Rish talks about his family Christmas party and whether his table or his sister's table won the Best Table vote.
Also, how did he do with his 2025 goals . . . and would he be foolish enough to make some in 2026?
If you want to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.
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Logo by Gino "Spew Year 2026" Moretto.
This December has been unbelievably warm. It got into the fifties last week, the week before Christmas, which was warm, but not the hottest on record. This week, however, it got into the mid-sixties (sixty-five on Christmas Eve!), which is the hottest on record, not just for Christmas week, but for the entire month of December. While that is nice for me, who can still go to work without a jacket or go jogging at eleven at night, it's an ominous sign for the future, and devastating to those who want a white Christmas.
The last time I went to the cabin, there was snow there, though it was melting (it's always fun to hear the big chunks break off and slide off the metal roof--and you can hear it happening from the other nearby cabins all around), and I thought to grab some Snowtroopers and the GI Joe HISS Tank Big got for me so that I could turn it into a snow vehicle for the Empire.
I won't go into the work that I put into painting a black vehicle grey, or how it never looked right to me and I should've just gone with white*, but I'm happy I was able to put the vehicle out as the sun was low in the sky (I got low to the ground too, at least as low as I was able without laying down), and get a photo in the snow. So, here you go:
I might try it again when we next get snow--there are new Snowtroopers that are ultra-poseable and still have all their weapons, maybe I'll grab a couple of them for photos instead of selling them (which is why I ordered them in the first place). We'll see.
*Hasbro recently announced a white and red repaint of their big HISS Tank, and it looks really good.
So, this is Christmas, and what have you done? I guess what I did was a couple of podcast episodes, finishing a story that I thought was done two years ago, and this Twelve Days of Christmas thing with Fake Sean Connery.
Now, I've never plugged it before, much less linked to it, but during the pandemic, I created an Instagram account for Fake Sean, hoping to post inspiring content. That didn't last--does anything?--and I did go back to it from time to time when I heard a joke that might work with Fake Sean telling it.*
But toward the beginning of December, I got it into my head that I could have Fake Sean do the 12 Days of Xmas, and that I might have him tell the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, the greatest of all tall tales. And even though "A Christmas Carol" is not long, it was waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to do on Instagram, even broken into twelve parts.**
But I tried to figure out how to split it up evenly, and then I took the text, and tried to pare it down short enough to get it all on my dry erase board (which had sat in the trunk of my car for three years since I stopped trying to do pop songs in outdoor locations). And man, it was work to get each segment down to about four minutes (and in a couple of cases, Instagram didn't want me to upload even that much).
I had lost the original bald Fake Sean mask, and when I went to order another one, they were out of stock, but they did have one circa 1983 (looking like he did in NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN), which works, but isn't really Fake Sean in my mind. He needs to have a beard and be bald, I think. So I ordered another bald one from the UK, which was dirt cheap in itself, but the postage really shivved me.
And I discovered that it is really hard to see (let alone read) while wearing the mask. I guess I have a pretty big head, because you could always see my chin or my hair or my ears when I wore the mask--necessitating me putting on a hat the couple of times I had one handy. Also, I learned not to put the camera below me, but that it looked better at eye level or above me--eventually, I started holding the camera instead of setting it down, which tired out my arm after a while.
And it took a while because I screwed up so many times. I started out reading it without the mask, then doing a trial take, but soon I skipped the read-through, and tried to get through it in a single take. Inevitably, I'd screw up, and there was one where I did four takes before deciding I couldn't bear to do it again.
Two nights ago, I created a document for the final day (when Scrooge wakes up and finds it Christmas Day), and had to cut out so much content (it really should have been two days), including the great part where he meets the gentlemen from the start and they are not happy to see him, and the bit where he goes to his nephew's party and impresses the wife. But it took so bloody long that it was two-something when I finished, so I left it for the next morning (which would work better in daylight anyway). Unfortunately, I was awakened about six by the sound of my laptop restarting, and realized that that meant the abridgment would be gone when I went to do it. So I had to do the whole thing again, but it was far easier than the night before, because I was well-rested and had already decided what to keep and what to lose. And this one--the final one--was the only instance where I recorded it in only a single take, and was content to let it be.
There are no segments that are perfect, unfortunately, and I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist with my sketches and audiobooks, but it had all been such a monumental undertaking (shame that I didn't have someone else to do it with me, because it would've gone so much faster) that I couldn't achieve anything near professional-quality. But I hope that people take it in the spirit of the thing, and it pleases some stranger out there.
May Sean bless us, every one.
*I know there are literally thousands of jokes out there, but you'd be shocked--downright flabbergasted--to find out what percentage of them are actually funny. Maybe 8%. Just this week, I heard someone laugh at this execrable Christmas joke: "How did the Magi know what gifts to bring the Baby Jesus?"
"Because they were three wise men." (insertPicardfacepalmimagehere)
**Truth be told, I needed about fifteen just to do a bare bones, but complete, retelling.
Alright, here's the second half of my Dead & Breakfast holiday-ish tale, "There'll Be Scary Ghost Stories," where coworkers gather to share their experiences at the Noble Oaks Bed & Breakfast. Enjoy?
