Your Gift Wears Mandalorian Armor?

I used to have a semi-tradition of painting a toy in white and blue to give Big Anklevich to use in his holiday display (or to toss in the trash, up to him).  Been a while though.

So, when I saw the most godawful Mandalorian repaint at the store the other day, I shook my head in disgust--it's part of their cheap repaint (yet somehow more expensive) Credit Collection sub-line--and then thought, "Wait a minute . . ."

So, I bought it (it was cheap, as such an unsightly monstrosity deserved to be), and began my attempt at an improvement.

Step 1 was to get rid of that awful, awful orange.  I chose metallic blue to replace it.

Step 2 was to change the tan undersuit for grey.

Step 3 was to take the tan armor and cape and make them white (I wasn't sure if this would work or not, and part of me still wishes I'd done the undersuit white and the cape and armor grey, but ah well).

Lastly, I painted blue and grey on the helmet and jetpack.

So, I don't think it's perfect, but it's a definite improvement.  I mailed it off to Big Anklevich . . . and he hated it so much he gave it to his three year old to smash and chew on.  Joke's on him, though: I used lead paint.

(just kidding, btw)

Tarkin Starts A Holiday Tradition on Delusions of Grandeur

Over at Marshal Latham's Journey Into... channel, we've got a new episode on the Star Wars "Delusions of Grandeur" podcast.  It ain't much, but it's a little sketch I started writing a year ago, and only finished this past Thanksgiving, about Grand Moff Tarkin throwing a sort of Thanksgiving of his own aboard the Death Star.

It's called "Tarkin's Tradition," and it's my usual thing.  I dunno if you'll like the sketch, but it was a lot of fun to write and perform, and it's available HERE.

I told A.I. to create me an image of Grand Moff Tarkin holding a turkey, and even though it looks more like a close relative to Peter Cushing, Marshal went ahead and used it.  

12 Seans of Christmas Post-mortem

So, this is Christmas, and what have you done?  I guess what I did was a couple of podcast episodes, finishing a story that I thought was done two years ago, and this Twelve Days of Christmas thing with Fake Sean Connery.

Now, I've never plugged it before, much less linked to it, but during the pandemic, I created an Instagram account for Fake Sean, hoping to post inspiring content.  That didn't last--does anything?--and I did go back to it from time to time when I heard a joke that might work with Fake Sean telling it.*

But toward the beginning of December, I got it into my head that I could have Fake Sean do the 12 Days of Xmas, and that I might have him tell the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, the greatest of all tall tales.  And even though "A Christmas Carol" is not long, it was waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to do on Instagram, even broken into twelve parts.**

But I tried to figure out how to split it up evenly, and then I took the text, and tried to pare it down short enough to get it all on my dry erase board (which had sat in the trunk of my car for three years since I stopped trying to do pop songs in outdoor locations).  And man, it was work to get each segment down to about four minutes (and in a couple of cases, Instagram didn't want me to upload even that much).

I had lost the original bald Fake Sean mask, and when I went to order another one, they were out of stock, but they did have one circa 1983 (looking like he did in NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN), which works, but isn't really Fake Sean in my mind.  He needs to have a beard and be bald, I think.  So I ordered another bald one from the UK, which was dirt cheap in itself, but the postage really shivved me.

And I discovered that it is really hard to see (let alone read) while wearing the mask.  I guess I have a pretty big head, because you could always see my chin or my hair or my ears when I wore the mask--necessitating me putting on a hat the couple of times I had one handy.  Also, I learned not to put the camera below me, but that it looked better at eye level or above me--eventually, I started holding the camera instead of setting it down, which tired out my arm after a while.

And it took a while because I screwed up so many times.  I started out reading it without the mask, then doing a trial take, but soon I skipped the read-through, and tried to get through it in a single take.  Inevitably, I'd screw up, and there was one where I did four takes before deciding I couldn't bear to do it again.  

Two nights ago, I created a document for the final day (when Scrooge wakes up and finds it Christmas Day), and had to cut out so much content (it really should have been two days), including the great part where he meets the gentlemen from the start and they are not happy to see him, and the bit where he goes to his nephew's party and impresses the wife.  But it took so bloody long that it was two-something when I finished, so I left it for the next morning (which would work better in daylight anyway).  Unfortunately, I was awakened about six by the sound of my laptop restarting, and realized that that meant the abridgment would be gone when I went to do it.  So I had to do the whole thing again, but it was far easier than the night before, because I was well-rested and had already decided what to keep and what to lose.  And this one--the final one--was the only instance where I recorded it in only a single take, and was content to let it be.

