February Sweeps - Day 2

Today was Super Bowl Sunday, a fairly significant holiday in America.  I thought I might podcast instead.  Recently, I posted a photo of Admiral Kirk at the end of WRATH OF KHAN, where he says, "I feel . . . young."  Kirk was fifty in that movie, and I absolutely cannot stop thinking about it, about youth, about regrets, about things I might have done that could have put me on a different, better path.

I don't get to sleep at night, I keep wondering if should have made different life choices, and I find myself shockingly emotional at inopportune times.  I recorded a ninety minute confessional podcast on Tuesday to send to someone to post after I am dead.  I created an Instagram page in some misguided attempt to feel significant.  I've exercised, I drank Diet soda instead of the good stuff, and I've tried listening to new, modern (and mostly so, so bad) music.

Every day, I dwell on it and--

Oh, shit.  This is just my mid-life crisis, isn't it?

Of course!  How did I not realize that?  It all makes sense now.  Everybody goes through this at some point, don't they?  Well, I imagine Heath Ledger and James Dean and River Phoenix didn't experience it, but you know what I mean.

Hmmm.  My point was that I was thinking of doing an episode where I talk about Admiral Kirk feeling old and then feeling young again.  It just seemed too poignant and close to the surface to leave alone.

I still haven't done my Valentine's Day episode, despite constantly wondering how long it will take (and if it will even work), but I did consider sitting down and writing a V.D. follow-up to my book "A Mark On The Sky" with Fisher and Florence either going on a date or being together right at the end of his stretch of youthening influences (it wouldn't be related to the narrative, except as a farewell from me to those characters, and an attempt by me to write something sweet and romantic and sad at the same time).

Hey, I could even do both (after all, I'm not sleeping).

So, despite how overwhelmingly important the Super Bowl outcome was to me, I tried to be productive today, and went jogging, recorded that Kirk show, edited a podcast, and sat down to write on this new story.  I wish Fisher Palmer the best of luck.  I have to think that, if there's romantic hope for a seventy-something janitor . . . there's hope for me.

Words Today: 1,018
Total Words: 2,476

Yeah, I realize he's fictional, but still...