Rish presents F. Marion Crawford's 1911 short story "For The Blood Is The Life." Drink up!
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Logo by Gino "The Stud Is The Life" Moretto.
Rish talks--at length--about a library patron suffering from mental illness, he tries to say "Who cares?" more often, watches Active Shooter Training, plays detective in The Case of the Stolen Backpack, and facilitates a proposal. And says "of course" a lot.
As always, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.
And of course, you can support my Patreon by clicking HERE.
Logo by Gino "Out Security" Moretto.
He has continued to write short stories and on occasion has me do a voice or two on the full-cast audio versions. But he has also embraced the demon-fed technology of the day, and creates motion videos for his stories. It's certainly not what I would do . . . but isn't that the beauty of other people?
Well beauty or not, here's his tale, "The Hollows," in which both Big and I lend our voices (though not our faces this time*) to the experience. Teen Josh has been forbidden to hang out in the dangerous section of woods near his neighborhood, but his friends manage to get him out there. Big mistake.
You can check out the video HERE, or, since it's on YouTube, I could just post it below:
Years ago, when I worked in L.A., I heard there was going to be a faux anti-mutant protest as a promotion for the X-MEN movie. I called up my friend Erik and bought a posterboard and made up a pair of protest signs (one was of Blinky the Fish from "The Simpsons" with a circle-slash through it, and the other said, "Do your duty, report a mutie!"--which I was quite proud of), and we went to the venue to participate in the protest. When we got there, we were told that it was not a real protest, and only paid Fox employees were allowed to march in the parade. It saddened me, and I swore to never raise my hand in protest again.
Yet here we are, twenty-five short years later, and I'm up to my old tricks.
After watching Marvel's THE THUNDERBOLTS (spoiler warning), Rish muses about the possibility of solving problems with a hug instead of a fist.
And Fake Sean tries his own squeezin, touchin, and lovin.Many years ago, I wrote that "I may not always love you, but sure as there are stars above you; you'll never need to doubt it, I'll make you so sure about it. God only knows what I'd be without you" were the most beautiful words ever written. Not sure, twenty-five years down the road, if I wasn't right.
One of the first gigs I got as an extra in L.A. was for a TV miniseries called "The Beach Boys: An American Family." I got to wear '60s clothes and have my hair combed/cut into an era-appropriate style, and play a fan at an early Beach Boys performance. And between takes, I hung out (briefly) with the actors playing the band, asking them about their characters. "I drown," proclaimed the one playing Dennis Wilson. "And I just died," said the one playing Carl Wilson.
I liked the Beach Boys' music, and to get paid to pretend to listen to them, while hanging out with the mom on "The Wonder Years,"* felt like I had made it.
Well, the Beach Boys DID make it--they're probably the greatest American band of the 1960s--with more hit songs that you could shake a surfboard at. And Brian was behind it all, the chief songwriter, the genius with a shorthand that spoke to a great many young people about the ocean and fun and young love and excitement and California.**
Brian Wilson, founder and chief songwriter of the Beach Boys, died this week, at the age of 82. There was a bit of fanfare, a few tributes, and at least one person expressed that "Finally, he is at peace," which struck me as unsettling, but yeah, the man had his demons. His contributions to music can't really be overstated, though I do wonder if any young person alive today knows who the Beach Boys are. If not, it's certainly their loss.
I probably haven't listened to Surfer Girl since my twenties. And yet, while I stood by the library doors, waiting for everyone to leave, I surprised myself by remembering every single line from "Little surfer, little one," to "surfer girl, my little surfer girl." And that's kind of amazing.
I had two odd experiences today that, because they happened on the same shift, I felt motivated to blog about.
First off, in the computer section, there was a man sitting at one who, as I walked by, gave me a . . . uh, you know . . a straight-armed salute. I found that strange, but hey, sometimes people do that.
But then he did it a second time. Because the guy's a regular, I approached him to suggest that maybe he not wave in that way because it sort of looked like, you know. But when I went around, I could see he was watching a documentary about Adolf Hitler. I went back to my desk.