There are no segments that are perfect, unfortunately, and I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist with my sketches and audiobooks, but it had all been such a monumental undertaking (shame that I didn't have someone else to do it with me, because it would've gone so much faster) that I couldn't achieve anything near professional-quality.  But I hope that people take it in the spirit of the thing, and it pleases some stranger out there.

May Sean bless us, every one.

*I know there are literally thousands of jokes out there, but you'd be shocked--downright flabbergasted--to find out what percentage of them are actually funny.  Maybe 8%.  Just this week, I heard someone laugh at this execrable Christmas joke: "How did the Magi know what gifts to bring the Baby Jesus?"
"Because they were three wise men."  (insertPicardfacepalmimagehere) 

**Truth be told, I needed about fifteen just to do a bare bones, but complete, retelling.

Rish Outcast 268: There'll Be Scary Ghost Stories II

Alright, here's the second half of my Dead & Breakfast holiday-ish tale, "There'll Be Scary Ghost Stories," where coworkers gather to share their experiences at the Noble Oaks Bed & Breakfast.  Enjoy?

To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.

To support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Hairy Ghost Stories" Moretto.

Join "The War on Christmas"

Not sure why I'm posting this here, but a Facebook friend of mine, Eric Busby, posted a link to a trailer for "the greatest podcast ever," narrated by Morgan Freeman.  And then he instantly revealed that it wasn't REALLY Morgan Freeman narrating, but an impersonator . . .

. . . and I thought, "Dang, I wish he'd asked me to do it.  I do a sort of okay Morgan Freeman."

But then I clicked on THE LINK, and it made a bit more sense to me.

My Reading of "The Christmas Mummy" Back on PodCastle

Thirteen years ago, PodCastle honored me with a request to narrate Tim Shaw/Heather Pratt's story "The Christmas Mummy."  It got a more positive reaction than anything I had done up to that point (and maybe since).  So, I was pleased when Dave Wallace let me know that the most recent PodCastle episode, PC 818, is a repackaging of that old show (even if my audio quality back then was *slightly* worse than today).  

It tells the tale of a family visited by a holiday-themed mummy, as well as Christmas ninjas.  Where could that go wrong?  Check it out HERE!

Rish Outcast 267: Scary Ghost Stories I

So, due to the holidays, I'm going to switch Episodes 267 and 266, and we'll get the latter in a couple of weeks.  You'll survive, I'm pretty sure.

Rish presents half of his Dead & Breakfast story "There'll Be Scary Ghost Stories" for the holidays.  Apologies in advance.

If you want to download it, just Right-Click HERE.

If you want to support Rish on Patreon, as a sort of early present, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "There'll Be Mariah Carey Ghost Stories" Moretto.

12 Seans - Day 3

I mentioned in the last post that the video for Day 2 was particularly crappy.  But I was very surprised the next day when I went to post Day 3's video, to find that I had re-done Day 2's video again, but better.  So, I tried to post that redux version, and then deleted the previous day's video.*  And then I discovered, to a low-level horror, that Day 2's video cut off partway through, simply stopping its upload for some benighted reason.

Is there a time limit for Instagram videos?  Did that mean Day 1's video got cut off halfway through as well?

No.  The answer was no (apparently, for both questions).  So, I uploaded Day 2's video a second time, and this time, the whole thing appeared (something I could only discover by watching it through to the end, Instagram providing no means of skipping to the end until the darn thing is posted.

*Of course, that puts me a full twenty-four hours off my timeline.  But what I think I'll do is post the real Day 3 video tonight before I go to bed, so there are technically two releases today, but they're hours apart.

12 Seans - Day 2

I really bit off more than I could chew with this 12 Days of Christmas Carol thing.  I hadn't anticipated how long it would take to do an abridgement, and then write it up on a dry erase board, and it doesn't help that it starts getting dark at, what, three-thirty?

