Gutterball

There was a toy sale my cousin and I went to in April, and as we were putting out our wares, we came across a Spongebob Squarepants Happy Meal toy that belonged to neither of us.  As there were bound to be many children there that day (as well as rain, wind, and hail), my cousin figured he could put a sticker that said "Free" on it so someone who actually wanted it could take it off our hands.

Typical of me, I made a sticker for it that said "FREE (Warning: toy is cursed)" on it.  No, not funny in the slightest, but when has that ever stopped me?

And a few minutes later, a child did indeed see the Spongebob toy and show it to his mother, who read my sticker and said, "No!  Put it back, it says it's cursed."  And . . . well, yeah, I guess that was a little bit funny.

Anyway, once the torrential rain came down, the ball was forgotten, and the next week, when we got together to sell, my cousin took the "cursed" sticker off of it, and just gave it away without comment.  End of story.

But today was another toy sale, in a much, much smaller venue, and both my cousin and I had tables next to each other.  The organizer of the event had found a little plastic ball while setting up, and put it on his desk so that anyone who wanted it could take it (for free).  I mentioned it to my cousin, and we both had the same idea: the ball was free, sure, but it was cursed.

Anyhow, the toy selling day came and went without much incident.*  I sold only two or three things (might only have been two), but my cousin did better, and I really see these as social outings more than all-or-nothing business trips, so it was a fair day.  We were packing up our stuff and carrying it to my cousin's car, when I looked down at the gutter.  There was the ball Jwill had had at his table, lying between the sidewalk and the street.

It was easy to imagine an unlucky child leaving the venue, his cursed ball in hand, and starting to cross the road before being flattened by a Cybertruck that, true to form, didn't even stop to apologize.  And there was that ball again, just waiting for the next poor soul to pick it up.

*The only incident of measure, not really even worth mentioning, was that I had offered to bring an expensive toy (one selling for between $140 and $150 on eBay), but had told people I would be asking $120 for it, and when I spoke to my nephew about the possibility of it reaching $200 or so around Christmas, he said, "Then why let it go for less?" because he knows me well enough to see me selling it for $100 or even $80 because I'm incapable of sticking to my guns.  So, I told him before I left that I would stick to my guns and not sell it for less than what I was asking for.  My cousin told me the same thing ("Just say no when someone offers you fifty"), and I vowed to be tough for the first time ever.  So, when a couple of people asked me its price (even though it said it had $120 right on it), I told them I couldn't go lower.  But one guy wouldn't stop needling me about doing just that.  I told him, "Yeah, I could go lower, but I'm not going to on this one."  But he just wouldn't stop ("Nobody's bought it for $120 yet--just drop the price"), and toward the end of the day, after a stranger texted me and said he'd give me full price for it if I still had it that afternoon, this guy--who is not a stranger, and I have gone as far as to drive to my sister's house to get an item from her basement to sell to him--came up to me (this was maybe the fourth time that day), and said, "Okay, here's my final offer: $105," I said, "Sorry, it's not for sale anymore," and I took it off the table and set it aside.  
He did not respond well to this.  "Okay, great," he said, and angrily walked back to his booth (across the room), upset that I had wasted so much of his precious time (I had bought three things from his own booth, which I suppose I regret now).  He hadn't previously been a friend of mine or anything, but after today, he never would be.

Rish Outcast 332: You're My Obsession

Rish is head over heels for this 2026 Horror movie OBSESSION, directed by Curry Barker, which has made a ton of money and garnered a bunch of praise. And while Rish tries to skirt spoilers, here's one: he never quite manages to properly explain why the movie was so scary to him.

While we're at it, why not talk about John Collier's "The Chaser," adapted in the first season of The Twilight Zone?

Warning: TMI and thematic spoilers.

Download the file directly by Right-Clicking HERE.

Why don't you support me on Patreon HERE?  You afraid or something?

Logo by Gino "You're My Depression" Moretto.

Big & Rish Talk About "Digital Wizards"

Over on the Anklecast, Big has been presenting segments of his novella "Digital Wizards," month to month.  In the newest episode, I join him to talk about the completed story, where the idea came from, and how we are supposed to feel about the main character.  I thought it was an interesting discussion, but of course, I have a bias.

