December 12th, 2007
This was a very short "Buffy" Wednesday, because we watched the delightful SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER beforehand, and well, I guess that was our only excuse.
"Shadow" was written by David Fury (I just keep seeing the same names over and over, which I think is great), and starts with Joyce going to the hospital for a CAT scan. Buffy tries to comfort Dawn, but is really nervous herself.
At Giles's shop, the gang is doing research on the Blond Beast, and Xander is upset that Riley blew up the vampires without him (somehow he knew he used a grenade too . . . guess that soldier thing still hasn't worn off). You know, I don't think I've ever mentioned that Giles's place of business is called The Magic Box. There was a girl at work, Kenya, whose nickname was that.
Meanwhile, Riley goes to Buffy's house, only to find Spike there, in her bedroom, sniffing one of her blouses. Spike claims that it's normal predator behaviour, and then delights in telling Riley about Buffy's mother, insinuating that Buffy didn't trust Riley with this information. Riley threatens Spike with sunlight, then heads to the hospital.
The Blond Beast has her own hideout, and her own sycophantic demon servant, played by Kevin Weisman from "Alias." Also, we are told that the BB has a name: Glory. Glory wants to cast a spell to locate the Key, and needs magic supplies to do it. She goes to Giles's shop, where the gang is still discussing her. They think she may be something too old to be mentioned in books, and that the Dagon Sphere (did I mention that before?) that Buffy found was supposed to be a talisman to keep her away.
While they are discussing this, Glory comes in and Giles helps her, never suspecting his customer is anything but an ordinary bitch. She leaves and they keep trying to figure her out.
Riley gets to the hospital and Buffy asks him to sit with Dawn while she sees her mother. Joyce tells her the doctors found a shadow on her CT scan, and they're going to operate to see how serious it is. In private, the doctor explains the shadow is a brain tumor and pesters Buffy with questions about power lines and other possible causes. Ben, the handsome nurse/doc/intern/paramedic guy, gets the doctor to leave her alone, and then has some comforting I'm-going-to-be-sleeping-with-this-girl-before-the-end-of-the-season words for her.
Riley is supposed to take Dawn to school, but they go to the park instead (a different park than the one we always see, it seems, since this one has a carousel). Dawn talks about having a birthday party there during Season One, and tells Riley he's a better boyfriend to Buffy than Angel was, since Buffy was always crying when she went out with Angel. With Riley, Buffy never gets that emotional. Riley takes this badly. The guy takes everything badly lately, don't he?
Buffy goes to the Magic Box (hee, hee) and asks Giles/Tara/Willow about casting a spell to heal her mother. They tell her a spell would probably only make things worse, which would infuriate me, and that she should trust the doctors know what they're doing. Over at the cash register, Anya sees the receipt for what Glory bought, and tells them someone, most likely the Blond Beast, is about to cast a (I had to look it up) Transmogrification Spell, where an animal changed into a scary computer-generated servant.
Buffy doesn't want to sit around, and heads to the zoo to see if she can find Glory. It's clear she is outgunned here, but it's understandable that Buffy would want to do something useful and/or fight something, rather than think about
her mother's condition.
Glory gets a cobra out of the reptile house and begins the spell along with her demon lackey (whose name is Dreg). Buffy arrives and interrupts it. While Glory wipes the walls up with Buffy's body, Dreg completes the spell and the cobra is transformed into a cobraman and takes off in search of the Key.
Riley drops Dawn off at the magic shop (at least I think he did) and Xander gives him a hard time about the night before, wondering if he has some kind of death wish. Riley hits the only bar in Sunnydale and while he's drinking, the same hot vampire chick from before comes onto him again. This time, he gives in, and lets her bite him in the back alley. Tyranist and I discussed this, guessing that he's doing it so he can superhuman strength and be more on Buffy's level (or also because Spike insinuated that Buffy likes her dudes with pointier teeth and no tans), but trying to remind the television that, according to Joss Whedon lore, when you become a vampire, a demon enters into you, and you're no longer the person you were before.*
Regardless of his motivations, Riley seems to have a change of heart, as he stakes the vampire chick midway through their embrace.
The cobraman is a fairly convincing animatronic most of the time, and a somewhat-convincing CGI creation the rest of the time. It tears through town, bursting into the magic shop and goes toward Dawn. She screams and it immediately turns tail and heads out into the night. Giles gets in his car and tries to catch the cobraman. He picks up Buffy and they manage to grab it just meters away from Glory's building.
Buffy, filled with understandable rage, beats the living shite out of the cobraman, pounding him with all her frustration and recent angst. To call it dead is an understatement.
Back at the hospital, Joyce tells Dawn about her brain tumor. Riley tries to comfort Buffy (yet again), but she doesn't want any. She's afraid that once she starts crying, she won't be able to stop, so she's going to stay strong. She leaves Riley standing there, thoroughly emasculated, and goes to her mother's side. The end.
I wish I didn't know where this Joyce subplot was going, but that's one of those elements of the show (such as the musical episode, Willow's lesbianism, and the network switch) that was simply a matter of public knowledge when it happened, whether you were a fan of the show or not.
It's nice that I hate Glory the Blond Beast and want her to die. I feel bad for Riley, but this all has been done well enough to not make Buffy look cold or blind or unsympathetic. If there's a major drop in quality now that there's two shows instead of just one, I haven't seen it. Maybe when there are three shows Joss is juggling?
Rish Outfield
*They may well have abandoned this aspect of the mythos, though. If you look at Harmony or post-vampire Darla, the demon thing doesn't appear to apply.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Top Five Trilogies
Today I saw the INDIANA JONES IV poster for the first time. It looks very TEMPLE OF DOOMish to me (which must bug all the haters out there, but makes me smile), by the great Drew Struzan. Two things bother me: 1) the awful title is right there in living orange, so it has to be official.
And, 2) what's my dad doing on there, dressed as Doctor Jones?
But seeing that the Indy Trilogy is about to become a . . . four-part series,* I thought about my favourite trilogies of all time. As is tradition, I asked my friends for theirs too.
So, what are they?
1. The Star Wars Trilogy
2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
3. Indiana Jones Trilogy
4. Back to the Future Trilogy
5. Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy
The last two were hard. I thought about I wonder if it's even fair to list the STAR WARS films, since someone recently told me there were more than three. And will INDIANA JONES IV disqualify the Eighties trio in everybody's minds? Boy, I hate it when they do that. For example, I'd have liked to list the Die Hard Trilogy but couldn't, George Romero's zombie trilogy has a fourth installment (and a fifth and sixth installment on the way), and Kevin Smith's "New Jersey Trilogy" has, what, eleven films in it now?
Could I list STAR TREK II, III, and IV? That's sort of a Trilogy.
Beta Ray Charles listed:
1. Star Wars
2. Lord of the Rings
3. Back to the Future
4. Indiana Jones
5. Spider-Man (so far)
Tyranist offered up this list:
1. Lord of the Rings
2. Indiana Jones
3. Star Wars
4. Rodriguez's Mexico trilogy
5. Jason Bourne
My cousin Ryan listed:
1. LOTR
2. Original SW Trilogy
3. X-Men
4. Pirates of the Caribbean
5. Matrix/Spiderman
My insane buddy Jeff gave me:
1. Lord of the Rings
2. Starwars, Ep 4, 5& 6
3. Spiderman
4. X-Men
5. Evil Dead (even bought the series for my step dad. Things get tough after that. Many trilogies had 2 good flix, and the last one stank: Alien(s), Terminator, Spidey even fits this category, Matrix - Well the first was great and the last TWO stank, mostly Pirates of Caribbean - same as Matrix)
I guess, if you average out our answers, the list goes like this:
1. Lord of the Rings
2. Star Wars
3. Indiana Jones
4. Back to the Future/X-men/Spider-man
5. Care Bears
And I do wonder, if THE HOBBIT ever gets made, will people consider that a part of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy? Or is it possible that people will keep it separate in their minds, the way SCORPION KING is separate from THE MUMMY, and SUPERMAN RETURNS is sort of separate from the Christopher Reeve Supermans. Heck, maybe people will look at INDIANA JONES IV that way too.
I hope so. But you know what would be better? If they didn't have to.
Rish "The Mediocre Second Sequel" Outfield
*"Quadrology/Quadrilogy" are such silly, made-up words, I can't bring myself to use them. "Quintology," however, is a good one.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Buff-gel Wednesday (but on a Sunday this time)
10-13 December 2007
I was pretty unhappy with tyranist after the fifth attempt to make me watch "Veronica Mars," so when he started up "Buffy" against his will and began the episode not at the beginning, but where we left it off, I pitched a fit. So much so that he, I believe, was sorely tempted to just forget the whole thing and ask me to get the fuck out.
But no, we watched "Fool For Love" from the beginning again, and I was surprised to see that I had missed approximately one minute of show. Whoops.
Doug Petrie wrote this episode, and oddly, he also wrote the last one. Impressive, most impressive.
In the cemet'ry, Buffy is fighting a vampiric member of the Ramones, and she suddenly loses the upper hand. The vampire sticks her in the belly with her own stake, and she is rescued by Riley, who manages to drive the creature off. He patches her up, asking her about this amazing menace that nearly killed the Slayer. She is chilled to admit that the vampire was nothing special, yet he almost won anyway.
Buffy goes to Giles and asks him what he knows about the deaths of previous Slayers. He says that almost nothing is known about their last battles, and he imagines most Watchers are too distraught (or probably dead, huh?) to write about it. At this point, I told tyranist, "Hey, didn't Spike claim to have killed two Slayers?" He asked if I wanted to watch "Veronica Mars," and I quickly shut my mouth.
Sure enough, though, Buffy tracks down Spike and takes him to the Bronze, offering him a shload of cash if he'll tell her how those Slayers died. Spike plays pool and tells his tale.
We flash back to London, circa 1880. Spike is still human and still known as William, and he is a prim, brown-haired and bespectacled, awkward dreamer, writing poetry about some plain rich girl named Cecily. He is trying to socialise at a party, where the other young people laugh at him behind his back, calling him "William the Bloody" because his love poems are, well, bloody awful. Cecily asks him if he's writing about her, and he proclaims his devotion to her. She stomps on his heart, not only uninterested, but proclaiming he is beneath her.
William cries and tears up his poems, and runs out into the night. He bumps into a trio of revelers, one of which is Drusilla, who follows him. She tells him she can see how wonderful a man he is and seems almost to read his mind. She offers him a magnificent future, and when she vamps out, he doesn't seem afraid, and allows her to bite him.*
Buffy has sent Riley and Company (who, this episode, comprise of Xander, Willow, and Anya) to find the nest of vampires where Undead Joey Ramone hangs out. Many vampires are gathered in a handy crypt, listening to UJR recount his battle with the Slayer, and Riley tells the others there's too many, but that they can return during the day and stake them then. As soon as the others depart, Riley goes to the crypt on his own, bursting in and interrupting UJR's story with a pointy stick. Then he tosses a hand grenade in among the others, and saunters away as they explode. Not bad.