So, there's a learning curve, and what I learned on Day 2 was to put the camera ABOVE me, rather than below me, because it ruins the "illusion" when you can see my darn face the whole time.

Sigh.

12 Seans of Christmas

 About Thanksgiving, I got this idea to present Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" as part of the 12 Days of Christmas, one post each day leading up to The Day, which seemed a bit ambitious, but doable (especially since I had a month to prepare).  What I had to figure out was how to slice up the book into a dozen parts, and then see how to present those sections.

What I ended up doing was taking each part of the story (for example, the introduction of Scrooge) and abridging it down to as short as I could manage, then writing it up on a dry erase board, setting it in front of me, and trying to go through it in one take.  I recorded the first couple of them so you could "enjoy" the effort, and I'll present it here.

It's very rough (I don't think there's a single one I didn't curse through), and the darn mask looks absolutely ridiculous barely covering the front of my face, yet squashing my nose badly enough I could barely breathe*, and preventing me from seeing the script.  But ah well, it was worth a try.

*By the fifth or sixth day, the steam from my breath has started to warp the inside of the cardboard, which leads me to believe I'll have to throw the mask away when I finish.

Mini Update 12-11

Everybody in my household got the flu this week, and it hit me hardest two days ago.  I slept most of the day away, and felt pretty crummy about it.*  So yesterday, I got a little bit done, but I was still achey and coughing.  And today, I discovered my voice was completely blighted by my illness--for example, when I called my cousin, he absolutely did not want to hear my voice (oh wait, that's every day--bad example).  When I called Big Anklevich, he was not at all pleased to hear me, and it didn't help that I started the conversation with "My, what a lovely day for an exorcism"--and would ruin whatever recording I did with it, despite it getting mighty late to get my Christmas episode done.

In the end, though I may falter, nothing gets Fake Sean Connery down.

 

*By that, I mean, I had felt physically sick, but I also felt guilty for having slept fourteen to sixteen hours instead of getting any writing, exercise, or work with a paycheck attached done.  Funny how you can be your own a-hole boss sometimes.

Bundling, Sure . . . But Is It Easy?

So, I went ahead and published the text version of my Lara & the Witch novella, "Bundling Made Easy."  This one takes place (mostly) during Lara Demming's junior year of high school, and deals with her falling for a handsome basketball player named Scott.  But everything is great--too great--and Lara waits for the other shoe to drop.

This was the third story I wrote in the series, before many of those I've already published, and immediately I went back and started writing stories to fill in the three (or four) year gap between "You're In Good Hands" and "Bundling."  Just this year, I wrote another one that takes place during that gap, and started two more.  There's also a novel I wrote that takes place after this one, but it'll surely be a while before I publish it.

The reason I'm mentioning this at all is that, in the time since I last published on Amazon, the dread spectre of A.I. has risen its mostly-digital head.  They asked me if any part of the book had been written or illustrated by A.I.,* and when I said yes, they made me detail every bit of it, and wouldn't accept nothing for an answer.  Seriously, it would NOT accept nothing when it asked what percentage of the book's text was created by A.I., and finally, I had to write "Some/Very Little" and then typed "None" in the space for more information.  And then it did it again for the illustrations and again for the cover art (in retrospect, I understand why they'd ask that--since people are pants-pizzingly terrified of A.I. right now--but I seriously considered simply lying and saying that none of it was A.I.-generated, just so I could skip the step).

I went back and added a link to "Bundling" in the text of the first two stories, and they too now asked how much A.I. was in them, before I was allowed to proceed.  Luckily, those were clearly zero, and now I wonder if I shouldn't eschew A.I. altogether in the future, because what if the A.I. programs' owners start demanding they get a share of every bit of entertainment that used their algorithm.  Or maybe I should just avoid A.I. altogether in the future because it's the moral thing to do.  Hmmm.

De todos modos, if you'd like to buy a copy of "Bundling Made Easy," it's available HERE.

*The cover was created by the A.I. program Perchance, and then Big put my name over it.

Podcast That Dares 45: Oh Whistle...

Rish performs M.R. James's 1904 story "Oh Whistle, and I'll Come To You, My Lad."  No whistling, please.

Note: I just discovered that there was a famous 17th Century poem/song called OWAICTYML, and this is named after that.  Makes the story cooler somehow.

