have any content for my blog, so it would be fun to make a post where I list all the movies Marshal Latham and I have watched for our opposite-of-renowned podcast, The Outcast Excursions. I could even make a post citing the Genre we've done the most movies in, the Director we've covered the most, and the Decade we've hit most." But dang, I knew it would be soooooo much work, and I barely make time to write, podcast, or properly wipe myself as it is.

But when I got home, I remembered that Marshal had once created a shared spreadsheet for the show and I thought, if I could grab that and fill in everything since he last updated it, it would only take me an hour or so to find the answers. And to my delight, Marshal has continued to update it, even including the next episode not yet released.

So, in answer to the question only I gave a crap about . . .

Total number of episodes (counting our try-out episode [DUEL]):

44

Year most covered:

TIE (4) 1983/2014 (1983: SPACEHUNTER, SWORD OF THE VALIANT, SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES, KRULL) (2014: DRACULA UNTOLD, HERCULES, THE LEGEND OF HERCULES, THE GIVER)

Oldest film reviewed:

THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH (1934)

Newest film reviewed:

LISA FRANKENSTEIN (2024)

Most-reviewed director:

Alfred Hitchcock (6), which isn't surprising, since we try and do a Hitchcock film every year or so. Roger Corman is coming up quickly behind, though.

Number of movies by decade:

1930s: 1

1940s: 4

1950s: 4

1960s: 7

1970s: 6 (this includes the forthcoming OUTLAW JOSEY WALES)

1980s: 9

1990s: 0

2000s: 1

2010s: 8

2020s: 3

I suppose that means we'll have to seek out a Nineties film soon (perhaps 2014's POMPEII)(**).

Number of Video Game Adaptations:

1 (WARCRAFT)

Number of Horror movies:

15 (though it does include Sci-Fi Horror like PLANET OF THE VAMPIRES and THE MAN WITH X-RAY EYES)

Number of Disaster movies:

2 (METEOR, AIRPORT)

Most-featured actor:

James Stewart (because of Hitchcock)

Worst Movie Marshal Would Like Us To Review:

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE

Number of Sean Connery films:

3 (METEOR, SWORD OF THE VALIANT, MARNIE)

Number of Black & White films:

7 (THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH '34, THE INNOCENTS, THE THIRD MAN, CAT PEOPLE '42, NOTORIOUS, THE MONSTER OF PIEDRAS BLANCAS, IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE)

Number of times we've watched WASP WOMAN:

Zero

Well, now that my blog post is finished, I'm not exactly sure what my point was. I suppose it was to mention that Marshal does good work over there on his Patreon and regular website, and that I appreciate his willingness to sit down with me and talk movies every month or so.

*It bugs the crap out of my mother that I refuse to go running until it's dark (though I probably run 10 or 12 times a year in daylight, not counting up at the cabin, when I'm all alone anyway), but I just seem to have a mental block/phobia about running while the sun is still out. Maybe it's that I'm afraid I'll be seen or mocked (which still happens a couple of times a year, the bastards), or that I just prefer darkness (matches my soul, I guess). Regardless, she's sure I'll be hit by a car and no one will see my crushed body as it twitches its last there on the road. Probably not the *best* way to go, but still . . .

**That was a joke.

Marshal and Rish Talk THE FANTASTIC FOUR

Were you one of the millions of potential viewers that skipped seeing FANTASTIC FOUR: FIRST STEPS in the theater?  Well, it's still playing in a handful of theaters, and if you want to hear Marshal Latham and I talk about how good it was*, then you might want to hear our review of it, over at his Comics Cave sub-podcast.

Feel free to check it out HERE.  And, if you ever wonder why we're so behind on these kind of reviews, well, go support Marshal at his Patreon, and you can hear them a wee bit closer to release.

*Complete with spoilers, unfortunately.

Warning: if you wait for the streaming release, Galactus won't be nearly as impressive.

Podcast That Dares 60: 30 Seconds - 30 Days

Rish presents Arthur C. Clarke's 1949 Sci-Fi tale, "30 Seconds - 30 Days" (later known as "Breaking Strain).

After an onboard disaster between Earth and Venus, there's only enough air for one of the two crewmembers onboard.  

If you wish to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you wish to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Dirty Seconds" Moretto.

The Sitter (Not The Jonah Hill Film)

 I went to a work party (VERY nearly typed "work Christmas party" there.  Weird) and got to interact with the other security guards all together for the first time.  We swapped stories--some of them embarrassing--and then I mentioned that in September, I've got a full day shift ahead of me, something I've never done in this job.  One of the guards said, "Don't worry about it.  The worst part is sitting on your butt for thirteen hours."  I nodded, but couldn't help myself.  "Well, you don't just sit there the whole shift, right?  I mean, you get up and do your rounds, stretch your legs every so oft--"

And he actually said, "No.  I just sit my whole shift.  Unlike you."  

Now my spider sense was prickling me.  "What do you mean, unlike m--"

And another of the guards said, "You get up and show people where the bathrooms are, help them to the ballroom.  We know how you are."*

I nodded and said, "Well, you at least exercise when you go on your rounds, right?"

And the first guy said, "No.  That's just you."

I couldn't come up with any kind of retort to that, except that I was reminded that, when I was first hired here, I was told, "You're a writer?  Oh, you'll get lots of writing done with this job."

It's possible I've been doing this wrong the whole time.

*He said it as though it was a wholly negative thing.  "Oh, you like to pretend your pillow is that girl you knew in high school, and alternate between making out with it and crying into it.  We know how you are."