Spike's flashback continues. Apparently, he was listening when his "friends" said he preferred a spike through the head to William's poetry, 'cause now he calls himself Spike. He has completely changed his persona, becoming a thrill-seeker, a rebel, a swaggering troublemaker who seems to butt heads with Angelus, due to his refusal to skulk around and be secretive. The four vampires: Darla, Angel, Drusilla, and Spike are hiding from angry mobs, and Angelus seems more than willing to kill Spike himself. He tells him that his recklessness will get him killed, especially if he encounters the Slayer. After that, Spike becomes interested in taking out a Slayer (both because he loves a challenge and, I suspect, to prove Angelus wrong).
Twenty years later, he gets his chance. The four vampires are in China during the Boxer Rebellion (I'm pretty sure a comic book tyranist showed me depicted this event, 'cause it sure seemed familiar to me), and amid the chaos and flames, Spike fights the Slayer there. She is Chinese and does all sorts of acrobatics, and even manages to slice him across the eyebrow** with her sword, but, as he points out to Buffy, she has to reach for her weapon, whereas he always has his weapons (his teeth) on him. He drinks her blood and shares some with Drusilla, who becomes aroused by it (I gotta say, I don't know if Drusilla's even viler now than she was in Season Two, but she sure is vile). Spike is very happy, proclaiming it the best night of his life, and Angelus seems disgusted by this. Darla just stands there, but at least she looks good.
Buffy, back in the Bronze, is not thrilled by Spike's revelation. In fact, she seems disgusted by it. But she lets him take her outside and tell her about his second Slayer kill: on a New York subway in 1977. This Slayer is a blacksploitation heroine, where our man Spike seems like the second-place winner in a Billy Idol lookalike contest. He is fun-loving as ever, if you interpret fun as hand-to-hand combat and violence-bred sexual arousal. He gets the best of this Slayer, and when it looks like he might kiss her, he snaps her neck instead. She was wearing the leather jacket he now wears all the time.
Spike tells Buffy that the thing with Slayers is, they all have a death wish deep down. Because of the life they lead, they get tired of killing, and maybe even tired of living. He leans in and tells her that it doesn't matter how many of them she kills, there's always more vampires, and once day, one will get lucky.
And then . . . he leans in again, to kiss her. She pushes him away, and he
tells her he knows that she wants to dance (though I have to admit I don't know exactly what "dance" refers to here). She tells him that maybe she does, but not with him. Never him, because he's beneath her. She tosses him his wad of money and leaves him alone in the alley. He weeps, gathering up the money in the most pathetic display I've seen since the last bathroom mirror I walked by.
I mean it, what a pitiful moment, not just the crying, but the shameless collecting of dollar bills. It's a glimpse of egoless despair and it's all-too-human. Brilliant.
Well, he doesn't wallow for long. He stomps back to his crypt and ignores Harmony as he gets a shotgun out of a box. He tells her he's going to kill the Slayer once and for all, chip in his head be damned, and heads to the Summers house.
We get one more flashback, and I'm not sure this one is so necessary. But it's South America, right after Season Two. Drusilla has left Spike for that fungus demon he referred to in "Lovers Walk," and it's because his defeats at the hands of the Slayer have left him a shell of his former self. She also says something which can be interpreted as her sensing he has a romantic interest in Buffy, and that the two of them are done.***
At Buffy's house, she sees that her mother is packing a suitcase. Joyce is going to the hospital for a CAT scan, since it's clear she's not getting better, and she's going to be admitted for observation. Buffy runs out to the back porch and sits there crying. It's at this moment that Spike appears, shotgun in hand. He wilts, however, when he sees her tears, and sits down beside her. He asks what's wrong and if he can do anything to help, then he puts his arm around her. She doesn't shake it off. The end.
Wow. This was even better than the Dawn show. I thought this was the best show of the season, but hey, I really like that Spike bloke.
Immediately after, we watched the "Darla" episode of "Angel," written and directed by Mr. Tim Minear.
Angel is still obsessed with Darla, and Wesley tries broaching the subject with him, only to be brushed off.
Darla, meanwhile, is struggling with her newly-acquired soul, and flashes back to her origin. She was a prostitute on her deathbed back in 1609 (in the Virgina Colonies), unwilling to receive the last rites from a priest . . . when she gets a hooded, strange visitor. To my surprise, it is The Master (from "Buffy" season one fame), who tells her he can take away her pain and turn her into something wondrous. He bites her and, I assume, her social diseases go away. A hundred years of Joss-knows-what occur, and she brings Angelus to meet The Master in 1760.
Angelus is disruptive and dismissive of The Master's skulking-around lifestyle (living underground, inspiring fear as an ugly creature of the night ), and is downright insulting. Essentially her father, The Master tells Darla to make her choice: him or Angelus. She chooses to leave, wandering Europe as we have seen previously.
As we have also seen previously (one hour previous), in 1880, William the bloody bad poet bumps into Angelus and company on the London streets, and Drusilla decides to turn him into the fourth member of their group/family.
Back in the present, Lindsay the evillawyerdude tries to comfort Darla, and kisses her at one point. He seems genuinely to care about her, but it's sometimes hard to read these characters. It is also revealed that "Darla" is not actually her name, but the name (meaning "dear one") The Master gave her upon her rebirth, and that's she's forgotten what she used to be called. My guess is Eunice, but like I said, these things are hard to read.
Flashing back to 1898, Angelus has just been cursed with a soul. Darla goes to the Gypsy camp and pleads with him to remove the curse. He seems unwilling, so she promises to spare his family's life if he will lift Angelus's curse. At that moment, Spike pokes his head out of the Gypsy tent, having eaten the whole family. He belches, and Darla has no choice but to kill the Gypsy now.
During the Boxer Rebellion (only two years later), Angel goes to Darla, and tells her they can still be together, in spite of his soul. He has been living on vermin and is quite filthy, yet still handsomer than me and tyranist put together. Is that fair? Darla gives Angel another chance, and while Spike is off kung fu fighting, Angel discovers a young missionary couple with an infant and protects them from the violence. Darla is about to discover them, but Angel leads her away, being less than thrilled with Spike's boastings about killing the Chinese Slayer.
Manners, Lindsay's boss at Wolfram & Hart, is not pleased with Darla's recent turn, and seems to go back and forth between saying this is all according to plan and shaking his head in disappointment. Lindsay tells him he can get through to her, but Manners takes him off the case. Darla calls Angel, telling him she needs him. A security guard comes to take her away and there's some kind of struggle with his gun, which goes off and kills him. This seems to be the last straw, and Manners plans to have Darla eliminated.
Back in their Chinese hideout, Darla and Angel are very happy together. But, it seems, she's aware of what he did for the missionaries, and went out afterward and killed them anyway. But she brought their infant back, so that Angel can kill it, proving where his loyalties lie. He seems to struggle for just a second, then he scoops up the baby and jumps through a window to escape.
Like I said last week, I thought every bit of Angel backstory had been filled in, but we had a hell of a lot of flashbacks here that proved me wrong. But I can't imagine what else they need to tell us now about his past (we can just assume that he never saw Darla again until 1997, right?) that would necessitate another flashback, as much as I love them.
In the present, Lindsay sees the security guard Darla accidentally killed walking around, talking to Manners, and I guess that's bad. He goes into the parking garage and Angel appears to strangle him. He tells Angel that Darla's in danger and appears to be on the side of the . . .
He appears to be one of the good guys again. Angel tracks down Darla, who insists he bite her and turn her into a vampire once again. I have to admit that I hoped he would, as it would make things a hell of a lot easier, but he doesn't give in. Maybe because it would make things a hell of a lot easier, I don't know. The end.
I really enjoyed this episode. Tyranist complained that the point of these two shows was to make Spike and Darla sympathetic. I think it worked, though I already loved Spike and it only made me like him more. As far as Darla goes, I don't know that I'll ever LIKE her, exactly, but we start to understand her here, and that's something.
Oh, and at some point I'm going to have to mention that "Buffy" episodes are now scored by someone named Thomas Wanker.
Rish Thomas Outfield
*Tyranist said he remembered Drusilla siring Spike, but I thought Angel had, for some reason. Guess it doesn't matter, really. All the matters is how good this episode was.
**When I was at Comic-Con this past summer, I hung out for a little while with a couple of women who were super huge Joss Whedon fans. I told them that I was just getting into the show, and one of them told me that James Marsters actually has a scar on his temple from a bar fight, and when they first designed the vampire prosthetic for him, he pointed it out and the makeup guys altered it so you could always see the scar there. I don't believe I had ever noticed this scar before then, but after hearing the story, I can't not look at it. Just like this guy I went to Junior High with, Ryan "Tri-cheek" Bird, who had three buttocks. Until somebody pointed it out and laughed (several people, in fact), I had never seen anything abnormal there. I don't recall what I thought his nickname had meant before then, though.
***I am glad the filmmakers resisted the urge to have Drusilla too say Spike's beneath her, if that nasty temptation had beckoned them.
I was pretty unhappy with tyranist after the fifth attempt to make me watch "Veronica Mars," so when he started up "Buffy" against his will and began the episode not at the beginning, but where we left it off, I pitched a fit. So much so that he, I believe, was sorely tempted to just forget the whole thing and ask me to get the fuck out.
But no, we watched "Fool For Love" from the beginning again, and I was surprised to see that I had missed approximately one minute of show. Whoops.
Doug Petrie wrote this episode, and oddly, he also wrote the last one. Impressive, most impressive.
In the cemet'ry, Buffy is fighting a vampiric member of the Ramones, and she suddenly loses the upper hand. The vampire sticks her in the belly with her own stake, and she is rescued by Riley, who manages to drive the creature off. He patches her up, asking her about this amazing menace that nearly killed the Slayer. She is chilled to admit that the vampire was nothing special, yet he almost won anyway.
Buffy goes to Giles and asks him what he knows about the deaths of previous Slayers. He says that almost nothing is known about their last battles, and he imagines most Watchers are too distraught (or probably dead, huh?) to write about it. At this point, I told tyranist, "Hey, didn't Spike claim to have killed two Slayers?" He asked if I wanted to watch "Veronica Mars," and I quickly shut my mouth.
Sure enough, though, Buffy tracks down Spike and takes him to the Bronze, offering him a shload of cash if he'll tell her how those Slayers died. Spike plays pool and tells his tale.
We flash back to London, circa 1880. Spike is still human and still known as William, and he is a prim, brown-haired and bespectacled, awkward dreamer, writing poetry about some plain rich girl named Cecily. He is trying to socialise at a party, where the other young people laugh at him behind his back, calling him "William the Bloody" because his love poems are, well, bloody awful. Cecily asks him if he's writing about her, and he proclaims his devotion to her. She stomps on his heart, not only uninterested, but proclaiming he is beneath her.
William cries and tears up his poems, and runs out into the night. He bumps into a trio of revelers, one of which is Drusilla, who follows him. She tells him she can see how wonderful a man he is and seems almost to read his mind. She offers him a magnificent future, and when she vamps out, he doesn't seem afraid, and allows her to bite him.*
Buffy has sent Riley and Company (who, this episode, comprise of Xander, Willow, and Anya) to find the nest of vampires where Undead Joey Ramone hangs out. Many vampires are gathered in a handy crypt, listening to UJR recount his battle with the Slayer, and Riley tells the others there's too many, but that they can return during the day and stake them then. As soon as the others depart, Riley goes to the crypt on his own, bursting in and interrupting UJR's story with a pointy stick. Then he tosses a hand grenade in among the others, and saunters away as they explode. Not bad.