>

To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.

To support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "T**ty Whistle" Moretto.

My Tale "With A Banjo On My Knee" on Journey Into...

Months back, Marshal Latham tried his darndest to end our friendship with his writing contest, the Quordel Quell.  You may remember.

It was a contest where those who entered were given four words, generated by a game of Quordel (engineered by the Devil himself, by the way), that we were supposed to craft a story around.  I struggled quite a bit with it, but went ahead and wrote a story, "With A Banjo On My Knee," and submitted it.*

It told of Garrett McClaren's discovery of a banjo that seems to have an unusual, maybe even magical effect on people.

Well, Marshal has created a production of that story over on the Journey Into... podcast, and it's available now, if you'd like to listen to it.  He went nuts with full-cast (again), and there are a bunch of familiar faceless voices in this one.**  I lent my voice to the main character's douchey boss (which is a bit strange, having a bit part in my own story, but I'm always happy to participate, as long as it doesn't involve editing), a young man with a banjo that people quite enjoy the sound of.  Feel free to check it out HERE.

*It may have been the last time I ever wrote a story.  And can you blame me?  (you know who I blame)

**Big Anklevich also voices one of the characters.

Rish Outcast 265: Sleeping Near The Enemy

Big Anklevich joins Rish for his Gerald & Bjorn sketch "Sleeping Near The Enemy."  Then they talk about spousal abuse . . . like you do.

Download the episode directly by Right-Clicking THIS LINK.

Support my arse on Patreon by clicking THIS ONE.

Logo by Gino "Slurping Near the Enemy" Moretto.

Legacy Progress - Update

I had a list of fixes and re-lines Abbie sent me to do before I get paid.  I did a little count, and there are ten changes (only one of which made me want to go all orangutan and throw food, laptops, and dung at the wall), ten changes and the audiobook will be put to bed (except for the dedication at the start, which I told Abbie to record herself, for reasons unknown).  I will try to get them all recorded tonight, but might not edit them in until tomorrow night.  We'll see.

I've never been tempted to burn the library down before, even when that employee told me that it was haunted (I always meant to talk about that on a podcast, but never did).  But today I got an overdue notice for the book I tried to return on Friday, only to discover that the library was closed between Thursday and Monday, and the book return drops had all been locked up too.

As far as exercise goes, I went on my full run last night, despite it being in the thirties, and it didn't even seem all that cold (running probably does that).  But tonight, it was twenty-five degrees out, and man, it was just too cold for me.  I only made it half a mile before slinking back like a kicked dog (a shivering, kicked dog), but since I make the rules, it still counts.

I keep telling Big that, as soon as this audiobook is finished, I'll start writing again.  But what should I write?  I had an idea for a Christmas story last week, but have done nothing with it.  I last worked on a Lara & the Witch story where Lara takes Holcomb's place through a spell that makes her look like the witch, and got close to finishing it (like, within eight or ten pages), but then abandoned it.  I could grab that and get it done.  Abbie suggested I finally write "The Sins of a Sidekick," which was the Ben Parks story where he takes up with a wise old preacher . . . who seems to know less about the Bible than an eleven year old orphan boy, and that story is probably six years overdue, so I could try that.

Oh, and there's that darn Thanksgiving Star Wars sketch I had vowed to get written, recorded, and edited this month . . . but it still sits unfinished.  We'll see which, if any of those, I choose.

Rish, Marshal, and Allan Quatermain Visit the "Lost City of Gold"

Last year, I forced Marshal to watch KING SOLOMON'S MINES, a light-hearted RAIDERS rip-off starring Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, and John-Rhys Davies.  I liked it a lot more than he did, so we waited a year to watch the sequel, ALLAN QUATERMAIN & THE LOST CITY OF GOLD.

Was it as good as the first one?  Was it more or less of an Indiana Jones rip-off?  Did it co-star any Dark Lords of the Sith or Mistresses of the Dark?  Find out HERE.

Legacy Progress - Day 27

Okay, I reached the end of the book.

Well, I'm not technically done.  Abbie has sent me a few changes she needs, and I'm going to sit down as soon as the g***mn football stops blasting in the living room and record the copyright bit for the end, but as far as the main edit goes, I'm finished.  Which means, this is the last time you'll see this abomination:

I ain't gonna miss it.

