Poor Man's Refrigerator

The family cabin used to be powered by a gas generator, that you had to pull start for electricity.  But after a few years, my dad and brother set up some solar panels, so we'd get a few hours of 'lectricity each day before we'd have to turn on the generator at night.  And then, they got enough car batteries charged up by the solar panels that you could have power until somebody plugged in a hairdryer or portable refrigerator, and then the lights would flicker and go out.  And because of that, I have never, ever, ever, never, ever considered using the plug-in cooler or mini-fridge at the cabin . . . even though they're effing there.

This week, because of Harrison Ford's birthday (okay, it was last week now--and two weeks ago by the time I'm actually publishing this), I bought a banana cream pie to take to the cabin, to eat, yes, all by myself.

But life experience has taught me a thing or two, and one of those lessons is that banana cream pies go bad ridiculously fast if they are not refrigerated, and then they don't even taste like banana cream pie . . . I'm not sure what they even taste like after that.*

So, I came up with this brilliant idea--something that has worked as a fridge substitute for me for the last two years: fill up the bathroom sink with ice cold underground spring water, then place the soda, bacon, hamburger patties, apples, or head of lettuce in it . . . and it will stay cold for hours.  And I thought, "So, why not do it with the pie as well?"  Problem solved.

Oh, I was clever as can be, but as Oingo Boingo taught us: "Don't forget, you've only got so many tricks, my friend; No one lives forever."  When I went to eat my pie, I discovered that yes, it had stayed cool, but the water had also seeped into the pie tray, eventually filling it with water and submerging it in the pool.  Nicely chilled slop, anyone?

*The other lesson I have learned in my long life is, you have to eat the mango in one sitting, because it will dry out and turn brown within a literal hour or so, even though you don't want to eat the whole mango at once.

Star Wars Cantina Patrons 30: Lak Sivrak

Rish talks about the wolfman, Lak Sivrak, late of the 1997 Special Edition. 

Note 1: The Cantina reshoots were in Los Angeles, not Marin County. 

Note 2: This episode appears out of order because I couldn't find the figure.  Turns out, it was within me all along (ouch).

Star Wars Cantina Patrons 29: Wuher

Rish didn't buy the bartender Wuher, in protest of his No Blasters policy.

Star Wars Cantina Patrons 28: Dice Ibegon

Another cool name for a character that . . . wait, is Dice Ibegon cool?

The Illustrated Man(boy)

The next physical book I aim to publish is the first Lara & the Witch volume, which includes five and a half stories, from "Like A Good Neighbor" to "Here To Help."  As a bonus to those who purchased the actual book (as opposed to the digital versions), I included a bonus flash piece (newly-named "A Short Interlude") and after looking at what Big was doing with one of his future collections (though at the rate he's going, it's probably already available), I wanted to throw some illustrations into it.

One of the ideas I had for an image would be of Old Widow Holcomb, young and beautiful, but with her true old woman face creeping in on one side, similar to how Steve Ditko would show Peter Parker with half of his face as Spider-man.

Anyway, I did my best to get an image of a young and vibrant black-haired woman, and then one of an old one, and see if I couldn't merge the two.  It didn't really work Dikto-style, but I was able to take part of the old woman's features, resize them, and paste them onto the young woman's.  And I thought it looked pretty good, so I sent it to Big.

Maybe add a streak of grey in her hair on the right side?

He thought it could look better, though, and revised it himself with a program of his that works surprisingly well at smoothing out edges or replacing problematic images (such as hands with eight fingers or cars not touching the ground or Rish Outfield with his arm around a woman).  It works great at expanding on what's already there (for example, he put out a book recently, but misjudged the page count, so he had to adjust the cover to be bigger, and he had the program extrapolate what would naturally be beyond the borders of the finished art), but not at creating stuff out of whole cloth (or whole pixels).

Big fixed the lips on the old side, because it bothered him that they didn't match.

Big Version 1

So, this one doesn't look too bad.  But what it looks to me is cool Eighties prosthetic makeup being applied to a section of her face.  Cool makeup, but not really a transformation or revelation, which was more my intention.

Big Version 2

Big smoothed out her forehead, and it looks a little bit less makeup-y, but I told Big that I had actually liked the dividing line between her young visage and the old one, and that the lips were not MEANT to match.

Big Version 3

So, he made it VERY obvious, a split down the middle kind of thing, so you could see beauty on one side, and ugly on the other.  I explained that, at least in my head, what I wanted was the idea of the youth and looks being an outer shell, with the ugly old self being the layer underneath.

Big Version 4

So Big did this one, which has more of an eggshell quality splitting the two, and does seem to have a false skin layer feeling, kind of like Diana on the 1983 V miniseries.

So, what did I do?  Like an infuriating sitcom character, I told him I liked the original just fine, and just to go with that.  Don't you despise that kind of person?

Star Wars Cantina Patrons 27: M'iiyoom Onith

 

M'iiyoom Onith? What, another of these aliens with the unpronounceable, ridiculous names? Maybe we should stop doing this series.

Star Wars Cantina Patrons 26: Ketwol

This is the NEWEST Cantina Patron . . . a whole twenty years after all of the rest, Ketwol/Melas.

Yes, Another Audio Collection

It's finally here, my next audio collection . . . Volume 5 of "The Audio Fiction of Rish Outfield."  It's available and ready to purchase.

Okay, okay, this isn't the ACTUAL cover, but a mock-up Gino sent me as a test.  Still, it's so good of him to do it that, I did sit down and try to think up a story that could fit that title.  When I came to, I decided it just wasn't worth it, as awesome as that story might be.

So, this one is noteworthy because Big Anklevich recorded an introduction for it.*  Beyond that, it features the following stories:

A Lovely Singing Voice
Palm Reading (Flash Fiction)
Last Lunch At Charburger
Troubled Child
You’ve Got A Friend
Worrywart (Flash Fiction)
Monitored Conversation
Bad Trip
Birthday Boy (Flash Fiction)
Know When To Walk Away, Know When To Run

And, as a twisted bonus, I included the author's notes this time.  I mean, why not?

It's available to purchase AT THIS LINK.  I realize this has taken me longer than The Winds of Winter, but it's finally out there now.  What's an extra three years between friends?

*Though Audible did give me a hard time about that when I initially credited both of us as narrators on the audiobook.  I think something similar happened when he tried to put out a version of "Last Contact," after I had already claimed it as my work.

Star Wars Cantina Patrons 25: Bom Vimdin

Ugh, Rish didn't even open Bom Vimdin. What a hockey puck.

You's The Force Ten (From Navarone)

Marshal and I tried really hard to do a consistent series of Outfield Excursions episodes this year, so there's already a new one available, discussing FORCE TEN FROM NAVARONE (starring Robert Shaw, Harrison Ford, and Carl Weathers), the sequel to THE GUNS OF NAVARONE.

For some reason, we talk about the sequel and then the original film.  I'm sure that was my fault, but ah well.  Check it out HERE.

Star Wars Cantina Patrons 24: Zutton

The flies say this is my worst episode of Star Wars figures yet. Zutton, however, disagrees.