Spike's flashback continues. Apparently, he was listening when his "friends" said he preferred a spike through the head to William's poetry, 'cause now he calls himself Spike. He has completely changed his persona, becoming a thrill-seeker, a rebel, a swaggering troublemaker who seems to butt heads with Angelus, due to his refusal to skulk around and be secretive. The four vampires: Darla, Angel, Drusilla, and Spike are hiding from angry mobs, and Angelus seems more than willing to kill Spike himself. He tells him that his recklessness will get him killed, especially if he encounters the Slayer. After that, Spike becomes interested in taking out a Slayer (both because he loves a challenge and, I suspect, to prove Angelus wrong).
Twenty years later, he gets his chance. The four vampires are in China during the Boxer Rebellion (I'm pretty sure a comic book tyranist showed me depicted this event, 'cause it sure seemed familiar to me), and amid the chaos and flames, Spike fights the Slayer there. She is Chinese and does all sorts of acrobatics, and even manages to slice him across the eyebrow** with her sword, but, as he points out to Buffy, she has to reach for her weapon, whereas he always has his weapons (his teeth) on him. He drinks her blood and shares some with Drusilla, who becomes aroused by it (I gotta say, I don't know if Drusilla's even viler now than she was in Season Two, but she sure is vile). Spike is very happy, proclaiming it the best night of his life, and Angelus seems disgusted by this. Darla just stands there, but at least she looks good.
Buffy, back in the Bronze, is not thrilled by Spike's revelation. In fact, she seems disgusted by it. But she lets him take her outside and tell her about his second Slayer kill: on a New York subway in 1977. This Slayer is a blacksploitation heroine, where our man Spike seems like the second-place winner in a Billy Idol lookalike contest. He is fun-loving as ever, if you interpret fun as hand-to-hand combat and violence-bred sexual arousal. He gets the best of this Slayer, and when it looks like he might kiss her, he snaps her neck instead. She was wearing the leather jacket he now wears all the time.
Spike tells Buffy that the thing with Slayers is, they all have a death wish deep down. Because of the life they lead, they get tired of killing, and maybe even tired of living. He leans in and tells her that it doesn't matter how many of them she kills, there's always more vampires, and once day, one will get lucky.
And then . . . he leans in again, to kiss her. She pushes him away, and he
tells her he knows that she wants to dance (though I have to admit I don't know exactly what "dance" refers to here). She tells him that maybe she does, but not with him. Never him, because he's beneath her. She tosses him his wad of money and leaves him alone in the alley. He weeps, gathering up the money in the most pathetic display I've seen since the last bathroom mirror I walked by.
I mean it, what a pitiful moment, not just the crying, but the shameless collecting of dollar bills. It's a glimpse of egoless despair and it's all-too-human. Brilliant.
Well, he doesn't wallow for long. He stomps back to his crypt and ignores Harmony as he gets a shotgun out of a box. He tells her he's going to kill the Slayer once and for all, chip in his head be damned, and heads to the Summers house.
We get one more flashback, and I'm not sure this one is so necessary. But it's South America, right after Season Two. Drusilla has left Spike for that fungus demon he referred to in "Lovers Walk," and it's because his defeats at the hands of the Slayer have left him a shell of his former self. She also says something which can be interpreted as her sensing he has a romantic interest in Buffy, and that the two of them are done.***
At Buffy's house, she sees that her mother is packing a suitcase. Joyce is going to the hospital for a CAT scan, since it's clear she's not getting better, and she's going to be admitted for observation. Buffy runs out to the back porch and sits there crying. It's at this moment that Spike appears, shotgun in hand. He wilts, however, when he sees her tears, and sits down beside her. He asks what's wrong and if he can do anything to help, then he puts his arm around her. She doesn't shake it off. The end.
Wow. This was even better than the Dawn show. I thought this was the best show of the season, but hey, I really like that Spike bloke.
Immediately after, we watched the "Darla" episode of "Angel," written and directed by Mr. Tim Minear.
Angel is still obsessed with Darla, and Wesley tries broaching the subject with him, only to be brushed off.
Darla, meanwhile, is struggling with her newly-acquired soul, and flashes back to her origin. She was a prostitute on her deathbed back in 1609 (in the Virgina Colonies), unwilling to receive the last rites from a priest . . . when she gets a hooded, strange visitor. To my surprise, it is The Master (from "Buffy" season one fame), who tells her he can take away her pain and turn her into something wondrous. He bites her and, I assume, her social diseases go away. A hundred years of Joss-knows-what occur, and she brings Angelus to meet The Master in 1760.
Angelus is disruptive and dismissive of The Master's skulking-around lifestyle (living underground, inspiring fear as an ugly creature of the night ), and is downright insulting. Essentially her father, The Master tells Darla to make her choice: him or Angelus. She chooses to leave, wandering Europe as we have seen previously.
As we have also seen previously (one hour previous), in 1880, William the bloody bad poet bumps into Angelus and company on the London streets, and Drusilla decides to turn him into the fourth member of their group/family.
Back in the present, Lindsay the evillawyerdude tries to comfort Darla, and kisses her at one point. He seems genuinely to care about her, but it's sometimes hard to read these characters. It is also revealed that "Darla" is not actually her name, but the name (meaning "dear one") The Master gave her upon her rebirth, and that's she's forgotten what she used to be called. My guess is Eunice, but like I said, these things are hard to read.
Flashing back to 1898, Angelus has just been cursed with a soul. Darla goes to the Gypsy camp and pleads with him to remove the curse. He seems unwilling, so she promises to spare his family's life if he will lift Angelus's curse. At that moment, Spike pokes his head out of the Gypsy tent, having eaten the whole family. He belches, and Darla has no choice but to kill the Gypsy now.
During the Boxer Rebellion (only two years later), Angel goes to Darla, and tells her they can still be together, in spite of his soul. He has been living on vermin and is quite filthy, yet still handsomer than me and tyranist put together. Is that fair? Darla gives Angel another chance, and while Spike is off kung fu fighting, Angel discovers a young missionary couple with an infant and protects them from the violence. Darla is about to discover them, but Angel leads her away, being less than thrilled with Spike's boastings about killing the Chinese Slayer.
Manners, Lindsay's boss at Wolfram & Hart, is not pleased with Darla's recent turn, and seems to go back and forth between saying this is all according to plan and shaking his head in disappointment. Lindsay tells him he can get through to her, but Manners takes him off the case. Darla calls Angel, telling him she needs him. A security guard comes to take her away and there's some kind of struggle with his gun, which goes off and kills him. This seems to be the last straw, and Manners plans to have Darla eliminated.
Back in their Chinese hideout, Darla and Angel are very happy together. But, it seems, she's aware of what he did for the missionaries, and went out afterward and killed them anyway. But she brought their infant back, so that Angel can kill it, proving where his loyalties lie. He seems to struggle for just a second, then he scoops up the baby and jumps through a window to escape.
Like I said last week, I thought every bit of Angel backstory had been filled in, but we had a hell of a lot of flashbacks here that proved me wrong. But I can't imagine what else they need to tell us now about his past (we can just assume that he never saw Darla again until 1997, right?) that would necessitate another flashback, as much as I love them.
In the present, Lindsay sees the security guard Darla accidentally killed walking around, talking to Manners, and I guess that's bad. He goes into the parking garage and Angel appears to strangle him. He tells Angel that Darla's in danger and appears to be on the side of the . . .
He appears to be one of the good guys again. Angel tracks down Darla, who insists he bite her and turn her into a vampire once again. I have to admit that I hoped he would, as it would make things a hell of a lot easier, but he doesn't give in. Maybe because it would make things a hell of a lot easier, I don't know. The end.
I really enjoyed this episode. Tyranist complained that the point of these two shows was to make Spike and Darla sympathetic. I think it worked, though I already loved Spike and it only made me like him more. As far as Darla goes, I don't know that I'll ever LIKE her, exactly, but we start to understand her here, and that's something.
Oh, and at some point I'm going to have to mention that "Buffy" episodes are now scored by someone named Thomas Wanker.
Rish Thomas Outfield
*Tyranist said he remembered Drusilla siring Spike, but I thought Angel had, for some reason. Guess it doesn't matter, really. All the matters is how good this episode was.
**When I was at Comic-Con this past summer, I hung out for a little while with a couple of women who were super huge Joss Whedon fans. I told them that I was just getting into the show, and one of them told me that James Marsters actually has a scar on his temple from a bar fight, and when they first designed the vampire prosthetic for him, he pointed it out and the makeup guys altered it so you could always see the scar there. I don't believe I had ever noticed this scar before then, but after hearing the story, I can't not look at it. Just like this guy I went to Junior High with, Ryan "Tri-cheek" Bird, who had three buttocks. Until somebody pointed it out and laughed (several people, in fact), I had never seen anything abnormal there. I don't recall what I thought his nickname had meant before then, though.
***I am glad the filmmakers resisted the urge to have Drusilla too say Spike's beneath her, if that nasty temptation had beckoned them.
Monday, December 10, 2007
I will never watch Veronica Mars
Never.
9 December 2007
Tyranist and I go back a long way, and there's little we can't talk to one another about*. But like all relationships, there are certain lines that have been drawn in the sand that we know not to cross. I will never ask him to watch FORREST GUMP and he will never (again) make me watch David Lynch's DUNE with him.
But with "Veronica Mars," he just won't quit. Since before I moved away from Los Angeles, he's been on me to watch this show with him, either in first run, TiVo-ed, or on the many DVD sets in his possession. Always my answer is the same: "Die."
I've stuck by my answer time and time again, not because I have anything against "Veronica Mars," per se, or even against its lead, Kristen Bell (who was in the turd-smelling PULSE remake last year). It's not even that I did it to piss my friend off, though that seemed mildly successful. The damn show just didn't appeal to me. I don't like the WB/UPN teen dramas (with the exception of "Smallville" back in the day, and the very embarrassing exception of "Dawson's Creek" rather recently). They always make me feel old, unpopular, worthless, and very, very ugly, when they're not filling me with the uncontrollable urge to kill.
And tyranist tends to like everything, I kid you not, including stuff so bad it makes my nut hair grow back in. Plus, the show just looked like one that I wouldn't like. So there.
I went over to tyranist's house on Sunday, and as usual, he mentioned "Veronica Mars," and as usual, I told him to sit and spin. But when he was done, he brought it up again. And again. And again.
He wasn't being subtle about his determination to watch the show that night, and refused to take "Get bent" for an answer. At one point, he just got up and put the DVD in the player, like a child testing the boundaries a babysitter has placed on him, or a particularly horny dude after the school dance. I thought about getting up and leaving, figuring, "Ha! I'll go out in the snow and spend the evening all by myself, like I always do. That'll show him!"
But, for some reason, I just let him push the PLAY button, and sat in surly silence as the show began. The opening title sequence played, and with each face that appeared, I hated tyranist a little more. With every pop song, I could hear the disembodied voice of the announcer saying, "This fresh episode of 'Gilmore Girls' featured music from Maroon 5 and Raccoon Boy, available at the WB dot com," something I hate like my uncle hates women who ask for money afterwards, or you hate mandatory drug screenings. I do have to admit it was sort of cute when Veronica's father came onscreen and he said, "Come on, I know you love Enrico Colantoni." I didn't know who that was or who he played, but it is a cool name.