Legacy Progress - Day 26

This has been fun.

Oh no, not the editing.  The blogging each day.  And the god-awful thermometer progress bars.  Next time, I should just draw one myself (maybe in the shape of a skull, or R2-D2, or Flux Capacitor, or dildo), so it will be easier to make look semi-professional.

I got an idea for a holiday story today, and tried my best to finish editing early so I could run over to the library, return all the videos and books I had checked out to use at the cabin but never got to, and spend an hour plotting out the tale.  But I didn't quite manage.

So, I quit editing halfway through the Author's Note, and drove over, hoping to get at least half an hour in before they kicked people out.

I needn't have bothered--the bastards closed on Thanksgiving, and don't open again until Monday.  What's worse, they closed their night book drop, so I can't return the overdue items, and have to keep paying late fees on them.  I found that rather empissening, sir.

Wish me luck!

Legacy Progress - Day 25

I am tired today, for some reason.  

But I got Chapter 37 edited, and it was a bear.  Lots of mouth sounds, and lots of me coughing and doing lines badly.  Carmine and Arcove have a long conversation, and too often, they didn't sound differently enough to each other (but she didn't keep saying, "Carmine said" or "said Arcove," which I would've sprinkled liberally throughout, to make up for my narrating shortcomings.

It's long, but it's not so long that I should have fallen asleep over and over again.  I guess I'll blame it on the Thanksgiving turkey.

My Voice on "Rusty Sue" on The Drabblecast

Lucky me, the great Norm Sherman over at the Drabblecast asked me to voice a character in "Rusty Sue" by Arthur Manners.  It's a Weird Western,* a term I still struggle to accept as valid, and I voice . . . Slim, a twelve foot tall android sheriff.  I get to say "pterodactyl-looking muther-fu**ers," so that's nice.

It amazes me that Norm can continue to do such fine work (and that I haven't listened in so long).  It's a short episode, you can check out at THIS LINK.

*It's a post-apocalyptic Western, with a world of mostly robots, so, hey, we got that to look forward to.

Legacy Progress - Day 24

No cabin this week, otherwise I'm pretty sure I would be done today.  But hey, I can still be done sometime on the weekend, and that's just as good.

I keep getting confused on these blogposts, because I started them the day before November began, so Day 24 hits on the 23rd . . . and that keeps confusing me.

Today, I set aside an hour to edit Chapter 35.  It wasn't enough.

It's weird, since it's only 4710 words.  But it's the climax of the book, and she's packed everything into it, including a knock-down drag-out fight.

It's funny, when I finally finished the chapter (even though I caught a mistake I made I'd have to re-do), I felt like I had accomplished something difficult, almost like after a big hike or a particularly-sweaty run.  Huh.

Legacy Progress - Day 23

Okay, I'm in the home stretch.

Today, I'm editing Chapter 34 (a super short chapter, thank Bossk*), and I thought it would be interesting to count how many edits total it takes to get to the end.  My prediction is around thirty, but I'll count them at the end, and we'll see.

There are so many little edits one does on each chapter (unless you're Renee Chambliss, of course): mouth sounds, different line deliveries, pitching up Ilsa's voice so she sounds younger than Velta, adding Echo to thoughts, cutting out throat-clearing, the damned windchimes the neighbors decided to hang right outside my window**, and of course, all the mistakes I make

Luckily, most mouth sounds (though, infernally, not all) are easy to spot on the audio wave form.  Do you see the one here?

They often appear as a thin vertical line, which makes them easy to spot, except when they aren't.

So, I finished, saved the file, then closed it . . . only then realizing that I had meant to go back and count all the edits.  Whoops.  But let me say that, when I reached the five minute point, I did a count, just to see where I was, and I was at 84.  Eighty-four edits only partway through.  

Makes me feel all the dumber for forgetting to count at the end.

*Tomorrow's chapter is gargantuan.  Indeed, Bossk help us all.

**They said they were tired of hearing the audio of those Animes where screeching Japanese schoolgirls are molested by demons on midsummer nights.  To each their own.