I guess I found it amusing enough to sit down and look for when he did it on the security monitor to put the image into this post. Scrubbing though the footage, I found him saluting at timestamp 4:46:39 . . . but that wasn't when I was on my rounds. So I ran it backwards a little. Turns out, he did it again at 4:43:56, and at 4:43:50. After five times, I stopped keeping track and closed the program. It wasn't remotely funny anymore.
But not long later, I saw a young couple come in right before we closed, one with a camera and one with a bag filled with something I thought were ice cubes at first. But as they went about their "business," I realized the bag held googly eye stickers, and I later learned they had been through the academy building and the parking garage before this, making their mischief.
Before my eyes, they proceeded to walk around, sticking them to posters and displays and worst of all, to the statue of the little boy outside the children's library.*
It was the first time was ever sad not to be armed on this job.
At the end of my shift, I told my boss about the googley-eyed bandits, and he said that he had just spent a few minutes walking through the building, peeling eye stickers off walls and statues and photos of our donors. Just like the Nazi-saluting library patron, my boss didn't find it remotely funny.
I was bummed out earlier today when I heard that the townspeople of Bozeman, Montana are not fond of Star Trek fans who travel there to mark the (future) site of mankind's first contact with aliens. Anecdotally, they have been known to brandish rake handles and corn cobs and suggest that Trekkies "shove long and prosper."
It made me sad because, just like Metropolis, Illinois, which proclaims itself the home of Superman, and Riverside, Iowa, which calls itself the future birthplace of James T. Kirk*, you'd think any town would welcome the kind of tourists that would come there for the day, buy mugs and t-shirts, take pictures, then scatter (of course, Bozeman is literally a hundred and eighteen times the size of my hometown, so maybe they don't need that kind of thing).
But then I found out that Winslow, Arizona, a little town that used to be on the famous Route 66 but lost all of its industry and tourism when the historical highway was relocated, has thoroughly embraced its minor bit of fandom. You see, in 1972, the Eagles released the song Take It Easy, which includes the line:
Well, I'm standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona,
Such a fine sight to see;
It's a girl, my lord, in a flatbed Ford,
Slowin' down to take a look at me.
. . . and the lovely folks of Winslow (a little burg only nine times the size of my hometown) decided to honor the song by building a park (Standin' On The Corner Park) and tribute, where Eagles fans can go and, I dunno, imagine that a girl is slowing to look at them too. Because wouldn't that be great?
There's a mural, a painting, a prop vehicle, and a statue of "The Troubadour," which folks say looks like Jackson Browne, who wrote the song.
It's difficult to explain how much joy I got from reading about it and seeing the various photos people have taken over the years (it opened in 1999), because it doesn't really do anything, you know what I mean, and yet it somehow manages to mean something.
Would it kill you, Bozeman, to put up a statue too?
*Oh, and I just learned that Vulcan, Alberta in Canada has an annual Spock Day celebration, complete with a bust of Leonard Nimoy and a statue of the Enterprise. All in an effort to lessen my sadness at Bozeman's (alleged) assholery.
C-3PO figures tend to be plentiful. He's a popular, perennial character that requires few paint applications (especially if you're doing a die-cast figure). His design isn't quite as useful for customs, since other protocol-type droids had different style heads, but the figures are cheap and plentiful. So I grabbed one and took a picture of it to send to Big, warning him I was going to do something unholy to it.
I guess it's been enough time to do another Robert Bloch story . . . hasn't it?
This one is the 1951 Lovecraft homage, "Notebook Found In A Deserted House," about a twelve year old boy who discovers that the only thing worse than a mystery is the answer behind said mystery.
If you wish to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.
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Logo by Gino "Perverted House" Moretto.
If you like, check out last week's Tales To Terrify podcast, where you can hear me perform the story "The Sin Eater's Chrysalis" by Matt Hollingsworth.
It tells the story of a lonely, bitter man who, like his father before him, is able to consume the sins of the recently-dead so that they can go to Heaven, using some pretty disgusting supernatural methods. But every consumption takes its mental and spiritual toll on the sin-eater, so he determines that nobody will follow in his footsteps. It's a dark one, more so than . . . gee, any story in memory I've been asked to do, and way more so than anything I've written. Sound fun?