As the episode went on, I found a couple things to sneer at, and a couple of things to smile at, but it didn't push me either way. The show's characters were semi-interesting, and I had to admit I was intrigued by the mystery premise, but I was still sending the mental finger across the couch at the purveyor of this "entertainment."
Then it ended. Abruptly. And I had questions. He asked what I wanted to watch next, and instead of porn, "Buffy," Hammer Horror, or homeless people fighting, I said he could go ahead and put in the second episode.
This one had Paris Hilton in it. And she was playing herself. So that should've been the straw that sent the camel to Cedars Sinai. But the things that bothered me in the first episode didn't bother me so much in the second one, and the damn mystery still wasn't resolved, so we went on to the third episode. I had no complaints about that one.
Or the fourth. We watched the whole damn disc, and would've kept watching had tyranist not kicked me out. And I'm the guy who will never watch "Veronica Mars."
So, I'm listing this as my Stupid Thing of the Week. Not because the show was stupid, or because I was stupid enough into letting my friend con me into watching three hours of "Veronica Mars," but because I really enjoyed it, once more feeding tyranist's Louie Anderson-sized ego. Dammit.
Rish "Victoria Uranus" Outfield
*Does this look infected to you? Should it hang to the side like that? Is the smell normal?
9 December 2007
Tyranist and I go back a long way, and there's little we can't talk to one another about*. But like all relationships, there are certain lines that have been drawn in the sand that we know not to cross. I will never ask him to watch FORREST GUMP and he will never (again) make me watch David Lynch's DUNE with him.
But with "Veronica Mars," he just won't quit. Since before I moved away from Los Angeles, he's been on me to watch this show with him, either in first run, TiVo-ed, or on the many DVD sets in his possession. Always my answer is the same: "Die."
I've stuck by my answer time and time again, not because I have anything against "Veronica Mars," per se, or even against its lead, Kristen Bell (who was in the turd-smelling PULSE remake last year). It's not even that I did it to piss my friend off, though that seemed mildly successful. The damn show just didn't appeal to me. I don't like the WB/UPN teen dramas (with the exception of "Smallville" back in the day, and the very embarrassing exception of "Dawson's Creek" rather recently). They always make me feel old, unpopular, worthless, and very, very ugly, when they're not filling me with the uncontrollable urge to kill.
And tyranist tends to like everything, I kid you not, including stuff so bad it makes my nut hair grow back in. Plus, the show just looked like one that I wouldn't like. So there.
I went over to tyranist's house on Sunday, and as usual, he mentioned "Veronica Mars," and as usual, I told him to sit and spin. But when he was done, he brought it up again. And again. And again.
He wasn't being subtle about his determination to watch the show that night, and refused to take "Get bent" for an answer. At one point, he just got up and put the DVD in the player, like a child testing the boundaries a babysitter has placed on him, or a particularly horny dude after the school dance. I thought about getting up and leaving, figuring, "Ha! I'll go out in the snow and spend the evening all by myself, like I always do. That'll show him!"
But, for some reason, I just let him push the PLAY button, and sat in surly silence as the show began. The opening title sequence played, and with each face that appeared, I hated tyranist a little more. With every pop song, I could hear the disembodied voice of the announcer saying, "This fresh episode of 'Gilmore Girls' featured music from Maroon 5 and Raccoon Boy, available at the WB dot com," something I hate like my uncle hates women who ask for money afterwards, or you hate mandatory drug screenings. I do have to admit it was sort of cute when Veronica's father came onscreen and he said, "Come on, I know you love Enrico Colantoni." I didn't know who that was or who he played, but it is a cool name.
As the episode went on, I found a couple things to sneer at, and a couple of things to smile at, but it didn't push me either way. The show's characters were semi-interesting, and I had to admit I was intrigued by the mystery premise, but I was still sending the mental finger across the couch at the purveyor of this "entertainment."
Then it ended. Abruptly. And I had questions. He asked what I wanted to watch next, and instead of porn, "Buffy," Hammer Horror, or homeless people fighting, I said he could go ahead and put in the second episode.
This one had Paris Hilton in it. And she was playing herself. So that should've been the straw that sent the camel to Cedars Sinai. But the things that bothered me in the first episode didn't bother me so much in the second one, and the damn mystery still wasn't resolved, so we went on to the third episode. I had no complaints about that one.
Or the fourth. We watched the whole damn disc, and would've kept watching had tyranist not kicked me out. And I'm the guy who will never watch "Veronica Mars."
So, I'm listing this as my Stupid Thing of the Week. Not because the show was stupid, or because I was stupid enough into letting my friend con me into watching three hours of "Veronica Mars," but because I really enjoyed it, once more feeding tyranist's Louie Anderson-sized ego. Dammit.
Rish "Victoria Uranus" Outfield
*Does this look infected to you? Should it hang to the side like that? Is the smell normal?
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Rank the Pixars
I was over at tyranist's house not long ago, and he was watchin' RATATOUILLE for the first time. Instead of going in his library and rolling on the ground in fetal position (like I usually do in such situations), I sat down and watched the last three quarters of it again. I liked it a lot more the second time, but still found it down there a ways, especially for Pixar.
Most everyone I spoke to or read, however, were enchanted by RATATOUILLE, and I can't really say what it is that made me like it less than everyone else. Afterward, Tyranist did agree with me that it was weaker than most Pixar releases, so I felt a bit vindicated.
He did think WALL-E looked awful, however, so we may not have the world in common.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to ask a couple friends to rank the Pixar films, and see what other people said. I recognise that, again, this is not a Top Five list, but I'm classifying it that anyway.
My list goes like this:
1. FINDING NEMO
2. MONSTERS INC.
3. TOY STORY
4. THE INCREDIBLES
5. TOY STORY 2
6. A BUG'S LIFE
7. CARS
8. RATATOUILLE
Tyranist's list:
1. The Incredibles
2. Finding Nemo
3. Monsters Inc.
4. Toy Story 2
5. Cars
6. Toy Story
7. Ratatouille
8. A Bug's Life
I asked my lawyer pal Ian for his ranking, and he gave me:
1. Incredibles
2. Toy Story
3. Toy Story 2
4. A Bug's Life
5. Monsters Inc
6. Finding Nemo
7. Cars
8. Ratatouille
Prison Guard John gave me this list:1. Toy Story
2. The Incredibles
3. Monsters Inc.
4. Toy Story 2
5. Cars
6. Finding Nemo
7. A Bug's Life
8. Rattatouille
Beta Ray Charles's list:
1. Finding Nemo
2. Toy Story
3. Toy Story 2
4. Monsters Inc.
5. The Incredibles
6. Ratatouille
7. Cars
8. A Bug's Life
My friend Merrill is a huge Pixar fan. He has even vowed, on the life of his firstborn, that he will never buy a computer-animated film that's made my one of their competitors. This was Merrill's list:
1. Finding Nemo
2. Toy Story
3. Monsters Inc.
4. The Incredibles
5. Cars
6. A Bug's Life
7. Ratatouille
8. Toy Story 2
Jeff the Sex Doctor's list:
1) Incredibles
2) Monsters Inc
3) Toy Story
4) Toy Story 2
5) Finding Nemo
6) A Bug's Life
7) Cars
(I never bothered with "Ratatouille" so can't rate it)
And my cousin Ryan gave me this list:
1. Toy Story
2. The Incredibles
3. Toy Story 2
4. Finding Nemo
5. Monster's Inc
6. Bug's Life
7. Cars
8. Ratatatotuille is by far my least favorite. It was okay, but I didn't enjoy it anywhere near the others.
So, judging from all the results, it looks like the averaged ranking is thus:
1. The Incredibles
2./3. Toy Story/Finding Nemo (tie)
4. Monsters Inc.
5. Toy Story 2
6. A Bug's Life
7. Cars
8 Ratatouille
Hmmm.
Next up: rating the porno Pixar parodies (SEX TOY STORY, THE SIN-CREDIBLES, A FUGG's LIFE, RATA-SCREWY, GRINDING REAM-HO, etc.)!
Rish CGI Outfield
Friday, December 07, 2007
Buffy/Angel Wednesday (5 Deciembre 2007)
I've got four episodes to blog about today. It had only been two weeks, but it felt like a long time since we'd watched BTVS or "Angel." I guess that's a testament to how good they are, huh?
The first "Buffy" was called "No Place Like Home," and it was a good 'un. It was written by Doug Petrie, and dealt with Buffy discovering a mysterious glowing orb while patrolling. A friendly night watchman gives it to her, thinking it's something she's taking to a rave, and she takes it to Giles, who is having his big opening at the magic shop. I was pretty sure it would be a bust, but on the first day, the place is swarming with customers. Anya is very interested in money, and uses her demonic experience to such persistent (and annoying) effect that Giles offers her a job. Nice.
On the unpleasant front, there's a new baddie in town: a blonde in a red dress with enormous power and more than a little quirky insanity. She is referred to as The Beast, and she seems to have the ability to suck peoples' life force out with her fingertips. Turns out that the glowing ball belonged to a monk who was using it as protection from evil, and said evil is the Blond Beast. Tyranist absolutely loathed her right off, which is lately quite typical, but still distressing.
On the unpleasanter (and more distressing) front, Buffy's mother continues to not feel well, having little energy and constant headaches. Buffy goes to the hospital to get her a prescription and meets a handsome, shaggy-haired male nurse, who I only mention because he also showed up in the next episode. When Buffy runs into the now-hysterical security guard there, he tells her she's in danger, and that it'll go through her family to get her.
Buffy tells her friends about this, and because Tara isn't in this episode for some reason*, Anya tells her about a spell she can cast where she can see any magic being performed around her. Buffy goes home and Riley, who's still feeling unnecessary in Buffy's life, tries to help, but ends up being told she wants to do this on her own. Dawn too tries to interrupt, and Buffy banishes her to her room.
Buffy performs the ritual and goes to check on her mother, who is just going out. To her surprise, Joyce Summers has no spells or curses on her. But the family pictures in the living room alternate between having three and two people in them. Buffy goes upstairs to see Dawn, and is able to see Dawn's room as it is and as it is supposed to be, without Dawn in it. "You're not my sister," Buffy hisses at Dawn, and shoves her against the wall. She threatens Dawn to leave her mother alone, and goes out into the night.
She finds Spike loitering around her house and is immediately suspicious. We know that Spike is there because he's got all sorts of piney feelings for Bufanda**, but Buffy threatens him too, sure he's up to no good. He takes off, pouting, and she sees (from his mountain of cigarette butts) he's been there all night.
Joyce comes back home, and Dawn, quite ominously, offers to make her some tea. Despite having tyranist explain to me several months ago what the deal with Dawn was, I was quite suspicious that maybe she was some kind of creature in human form (though without evil intentions).