Legacy Progress - Day 22

I meant to re-record Chapter 20 yesterday, but I lost my recorder.  It was a whole ordeal, and I don't know if I should waste your time with the story or not.*  Long story short, I couldn't find the recorder until this afternoon, but I sat down and got the chapter done, as well as relines for Chapters 24 and 32, in less than a half hour (heck, I was able to insert the relines and edit Chapter 20 in the same hour).

I even managed a second chapter by the end of the day.  Not long now.

*I had taken my recorder with me in the car, intending to record for my Patreon address, but I started talking to Big Anklevich on the phone, and never got to it.  Later, as it was getting dark, I couldn't find the recorder, and suspected I'd left it at the storage unit somehow.  I drove over there, doing inventory for ten minutes or so before it was too dark to continue, but didn't find the recorder.  Obviously, I'd taken it out of the car and put it on my desk where it belonged.  Except it wasn't there.
I looked through the car, sifting through bags, pretty sure I had put it in a bag when I first carried it out to the car, but it wasn't there.  So, when it came time to do my relines that night (when everyone had gone to bed and it was quiet), I couldn't do it, and instead boxed up loose junk and inventoried it in the living room.
I drove back to the storage unit when I got up, sure I'd accidentally dropped it somewhere, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember what had been in that bag I had stuffed it in.  It wasn't anywhere that I looked, and I was about to give up--even going so far as to close the door and start to lock it again--but I remembered I had sold something (Stilt-man's Torso piece), so I opened it up again and made my way to the back to grab it . . . and there was a bag with a couple of loose, worthless figures I had decided not to bother with two nights before, and sure enough, the recorder was below them.  Two birds with one ston--well, it was several stones by this point.

Legacy Progress - Day 21

I decided to make myself edit Chapter 22 today (despite having skipped it and being in the 30s now).  The recording was about forty-five minutes long

I discovered--and I was aware of this during the recording, as I kept clearing my throat and cursing myself over it--that my mouth made an annoying popping sound in virtually every single sentence . . . sometimes multiples in a single sentence.  When I did Halvery's voice it was much, much worse (which is too bad, since he's the POV character in that chapter), and I cannot explain why that would be so.

Finally, I decided to make a Facebook post over on the Audiobook Narrator section that I never go to anymore, in case someone there has a tip or pre-narration ritual they follow.  In it, I wrote "I'm editing a chapter I recorded, and my mouth keeps making *popping* noises, like I was chewing gum or Elmer's Glue.  Do you have any advice as to avoid these mouth sounds?"  

I only got one reply, and it was so gloriously pedantic that I regretted ever posing the question, and indeed, ever being born.

But I edited my post to clarify that it was just on that chapter, and almost immediately, I got the kind of response I was looking for.

This person suggests green apples and salt and hot tea and the blood of Indonesian children (do you realize how EXPENSIVE that is over here, though?) and gargling salt water and honey.  I can try some of those.

Anyway, I got the chapter finished . . . only took me ninety minutes (final chapter total 28:44).  Sigh.

Legacy Progress - Day 20

Another two steps forward* and one step back day--last night, I went to open Chapter 20, and couldn't find it.  It had been one of those four chapters (along with Marshal Latham lines) that I'd recorded without plugging in the big microphone (now that I think of it, Marshal would've been fine with less-than-stellar audio, since they don't have clean audio up in Idaho).  But before I left for the cabin this week, I had sat myself down and recorded four chapters again (with the mic plugged in) so I'd have plenty to edit while I was there.

But my recorder is running super low on space, since it has dozens of chapters and never-to-be-used short stories on it**, so I tend to have to delete chunks of them every time I go to the cabin (usually, my habit is to leave the audio on the recorder until I have put out the episode/sent Abbie the file, so if there is a glitch or an error discovered, I still have the original to fall back on), and that is what I did . . . except that I seem to have deleted Chapter 20's re-recording too.

So, we're now here:

On the bright side, I've been blogging again every day for three weeks.  And since I'm back in that mindset, I think of things I'd like to mention in my blog every single day . . . except I rarely remember to include them once I get in front of the computer again.

But last night, before I fell asleep, I opened Chapter 20 to make sure that I had re-recorded it, and I didn't recognize it.  So, it would seem, there had been FIVE chapters that were unusable, and I'd only re-done four.  That made me feel better somehow.

*Actually, only a single step forward, but don't depress me with math.

