All You Need Is A Miracle

Well, I've finally put out another installment in The Sidekick Chronicles.  When it came time to put a link to the other stories in the series (on the last page of the e-book), I discovered that there's only four others . . . and one of those ("Sins of a Sidekick") is not currently available (to you or me).

Even so, "A Sidekick To Miracles" is finally available for your scrolling pleasure. 

In 2018, I watched an episode of Rod Serling's "Night Gallery" that I hated so much I decided to podcast about it.  I bitched about its pointlessness and how there was a glimmer of a really good story in there but they chose to--and then, in mid-sentence, I came up with this story, "A Sidekick To Miracles."  I never used the podcast, for obvious reasons.

Ben Parks encounters a traveling snake oil salesman who tells him he's actually selling hope, and becomes his sidekick, however briefly.  Ben is young enough and naive enough to believe in miracles.

This is the image I liked back in 2024 enough to save it to one day use.

Is the story good, who knows?  Did I wrench every drop of potential out of that idea, probably not.  But was it worth doing?  Sure.  And is it better than the 1971 television episode that inspired it?  Yep.

I tried and tried to find an image I was happy with--
and poor Big created four or five of these for me--before I decided on this one.

But hey, don't take my word for it, check it out HERE.  

My Story "Fairest" Available To Scorn

I'm trying my best at getting some publishing done before the end of the year--though one 12,000 word story probably won't make it till 2026--and the most recent tale I've put out is "Fairest," which, despite having a pretty banal name, is a fun one.  This was written off a prompt sent to me by Marshal "The Bludgeoner" Latham, about an old, ornate hand mirror.  In my story, a newly-married young woman is given the mirror by accident, and in looking into it, she discovers she's super duper attractive, as you do.  

I've written a handful of cursed object stories over the years, enough to fill a truly one-note story collection.  This was a fun story to write, though that may not carry over into reading it.  You've probably heard authors say that before.

Something that I have greatly enjoyed in writing the Lara & The Witch stories is giving Lara Demming malapropisms and incorrect pop culture references*, and there are a couple in here where Jolene confuses Spider-man for Wolverine and Hilary Duff for Hilary Swank and Joe Pesci for Joe Dimaggio.  She also quotes Jane Austen a lot more than any character I've written, and that makes her just about the polar opposite of me (whereas her dorky husband is decidedly not).

It's also the only story I've written (to my knowledge) with an umlaut in it.

Feel free as a bird to check it out HERE.

*I also greatly enjoy that she hates Taylor Swift, which prompts me to put a Swift reference into nearly every Lara Demming story.

Come On A Grand(ish) Tour With Me

A couple of years ago, I told my niece about a local ghost tour they do in town every Halloween season, thinking it would be fun to go to it.  But then I read the press release, in which the guide actually said--surely to appease the religious fanatics--that it was all in fun and that he doesn't actually believe in ghosts, so there's no chance of anything scary ever happening on one of his tours.

Well, that really pissed me off (and we decided not to go).  Heck, it still does.

And about a year or so back, after getting hired to work in a building they say is haunted*, I decided to write a story about it.  That tale, "The Grand Tour," tells of Savannah, whose new boyfriend works nights in October hosting a ghost tour in town, but when she shows interest in going, Dorian tells her not to come, that there's no ghosts, and it's all pretty boring, actually.  So, she goes in costume, to satisfy her curiosity.

I published three stories in a row after Big got me the cover art back, and this is probably the best of the three.  BUT IT'S NOT SCARY, AND GHOSTS DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST, SO DON'T YOU DARE BUY IT!  Otherwise, you could check it out here.

Oh, and I met the ghost tourguide earlier this year, but didn't think to tell him his spiel had inspired a story.  I also didn't call him a buttplug either, so there's that.

*I looked and listened for ghosts quite a bit in the first days of working there, but that has gone way down in recent months.  I probably only pause and listen to something strange or wonder what is causing that shadow five or six times a week, maybe even less.

Don't Go Beyond The Oakline!

There was a contest not too long ago, where they were taking submissions with the theme of The Deep, Dark Woods.  I thought I'd write about my childhood, and my father telling me not to go past the line of oaks beyond the end of our property, where there were deep, dark woods.  He continually told me not to go there, but would not tell me why.*

I like this cover a lot, mostly because I took the silhouette of a human figure and
shrunk it way down for the center of the image . . . and it kind of looks like it belongs.