Maybe you could go over and judge for yourself, RIGHT HERE.

Rish & Marshal Discuss THE MANDALORIAN & GROGU

So, there's a new* Star Wars movie in theatres!  Join me and Marshal Latham as we discuss THE MANDALORIAN & GROGU over at the Delusions of Grandeur podcast!  Find out what Rish would've bet a thousand dollars was going to happen (and didn't), discover what OT Star Wars alien Marshal did not recognize, and hear one of us complain about having to see the movie twice right HERE.

*It's a bit old now, but hey, anything I edit is going to be.

Marshal & I Encounter THE HUMANOID

Boy, this is a bad one.  Marshal Latham and I once stood at the grave of Alex McCrindle (who played General Dodonna) and vowed to watch every single ripoff of STAR WARS that we could . . . as long as it wasn't directed by Zack Snyder and straight to Netflix.  And that brought us to 1979's THE HUMANOID, the most recent movie we've reviewed on Outfield Excursions.

And words kind of fail me on this film.  It has three James Bond alumni in it, a robot dog sidekick, a naked torture device, a creepy Asian kid with mystical powers, as well as a character with the outlandish Sci-Fi name of Barbara Gibson.

Bad, yes.  But is it fun-bad or simply bad-bad?  Check it out HERE.

Podcast That Dares 70: The Crystal Egg

Rish presents HG Wells's 1897 Science Fiction tale, "The Crystal Egg." It tells us about Mister Cave, an antique shop owner who is oddly protective of a decorative glass egg in the store's possession.

Yeah, 1897.

If you wish to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you wish to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "The Crystal Smeg" Moretto.

Rish Outcast 330: My Friend of Misery 3

It's the new normal. Brielle Montrose tries to live her life, while her brother and his new "friend" are living theirs.

Afterwards, Rish opens a can of worms talking about bullies (I even considered cutting it out, since the episode was so long, but here we are) and even quotes Nietzsche.

Note: These three MFOM episodes were recorded before I realized it was a mistake to attach my microphone to the seatbelt instead of my shirt.

To download this episode, Right-Click HERE.

To support Rish on his Patreon page, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "My Fan of Misery" Moretto.

Your Watcher and Mine

I had a trio of favorite characters on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."  If I recall, they were Xander, Giles, and Spike.  And while I never worked on any show with James Marsters, I did a "Kitchen Confidential" episode with Nicholas Brendan*, and a pilot that didn't get picked up starring Anthony Stewart Head.  

Later, when I started watching BTVS, I grew to love the character of Rupert Giles, and kept waiting for the episode where he is killed (I had misunderstood his fate amid the many spoilers that I could not avoid), and began to imitate the way he would say, "Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer..." at the start of episodes.**

Yes, his brother sang "One Night In Bangkok."

It was that mediocre impression, though, that got me a "gig" (ie, unpaid) of voicing Giles on an audio adaptation of the Dark Horse Buffy comics.  While I'm sure I would wince at the badness of my English accent if I listened to those today, twenty years ago it was good enough for (unpaid) government work.

Anyway, it turns out that Anthony Stewart Head died this past Monday.  It was due to complications after pneumonia, and he was only seventy-two.  But even if he'd lived to be ninety, it would be too soon for such an inspiring and underrated actor.  

Besides "Buffy," he was on "Merlin," and the second Percy Jackson movie, in "Bridgerton," "Little Britain," SWEENEY TODD, THE IRON LADY, and probably the worst movie ever made based on a Marvel comic***, GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE.

I never met the guy, unfortunately.  I did see him at a San Diego Comic-Con one trip, signing a book (I looked it up, and there aren't any listings on Amazon for books he's written).  I asked if I could get in the line, but it was already capped.  I bet somebody with Tony's charisma couldn't charmed their way into the queue.

It turns out he had a major role in "Ted Lasso," which I was not aware of (Jeff's a big fan).  Oh, and Jeff and I watched DUNGEONS & DRAGONS: HONOR AMONG THIEVES last week, and discovered that the creepy villainous witchgirl was played by Emily Head, Tony's daughter.  