**To save time, I tend to read from my two books of ghost stories (one British and one American) aloud, with the recorder going, so that, if I like it, I've already got it to use on the show.  Unfortunately, more than half of those stories I do not like, so they never get edited or put out.  Fun, huh?

Legacy Progress - Day 19

Today was a long hard day of manual labor . . . but I am determined to edit a chapter.  Just not Chapter 22.  It's too long.

I ended up doing two chapters, though I found an error in the second of them (and will have to redo a line).  I am super tired right now, and even though it's hours before I normally go to bed (I got up before the sun today, so that might have something to do with it), I'm tempted to skip exercise and just hit the sack.

Shoot, that's what I did.

In other news, I hate the word "turducken," and loathe anybody that uses it.  I've got a friend in New Zealand, and he's absolutely revolted whenever he hears these dirty, shameful truths about America and our gluttony.  When I told him about our fast food culture here, he shook his head and said, "But that's just, like, rich teenagers you're talking about . . . or morbidly obese computer programmers."  And the truth is, it's everybody writing this or reading this, except him.  Sad, no?*

*I used to have a friend in Argentina, and she would ask me about American culture, because, as she said, there was so much anti-Yanqui (the vile word they call us) propaganda there.  And I asked, "Like what?"  And she said, "About how racist you guys are, and how wasteful and decadent."  I said, "Decadent how?" thinking it would be something sexual.  And she said, "Like, I read this disgusting thing that most Americans buy Christmas presents . . . for their dogs.  That's gotta be a lie, right?"

And I had to tell her that, growing up, my siblings and I would always get a present for our dog, every year.  Sigh.

Rish Outcast 264: I Don't Care What Tannen Says

In one of those oversharing episodes, Rish ponders why he cares what people think of him.  Warning: BTTF and TMI.

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Legacy Progress - Day 18

Today was busy, too busy to do half of what I had intended.  I know, I said that yesterday too.

But I did get a single chapter edited.  Granted, it was (probably) the shortest chapter in the book, but it still got done, and that's one step closer to being done.  Tomorrow may be better.  Excelsior!

Legacy Progress - Day 17

So, it's a new day and I woke up twice during the night, the second time in pitch blackness, hearing a sound I couldn't place.  It was a hissing sound, coming from upstairs, and I thought, "Is that the wind?  Is there a gas leak?  Is there a generator running somewhere?*  The darned Babadook again?"  But it turned out it was rain--that tiny misty kind that doesn't drip so much as spray.

But now I'm up--well before my alarm--and starting to edit again.  Since I won't be here next week (it's Thanksgiving), and probably won't be back the week after (it'll be practically December then, and we've never made it up here in December (the roads get snowed out and you get stuck, even in a pickup truck), I'm trying to get in some serious work this visit.

I was telling my cousin that I learn something new every time we do a toy sale in a parking lot or mall or store, and it's the same way with each of these audiobooks.  On this one, there are three female characters--all with English accents--that speak to each other, and it's a real challenge to get Wisteria, Shimmer, and Ilsa to sound different from one another.**  Also, there are a couple pairs of male characters who sound very similar (Dazzle and Halvery, Stefan and Moshi, Arcove and Carmine), and on the few occasions when they interact, I really struggle to make them obviously distinct people . . . something that kicks me in the Boston Baked Beans when I'm editing.

And editing, as I can't stress enough, is more time-consuming than you can imagine.  I make a lot of decisions on the fly while I'm recording--how long to space out my sentences and paragraphs, how to pitch and accent the voices, whether to stop when I hear a car or train or child or f***ing motorcycle in the distance, various performance choices, whether or not to do a line over (I often say, "My mouth made a noise on that line," then do it over, not conscious that there are TWO DOZEN other mouth noises I didn't catch in that session alone), how fast or slow to deliver dialogue and exposition, whether to stop and take a drink when my mouth starts getting dry, and how close my character voice is today from the last time I did it--which was days or months in the past.  

But hey, this is what she pays me for.  That, and pronouncing nonsense words like "voluntaro," "Lidian," "wisteria," and "however."

***

Anyhow, about an hour ago, it started snowing, just thin, gravely snow at first, then harder, and I thought, for a moment, "Oh boy, I'd better pack up and get out of here before the road becomes impassable."  Unpassable?  Nonpassable?  I didn't want to, but I thought it might be wise, since I only drive a Toyota Corolla, and it's less-than-great in snow and mud.

