Rish Outcast 341: Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed 2

Rish finishes his presentation of his short story "Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed." Jesse picks up his ex-girlfriend Colbie at the airport and discovers that, at least in one way, he's not alone.

Rish talks a bit more about the story, its themes, the idea of passing a curse on to somebody else, OBSESSION (of course), IT FOLLOWS, WEAPONS, and Manic Pixie Dream Girls (though blessedly not a lot). I also talk about using A.I. to help you write, and the novel/screenplay that I seem unable to ever finish, "Seven Years Bad."

As always, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

You can support my Patreon (they got a longer version of the episode) by clicking HERE.

Logo by Gino "Mildly Worst" Moretto.

Oh Captain, My Captain

It was with surprise and much sorrow that I heard of the passing of Sir Patrick Stewart today.  He found success late-ish in life, and was known for his role as Charles Xavier in the Fox X-men (and two MCU)  films, Gurney Hallack in the 1984 DUNE, the CIA guy in "American Dad," and the Poop Emoji.*

But come on.  Captain Jean-Luc Picard.  That was The role.  How I first encountered him as an actor, how I remember him, and how I came to love him.

All of these guys were younger than you are now.

My dad and I would watch "Star Trek" (The Original Series) together when I was a child, but starting in September of 1987, my Captain was Picard. For six seasons, I watched TNG every week, sometimes twice, and it was my home series, even though I watched and enjoyed most of what came later.  If you argued that "Deep Space Nine" was the better show, I wouldn't disagree with you, but it's the Enterprise-D crew that's my favorite, and that's the group (even Pulaski and Barclay and Guinan) that feel like family to me.

This was the poster I had on my wall, while you had John Elway or Heather Locklear or Ted Bundy on yours.

In 1994, the series ended, and the movie GENERATIONS came out, and it was that film that showed me I had a Picard impression in me ("You are a Starfleet officer.  You will NOT be deactivated!"), and between us both, it's still pretty good.

I saw Stewart in several films after that, the three Trek films that followed, the one where he tortured Mel Gibson, the one where he was Bambi's father, the one where he played a psychotic Donald Trump supporter, and the one where he was naked.  He went on to play Professor X in the X-men films--some of them good, some of them not so good . . . though he always was.

Picard seemed so old to kid me (Stewart was forty-seven when the series began), but the character grew and changed as the years went on, and eventually, I looked in the mirror and I was older than Captain Picard had been at the start of the show.

Do you know the name of the character who replaced Wesley Crusher at the Conn? 
Oh, it's not a trivia question--I honestly don't know.

Besides Picard, though, my favorite Stewart performance was his one man show of A Christmas Carol, which I'd purchased a cassette of in school.  I used to listen to it often, admiring how he gave personality to all those characters using only his voice (it's possible that had an effect on my semi-professional life as well).

Despite being a fan and sharing a birthday, I only met the man once.  It was at a local comic convention a few years back.  But I came close decades earlier.

A lifetime ago, though it doesn't feel that way, I was a second assistant at a production company in LA**, and the other assistant would tell me when other positions were open. He urged me to go interview at Clive Barker's office. I was deathly afraid of going there and being asked what I thought of Barker's books or movies, and not being able to lie. But when an opening at Flying Freehold Productions opened up, I put on a tie and drove to Paramount to interview.   It was my first trip to Paramount, and I liked having a pass to show the guard out front . . .like you see in the movies.

I was in his office, in front of posters for his Moby Dick and Christmas Carol adaptations, and while I made my best pitch that I was the boy for the job (well, man, technically), I could immediately tell that I didn't get it.  Knowing I probably would not be invited back, I asked the staffer, "Is Mr. Stewart here?"  He shrugged and said, "No.  He's filming.  Wendy's here, though."  And then our time was done.

I didn't get the job (the interviewer asked me what I thought of the TNT Dickens mini-series and I said I thought Stewart as Scrooge was too young for the part.  He then told me that, if I'd ever read the book, I would know that Ebenezer Scrooge wasn't old, and I told him it was my favorite book and I'd read it multiple times . . . a mistake in retrospect***), but I did walk around Paramount for a while.  It was something I'd do whenever I was at Warners or Paramount or Fox, hoping that one day I'd be working there, telling stories for a living.

I went to my first (and only) Trek convention in 2002, where I was lucky enough to see the crew on stage together.  Unfortunately, I also saw STAR TREK NEMESIS that same year (at the Grauman's Chinese Theater), the worst of all the films.  That was a long time ago, and even then, he was able to meet and hear from people that loved him and his work, not just a handful of people, but thousands, maybe even millions over the years.  And that's a big deal.