It was thinking about that pilot--it was called "Him & Us" and he played a pop star based on Elton John and we were shooting concert scenes all day long, where I was a fan.  The songs were all original to the show, and the "band" performed them so many times that a bunch of us on my row (including a pretty blonde lass I was fortunate enough to sit next to) started singing along to them, just like if were were real lifelong fans of this guy (Maxx Flash was the character name).  I worked on a ton of programs until I pissed off Sony, but that was one of the highpoints of my time as an extra. 

It's really Giles that I'll remember him for.  He played Buffy's Watcher, guiding her and the rest of the gang, acting as the adult in the room, even when that was difficult.  He brought warmth and intelligence to the role of Buffy's father figure, and sang in two episodes.  He had such a gravitas and professionalism to his performance that you believed everything he said, no matter how ridiculous.  It was an excellent show--one of my all-time favorites--and he made it better.

R.I.P.

*I really should have blogged about it, but I read the news at the end of a shift, and I honestly only ever blog here at work (or at the cabin in the summer).  When I worked with Nicholas, I had only ever seen one episode of "Buffy," and hadn't gone back (though it HAD been a Xander-centric first season episode).  Only later would I appreciate the show.  And him.  But still, I should've said something on here.

**I say it to this day, including this past Tuesday when my cousin and I were watching "The Rookie."  It is probably annoying to everybody around me, but no matter what the show is, I call it "Previously on BTVS."

***Which yes, I realize is saying something.  

Don't Work What It Is

So, there are several regulars at the library, people who come in every single day, whether to read, to study, or because it's a place they can go.  You know what I mean.

Among them is Doris*, a tiny woman who always comes over and greets me, either before or after her visit, expressing joy to either see me here or to be at the library in general.  She is an entirely positive person, with one small caveat.

She always says one of two things to me.**  The first, and most awful is, "Don't work too hard!"  The first two or seven times she said it to me, I'd try to come up with a clever response, like, "Who, me?  Never!" or "I'm way ahead of you!" or "If I do, it'll be the first time!"  But after ten or a dozen or so times, I just couldn't come up with a cutesy response.  I even started to say, "I barely even work soft" or "No harder than you would," but I'm just not talented enough to keep up a witty repartee with a partner that only knows three lines.

It got to the point where I used to dread seeing her come in, because I knew those four words would follow.  Isn't that neurotic?  But one day I said, "I never know what to say when you tell me that, so I wish you wouldn't say it."  And she stopped.  Not 100%, but mostly.

The other thing she says, which isn't nearly as bad, but means a whole hell of a lot less (so it's worse) is, "It is what it is."  It is her go-to answer for virtually anything.  "How's your day been, Doris?"  "Oh, it is what it is."  "Looks like it might rain out there, Doris."  "Well, it is what it is."  "We've got a wedding reception tonight, looks like they have a DJ."  "I guess it is what it is."  "You feeling any better?"  "A little, but it is what it is."  "Dang Doris, all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain."  "Yep, time to die.  It is what it is."***

I don't mean to be uncharitable, but "It is what it is" is one of the stupidest sayings we have in the English language.  Oh, I know what you think it means.  To me, it's just a made-up saying, a politicians' saying, so that young fellas like yourself can wear and suit and a tie and have a job.  It's nearly as empty as "Thoughts and prayers" and almost as useless as "Choose happy."  

I guess I just wanted to complain.  There are worse things in the world than vampires or people who tell me not to overwork myself. And when I run into one of them, I'll blog about it.

Rish (Is What He Is) Outfield

*Not her real name.  I realized recently that I probably shouldn't be calling people that work with me by their real names, in case someone takes exception with phrases like, "My boss says he's not as sympathetic to drug addicts as he used to be," or "Terence actually believes that the Democrats will steal his children to change their genders," or "Foxy Ellen breaks every single librarian stereotype except that she absolutely will not smile," or "Homeless Hector's body stink usually ensures he has a section of the library to himself," or "Karoline with a K has no idea how much her mere existence brightens my workday."  People have been fired for less, though I personally have been fired for more.