But I had only gotten one solitary chapter edited, and I'd checked out a book from the library to record a short story from, and I didn't want to cut the trip short, so I just hoped it'd go away . . . and it did.  The snow stopped, and now, it's sliding off the roof of the cabin next to mine in big splotchy clumps, and by the time I get out of here for real this afternoon, it should be all melted.  Sometimes, it pays to be not-smart.

***

Well, it's now dark.  I got a lot done, but only half of what I wanted.  With the time change, I lost an hour, but dang, I wish I had gotten more done (one Outcast halfway edited, this blog post, and seven chapters edited).  But that's life, isn't it?  At least I'm now back on track.

*They tend to make a heck of a racket, or maybe sound travels a lot further out here, so even if there's one several cabins over, you can hear their generator buzzing all night long.  When we had one (we use solar now), the last person awake--always me--would have to go out to the shed and turn it off.

**Abbie asked me the other day if it was hard to strain my voice to do the dialogue for a character that is mortally injured, and no, that's just acting.  And something I enjoy, even if it makes me cough.  But this, this is hard (especially Ilsa's voice).  But also, I've got to challenge Abbie for her next book, to not say "____ hesitated" a hundred times.  I have a real difficulty with that word, and if I can commit her to only using it five or six times--the whole book--then she'd rise up on my list of favorite people.  She's currently smack between Lou Costello and my rich uncle George.

Legacy Progress - Day 16

 Should I tell 'em?

Well, you win some and you lose some.  As the above graphic shows . . . we took one step forward, and two steps back.  I discovered that my microphone was not plugged in for not one, not two, but four chapters, recording lower-quality room audio, which would be fine for one of my podcasts, but not for a professional (oh, sorry, "professional") audiobook.

I did sit down and re-record two of the unusable chapters today, but they were the two shorter ones.  On the other hand, I did edit one of the longest chapters, and while it took me from afternoon until it was dark outside, it's one more (small) step closer to the finish line.

I'm at the cabin now (probably the last time this year) and I continue to be no damn good at making a fire.  But hey, I'll take advantage of the cold and edit a little bit more.

Okay, some progress, but it's still pretty sad.

Legacy Progress - Day 15

 I got two chapters edited today, which ain't great, but is good.

One of the main characters in the book is named Wisteria, and that's a word that, apart from the buzz around "Desperate Housewives," I've never heard or read.

So, it may come as no surprise that I sometimes call her "Wist-air-ya" and sometimes call her "Wist-ear-ya."  And you might say, "Rish, who cares how you pronounce it; it's not like it's a real word."

And preach on, brother, except Abigail Hilton cares.  And she would argue that wisteria is indeed a word, even going so far as to send me links to Wikipedia (that she obviously created herself in an elaborate attempt to gaslight me).

Luckily, I've managed to pronounce "rat's pizzle" correctly throughout.  So far.

Legacy Progress - Day 14

So, back when I was first recording "Legacy," I found a chapter that (for reasons I no longer recall) seemed like it would be a good example for Marshal "The Butcher" Latham to edit for me, since he had generously offered to do one.  Turned out it was kind of a two-part chapter, narratively, and so I stuck the second part in the Dropbox, if he wanted to edit that too.

He never said anything about it, just went ahead and edited both of them.  I still had to cut out a few mouth sounds, but the heavy lifting was done.  That should have given me plenty of time to edit the rest of the chapters around them, but I didn't do so hot.*  Even so, I had worked hard enough at the start of the month that I am still on track to be finished by the deadline, which is sixteen days away.  Plenty of time. 

*I told my cousin two weeks back that I hoped to get ten chapters edited while I was at the cabin, and I only got half that.  Last week, I got even fewer.

Exercise Update - November

Looking at my chart, there are a lot of white spots--which represent days I didn't exercise--but they aren't the majority, not even close.  In fact, if I decided not to exercise for the rest of 2023 (and simply soil myself whilst watching "Euphoria" and the Canadian remake of "Skins"), I would still have achieved my goal to have exercised 200 days this year.

But don't you worry, I currently have no plans to watch "Euphoria" or "Skins" any time soon.