To download the episode, just Right-Click HERE.
Thirteen years ago, PodCastle honored me with a request to narrate Tim Shaw/Heather Pratt's story "The Christmas Mummy." It got a more positive reaction than anything I had done up to that point (and maybe since). So, I was pleased when Dave Wallace let me know that the most recent PodCastle episode, PC 818, is a repackaging of that old show (even if my audio quality back then was *slightly* worse than today).
It tells the tale of a family visited by a holiday-themed mummy, as well as Christmas ninjas. Where could that go wrong? Check it out HERE!
So, due to the holidays, I'm going to switch Episodes 267 and 266, and we'll get the latter in a couple of weeks. You'll survive, I'm pretty sure.
Rish presents half of his Dead & Breakfast story "There'll Be Scary Ghost Stories" for the holidays. Apologies in advance.
If you want to download it, just Right-Click HERE.
If you want to support Rish on Patreon, as a sort of early present, click HERE.
Logo by Gino "There'll Be Mariah Carey Ghost Stories" Moretto.
I really bit off more than I could chew with this 12 Days of Christmas Carol thing. I hadn't anticipated how long it would take to do an abridgement, and then write it up on a dry erase board, and it doesn't help that it starts getting dark at, what, three-thirty?
So, there's a learning curve, and what I learned on Day 2 was to put the camera ABOVE me, rather than below me, because it ruins the "illusion" when you can see my darn face the whole time.
Sigh.
About Thanksgiving, I got this idea to present Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" as part of the 12 Days of Christmas, one post each day leading up to The Day, which seemed a bit ambitious, but doable (especially since I had a month to prepare). What I had to figure out was how to slice up the book into a dozen parts, and then see how to present those sections.
What I ended up doing was taking each part of the story (for example, the introduction of Scrooge) and abridging it down to as short as I could manage, then writing it up on a dry erase board, setting it in front of me, and trying to go through it in one take. I recorded the first couple of them so you could "enjoy" the effort, and I'll present it here.
It's very rough (I don't think there's a single one I didn't curse through), and the darn mask looks absolutely ridiculous barely covering the front of my face, yet squashing my nose badly enough I could barely breathe*, and preventing me from seeing the script. But ah well, it was worth a try.
*By the fifth or sixth day, the steam from my breath has started to warp the inside of the cardboard, which leads me to believe I'll have to throw the mask away when I finish.
Rish talks about "Haul Out The Holly," the first Hallmark Christmas movie he's watched.
Made just for the holidays, Rish presents his Lara & the Witch story, "Made Just For You." Lara Demming is spending her first holiday with Old Widow Holcomb . . . could any heart warm in that environment?
To download the episode, Right-Click HERE.
To support me on Patreon, click HERE.
To lose at Whamageddon, click HERE.
Logo by Gino "No Insulting Nickname - It's Christmas!" Moretto.
I just finished editing my Christmas episode, but in the meantime...
Years ago, Big and I presented a fun audio drama on the Dunesteef called "The Spirit of Christmas," in which a small David Lynchian town loses its holiday spirit when a plate is broken. This was, as you know, Kate, based on a true story. Now Big, over at his Anklecast podcast, has adapted that script into a prose version, and is presenting it on his show. He asked me to come along for the ride.
How well does the story translate from one format to another? Well, I haven't heard it either, so hop on over to THIS LINK, and let's find out together!
P.S. This is the only time I'll do this for a while, but check out Big's Patreon Fund, and reward him for his good works and overall handsomeness.
Now, I may be a grown-ass man, with a high school diploma and an IQ of 117, but I kinda want to go to the mall and see kids get pictures with Santa Claus and Darth Vader.
Heck, I'll go so far as to say I kind of want to go and get pictures of myself with Santa Claus and Darth Vader.
That's normal, right?
I got Big to record with me something of a Christmas show,
Not much to share today.
It's Christmas Eve, and I've accomplished nothing today.
Abigail Hilton will, from time to time, send me reviews of the audio I've done of her books. This was the one she sent today:
I've never been referred to as "fire" before (or FIRE in all caps, if that's different). But hey, I'll take it.
Sit-ups Today: 100
Sit-ups In December: 2411
My nephews were watching MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL, and I tried to watch it with them (honestly, I tried), but boy, I just can't abide the Muppets. I guess I've complained before about Miss Piggy, but unless they're Sesame Street Muppets, I rather despise them and their antics. That's just me, my cousin swears by MCC, quoting it often as though the dialogue was actually invented for the movie.
Push-ups Today: 100
Push-ups In December: 2445
Around 1:30, after wrapping the two or three presents I hadn't yet wrapped, I got on my computer and looked up the history of "A Christmas Carol," and discovered that, due to the success of that book, Dickens wrote four follow-up Christmas tales. I looked those up as well, and thought, "Boy, that would've been fun to share as a holiday episode of my podcast." But alas, it was too late.*
I also found that there was a 2004 Kelsey Grammer TV movie adaptation of "Carol," where Jason Alexander played Jacob Marley. It was a musical version with a score by Alan Menken, and somehow I'd never heard of it. I tried to watch it on television, but it wanted me to subscribe to Hallmark Movies on demand or something.