So, here's a story I ended up renaming "Beyond The Oakline" (assuming others would call their yarns "The Deep, Dark Woods"), where I imagine what would have happened had I, at age nine, defied my old man and gone exploring up there one August afternoon.

Is it a great story?  Well, it certainly lost the contest (though they mentioned it made it to the second round of competition).  Do I continue to write pieces like this because I still have daddy issues and occasionally wonder why if we might have come to some understanding between us had he lived?  Only two ways to find out--one of which is to read the story HERE. 

*My father was big on the "Because I said so" philosophy.

Not A Last Christmas, But "The Last Christmas"

So, here's the holiday story I wrote last year, "The Last Christmas," available for you to buy or give a bad review to . . . or preferably both.

Another great cover by Big Anklevich.

It tells of Jason Baumgarten, who discovers a present outside his apartment door, one without a name or return label on it.  Inside is a strange object and a note with a single word . . . "remember."  And remember he will.  

It's pretty good . . . high praise, coming from me.  You can check it out HERE . . . if you dare.

Oh, because it's the holidays, let me share with you the other cover Big made for me.  It's very similar (though it has fewer legs), but I thought you might be interested in seeing it.

A much better cover for the story than the story itself . . . but isn't that often the case?

"On Your Side" Is A New Lara Demming Story (sort of)

I'm doing my best to get publishing again.  In fact, I ought to crank-start my microphone and record another story right now (instead of blogging, I mean).  But first, let me mention that I put out another Lara and the Witch story, this one called "On Your Side."

I told Big I wanted the text to look like it had been carved in there, and holy Shenk, he pulled it off!

This story is only significant in that it introduces two characters that show up later, and establishes that Holcomb owes another witch, Calpernia Shenk, a favor.*  Other than that, it's just a little Mother's Day piece I wrote to get myself in the Lara & The Witch mindset.  And it worked.

As for whether the story itself is any good, I suppose the only way to find out is to go HERE and, you know, find out.

*One that will be called in a year later, in a story I wrote immediately after this one.

Bad Luck or Dumb Luck?

If you had told me, at the end of last year, that I wouldn't even manage to put out one of my stories a month in 2025, well, I probably wouldn't have been surprised.  Disappointed, sure, but not surprised.  

But hey, here's what I managed to get out this month, a short(ish) story called "Slightly Used, Mildly Cursed."  It was born when, being too cheap to buy new floormats for my car last year, I went on Facebook Marketplace, and found a listing for mats that were "Gently used."  It amused me, because floormats tend to either get used hard or not used at all (what, do you suppose they made people take their shoes off when they got in the car?).  And I imagined other similar listings for floormats that were "Slightly soiled" or "Partially befouled" or "Mildly cursed."  And a story was born.

Big Anklevich too accepted my challenge to write a story about cursed floormats, and his tale is called "Pre-Owned," which you can buy RIGHT HERE.  My own tale, is about Jesse, a Los Angeleno whose ex-girlfriend suggests he buy new floormats, and he, being only barely less cheap than I am, picks up some five dollar mats that are both slightly used and "Mildly Cursed."  And from that point on, his luck goes south real quick.

Your luck may too take a turn for the worse, if you don't go to THIS LINK and buy the short story.

Okay, that's highly unlikely.  But no more so than me getting another tale published this month.

Public Notice: Lost Dog

If you recall my life's philosophy, everything takes longer than you think that it will.  And that includes  writing stories, and finishing them, and rewriting, and finally, publishing.

But I got one done finally.  It's the most recent "Lost & Found" story, "The Case of the World's Oldest Dog," the series where Will Choner, the teen who can teleport, tries to find lost objects.

Will Choner and the Treasures Regained gang are hired by a wealthy man, Jordan Lamont, to find his lost dog, Geronimo. But while Will attempts to find the seemingly-immortal German Shepherd, Beth Reilly gets to know the dog's owner, and finds he has a story almost as strange as Will's own. 

I have no idea if this will be the last Will Choner story I write (I did start on a sixth one, but abandoned it early on), but hey, you feel free to scoop it up HERE.

2025 Goals - The Road So Far

Wow, we're a quarter of the way through this new year (is it even a new year anymore?), and I guess I'd better take a long look at my goals in a mirror.  Oh, and shave.  I ought to shave.

1.  Exercise 250 Days

I got in 23 in January, 24 in February, and 26 in March, so I'm on my way (73).