I was fortunate enough to absolutely love the third season of Picard, where all the "Next Gen" crew got back together, and even though its detractors say that it's just blatant fan-service and nostalgia-baiting, it totally worked for me.  Hell, I'd like to watch it again right now.

You are still older than all of these guys.

Captain Picard was my "Star Trek" captain, and I admired his strength, his wisdom, his attempts to talk rather than fight (less so in the movies, of course), his voice and theatricality, and his palpable decency.  In every interview he gave--and he was one of those performers who told his stories over and over again with the exuberance of having told it for the very first time--it became obvious that the most positive traits of Professor Xavier and Captain Picard were carryovers from the man who played them.

It has been impressive and moving to see so much outpouring of admiration, love, and appreciation for Sir Patrick since his sudden death (from Alzheimer's and Lewy body dementia) was announced (it was sudden enough that he did press for THE SHEEP DETECTIVES earlier this year, and probably did some AVENGERS: DOOMSDAY interviews we'll be seeing in a month or two).  Other people felt the way that I did--a lot of them.  Impressive, though not really surprising.

"I like to believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment . . . because it will never come again."

Jean-Luc Picard

*In writing this, it occurred to me that a lot of young people would know him from this famous meme:

**Very likely my least-favorite job of all time.  One I didn't get fired from, but still 

***Not in retrospect, actually.  The second I said it, I saw the man's reaction, and realized I should've just agreed with him and admitted I'd never read the book I'd read just the year before.

Ready To Feel "Sanguine" About A Kaleidocast Episode?

Every once in a while, I get to narrate a story for the New York-based Kaleidocast, and it's always something special.*  This season, the story they've given me is "Sanguine" by Liam Burke. It's an insanely dark piece about a down-on-his-luck man who finds himself stuck in a strange town in the middle of nowhere (Montana) with no way to leave, no friends, no contacts in the outside world, and no hope. He's given a place to live and a debit card, but he is required to make a blood donation once a week . . . or else.

It's ostensibly about a hellish no-win situation (one of the bleakest stories I've ever been handed), but it's also about a selfish man who discovers, in the darkest hour, that he's still got a little humanity left. Pretty darn cool.

And, of course, so is my narration. They didn't say I couldn't do what I want**, so I tried to do something unique with the voice of the . . . being at the heart of the story, so to speak. Why don't you check it out HERE?

*Gotta say, "Kaleidocast" is almost as hard to spell as "beureau."

**Some podcasts do, after all, and let's never forget the story I produced years ago, adding in ambient sound and effects, only to have the producers say, "It was difficult, but we managed to get all the distracting background noise out of your recording.  You're welcome."

Rish Outcast 340: Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed 1

Rish goes for a walk and presents his short story "Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed." Jesse takes his ex-girlfriend Colbie to the airport and discovers that he needs new floormats. He buys the wrong ones, to say the least.

To download this episode, Right-Click HERE.

To support Rish on his Patreon page, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Slightly Bruised" Moretto.

Marshal and I Fly Over AIRPORT '77

Marshal Latham and I teamed up for another Outfield Excursions episode!  

Another day, another airplane disaster.  This one's a good one, though, with Jack Lemmon, Darren McGavin, Jimmy Stewart, and Christopher Lee.  Who will survive?  Find out HERE.

One-Night-Stand With The Enemy(?)

On Thursday, I started recording an Outcast episode about generative AI, and how there's a lady at the library who uses it to write her book.*  One time, I was pasting two chapters into Google Docs, and it suggested a change to it, and when I accepted, it tried to have AI rewrite it for me.  Not cool, man.  Not cool.

Long story short--at the end of the episode, I thought I would share with you a chapter (or part of a chapter, I dunno how interesting you will find all this) from my new book, and then go ahead and let generative AI "improve" the chapter . . . and see which is better.

So, my questions for you (other than, Does this seem like a stupid idea?) are:

A) Is this something I am going to burn in Hell for?

and 2) Which program should I use for this?  Any suggestions?

*Or is it more accurate to say "write" her book.

Rish Outcast 339: I Don't Think That's Funny At All

After the recent(ish) White House Correspondents Dinner, I wanted to talk about what I find funny and what I don't. So, there will be a bit of profanity here.

Rish Benjamin Outfield once said that spit-takes and Uranus jokes are always funny. Does that still hold up? What about fart jokes and words that start with CH?

To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.

As usual, the Patreon supporters get an extra bit that I cut out for the regular show. Maybe support me on Patreon HERE?