Buffy goes to the warehouse where she found the orb and finds the Blond Beast there, torturing the monk for the location of a key. Buffy confronts the Beast, and it turns out she is maybe stronger than anyone Buffy's faced before. She thrashes Buffy soundly, punching things so hard that the ceiling begins to fall in on top of her. Buffy manages to get the monk out, but he is mortally wounded. He tells her that the key the Beast sought has taken human form, and that he gave her to Buffy for protection. The key is Dawn, and the memories everyone has of her were fabricated so no enemies would be able to find her. He tells her, then dies, that Dawn doesn't know who she really is, and is just a human girl who needs her sister.
Buffy goes home and, swallowing her pride, goes to see Dawn, who is understandably skittish around her. For the second time on this damn show, I found myself crying as Buffy apologised to her for her behaviour and suggested they both deal with the fact that their mother is sick. Back at the warehouse, the Blond Beast pops up again like the horror movie villain she is. The end.
Good, good stuff. Like I said, I didn't know where the Dawn thing was going, and I imagine millions of "Buffy" watchers sighing in relief at finally finding out who this sister was. But it does open up new questions: what is this key to and can Dawn open it without knowing what she is? And what happens to her if she finds out she's a key or does what keys do? And how did she first find out her sister was the Slayer, and how will Buffy's attitude toward her change now? If this were a show by J.J. Abrams, I'd be pretty sure we'd never find out.
The next "Angel" episode was called "Dear Boy," and was written and directed by co-show runner David Greenwalt. It featured more flashbacks to Angel's past, and
shows how Darla and Angelus roamed Europe feeding and terrorising until they found Drusilla, a young woman with second sight. Angelus thinks it would be amusing to make her into a vampire. This was the first time we had seen Drusilla since "Buffy" Season Two, and she gives me the heebie jeebies just as much as before. With this flashback, I thought we had pretty much gotten all the pieces of Angel's past we needed. We'll see, huh?
Meanwhile, in the present, Angel sees Darla walking around, and becomes quite obsessed with her, to the point where Wesley and Cordelia think he might be losing his mind. Angel encounters Darla at a hotel and when he grabs her, she appears frightened and confused, claiming her name isn't Darla and she doesn't know who he is. Angel has Cordelia find out where this woman lives and goes to spy on her that night. He sees her and her husband having dinner, as normal people do. During all this, evil lawyer Lindsay has contacted policewomanoffer Kate Lockley (who we hadn't seen this season) to tell her what Angel is up to. In case you hadn't been keeping score, Kate now despises Angel and blames him for the death of her father, for her bunions, for the Iraq war, and for the failure of EVAN ALMIGHTY at the box office.
Turns out that Darla's husband is just an actor, pretending to be her spouse, and that they're living there under the guise of the murdered occupants of the house. Knowing Angel is on the premises, Darla makes a terrified phone call to the police while a vampire in Wolfram & Hart's employ attacks and kills her "husband." Sure enough, the cops arrive and blame Angel for the murder, who flees. Darla puts on a convincing performance for Kate that implicates Angel, playing right into her newly-acquired prejudice.*** When she turns her back, Angel appears and grabs Darla, whisking her away.
Back at A.I., new regular cast member Gunn talks to Cordelia and Wesley, and they fill him in on Angel's past with Darla. They also tell him what happens with a moment of pure happiness, etc., and Gunn isn't too pleased with this information.
Angel takes Darla to this big underground demon-worshiping place that looked absolutely enormous. Almost immediately, she drops the act and the old Darla returns. They begin kissing passionately and she begins seducing him.
Policewomanofficer Kate Lockley goes to Angel's hotel and threatens the three employees with arrest, particularly Gunn, who is something of a criminal anyway. Wesley tries to explain that Darla is a vampire and that Angel has been framed, but she's got to hunt her whale. That is, until Wesley presents three pieces of evidence: one, that Angel couldn't have entered without being invited, two, that the woman Darla claims to be is dead, and three, in book on vampire lore is a hundred year old photograph of Darla, the same chick Kate was talking to that evening. I think that gets Angel off the hook for now.
Back with the kissing, Darla tells Angel she made him happy once, and that she can do it again. Coldly, he tells her she never made him happy, not even that one time when she put on the Japanese schoolgirl outfit with the lollypop. Or maybe I imagined that part. Regardless, he tells her that she's human now, and that means she has a soul. Pretty soon, she's going to feel remorse for all the crap she pulled in the old days, and that she's in for a world of hurt. Darla keeps some of her dignity as she retreats out into the morning light, emerging where Angel dares not walk, and tells him she'll get to him before too long. The end.
You know, this episode was pretty darn cool too. I thought Tyranist said it was the best "Angel" of the season, but he was actually referring to the one that followed. I'm really enjoying this Darla stuff, and I have to admit I have no idea where it's going. I've complained a lot about Julie Benz's role on both shows, but she's either gotten a lot better, or I've simply grown fond of her with time. Regardless, she way hot in these episodes. Oh, and the title, "Dear Boy," is Darla's pet name for Angel/us, which is spoken a couple times in this episode.
Next we got "Family," a BTVS episode written and directed by "Angel"'s other show runner, Joss Whedon. It began with Buffy confiding in Giles what she had found out about her sister. I was glad to see it. Giles suggests they keep it a secret, and that will keep Dawn safer than if everyone knew she was not what she seems. Buffy chooses to move back into her mother's house (when had she moved out again?) to be closer to her family, and the gang helps her move. Willow tells everyone that it's Tara's birthday and plans a nice party for her.
Though Xander and friends like Tara, they don't know what to get her. Giles suggests they pick her up something from the magic shop, and when they go there, this farmboy-type comes in, looking for Tara. Turns out he is her brother, in town with my father--er, her father, and her cousin, played by Amy Adams, currently starring in ENCHANTED. At first glance, you can tell what sort of people you are, and it speaks volumes that Tara's stutter returns around them, maybe worse than ever. When Tara goes home, she finds her father in her dorm room, looking disgustedly at her magic paraphernalia.
Turns out that Tara fled her father's grasp a year before, having a mother who used magic and, I gather, came to a bad end. It ain't right that the menfolk gotta cook and clean for themselves, with Tara so selfishly off in the big city doin' a mess o' book-learnin'. It is also revealed that Tara is part demon, a part that manifests itself upon her nineteenth birthday. Her father insists she return home before that happens, since her friends will collectively spit on her when they find out, and that she pack up her stuff.
Elsewhere, the Blond Beast is hunting around, and finds a demon who tells her about the Slayer. She commissions the demon and its posse to find her and kill her.
Buffy tells the others about said Blond Beast and tells Riley not to go patrolling with her. He goes to Sunnydale's only bar and gets hit on by a hot chick who turns out to be a vampire. He just feels inferior and unneeded by Buffy, and I can't really blame him, though he could go through a woodchipper and still be more attractive than me.
Willow suggests, to find the Blond Beast, that they cast that spell that "didn't work" last season, the one that finds demons. Our heads spun in astonishment as tyranist and I realised that we were finally being shown why Tara botched that spell way back in "Goodbye Iowa."**** Afraid of being found out, Tara casts a spell of her own, that Buffy and Company won't be able to see demonic manifestations.
Harmony (ick) and Spike are together again, if I haven't mentioned it, and while putting the boots to her, Spike finds himself thinking of doing battle with Buffy. Nice. Harmony tells him about the group of demons who are going to kill the Slayer, and he rushes off, as he puts it, to get a good seat.
At the magic shop, the gang is attacked by the demons, which none are able to see. Giles tries to protect Dawn as the demons start thrashing them, trying to get to Buffy. Spike arrives and does battle against the demons. Tara arrives and realises her mistake. She counteracts the spell and the demons are easily dispatched.
Everyone is shocked that Tara would've put a spell on them, especially since it could've gotten them killed. Tara tells them why she did it, ashamed of her demonic secret. Willow seems the most hurt that Tara didn't confide in her, and wonders if their love has also been a lie. Cue my dad and Tara's cousin and brother to enter, there to toss Tara in the back of a pickup truck where she belongs. Buffy tells Tara's dad (not mine, after all, I just get them so confused) he'll have to go through her to get Tara. And Dawn. And Giles. And Xander. Pretty much everyone but Spike, who doesn't much care either way.
Tara's father tells them she's part demon, and Anya asks him what kind. He doesn't think that matters, prompting a suspicious Spike to go up to Tara and punch her in the face. I'm sure he could've found a more subtle way of doing it, but the punch causes him intense pain, which means she ain't no demon. It would seem that the whole demon story was an invention by the males in the family to keep the womenfolk from gettin' too uppity. One Hillary Rodham Clinton is more than enough for all of them.
Tara doesn't go with my dad, her brother and her cousin, because she's found a new family now. They go to the Bronze for her birthday party, where Riley arrives and makes up (and out) with Buffy. Willow and Tara have a nice romantic dance while the music plays, and we are shown that they're floating a foot above the floor. The end.
Boy oh boy, this was a good episode. I'm getting sick of my own voice in general, but especially of saying, "This was a real good episode." I'd like to thank my father for showing up and being disdainful of Tara for a change. Still, every time he spoke, I could hear him telling me how ashamed my family was in me.
But hey, I may have daddy issues, I don't know.
We enjoy "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," so tyranist and I decided to go ahead and sneak one more episode in, even though I have vowed (many a time) not to skip any "Angel" episodes again, just in case there's a reference or a crossover and we shoot ourselves in the foot that way. So, as "Fool For Love" started up, and the first name that appeared in the guest cast was David Boreanaz, we "arrrrghh"ed and stopped the film, switching over to "Angel," as we should have all along.
This episode was called "Guise Will Be Guise," a pun worthy of my most shameful exercises, written by Ms. Jane Espenson. Angel is still really hung up on Darla's return, and he goes to the karaoke bar to ask for advice. Meanwhile, a dude comes to Angel Investigations, looking for Angel, but quickly leave when Wesley offers his services in Angel's absence.
On the suggestion of the host demon, Angel drives off into the mountains to meet with a sort of guru/life coach, played by the ever-reliable Art LaFleur. The guru tries to get Angel centered, asking him questions about his life and his car and his hair.
Back at the hotel, thugs threaten Cordelia at gunpoint, demanding to see Angel. Wesley puts on Angel's big leather jacket and pretends that he is Angel. He is taken to a mansion where zillionare businessman Mr. Bryce apologises for the way he was brought there (this seems to happen a lot on TV, don't it?), and asks him to protect his daughter, who has been getting all sorts of threats of late. Everyone believes Wesley is Angel, and knows that he's a vampire. Despite Wesley nearly botching it again and again, he meets Virginia,***** the daughter. She's spunky and likable, and Wesley agrees to be her bodyguard. He realises she's been cooped up by her overprotective, nutball father her whole life. He takes her shopping for her dad's fiftieth birthday party, and Wesley narrowly prevents her from being kidnapped again.
This adventure brings them closer, and Wesley and Virginia kiss, romance in the air. Back at her place, she is afraid of sleeping with Wesley, in case he becomes Bad Wesley again, but he tells her that's not a problem (you know, for all they know about Angel and his life, nobody knows what he looks like?). The beast with two backs is made.
Cordelia gets ahold of Gunn and tells him to head to the hills to bring back Angel. Angel is still being counseled by the guru, who tells him that he doesn't like himself, has lots of weaknesses due to regrets and fear of who he used to be, and that he ought to nail a blonde who looks like Darla, to make himself feel better.
