The Female Protagonist Speaks!

Boy, this has been a while in coming.  I'm not going to make excuses, except to say that the audiobook version of the "Female Protagonist" collection is finally available.

I feel like I've spoken about this enough, but I see some of the other writers out there, flogging their works like their name is Molly and it's always March the seventeenth, so I can bear to say it once more.  

Once again, the contents of this particular collection are "A Lovely Singing Voice," "Roll With The Changes," "Office Visit," "A Gallon A Day," "Run Away," "Creature Feature," "My Funny Valentine," "Winter Break," and "Remember the Future," and I re-recorded a bunch of Author's Notes for inclusion in the collection (on the off-chance folks enjoy listening to them . . . since you can just hit Skip if you don't).

Plus, it's the only place I'll be releasing my performance of "A Gallon A Day," though I'd love to beg Tena or Renee or somebody to record it for me for an Outcast episode one day.

It's fifty-three audio files, plus the opening and closing titles, and the five minute sample (which I absolutely DIDN'T want to create once I thought I was done, but only took nine or ten more minutes to cobble together*).

It's available HERE on Audible.  See you there?

Of course, if you'd like to buy it for the Kindle, click HERE.  If you prefer a paperback, go HERE.  And for the crazy ones, there's a hardcover available HERE.

And now . . . on to the next one.

*I chose a bit from the end of Chapter 5 of "A Lovely Singing Voice," because you kind of have to arbitrarily pick something, and the moment when Tanissa realizes just what's going on with the neighbor girl is probably a good hook.  Plus, I'm sure I'll release that story in some other way, maybe just another volume of random audio stories, so it's good to have a five minute sample from it I can use.  

Rish Outcast 281: Happy Birthday, Mister Cundy

Rish shares--against his better judgement--his recent story "Happy Birthday, Mister Cundy."

Ashley is a caring and sympathetic nurse, even when it comes to the nastiest old man on the floor. It happens to be his birthday, and you know what they say about no good deeds.

Warning: Unsubtle politics.

You can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

You can support my Patreon by clicking HERE. 

Logo by Gino "Mister Coondey" Moretto.

Another Day, Another Gallon

A couple of years ago, I read an article about a woman who drank a gallon of water a day for an entire month.  It totally changed her life for the better, and in the end, she threw water (for lack of a better term) on the whole thing by proclaiming she was glad the month was over and she'd never have to drink water again.

It pissed me off enough to write this story, "A Gallon A Day," which is available o'er on Amazon.  It gives the month-long blog posts of Catherine Reilly, who tries drinking a gallon of water, as difficult as it is, every day for the month of April.  And it really does change her life . . . in increasingly impressive ways.*  I'm not sure how successful the story is, but it was really fun putting myself in the shoes of a made-up stranger for thirty-one fake blog entries, something I'd enjoy trying again one day.  Check out the story HERE!

P.S. I did record an audio version of this one, but though it's quite well done, it'll only be available in the Female Protagonist audio collection, available soon.

*I originally was going to write it from a male point-of-view (to make it less like a copy/parody of the actual woman's experience), but feared it would grow tiresome after having sex with eight to twelve co-workers, strangers, and supermodels throughout.  I still wonder how different that would have been from the woman's perspective.

Only Real On Paper

One of you keeps suggesting I create a physical copy of one (or all) of my books.  I have fought, screaming, weeping, and filling my diaper the whole time.

But no more.

As you know, Clob, Big has been putting out hard copies of his books, and told me that, since he's in the middle of a publishing whirlwind lately, if I sent him one of mine, he'd do the formatting of it for me, for the bargain price of a free copy.

Having physical copies of my work hasn't seemed to be a priority for me, even though there was at least one guaranteed sale.*  

Not only did Keith buy one, but he took a selfie to announce that he'd bought one!

Well, I had just published "Female Protagonist," which was an eighty thousand-word project, which seems like a good size for a paperback, so I sent it Big's way.  And it turned out to be much more of a process than I expected, to the point where my ego hesitates to ask Big to do another one for me.  But hey, it was very generous of him to do this, and I ought to order a few copies to sell along with action figures throughout the rest of the year, or send to the people who have crossed me in the recent past.

To my surprise, Amazon asked me what I wanted the book to cost (you see, in Audible, it doesn't ask, it just stamps an arbitrary cost on there, depending on how many hours it is), and I honestly didn't know.  Maybe it's too much, maybe it's not enough.

You can buy it HERE . . . if you like your books physical, and your protagonists female.

P.S. Big messaged me today, saying I had priced the collection so low I would only make a buck or so on each copy sold, but when I initially made it available for sale, I looked to see what his collection was going for, and marked mine slightly higher than his.  Turned out, I was marking my physical copy slightly higher than his digital one.  Whoops.

*I used to print out a copy of every screenplay I wrote, as soon as I finished a new draft, so I could have a copy on my shelf.  But a few years later, I took them down and used the backs to print shipping labels on.  I just had no need for a physical copy of my own work, you know?

Fem-Pro Available On Amazon

In 2021, in this very library, I wrote an introduction to a short story collection featuring girls and women, to be titled "Female Protagonist."  And then it sat.  And sat.  