But the songs were available on YouTube, and as I listened to them, I thought it would be fun to write a short holiday story where a man travels from America to London and encounters Ebenezer Scrooge. I started to write it, but I know two things about Victorian England: 1) squat, and 2) jack.
Even so, my heart was in the right place.
Words Today: 558
Words In December: 14,066
*I also considered recording myself doing the "They are man's (children). Their names are Ignorance and Want" scene from the book as a bonus to my Patreon followers, but it was already late at night and I'd neither exercised nor written anything yet.
Download this bad boy right HERE.
Naughty or nice, support me on Patreon left HERE.
As always, logo by Gino "Family Middle-Of-Summer Story" Moretto.
Rish talks about his most recent extra work, on a Christmas movie not shot at Christmastime.
Download this bad boy by Right-Clicking HERE.
Hey, I don't beat this drum very often, but this is really an episode that's better for Patreons (with about thirteen extra minutes) than for the general release version. In fact, the whole episode was supposed to be for them, until I realized I'd been stuck in traffic for forty-five minutes, and I decided to make an Outcast of it. So, one more time: HERE is a link to my Patreon account, if you'd care to come onboard.
Logo by Gino "Extra! Extra!" Moretto.
This was a nice day, spent among family. All of us, my sister's family included, have gotten the virus, so there was no reason to celebrate apart. Except for my brother, who doesn't really believe he can catch the Coronavirus, so he came to my mom's house too.
I quickly grabbed my two Bossk toys to pose for a picture to post on Facebook:
There were lots and lots of toys and gifts, especially for the three year old. As far as I can say, everybody got along, which hasn't always been the case.
I mostly got gift cards, and that's fine with me. My cousin gave me an "Art of Mandalorian" book, my mom got me filters for the turtle tank, Big A. got me a book about early Disney animation, and my girlfriend got me a glimpse of the parallel universe in which she exists.
This was the Christmas card my niece gave me today:
She had it custom made for me. Isn't that rad?
My nephews got a Nintendo Switch, and that took up all of the afternoon. As the sun was getting low in the sky, we talked about running over to the lake and taking pictures of the ice and sunset. I was super excited about this, because I have gotten so into taking pictures this year (indeed, if I had to guess, I'd say that--just like exercise--I have taken more photos in 2020 than in ALL previous years combined. Of course, that could be an exaggeration, but I have filled up my phone's memory three times just this week)
There was a line of vehicles to get into the lake/marina at the end of Center Street, but no attendants to take money. We had borrowed my brother-in-law's year pass, so I just drove on through the Passholders entrance. The other line was supposed to leave money in an envelope, or simply take the risk that no tickets would be given on Christmas day.
The lake was frozen over as far as the eye could see, but you had to find a spot without people on it. There were a handful of fishermen, who had drilled (or chopped) holes in the ice, but the majority of visitors were there to take pictures or play on the ice.
It wasn't all that cold, surprisingly, just a degree or two below freezing, and the lake was very reflective of light, in a photogenic way.
My middle nephew (10) drove his newly-acquired remote control truck out on the ice, and my oldest nephew (13 now) decided to ice fish, despite me forbidding him to bring a fishing pole (of course he did it anyway).
And the three year old ran around, chasing the car, and hitting things with a stick. I watched him doing it after having taken the pictures, the sun now gone from the sky, and cool red light remaining:
And then I saw my nephew somehow step into a hole someone had cut in the ice and fall in. Now, his whole body didn't enter the water, just half of him--one leg and his thigh, really--but he started screaming anyway, and I ran over there and scooped him out of the water as soon as it happened. But it was ice-cold water and surely terrifying, and the boy wailed as I carried him back to the car and searched for something dry to change him into.
My niece stayed in the car with him when I went back to get the other two boys. The 13 year old had caught three fish by this point, out and flopping on the ice, and he told me the rule is that you're supposed to kill them, not put them back in the water. I don't really understand that, but he dropped them back in the hole anyway, and we headed back to the house.
The sky was an awesome red and orange as we were leaving, but none of us thought to take pictures by that point.
The family watched Pixar's SOUL together to close out the night. It was a lyrical, heady, philosophical film that was absolutely intended for adults, but the kids seemed enrapt with it from beginning to end, and that surprised me. It wasn't the life-changing experience that I hoped it would be (which so few movies are, but Pixar has an unfair advantage in that arena, so I sometimes expect it from them), but it was really solid, and had Tina Fey's voice in it, which was nice.
I hope your Christmas was a good one, and you stepped in no holes.
Push-ups Today: 112 (was supposed to be one more)
Push-ups In December: 2684
Sit-ups Today: 111
Sit-ups In December: 2821
Words Today: 380
Words In December: 23,509
Last night, I read the Jacob Marley section of "A Christmas Carol" and tried to get it posted. Then the program crashed, and suddenly, it was Christmas day. But ah well.