The guru gets a phone call, and it is revealed that this guy is just pretending to be the great and powerful swami, and is there to keep Angel out of the way so Virginia can be eliminated. But then, who is it that's protecting her back in L.A.?
Mr. Bryce realises that he's been had, and declares Wesley and impostor. This hurts Virginia, who has been lied to quite a lot. Turns out that's true more than she knows, as it is revealed that Mr. Bryce was hiding Virginia away all this time only so he could sacrifice his virginal daughter to a demon on his fiftieth birthday. In return, he'll get buttloads of power (Bryce's enemies knew this and that's why they were trying to steal Virginia away).
Gunn tracks Angel down, and is attacked by the fake guru. Angel takes him out with a fishing pole, and heads back to civilisation. That night, at Mr. Bryce's birthday party, everybody but Virginia appears to be in on it, and he begins the ritual. Angel and Company arrive at the party, but it's too late: Bryce has summoned the demon (a rotund Edie McClurg type) to accept his sacrifice. She rejects Virginia on account of her hymen deficiency, and Mr. Bryce's chance at limitless power is ruined. Virginia is furious, and tells her father she hasn't been a virgin for years (in fact, she's had more men on her than a golf course). Somehow, the papers find out about Wesley's exaggerated exploits, and there's lots of free advertising for Wyndam-Price Investigations. The end.
I am quite happy watching "Angel" alongside "Buffy." They say it gets better as it goes on, but it's pretty damned good right now, so we'll see.
Afterward, I hoped tyranist would put in the "Buffy" episode we had started. Usually on nights like these, he wants to go on and on, and I'm the one who says, "We'd better slow down, man, you might get pregnant." But this time, I was dead-set on on watching one more "Buffy." After all, we'd already watched four minutes of it.
But sterner heads prevailed, and tyranist gave me his traditional, "Well, I'm going to kick you out now," and then did. But I'd get the last laugh: I set a rake in his driveway right where he'd be backing out the next morning.
Rish "True Friend" Outfield
*You know, that's something that I don't really understand about the way a TV show works. The folks in the opening credits get paid whether they appear in the episode or not, right, hence Angel's token appearances in Season Three and several Spike near-cameos lately. But the supporting cast just show up when there's need for it, right, when they've been written into the script. But are they so costly that sometimes they omit them in certain episodes, for example the episode of "Angel" this season when all evil lawyerdude Lindsay's lines were given to evil lawyerlady Lilah? Was that what was going on in this one, or was the actress who plays Tara simply unavailable, like the "Star Trek" episodes where George Takei wasn't around, so all Sulu's lines were given to Chekov?
**Bet you hoped I'd never use that awful nickname again, didn't you?
***Oh, for the record, tyranist now hates Kate Lockley as well. It's funny how he has now eclipsed me in the hatred department. After living in Los Angeles, I thought it would never happen.
****Tyranist's theory then had been that Tara didn't want Willow to know how proficient she was in magic, so as not to alienate her. My theory had been, "Uh . . ."
*****It literally took all my strength not to insert a Train reference here.
The first "Buffy" was called "No Place Like Home," and it was a good 'un. It was written by Doug Petrie, and dealt with Buffy discovering a mysterious glowing orb while patrolling. A friendly night watchman gives it to her, thinking it's something she's taking to a rave, and she takes it to Giles, who is having his big opening at the magic shop. I was pretty sure it would be a bust, but on the first day, the place is swarming with customers. Anya is very interested in money, and uses her demonic experience to such persistent (and annoying) effect that Giles offers her a job. Nice.
On the unpleasant front, there's a new baddie in town: a blonde in a red dress with enormous power and more than a little quirky insanity. She is referred to as The Beast, and she seems to have the ability to suck peoples' life force out with her fingertips. Turns out that the glowing ball belonged to a monk who was using it as protection from evil, and said evil is the Blond Beast. Tyranist absolutely loathed her right off, which is lately quite typical, but still distressing.
On the unpleasanter (and more distressing) front, Buffy's mother continues to not feel well, having little energy and constant headaches. Buffy goes to the hospital to get her a prescription and meets a handsome, shaggy-haired male nurse, who I only mention because he also showed up in the next episode. When Buffy runs into the now-hysterical security guard there, he tells her she's in danger, and that it'll go through her family to get her.
Buffy tells her friends about this, and because Tara isn't in this episode for some reason*, Anya tells her about a spell she can cast where she can see any magic being performed around her. Buffy goes home and Riley, who's still feeling unnecessary in Buffy's life, tries to help, but ends up being told she wants to do this on her own. Dawn too tries to interrupt, and Buffy banishes her to her room.
Buffy performs the ritual and goes to check on her mother, who is just going out. To her surprise, Joyce Summers has no spells or curses on her. But the family pictures in the living room alternate between having three and two people in them. Buffy goes upstairs to see Dawn, and is able to see Dawn's room as it is and as it is supposed to be, without Dawn in it. "You're not my sister," Buffy hisses at Dawn, and shoves her against the wall. She threatens Dawn to leave her mother alone, and goes out into the night.
She finds Spike loitering around her house and is immediately suspicious. We know that Spike is there because he's got all sorts of piney feelings for Bufanda**, but Buffy threatens him too, sure he's up to no good. He takes off, pouting, and she sees (from his mountain of cigarette butts) he's been there all night.
Joyce comes back home, and Dawn, quite ominously, offers to make her some tea. Despite having tyranist explain to me several months ago what the deal with Dawn was, I was quite suspicious that maybe she was some kind of creature in human form (though without evil intentions).
Buffy goes to the warehouse where she found the orb and finds the Blond Beast there, torturing the monk for the location of a key. Buffy confronts the Beast, and it turns out she is maybe stronger than anyone Buffy's faced before. She thrashes Buffy soundly, punching things so hard that the ceiling begins to fall in on top of her. Buffy manages to get the monk out, but he is mortally wounded. He tells her that the key the Beast sought has taken human form, and that he gave her to Buffy for protection. The key is Dawn, and the memories everyone has of her were fabricated so no enemies would be able to find her. He tells her, then dies, that Dawn doesn't know who she really is, and is just a human girl who needs her sister.
Buffy goes home and, swallowing her pride, goes to see Dawn, who is understandably skittish around her. For the second time on this damn show, I found myself crying as Buffy apologised to her for her behaviour and suggested they both deal with the fact that their mother is sick. Back at the warehouse, the Blond Beast pops up again like the horror movie villain she is. The end.
Good, good stuff. Like I said, I didn't know where the Dawn thing was going, and I imagine millions of "Buffy" watchers sighing in relief at finally finding out who this sister was. But it does open up new questions: what is this key to and can Dawn open it without knowing what she is? And what happens to her if she finds out she's a key or does what keys do? And how did she first find out her sister was the Slayer, and how will Buffy's attitude toward her change now? If this were a show by J.J. Abrams, I'd be pretty sure we'd never find out.
The next "Angel" episode was called "Dear Boy," and was written and directed by co-show runner David Greenwalt. It featured more flashbacks to Angel's past, and
shows how Darla and Angelus roamed Europe feeding and terrorising until they found Drusilla, a young woman with second sight. Angelus thinks it would be amusing to make her into a vampire. This was the first time we had seen Drusilla since "Buffy" Season Two, and she gives me the heebie jeebies just as much as before. With this flashback, I thought we had pretty much gotten all the pieces of Angel's past we needed. We'll see, huh?
Meanwhile, in the present, Angel sees Darla walking around, and becomes quite obsessed with her, to the point where Wesley and Cordelia think he might be losing his mind. Angel encounters Darla at a hotel and when he grabs her, she appears frightened and confused, claiming her name isn't Darla and she doesn't know who he is. Angel has Cordelia find out where this woman lives and goes to spy on her that night. He sees her and her husband having dinner, as normal people do. During all this, evil lawyer Lindsay has contacted policewomanoffer Kate Lockley (who we hadn't seen this season) to tell her what Angel is up to. In case you hadn't been keeping score, Kate now despises Angel and blames him for the death of her father, for her bunions, for the Iraq war, and for the failure of EVAN ALMIGHTY at the box office.
Turns out that Darla's husband is just an actor, pretending to be her spouse, and that they're living there under the guise of the murdered occupants of the house. Knowing Angel is on the premises, Darla makes a terrified phone call to the police while a vampire in Wolfram & Hart's employ attacks and kills her "husband." Sure enough, the cops arrive and blame Angel for the murder, who flees. Darla puts on a convincing performance for Kate that implicates Angel, playing right into her newly-acquired prejudice.*** When she turns her back, Angel appears and grabs Darla, whisking her away.
Back at A.I., new regular cast member Gunn talks to Cordelia and Wesley, and they fill him in on Angel's past with Darla. They also tell him what happens with a moment of pure happiness, etc., and Gunn isn't too pleased with this information.
Angel takes Darla to this big underground demon-worshiping place that looked absolutely enormous. Almost immediately, she drops the act and the old Darla returns. They begin kissing passionately and she begins seducing him.
Policewomanofficer Kate Lockley goes to Angel's hotel and threatens the three employees with arrest, particularly Gunn, who is something of a criminal anyway. Wesley tries to explain that Darla is a vampire and that Angel has been framed, but she's got to hunt her whale. That is, until Wesley presents three pieces of evidence: one, that Angel couldn't have entered without being invited, two, that the woman Darla claims to be is dead, and three, in book on vampire lore is a hundred year old photograph of Darla, the same chick Kate was talking to that evening. I think that gets Angel off the hook for now.
Back with the kissing, Darla tells Angel she made him happy once, and that she can do it again. Coldly, he tells her she never made him happy, not even that one time when she put on the Japanese schoolgirl outfit with the lollypop. Or maybe I imagined that part. Regardless, he tells her that she's human now, and that means she has a soul. Pretty soon, she's going to feel remorse for all the crap she pulled in the old days, and that she's in for a world of hurt. Darla keeps some of her dignity as she retreats out into the morning light, emerging where Angel dares not walk, and tells him she'll get to him before too long. The end.
You know, this episode was pretty darn cool too. I thought Tyranist said it was the best "Angel" of the season, but he was actually referring to the one that followed. I'm really enjoying this Darla stuff, and I have to admit I have no idea where it's going. I've complained a lot about Julie Benz's role on both shows, but she's either gotten a lot better, or I've simply grown fond of her with time. Regardless, she way hot in these episodes. Oh, and the title, "Dear Boy," is Darla's pet name for Angel/us, which is spoken a couple times in this episode.
Next we got "Family," a BTVS episode written and directed by "Angel"'s other show runner, Joss Whedon. It began with Buffy confiding in Giles what she had found out about her sister. I was glad to see it. Giles suggests they keep it a secret, and that will keep Dawn safer than if everyone knew she was not what she seems. Buffy chooses to move back into her mother's house (when had she moved out again?) to be closer to her family, and the gang helps her move. Willow tells everyone that it's Tara's birthday and plans a nice party for her.
Though Xander and friends like Tara, they don't know what to get her. Giles suggests they pick her up something from the magic shop, and when they go there, this farmboy-type comes in, looking for Tara. Turns out he is her brother, in town with my father--er, her father, and her cousin, played by Amy Adams, currently starring in ENCHANTED. At first glance, you can tell what sort of people you are, and it speaks volumes that Tara's stutter returns around them, maybe worse than ever. When Tara goes home, she finds her father in her dorm room, looking disgustedly at her magic paraphernalia.