And sat.

Is this image offensive?  While I sort of hope so, it wasn't meant to be.

But here we are, in the middle of Big's mid-life crisis, and his enthusiasm for publishing and cover art has infected me, to the point where I actually sat down again and finished putting "Female Protagonist" together.

And it was way too long.  I included the stories from the 2021 version (except for "The Night Clerk," since I figured that could go in a Dead & Breakfast collection), and then the two or three stories I had written since 2021 that fit in there . . . and then a couple more I discovered today just going through files.  And we were well past one hundred thousand words.

And that bummed me out.  I had come up with an excellent cover for it*, and I was eager to get it published (Big has put out his collection already, despite starting on his a full two years after mine), but I didn't want to have to lose stories like "The Scottish Scene" and "Underdecorated" and "Subtext."

So . . . why not a second collection of similar tales?  

I could do a Volume 2 sometime, and it was already halfway full!  I asked Big what he thought of a collection called "Female Protagonist Returns," and he counted with "Female Protagonist Strikes Back," or "Dawn of Female Protagonist."

This dookie just writes itself, doesn't it?

But having that excuse, that I could put "deleted" stories into a second collection, made it all easier, and before long, I was done, and ready to publish.**

She's SUPPOSED to be looking in a window, but the green wall or whatever at the bottom is
perfectly-positioned for a title, so that ended up my pick.  And I love it.

There are nine stories, an introduction, and one novella in this one, equaling just over eighty thousand words.  It includes such gems as "Office Visit" and "A Lovely Singing Voice," and then such--what's the opposite of a gem?  A rock, maybe?--rocks as "My Funny Valentine" and "Creature Feature," and "A Gallon A Day."  

So, if you're interested, "Female Protagonist" is available on Amazon at THIS LINK.

And now, maybe I'll get started on the old man one.

P.S. I am working on an audio version of the collection, since I have all the stories recorded . . . but I had forgotten how long just formatting and saving new versions takes (especially since I'm way pickier about sound quality than I was even before the pandemic).  I'm two hours into it, and only partway through "Lovely Singing Voice," which will probably be the story I take a five minute sample from for Audible.  I just got to the part where Tanissa's dad says he's fallen in love, and I had forgotten how awful that moment is . . . good work, whoever wrote that thing.

*Actually, for once, there was an embarrassment of riches in coming up with the image of a teenaged girl looking into a window at something glowing green.  I would've been happy with three or four of the images that A.I. dreamt up for me, though all of them had a slightly different feel (and girl).

**The audio version will take longer.  But hold me to it--you know I am eager to let things lie.

Rish Outcast 276: Ten Thousand Coffins II

Rish presents the second section of his novella "Ten Thousand Coffins."

Medtech Brook Lisst has seen the hand of the intruder on the ship . . . a vampire's hand. But vampires don't really exist, do they?

To download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

To support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Many Coffins Died To Bring Us This Information" Moretto.

Rish Outcast 274: Ten Thousand Coffins I

At long last, Rish presents the first section of his Sci-Fi/Horror piece "Ten Thousand Coffins."

Onboard her colony ship, Medtech Brook Lisst finds a sleeper pod that has become a coffin . . . but what will find her?

As always, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

And of course, you can support my Patreon by clicking HERE.  They've already got Part II!

Logo by Gino "Ten Thousand Kiwis" Moretto.

Rish Outcast 271: Run Away

I prefer stories that don't lose contests.  

Rish presents "Run Away."  Carol Tooley leaves home and makes a stop in Siodmak Corners.  Wouldn't you?

To download this episode, Right-Click HERE.

To support Rish on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Pun Away" Moretto.

Rish Outcast 263: Underdecorated 2

Rish finishes the presentation of his story "Underdecorated" . . . just in time to take down your decorations!

Note: I meant to post this before Halloween, but a town ordinance said I couldn't.

To download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

To support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Chunderdecorated" Moretto.

Rish Outcast 249: Not the Same (After That)

Rish talks about his most recently-published novella and audiobook, "Not the Same."  Yep, it's the unidentical twins one.

Brought to you by Dengardaroo Life.

 

To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.

To support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Snot The Aim" Moretto.

My Book "Not the Same" Available on Audible

So, I've got another audiobook out there, this one "Not the Same," written and narrated by me.

This is the story I wrote about the identical twin sisters, Layla and Shayla, who spend every day together.  But when Shayla goes on a school trip, separating them for a weekend, she comes back . . . somehow changed.  Nobody else seems to see it.  Is it just in Shayla's mind?

No, of course it isn't.  Jeez.

Anyhow, I'll be doing an episode of the Outcast for it (I recorded the fugger back in January--these things take time), but for now, you can check it out RIGHT HERE.

Rish Outcast 192: Roll With The Changes

Rish presents his short story "Roll with the Changes."  You roll too, if you've a mind to.  Anyway, Stephanie's husband has come back to her, but he's not exactly like he was.  Not that that's a bad thing.

Download the episode by Right-Click HERE.

Support me on Patreon, will you?  Here's the LINK.

Logo by Gino "Rock With The Changes" Moretto.

Music was Ether Vox by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/7014-ether-vox
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license