2.  Write 25 stories (and finish them) in '25

-1. On Your Side
-2.  Fairest (magic mirror story)
-3.  Plans Best Laid 
-4.  Door Number Three (reimagining)

3.  Put out 6th audio collection
Nyet.

4.  Publish 23 stories on Amazon

I have been very lax on this one.  This is what I have so far:
-1. Reply Hazy
-2. Christmas Day of the Dead

5.  Finish 2 "Lara & The Witch" stories (included in the 25)

-1. On Your Side (whoa, halfway there)

6.  Release "Sins of a Sidekick" novella

7.  Release "A Sidekick To Miracles" novella

8.  Write and produce three sketches ("Webtattler?")
None--didn't even finish the old one.

9.  Put out "Geriatric Protagonist"
Maybe I'll start on it next.

10.  Put out Christmas collection  
It's close to done, I just can't motivate myself to get it across the finish line.

11.  Put out 10 episodes of The Podcast That Dares Not Speak Its Name

-1. The Three D's
-2. A Notebook Found In A Deserted House

12.  Produce some paperback books and take them to a toy sale
Uh oh, I need to do this soon.  Okay, I just ordered some.

13.  Watch 50 Horror movies

Oddly, this one will be the easiest to achieve, even more than exercise (since I can watch a movie with no shoes on).
-1.  Nosferatu (2024)*
-2.  Village of the Damned (1960)*
-3.  Children of the Damned (1964)
-4. 13 Ghosts (1960)
-5.  Hell's Trap (1989)
-6.  Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984)
-7.  Food of the Gods (1976)
-8.  The Ghost Ship (1943)
-9.  The Leopard Man (1943)*
-10.  Talk To Me (2022)*
-11.  Heart Eyes (2025)*
-12.  The Monkey (2025)
-13.  The Monster of Piedras Blancas (1959)
-14.  The Thing From Another World (1951)*
-15.  Squirm (1976)
(*Denotes particularly good)

Book 'em, Dano

Alright, alright, alright, I've finally got physical, paper copies of my novel "Balms & Sears" for sale, to those among you who, I dunno, enjoy reading or something.  This is that book about the boy who is able to heal and the grandfather that thinks it's a bad idea.

Thanks as always to the madness of Big Anklevich for formatting them for me.  Once he's gone, I'll likely never publish again.

Scoop up the PAPERBACK HERE or the HARDCOVER HERE . . . then do with them what you like.

"It was a pleasure to burn."

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

What's Today, My Fine Fellow?

Probably the horror film that made the biggest impact on teenaged me was DAWN OF THE DEAD.  The concept fascinated me, not just of the dead coming back to life, but the end of civilization with all the trappings of civilization still being there.  Some of the first stories I wrote as a teen were of me and my friends hunkered down at our school or in a shuttered spook alley (sorry) or the barn near Steven's house, while the zombies took over the world outside.

I have written a couple since then, such as one set when I worked in a call center, one set in a Toys R Us, and this one, "Christmas Day of the Dead," set in a sporting goods store.*  It's another of those tales where the POV character is a girl, which pretty much guarantees I'll never narrate it for my podcast, but I did sit down and record it for inclusion in my first Christmas story collection.

If you're inexplicably interested, check it out HERE.

*It's the one with the name that best describes the drivers of Cybertrucks, though I never spell it out in the story.

Reply Hazy, Try Again

Back in 1999, I wrote the script to a short film called "Reply Hazy," about a college student with a Magic 8 Ball that was always correct, no matter what you asked it.  The proposed film was never made (big surprise), but a decade later, I dusted it off and rewrote it into a short story, presumably for use on the then-new Dunesteef podcast.  We never ran it, though.

Cut to 2025, and I've finally put it out, even though it seems super dated now (both in time period and sophistication).  Should it have stayed buried?  Ask again later.

Check out the short story HERE.

Rish Outcast 298: Balms, Sears, & Publishing

Rish talks about his longest work, the newly-released book "Balms & Sears." He talks about the idea behind it, the reason it got so long, and the many challenges of producing the audio.

You may buy the text HERE, and you may buy the audio version HERE!

If you want to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you want to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Balms & Jeers" Moretto.

A Balm For What Ails You

Already up on Amazon, the audiobook version of my novel "Balms & Sears" is finally available on Audible.  