Turns out that Tara fled her father's grasp a year before, having a mother who used magic and, I gather, came to a bad end. It ain't right that the menfolk gotta cook and clean for themselves, with Tara so selfishly off in the big city doin' a mess o' book-learnin'. It is also revealed that Tara is part demon, a part that manifests itself upon her nineteenth birthday. Her father insists she return home before that happens, since her friends will collectively spit on her when they find out, and that she pack up her stuff.
Elsewhere, the Blond Beast is hunting around, and finds a demon who tells her about the Slayer. She commissions the demon and its posse to find her and kill her.
Buffy tells the others about said Blond Beast and tells Riley not to go patrolling with her. He goes to Sunnydale's only bar and gets hit on by a hot chick who turns out to be a vampire. He just feels inferior and unneeded by Buffy, and I can't really blame him, though he could go through a woodchipper and still be more attractive than me.
Willow suggests, to find the Blond Beast, that they cast that spell that "didn't work" last season, the one that finds demons. Our heads spun in astonishment as tyranist and I realised that we were finally being shown why Tara botched that spell way back in "Goodbye Iowa."**** Afraid of being found out, Tara casts a spell of her own, that Buffy and Company won't be able to see demonic manifestations.
Harmony (ick) and Spike are together again, if I haven't mentioned it, and while putting the boots to her, Spike finds himself thinking of doing battle with Buffy. Nice. Harmony tells him about the group of demons who are going to kill the Slayer, and he rushes off, as he puts it, to get a good seat.
At the magic shop, the gang is attacked by the demons, which none are able to see. Giles tries to protect Dawn as the demons start thrashing them, trying to get to Buffy. Spike arrives and does battle against the demons. Tara arrives and realises her mistake. She counteracts the spell and the demons are easily dispatched.
Everyone is shocked that Tara would've put a spell on them, especially since it could've gotten them killed. Tara tells them why she did it, ashamed of her demonic secret. Willow seems the most hurt that Tara didn't confide in her, and wonders if their love has also been a lie. Cue my dad and Tara's cousin and brother to enter, there to toss Tara in the back of a pickup truck where she belongs. Buffy tells Tara's dad (not mine, after all, I just get them so confused) he'll have to go through her to get Tara. And Dawn. And Giles. And Xander. Pretty much everyone but Spike, who doesn't much care either way.
Tara's father tells them she's part demon, and Anya asks him what kind. He doesn't think that matters, prompting a suspicious Spike to go up to Tara and punch her in the face. I'm sure he could've found a more subtle way of doing it, but the punch causes him intense pain, which means she ain't no demon. It would seem that the whole demon story was an invention by the males in the family to keep the womenfolk from gettin' too uppity. One Hillary Rodham Clinton is more than enough for all of them.
Tara doesn't go with my dad, her brother and her cousin, because she's found a new family now. They go to the Bronze for her birthday party, where Riley arrives and makes up (and out) with Buffy. Willow and Tara have a nice romantic dance while the music plays, and we are shown that they're floating a foot above the floor. The end.
Boy oh boy, this was a good episode. I'm getting sick of my own voice in general, but especially of saying, "This was a real good episode." I'd like to thank my father for showing up and being disdainful of Tara for a change. Still, every time he spoke, I could hear him telling me how ashamed my family was in me.
But hey, I may have daddy issues, I don't know.
We enjoy "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," so tyranist and I decided to go ahead and sneak one more episode in, even though I have vowed (many a time) not to skip any "Angel" episodes again, just in case there's a reference or a crossover and we shoot ourselves in the foot that way. So, as "Fool For Love" started up, and the first name that appeared in the guest cast was David Boreanaz, we "arrrrghh"ed and stopped the film, switching over to "Angel," as we should have all along.
This episode was called "Guise Will Be Guise," a pun worthy of my most shameful exercises, written by Ms. Jane Espenson. Angel is still really hung up on Darla's return, and he goes to the karaoke bar to ask for advice. Meanwhile, a dude comes to Angel Investigations, looking for Angel, but quickly leave when Wesley offers his services in Angel's absence.
On the suggestion of the host demon, Angel drives off into the mountains to meet with a sort of guru/life coach, played by the ever-reliable Art LaFleur. The guru tries to get Angel centered, asking him questions about his life and his car and his hair.
Back at the hotel, thugs threaten Cordelia at gunpoint, demanding to see Angel. Wesley puts on Angel's big leather jacket and pretends that he is Angel. He is taken to a mansion where zillionare businessman Mr. Bryce apologises for the way he was brought there (this seems to happen a lot on TV, don't it?), and asks him to protect his daughter, who has been getting all sorts of threats of late. Everyone believes Wesley is Angel, and knows that he's a vampire. Despite Wesley nearly botching it again and again, he meets Virginia,***** the daughter. She's spunky and likable, and Wesley agrees to be her bodyguard. He realises she's been cooped up by her overprotective, nutball father her whole life. He takes her shopping for her dad's fiftieth birthday party, and Wesley narrowly prevents her from being kidnapped again.
This adventure brings them closer, and Wesley and Virginia kiss, romance in the air. Back at her place, she is afraid of sleeping with Wesley, in case he becomes Bad Wesley again, but he tells her that's not a problem (you know, for all they know about Angel and his life, nobody knows what he looks like?). The beast with two backs is made.
Cordelia gets ahold of Gunn and tells him to head to the hills to bring back Angel. Angel is still being counseled by the guru, who tells him that he doesn't like himself, has lots of weaknesses due to regrets and fear of who he used to be, and that he ought to nail a blonde who looks like Darla, to make himself feel better.
The guru gets a phone call, and it is revealed that this guy is just pretending to be the great and powerful swami, and is there to keep Angel out of the way so Virginia can be eliminated. But then, who is it that's protecting her back in L.A.?
Mr. Bryce realises that he's been had, and declares Wesley and impostor. This hurts Virginia, who has been lied to quite a lot. Turns out that's true more than she knows, as it is revealed that Mr. Bryce was hiding Virginia away all this time only so he could sacrifice his virginal daughter to a demon on his fiftieth birthday. In return, he'll get buttloads of power (Bryce's enemies knew this and that's why they were trying to steal Virginia away).
Gunn tracks Angel down, and is attacked by the fake guru. Angel takes him out with a fishing pole, and heads back to civilisation. That night, at Mr. Bryce's birthday party, everybody but Virginia appears to be in on it, and he begins the ritual. Angel and Company arrive at the party, but it's too late: Bryce has summoned the demon (a rotund Edie McClurg type) to accept his sacrifice. She rejects Virginia on account of her hymen deficiency, and Mr. Bryce's chance at limitless power is ruined. Virginia is furious, and tells her father she hasn't been a virgin for years (in fact, she's had more men on her than a golf course). Somehow, the papers find out about Wesley's exaggerated exploits, and there's lots of free advertising for Wyndam-Price Investigations. The end.
I am quite happy watching "Angel" alongside "Buffy." They say it gets better as it goes on, but it's pretty damned good right now, so we'll see.
Afterward, I hoped tyranist would put in the "Buffy" episode we had started. Usually on nights like these, he wants to go on and on, and I'm the one who says, "We'd better slow down, man, you might get pregnant." But this time, I was dead-set on on watching one more "Buffy." After all, we'd already watched four minutes of it.
But sterner heads prevailed, and tyranist gave me his traditional, "Well, I'm going to kick you out now," and then did. But I'd get the last laugh: I set a rake in his driveway right where he'd be backing out the next morning.
Rish "True Friend" Outfield
*You know, that's something that I don't really understand about the way a TV show works. The folks in the opening credits get paid whether they appear in the episode or not, right, hence Angel's token appearances in Season Three and several Spike near-cameos lately. But the supporting cast just show up when there's need for it, right, when they've been written into the script. But are they so costly that sometimes they omit them in certain episodes, for example the episode of "Angel" this season when all evil lawyerdude Lindsay's lines were given to evil lawyerlady Lilah? Was that what was going on in this one, or was the actress who plays Tara simply unavailable, like the "Star Trek" episodes where George Takei wasn't around, so all Sulu's lines were given to Chekov?
**Bet you hoped I'd never use that awful nickname again, didn't you?
***Oh, for the record, tyranist now hates Kate Lockley as well. It's funny how he has now eclipsed me in the hatred department. After living in Los Angeles, I thought it would never happen.
****Tyranist's theory then had been that Tara didn't want Willow to know how proficient she was in magic, so as not to alienate her. My theory had been, "Uh . . ."
*****It literally took all my strength not to insert a Train reference here.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Star Trek Movies
I'm not sure how you do a Top Five list with ten movies, but tyranist and I decided to compare how we'd rank the STAR TREK movies.
Here's how I list them:
1. Wrath of Khan
2. First Contact
3. Voyage Home
4. Generations
5. Undiscovered Country
6. Search For Spock
7. Insurrection
8. Final Frontier
9. The Motion Picture
10. Nemesis
And here's tyranist's list:
1. Insurrection
2. First Contact
3. Wrath of Khan
4. Generations
5. The Motion Picture
6. Nemesis
7. Voyage Home
8. Search for Spock
9. Undiscovered Country
10. Final Frontier
I ought to talk about how we're so alike most of the time yet have such different lists, but I won't. Instead, I'll ask him for another one.
Rish "The Undiscovered" Outfield
Here's how I list them:
1. Wrath of Khan
2. First Contact
3. Voyage Home
4. Generations
5. Undiscovered Country
6. Search For Spock
7. Insurrection
8. Final Frontier
9. The Motion Picture
10. Nemesis
And here's tyranist's list:
1. Insurrection
2. First Contact
3. Wrath of Khan
4. Generations
5. The Motion Picture
6. Nemesis
7. Voyage Home
8. Search for Spock
9. Undiscovered Country
10. Final Frontier
I ought to talk about how we're so alike most of the time yet have such different lists, but I won't. Instead, I'll ask him for another one.
Rish "The Undiscovered" Outfield
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Winter Wunderland
1 December 2007
It was the first day of December today, so naturally, we got half a foot of snow.
Snow is cold, sure, but when it first falls, it's rather lovely and invigorating. It's clean and white and pure and new . . . it's only afterward, as it piles up and freezes and turns grey or brown that it becomes an ugly, unpleasant thing.
That's my opinion, of course, I'm sure you adore brown snow.
My sister's kid was coming over (we were gonna see ENCHANTED, but she didn't mention that she saw it last week), and I got the bright idea of going outside and building a snowman with her. She's six years old and I got a coat on her and some gloves and we went to work making a snowman. The snow was fresh, having just fallen during the night and morning before I woke up, so it was easy to pack and I'd basically make a ball, then have her roll it around until it was too big for her to push, and I'd take over.
We did that twice and were just starting on the snowball that would be the head when she started complaining about the cold. I told her it wasn't so bad and that we were almost done, and went as fast as I could. We stuck the head on and she wanted to go inside. I told her we weren't done, that all we had to do was get some rocks and branches and make arms and a face. She didn't seem to want to, but I gathered up the rocks, broke two branches off the tree, and made her stick them on.