I suppose this could be considered a cursed production, because I recorded and edited the story, sent it in, and only heard back the next year to learn that the podcast didn't have my audio. Not a huge deal, since I always keep my file until the show is released . . . except this time, apparently. Not sure why I had deleted it, because now we were both a bit scragged.* Even so, I sat down and re-recorded the story, transferred it, and re-edited the sucker. This is the ONLY time I've ever done this, in the, what, fifteen years I've put in narrating stories for podcasts.
Was it worth it? Go TO THIS LINK to find out.
*Of course, about a month later, I did find the original recording on my back-up SD Card, though far, far too late.
One of the subgenres we like to visit on our Outfield Excursions podcast is the Indiana Jones knockoff, and strangely, I seem to enjoy these more than Marshal does. So I was happy to sit down with him and watch FIREWALKER, a Cannon Films adventure starring Chuck Norris, Louise Gossett Junior, and the girl from FLASH AhAhhhhhh GORDON.
But if he ever finds an Indy Jones KO with Jean Claude Van Damme in it . . . that's a bridge too far.
The last time "Cast of Wonders" asked me to narrate a story was "My Hilt Itches" in May of 2022. Seems like longer, but hey, better late(ish) than never.
Every writer has his or her strengths and weaknesses. There are naturally subjects and scenarios I am drawn to, and some I tend to stay as far away from as I can. One of those that I've struggled with is the dystopian future of Science Fiction or Horror.
This story, "Window Boy" by Thomas Ha, is a pretty masterful attempt at the age-old idea of a utopian future story . . . where it becomes clear that it's not a utopia at all. It's also a fanciful Sci-Fi tale about an innocent child that becomes a truly chilling Horror piece by the end.*
Jakey lives with his parents in a world where you don't go outside, but there are TV shows about cybernetic mailmen that protect the outside world from the monsters that roam its streets. And pretty much every night, Jakey has a conversation with the boy who comes to the window, shares a sandwich with him, and asks him questions about the house he lives in.
Dang, this was a good one--in fact, I'm going to interrupt this blog post and write the author an email about it. Well, that felt good. I suggest you do the same, if there's a writer you know of that could use a word of appreciation for their work. In the meantime, check out my performance of "Window Boy" HERE. But don't get too close.
*That is, if I interpreted it the way the author intended. Maybe I didn't. But if that's the case, well, that would mean the story was much less than the sum of its parts. And I don't think so.
For the past few months, Big Anklevich has been running his beefy novella, "The Elefante in the Room," on his podcast. I wasn't really involved, except to talk about his brief Eurotrip*. But now, the story is finished, and it's time for us to talk about it. So, you might as well listen to the whole darn thing (that's what I did).
A teen boy discovers some kind of alien-looking egg about to hatch in his room and uncovers a conspiracy that goes all the way to Selena Gomez. Oh, and the President. What is going on, and who will be next, and how can he possibly stop it?
Anyhow, he had me on for the last episode. We talk about the source of the idea, whether it's about what you think it's about, and would Big end it in the traditional Anklevich way? Find out the answers HERE.
*R.I.P. Michelle Trachtenberg.
Rish shares the (very) short 1957 story "The Three D's" by well-known poet Ogden Nash.
If Victoria is going to join a select group at her school, she must do something Daring, Deadly, and Done-never-before.
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Logo by Gino "In Three-D" Moretto.
It might have been last year, it might have been ten years ago--that's how these things work--but I grabbed a couple of Star Wars guys and did repaints on them, just for fun. Now, Big Anklevich is finally creating his space station, and I thought I could make a couple of repaints for him to have walking around his station. The movies have shown us that the R2 unit and Protocol Droid designs are so good that you can paint them practically any color (or combinations) and they will look good, so I am going to test that theory.
Here's my first one:
This is just a standard late 90s/early '00s R2-D2 with the third leg. It has a chromed dome, so I put tape over it to protect it from the grey primer that I've been told you should use first, so the paint sticks better to the figure.
I didn't take a photo of him when he was grey, whoops (but I did on the next one), but I decided to put black where there had been white and green where there had been blue (plus a little extra).
It did NOT come out great, but as I said before (and will continue to say as I do more of these), the droids look pretty good even with a crappy paintjob, partly because of the great design, but also because of Lucas's idea of a "used universe," where things were old, beat-up, or falling apart.