As you know (Diane), B&S tells the tale of Alec Ewell, who is a Balm, and has the ability to heal people who are injured, or sick, or suffering.  Alec just can't help using his power, prompting his grandfather to move him to a new town, like the one  in Colorado they just arrived in.  Gramps wants the boy to keep it a secret, to leave well enough alone, and just try to be a normal boy...something Alec finds impossible to do.

I do the narration/performance, and it's the longest work I've ever managed.  It took me a while to get it out there, trying to get it perfect . . . when I was fully aware it could never ever be.

To my delight (and hopefully yours as well), the final edit ended up at a very unusual/pleasing number:

Anyhow, art is never finished, it simply escapes, and you can buy it HERE!

Lara and the Audiobook

It took a minute, but I got the audio version of the Lara & The Witch: Volume I collection finished and out there.  I went through the first four stories like a fine-toothed comb, cutting out mouth sounds and finding a couple of flubs I had previously missed (I published "Here To Help" in 2024, so I skipped that one, for better or worse), so it took quite a while longer than the text version, but it's out there now, if you want to listen to it.

Shrooms . . . they're supposed to be shrooms

As I've said before, it includes the first five stories (chronologically): "Like A Good Neighbor," "You're In Good Hands," "Made Just For You," "The People We Touch," and "Here To Help"* and comes to just over ten hours of audio, which ain't too shabby.

In listening through these, I discovered a couple changes I wanted to make, and came up with a couple of ideas for new stories (currently writing a Mother's Day tale, and trying to determine the fate of the little glowing ball Lara gets in "Made Just For You," since it never reappears).  Trouble is, once those are done (as well as "Accept No Substitutes," which I still don't know how to end), they will all fall between the fourth and fifth stories in this collection, so what's a boy to do?

In the meantime, feel free to buy the collection on Audible HERE, and if you do, I'll make putting out the next stories more of a priority.

*There's also a little bonus extra called "A Short Interlude" in between the second and third stories.

Shameless Self-Promotion

I have a Facebook friend who flogs his books on the site as relentlessly as I flog my--  Er, he does it as relentlessly as any author I've ever seen, posting about one book, then the second, then the third, and back to the first again, almost like he's got it set up to do automatically (and maybe he does).  I am not thrilled with this, but I recognize that it is an important and vital thing for indie- and self-publishers to do.

So, let me once more plug "Balms & Sears," my novel about the teenager who has the power to heal.  You can currently find it on Amazon HERE.

But Big did send me a square version of the cover art to use for the audiobook, so I got started on that.  I took a screenshot as I was uploading files (the darn thing doesn't start with Chapter 1, but with a prologue, so the automatic numbering was screwed up from the start.*  But that won't stop me.  

I'll have it finished and completely uploaded by the end of the month.  And Audible has been good (recently) at getting these books available for purchase quite quickly after submission.  The final runtime will be just over eleven hours . . . can you imagine?

Oh, but I still have to come up with a five minute sample for it.  Hmmm.

*Meaning, I had to change Chapter 1 to Prologue, then Chapter 2 to Chapter 1, and so on.  I thought I was clever, though, by creating twenty chapters, then changing the LAST one to the missing chapter, and pushing Move Up fifteen or so times until the renamed chapter was where it was supposed to be.  It's tedious work, but it's still end level Tetris compared to actually editing these chapters.

New Year, New Book

So, I finally achieved at least one of my New Year goals.  I finally published "Balms & Sears," the longest novel I've written.

I've talked about it one hell of a lot (and for that, I'm sorry*), but B&S tells the story of Alec Ewell, who moves into a new Colorado town with his grandfather, and starts at a new high school.  Alec tries to be a normal student, a normal kid, but he's not normal . . . Alec is a Balm, a person with the ability to heal what he touches.  And that ability has gotten more and more powerful over the years, but it's also gotten him in trouble, because it's supposed to be a secret.  And every time Alec uses the Balm, and is discovered, his grandfather decides it's time to move to a new city, get a new last name, and see if this time, he can get it right.  Because Alec just can't help himself, and there are people in pain no matter where he goes.

So that's the premise, and it could have been just a short story, or at least a novella, but it got away from me, new characters came in, and new subplots lifted their heads, until it was double the length of my first novel, "Into the Furnace."  I don't know how to write a novel, so maybe this would've worked better as a series of short stories, ala Dead & Breakfast and Lara & The Witch (both of which I have written, but not published, novels for).  