Marshal and I Get DEEP

In the newest(ish) Outfield Excursions, Marshal Latham and I discuss 1977's THE DEEP, an underwater diving adventure flick with Robert Shaw, Jacqueline Bissett, Nick Nolte, and Jacqueline Bissett.

Check it out HERE.

Jacqueline Bissett.

I don't like it when posters or VHS covers (yeah, I said it) have questions on them, but without question marks

An All-Star Cast

I was looking at the new release DVDs at Walmart last night (as you do), and I came upon a movie I'd not heard of before, WIZARD OF OZ: THE DEAD WALK.  It's obviously a horror film, probably capitalizing on the public domain-ness of Baum's Wizard of Oz books.  

But what really stood out to me were the five actor names above the title, touted as though these were famous names that would help sell WOZTDW as a major motion picture worth seeing.  

I'm usually quite good at this sort of thing (ask me who played Jabba the Hut in the 1976 footage from STAR WARS* sometime), but darned if I recognize a single one of those names.  Do you?

No, this is not rhetorical--I'm genuinely curious if anybody reading this knows any of those actors.  "Hey, honey, Cleon VanderScontz plays the Night Porter in this!"  "Wow, guess we'd better check it out!"

But I'm going to do my due diligence (since I've got a pretty long shift today).  Alina Desmond plays Dorothy in this, and she is known for WINNIE THE POOH: BLOOD & HONEY 2, THE MADNESS OF HUMPTY DUMPTY, and the horror film PIGLET.

Playing Dr. Oscar Diggs is Stephen Samson, who has a hundred and eighteen credits to his name, in films as well known as THE QUEEN, "Ted Lasso," BLACK WIDOW, AQUAMAN 2, DR. STRANGE 2, and MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: THE FINAL RECKONING . . . all of them uncredited.  If I had to wager, I'd put fifty dollars on Samson being an extra who was able to cite his many, many jobs on the IMDB himself (or, I suppose it's possible that his agent did).  No shade on him, but you're not going to see me listed on IMDB under SPIDER-MAN, "The X-Files," SPIDER-MAN 3, or "CSI."  That being said, he does have various credits on there for bit parts, and hey, he's second billed in WIZARD OF OZ: THE DEAD WALK.

Nathan Livingstone was in CINDERELLA'S CURSE, ALIENS RETURN, and NAZI ZOMBIES, before playing Alistair Garland in the above flick.

Simon Ellis plays the Tinman, and previously, he had a part in MONSTERNADO, "Way of the Exploding Dickhead," a Depeche Mode video,, WINNIE THE POOH: BLOOD & HONEY.

As the Scarecrow is Hywel Webb, and this is his first screen credit.  But he did go on to play Ranger Harrelson in THE BIGFOOT EXPERIMENT.

I also wanted to mention that there's a character in the movie called Jack L. Antern, which is pretty clever, right?  Well, kind of.

The director of THE DEAD WALK is Louisa Warren, known for BRIDE OF SCARECROW, CURSE OF THE SCARECROW, SCARECROW'S REVENGE, and TOOTH FAIRY (2019) and TOOTH FAIRY 2 (2020).

As taglines go, it ain't quite "Be afraid, be very afraid."

Lastly, it's not April Fool's.  I'm not making all of this up.  In fact, I was a little impressed that one of these actors had done anything I'd ever seen, much less heard of.  

Go ahead and support me on Patreon, and maybe I'll force Jeff to watch THE DEAD WALK some random Thursday evening.

*Yeah, it was Jabba the Hut for the first two movies.  The second -t didn't show up until JEDI.

Marshal & I Once Saw SPIDER-MAN: BRAND NEW DAY (And Talked About It)

Once, long long ago, a new Spider-man movie came out.  It was called BRAND NEW DAY, and Marshal Latham, Keith Teklits, and I got together to talk about it.  Somehow, I missed that Marshal had released it over on the Journey Into... podcast channel, but hey, why not post it now, in case someone wants to hear our thoughts on it.

It was a good movie, no?  Check out the episode RIGHT HERE. 

Fear Of A Black Mask

I go to the local comic-con every year.  Have since the very first one (sadly, this is the first one my oldest nephew will not be attending since he was five years old*).  And some years we dress up, some years we don't.

This year is one of the former.

My cousin's three kids basically choose which year it'll be, and this year, they wanted everyone to dress up as DC Comics characters.

My first idea was an ambitious one: I wanted to be Bizarro Superman (Me Am Bizarro).  But even if I figured out a way to turn the S backward on a Superman costume, I had no idea how to do the face (I always think of Bizarro as the angular "Superfriends" version, though there are much easier-to-put-off iterations, including the one who's just an ugly Superman.