**There are other things she says, such as "It's so good to see you" or "Have a great day," but those aren't weird, so I'm not mentioning them here.

***Originally, this last one was going to be me saying, " "Your mother's in here, Doris.  Would you like to leave a message?"  But it seemed unkind somehow--especially so soon after Mother's Day.

I interrupted this post to tell a guy on crutches how to get to the ballroom--he had been starting up the stairs and I ran over to tell him where the elevator was and how to get to the larger elevator that goes to the third floor.  But I saw on the monitors that, as soon as he got to the second floor, he hobbled up the stairs to the third floor as though I had never spoken to him.

No More Reason To Watch CBS

I'm a Letterman guy.  I was just the right age, when Dave had his NBC show, to get what he was doing--to see him as a sort of rebel, spitting in the face of the suits, the corporations, the network, tradition, and the idea of what was "cool."  "Late Night" was appointment television for young people in the Eighties.

But, it turned out, that what Dave really wanted was to be seen as worthy to fill the shoes of his own idol, Johnny Carson, and when that didn't happen (I mean, he had bitten the hand that fed him for a decade by that point), he left in a huff and went to CBS, which rolled out a red carpet for him, buying and refurbishing the Ed Sullivan Theater so he could have his own, more respectable show, airing opposite "The Tonight Show," now hosted by Jay Leno, a man Dave had come up with in the industry, who he had called a friend, but now considered an enemy.

I'm getting somewhere with this little history lesson.  That was 1993--a whole lifetime ago--when "The Late Show" began.  And it was shinier, more corporate, more professional, than "Late Night" had been.  David Letterman had grown up.*  

But when his CBS show was at its best, it reminded you of what you so loved about Letterman's first show, only with a (slightly) more respectable veneer.  Age does that to a person, I suppose.  By the time Dave went off the air in 2015, he was the old guard, Seth Meyers was running his old show (now produced by Lorne Michaels), Jay Leno had given way to Conan O'Brien, then took "The Tonight Show" back, and had since passed it to Jimmy Fallon.  And Kimmel had been doing a live show on ABC since 2003.

And after Dave came Stephen Colbert, who, despite being a hundred times more straight-laced, traditional, and respectable as Letterman, made a powerful enemy in one Donald Trump (who he invited as a guest on his show in 2016, and when asked why--when he was so negative toward him--said, "I wanted to be able to say I'd had the (very) last president of the United States on my show."), and after calling out the payout CBS gave the Trump administration when it would've been easily winnable in court as the bribe ("big fat bribe" were his words) that it was, his show suddenly became too expensive to produce (despite being the most-watched late night talk show) and was announced to be ending in May of 2026.  

Well, that day has come (and probably gone by the time I finish this post), and Colbert had some great guests in the days before his finale, from Steven Spielberg to Barack Obama, from John Stewart to his fellow late night hosts Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, John Oliver, and Jimmy Fallon.  And, of course, he just had Letterman on, to throw things off the roof of the Sullivan Theater in an episode that would have thrilled the eleven year old me to the core.**

And then, Colbert too was out of there.  The show is gone, as there's not a host coming after him.  And that, like I said that the start, is that--the only reason left to watch CBS, walking out the door.  Please lock it behind you, would you?

*At least as much as he was capable.  Conan O'Brien took over "Late Night," and was really Dave's successor, bringing his own dorky outsider perspective, only with less cynicism, an earnest wish to be liked that Dave had (whether feigned or not) had never aspired to.  Eventually, he too would be screwed by the network, though none of the folks that slighted Dave were still in power there, just going to show that there's only one bitch out there, a bitch with many faces.

**Colbert claimed CBS/Paramount had given him a big wedding cake in honor of the show, with "The Late Show 1993-2026" written on it, which he tossed off the roof and the camera watched explode on the pavement below in ultra slow-motion.  And the years melted off me.

Rish Outcast 329: In Security 10 (Call The Police, There's A Madman Around)

It's our tenth episode hecktacular! Still waiting on the new bathroom lock, by the way.

Rish talks about a patron making accusations on the night the police were called twice.  And an outtake that made Rish cry before recording it.

If you wish to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you wish to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "X" Moretto.