Above is the finished product. It looks awful to my eye, but Big Anklevich, whom I gave it to, said it would be a fine addition to his space station. Which was nice.
It's time for some more library security guard stories, including helping an old woman, the homeless guy role call, including the guy ranting about Taylor Swift and the dude who really loved the libary.
If you recall my life's philosophy, everything takes longer than you think that it will. And that includes writing stories, and finishing them, and rewriting, and finally, publishing.
But I got one done finally. It's the most recent "Lost & Found" story, "The Case of the World's Oldest Dog," the series where Will Choner, the teen who can teleport, tries to find lost objects.
Will Choner and the Treasures Regained gang are hired by a wealthy man, Jordan Lamont, to find his lost dog, Geronimo. But while Will attempts to find the seemingly-immortal German Shepherd, Beth Reilly gets to know the dog's owner, and finds he has a story almost as strange as Will's own.
I have no idea if this will be the last Will Choner story I write (I did start on a sixth one, but abandoned it early on), but hey, you feel free to scoop it up HERE.
It's a Dead & Breakfast story, about an unpleasant dude named Garrett Delvecchio, who comes to the Noble Oaks Bed & Breakfast on the worst possible night. Or the best?
To download this episode, Right-Click HERE.
Wow, we're a quarter of the way through this new year (is it even a new year anymore?), and I guess I'd better take a long look at my goals in a mirror. Oh, and shave. I ought to shave.
1. Exercise 250 Days
I got in 23 in January, 24 in February, and 26 in March, so I'm on my way (73).
2. Write 25 stories (and finish them) in '25
-1. On Your Side
-2. Fairest (magic mirror story)
-3. Plans Best Laid
-4. Door Number Three (reimagining)
3. Put out 6th audio collection
Nyet.
4. Publish 23 stories on Amazon
I have been very lax on this one. This is what I have so far:
-1. Reply Hazy
-2. Christmas Day of the Dead
5. Finish 2 "Lara & The Witch" stories (included in the 25)
-1. On Your Side (whoa, halfway there)
6. Release "Sins of a Sidekick" novella
7. Release "A Sidekick To Miracles" novella
8. Write and produce three sketches ("Webtattler?")
None--didn't even finish the old one.
9. Put out "Geriatric Protagonist"
Maybe I'll start on it next.
10. Put out Christmas collection
It's close to done, I just can't motivate myself to get it across the finish line.
11. Put out 10 episodes of The Podcast That Dares Not Speak Its Name
-1. The Three D's
-2. A Notebook Found In A Deserted House
12. Produce some paperback books and take them to a toy sale
Uh oh, I need to do this soon. Okay, I just ordered some.
13. Watch 50 Horror movies
Oddly, this one will be the easiest to achieve, even more than exercise (since I can watch a movie with no shoes on).
-1. Nosferatu (2024)*
-2. Village of the Damned (1960)*
-3. Children of the Damned (1964)
-4. 13 Ghosts (1960)
-5. Hell's Trap (1989)
-6. Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984)
-7. Food of the Gods (1976)
-8. The Ghost Ship (1943)
-9. The Leopard Man (1943)*
-10. Talk To Me (2022)*
-11. Heart Eyes (2025)*
-12. The Monkey (2025)
-13. The Monster of Piedras Blancas (1959)
-14. The Thing From Another World (1951)*
-15. Squirm (1976)
(*Denotes particularly good)
Rish presents Ray Bradbury's 1958 short story "The Town Where No One Got Off." Perhaps you won't either.
A man decides to get off a train at one of those stops where no one ever goes, just for the experience. But what experience awaits him?
Dear stranger, to download this episode, Right-Click HERE.
Alright, alright, alright, I've finally got physical, paper copies of my novel "Balms & Sears" for sale, to those among you who, I dunno, enjoy reading or something. This is that book about the boy who is able to heal and the grandfather that thinks it's a bad idea.
Thanks as always to the madness of Big Anklevich for formatting them for me. Once he's gone, I'll likely never publish again.
Scoop up the PAPERBACK HERE or the HARDCOVER HERE . . . then do with them what you like.