Next I thought of Red Hood, the "evil" version of Jason Todd**, a cool design, which I figured would entail a dark shirt, dark pants, a leather jacket and somehow, his helmet.

Hmmm, that helmet.  I think I'd have to buy an expensive one, or get someone to 3-D print it (which might also be expensive).  And how does one breathe in a "hood" like that?

Even easier would be the classic, Golden Age version, which would require a black suit or tuxedo, a red cape . . . and a red plastic helmet.

Oh.  How on earth would I pull that off?  And if I did manage to figure it out (maybe taking some kind of bowl or helmet and putting clear red plastic around it), how hard would it be to see out of?

Lastly, I thought about Black Mask, who is, or was, a childhood "friend" of Bruce Wayne's, whose parents dropped him on his head as an infant, and resented them so much he burned down his family mansion, killing his parents and inheriting their cosmetics company.  As you do.  

Oh, and apparently, he was inept enough to release product that disfigured the faces of several women who used his makeup.  And that was BEFORE he was struck by lightning and started wearing a skull mask around leading his own team of criminals.  I was only vaguely familiar with the character, never having read a comic with him in it, or having seen the movie with the repellent title where he was played by Ewan McGregor.

Anyway, I went out looking for a white suit and, failing that, grabbed a light-colored suit that I figured I could use over a black shirt.  I then ordered a nice skull mask on eBay, which was quite a bargain, figuring I could paint it black.  Within a couple of days of ordering it, the tracking number said it had been delivered . . . to Ohio.  I don't live in Ohio, so I contacted the seller, who said that the shipment had been damaged, but not to worry, another one was on order from Japan.

I told him I needed it by a certain day, and he assured me it would only be ten days--if I would wait, he would give me a 20% refund.  I checked this guy's feedback, to see if he was a scammer, and literally nobody else complained of a similar problem, so I let it go.

After twelve days, it hadn't arrived, and I waited two more, then contacted him to say it had been more than ten days, even not counting weekends.  He told me it was here, but had been held up in Customs, but if I'd give him just a little while more, he'd send me two instead of one.  So I waited.

And waited.  And--insert Maytag repairman image here--waited.

I told him I needed it immediately, and he said, "Two more days.  It will arrive in two days."

Three days after that, I went to cancel the transaction and discovered that . . . because it had been marked as "Delivered" weeks before, I could no longer claim that it hadn't arrived.  Huh.

Anyway, at the last minute (not literally, but a day before) I went to Walmart and got a replacement skull mask.  Not nearly as good, but it would do in a pinch.

As it was getting dark, I grabbed a can and spray-painted it black, then left it overnight to dry.  I also found a black balaclava (if I'm using that word in the non-racist sense) to put over my head, since this was just a face mask, and it worked alright . . . but was better after I got a piece of felt and Sharpie-ed it black, then taped it over the nose hole.  

Not perfect, but fine for what it was.

Unfortunately, that meant I was inhaling the smell of spray-paint the whole day, but that would still have been a problem with the more expensive 360 degree skull mask.  I touched up the teeth with dark gray, and it looks fine.  If I had it to do over again, I'd have painted it with acrylic paints and a brush, but live and learn.

In the end, our group was Two-Face, Batwoman, Robin, Black Mask, and Lex Luthor:

I was only recognized by one or two people (which is about how it was when I went as General Zod), but my costume looked fine, and it was neat that our whole group was dressed up together.***  My youngest nephew looked great in his costume, and enjoyed wearing it.  And my cousin's oldest was already talking about what we'd wear to the NEXT con, so there's that.

My cousin lent me an Airsoft gun, which worked better than the Nerf gun I was going to spray black.

*I didn't get him a ticket, worrying that he would have a job this September (he graduated high school in May).  Well, he doesn't have a job, and due to that, doesn't have any money (well, not a ton anyway).  But his big sticking point was not wanting to stand in line with me outside the building--something that's been a tradition for years, going to the end of a line so long it's on a different block and waiting for our turn to go inside.  I'll miss him.

**Please don't correct me if I'm wrong--this shtuff changes in DC Comics more than Courteney Cox's hair in the Scream movies.

***My cousin's youngest daughter didn't end up being able to go, despite having bought a Supergirl costume, and while that's really too bad, there's no reason she couldn't be Supergirl next year.  Or, if she doesn't want to, I could go as Bizarro Supergirl, since I looked, and she's just a zombiefied version of her usual self.