It took years to finish this book, so it's only fair that it took years for me to get it published.  But hey, now that this is out of my system, I can start looking for something new to work on.

Check it out HERE.

*Gosh, if only I could talk about it now that it's done, hyping it up on Facebook and Twitter, pushing it to whoever will listen, in attempts to get them to buy it.  Because that's what you have to do in independent publishing, in order to be successful.

Lara & The Book

Months ago, Big Anklevich got it into his head to help me publish a real, physical book with my stories in it (Female Protagonist, still available HERE).  And he suggested I put reference to a couple more at the beginning, if it would help motivate me to get them out there.  Then he focused on his own work for a while, and released an absolutely astounding amount of material (no exaggeration, he probably put out as many stories in 2024 as I have in the first ten years I was publishing on Amazon).

But now, he's gone back to my drying well, to help me get my second physical book out, a collection of the first five "Lara & The Witch" stories ("Like A Good Neighbor," "You're In Good Hands," "Made Just For You," "The People We Touch," and "Here To Help"*).  He even created a couple of cool illustrations to put in there, like this one of a snowglobe with a witch in it from the end of "Made Just For You."

It took half the year to get the second one done, but here we are, through very little work of my own.  He helped me find a couple of inconsistencies (like Lara's age and eye color), and created this cover for me, which I am quite happy with:

I'm leaving this on here,  but Big noticed a weird colored line going through the title and immediately sent me a corrected version.  I hadn't noticed...and likely never would.

Still, I must have missed the line about beggars not getting to be choosers, because I asked for about a hundred changes to it, until not only Blocked my number, but took me off his family blog mailing list (something he never, ever does).

But here we are, a second physical book under my belt, and strangely, after sending the files to Amazon, they were ready and up for sale the same day, something that wasn't the case just this past summer.

So, "Lara & The Witch: Volume 1" is available to purchase on Kindle, in Paperback, and crazily, in Hardcover.  If you like it, there are more where that came from.

*There's also a little bonus extra called "A Short Interlude" in between the second and third stories.

Not Quite Christmas, But Close

So, this is a post to promote my holiday story "The Day Before The Day Before Christmas," which is available on Amazon.

This is one of those stories--that I just can't stop writing--about a town with an odd belief or practice: namely, you're not supposed to drink soda on the 22nd of December.*  Visiting Uncle Jake thinks nothing of it, and downs a glass of Diet Coke, but discovers that bad luck befalls those who break this rule, at least according to his nephew and niece.

Yeah, another one of those, but surely not the last.  Feel free to pick up a copy at Amazon AT THIS LINK.

Often, I disparage my own work, because I can see only the flaws, but like "Newfound Fame," which I went through recently to re-format it, I find a lot to like in this story.  Would I go so far as to say that it is good?  Sure, why not?  It's nearly Christmas!

*Yes, Big, I understand that . . . but the entire story takes place the following day.

Don't Look A Dark Gift In The Mouth

Several years ago now, I was feeling nostalgic about the local carnival and city festival in the town where I went to high school, so I wrote a story about it ("Round & Round").  And I enjoyed it so much that I wrote another one ("Try Your Luck") and another one ("Father's Day In August").  Decades went by, and I wrote another one, this one inspired by a handsome douche lamenting that being attractive is what he refers to as, the dark gift.  Be careful what you say around me, or it'll wind up in a story too.

This one isn't really a nostalgia-fest.  Sure, it takes place in 1992, and I mention the music that's playing on the speakers (like I always do), but this one is a more modern story, and not at all based on experiences I had all those years ago.

A teen girl (Nobie), her brother (Grump) and his boyfriend (Eris) go to the Pickle Days festivities, and play a wheel of fortune carnival game.  And what the wheel stops on is something called The Dark Gift.  People like to be center of attention, and everybody wants to be attractive, but be careful what you wish for, kid.   

Check it out HERE.

As far as the cover goes, I tried having A.I. generate me an image of Nobie (basically typing in teenage girl at carnival that everybody loves), and this was the best one it gave me:*

Then I told it a couple more details, like that I wanted her to be dark-haired and that everybody loves her, and it came up with this:

So strange how different--almost opposite--those two girls are.

*The first one I tried created me a girl at a carnival, but in five of the six images, it was the same girl, with a tell-tale mole beneath her left eye.  I don't understand how the program does this--is there an actual girl somewhere that looks like this that it is stealing the image of?--but it's funny how much the image changed when I added "that everybody loves" and the genre).