"Now can we go in?" she asked, nearly in tears now. I told her we needed to take a couple of pictures to show her mother (and my mother too, I guess), so I went in and got my camera. When I came out again, my niece was full on crying. She was cold and it wasn't fun anymore.
"Smile, damn you!" I basically shouted and took a couple of pictures. Then we went inside and she just started bawling. I guess it's been too long since I was a kid or I'm genuinely a bad guy, 'cause I didn't get why she was making such a fuss. Turns out her hands were so frozen she couldn't get her shoes untied and her pantlegs were soaked through from the wet snow. I helped her get her shoes off . . . and she wasn't wearing any socks underneath. I had just assumed when I told her to get her shoes on, she would've gotten socks on too, and I'd think she would've . . .
Ah well.
Anyhow, I filled a big mixing bowl with hot water and put it down for her to stick her feet in it, and instead of warming her up, she began shrieking, then giving out state secrets and enemy troop encampment locations.
I don't know if this Stupid Thing is truly deserved, because I didn't mean to torture my sister's kid, but I certainly felt stupid typing it up.
Rish "Luckily Childless" Outfield
It was the first day of December today, so naturally, we got half a foot of snow.
Snow is cold, sure, but when it first falls, it's rather lovely and invigorating. It's clean and white and pure and new . . . it's only afterward, as it piles up and freezes and turns grey or brown that it becomes an ugly, unpleasant thing.
That's my opinion, of course, I'm sure you adore brown snow.
My sister's kid was coming over (we were gonna see ENCHANTED, but she didn't mention that she saw it last week), and I got the bright idea of going outside and building a snowman with her. She's six years old and I got a coat on her and some gloves and we went to work making a snowman. The snow was fresh, having just fallen during the night and morning before I woke up, so it was easy to pack and I'd basically make a ball, then have her roll it around until it was too big for her to push, and I'd take over.
We did that twice and were just starting on the snowball that would be the head when she started complaining about the cold. I told her it wasn't so bad and that we were almost done, and went as fast as I could. We stuck the head on and she wanted to go inside. I told her we weren't done, that all we had to do was get some rocks and branches and make arms and a face. She didn't seem to want to, but I gathered up the rocks, broke two branches off the tree, and made her stick them on.
"Now can we go in?" she asked, nearly in tears now. I told her we needed to take a couple of pictures to show her mother (and my mother too, I guess), so I went in and got my camera. When I came out again, my niece was full on crying. She was cold and it wasn't fun anymore.
"Smile, damn you!" I basically shouted and took a couple of pictures. Then we went inside and she just started bawling. I guess it's been too long since I was a kid or I'm genuinely a bad guy, 'cause I didn't get why she was making such a fuss. Turns out her hands were so frozen she couldn't get her shoes untied and her pantlegs were soaked through from the wet snow. I helped her get her shoes off . . . and she wasn't wearing any socks underneath. I had just assumed when I told her to get her shoes on, she would've gotten socks on too, and I'd think she would've . . .
Ah well.
Anyhow, I filled a big mixing bowl with hot water and put it down for her to stick her feet in it, and instead of warming her up, she began shrieking, then giving out state secrets and enemy troop encampment locations.
I don't know if this Stupid Thing is truly deserved, because I didn't mean to torture my sister's kid, but I certainly felt stupid typing it up.
Rish "Luckily Childless" Outfield
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Stupid Thing of the Week
Merrill and I watched BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: RAZOR on the Sci-Fi Channel the other night. It was the TV movie that's supposed to make it okay that the show isn't coming back until April of '08. But as they went to commercial, they had these really strange, often perplexing bits of narration, supposedly answering questions that had been posed in some sort of online contest.
I wish I could express to you the surreal and offensive moment when the announcer voice came on and announced, "It has been revealed: Helena Kane and Gina Inviere are LOVERS. Brought to you be Quiznos. Mmmm, mmmm, mmm, mmm, mmmm . . . toasty."
I shit you not one little bit.
I was reeling afterward and Merrill had to rewind it a time or three to make sure we hadn't both had a brain aneurysm at the same time. I'm thinking I ought to come up with something stronger than just a Stupid Thing of the Week in the future, since STOTW just doesn't do this one justice.
Rish "Mmmm" Outfield
I wish I could express to you the surreal and offensive moment when the announcer voice came on and announced, "It has been revealed: Helena Kane and Gina Inviere are LOVERS. Brought to you be Quiznos. Mmmm, mmmm, mmm, mmm, mmmm . . . toasty."
I shit you not one little bit.
I was reeling afterward and Merrill had to rewind it a time or three to make sure we hadn't both had a brain aneurysm at the same time. I'm thinking I ought to come up with something stronger than just a Stupid Thing of the Week in the future, since STOTW just doesn't do this one justice.
Rish "Mmmm" Outfield
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Buff-gel Wednesday: Special Edition
27 November 2007
Because the spell-checker doesn't accept "Xander" as a real word, I found I used it thirty-four times in the last entry. Also in my last entry, I used the word "Gunn" seventeen times (spell-checker doesn't think that's a word either). This trivia is vitally important, isn't it, kids?
In order to help this station become operational as planned, tyranist is here with the first of his "Buffy" blog contributions. It was only after he completed his assignment that he let me know there would be no Buffy Wednesday this week, and no reason for me to get behind schedule. Hmmm.
So Rish talked me into guest blogging an episode of Buffy for him, something about if I didn't force him to watch so many at once . . . Anyway, I get to do "Out of My Mind." Not the best episode, but that probably has a lot to do with my problems with Marc Blucas, er, I mean Riley.
So Buffy is slaying vampires and Riley is showing up to help her even when she hasn't asked for it. Spike is still trying to interfere, but is discovering that he loves Buffy, which he and I think is totally wrong. Harmony, having been handily defeated two episodes ago in "Real Me" is deathly afraid of Buffy and thinks she's being hunted. Not true, because Buffy doesn't even see her as a threat, but there you go.
Dawn makes herself useful in this episode by being present when Joyce collapses (right before her episode, she looked at Dawn and seemed not to recognise her, finally mirroring every single "Buffy" viewer across the country. It's unclear what caused her to pass out, or if it was the knowledge that Dawn shouldn't be there that did it. --Rish) and by finding out that Riley's heart is beating much faster than it should. Apparently all the drugs the Initiative had Riley on are starting to kill him by pumping adrenalin into his system constantly.
Riley likes it because it makes him strong, Buffy hates it because it will kill Riley, I like it because it will kill Riley.
In swoops the organization that was formerly the Initiative but is now just an anonymous government entity to help Riley out. He refuses and beats them up. Buffy decides it's for the best though and sends Spike to find Riley in the old Initiative caves. Predictably, he goes after the doctor instead and intimidates him into taking the chip out of his head. Buffy heads to the caves (even though she sent Spike there and is seemingly oblivious to the fact that Spike didn't show up at all to help her like he said he would), finds Riley, and convinces him that she'll love him forevah, even if he turns into a girly man because he won't have so much adrenalin running through him.
Subsequently, there's a fight, Spike doesn't get the chip removed, Riley is saved by the doctor (even though the doctor said it was too late to save him at least twice in the episode), Buffy is happy again, and Spike has this mad dream in which he and Buffy snog.
Not my favourite episode and we're only four into the fifth season. Mostly I disliked it because it dealt with Buffy's two love interests: Riley and Spike, more than it dealt with the normal monsters and villains. I've never really liked the Buffy love interest episodes though, so this shouldn't surprise anyone. Except maybe Rish who inexplicably prefers them to good episodes.
Also, and it is unfortunate that I know this, there is a ton of setup for future stories in this episode. So many that the episode is probably more meaningful down the road when all of those storylines come to fruition. All I can hope is that the next episode gives us a little more of what I love.
Thanks, tyranist. He's right, I like "Buffy" relationship episodes just fine. Something about living vicariously through Joss's characters or something. I also a) can't wait for Spike to get that damn chip out of his head, and b) can't wait for Spike to proclaim his love for her, just to see what will happen.
At the end of the show, Buffy finds Spike in his crypt and is going to kill him for his treachery. He dares her to do it, to put him out of his misery (living in a world where he can't kill and where she foils his every plan). And then, he kisses her. Spike tells Buffy he loves her, and then Spike awakens, particularly horrified by this "nightmare." It had to have been the best part of this episode.
I was worried that tyranist would use his blog opportunity to make me look like an idiot, but then he reminded me that the best way to make me look like an idiot would be to let me open my mouth. So, here I am, to sum up "Untouched," the last "Angel" episode we watched. This one was written by Mere Smith, her first episode. But apparently far from her last.
Evil lawyeress Lilah Miller chats with Darla over at Wolfram & Hart. It seems that Angel has been drugged (presumably a mystical drug) into sleeping all the time and allowing Darla nocturnal access to him. It seems unlikely, at this point, that anyone outside our core group know about Angel's "pure happiness=no soul" trick, which is good.
Back at Angel Investigations, Cordelia gets a vision of a red-haired girl being chased by a couple of sleazy dudes. Just as they are about to reach her, she uses her mind to slam an iron dumpster into them, turning them into Knott's strawberry jam. Angel arrives at the scene and finds the girl hiding in (yet another) abandoned building. He tries to calm her and explain that he means her no harm, but she freaks and "Carrie White"s a pipe into his chest. When she sees he's still alive and he offers her his card, the girl flees.
Turns out that she is staying in the apartment of evil lawyer Lilah, who recruited the girl to maybe become an assassin for the lawfirm. The girl's name is Bethany, which is not an unusual name, but I can't honestly remember ever knowing a Bethany.* Bethany has little control over her powers, and lashes out when she becomes tense or afraid. She has a bad dream, causing a lamp to fly at Lilah. Embarrassed/distraught/afraid/mortified, she runs out and goes to Angel Investigations to ask for help.
She has a lot of issues and quite a nasty attitude, and something in her words tells Wesley that she was sexually abused, probably by her father. When he confronts her with this possibility, her powers strike out again, flinging him (and Angel) across the room. Angel tells Wesley to leave, and he assumes that means he is fired. Turns out that Angel just wants him to leave, as Bethany is really hostile toward him right now. I was impressed by this.
Angel offers to help her control her abilities, showing her how to focus on an object by standing on her hands and levitating R2-D2. In return, Bethany offers to be his bedmate. He declines, upset about her mental state. Elsewhere, Gunn has been sent to check out the dudes who Bethany flattened in the alley earlier (he's now an official employee of Angel Investigations). He learns that they were on someone's payroll . . . a certain slightly-eviler-than-the-rest lawfirm that wanted her to use her power to kill.
Cordelia tries to befriend Bethany, but the Wolfram & Hart guys interrupt that by first trying to kidnap her, and then by sending her father to Angel's hotel to confront her. At seeing him (I believe he was also Katie Holmes's father on "Dawson's Creek"), she does lose control, shattering all Angel's windows and flinging him out of them. At the last moment, though, she mentally catches her father and does not kill him. 'Twould seem that Angel got through to her after all.
Angel accompanies Bethany to Lilah's place, where she gets her stuff to move out, but Angel can't enter due to not being invited. He smirks and tells Lilah that she'll have to find somebody else's mind to screw around with. She smirks right back, since, after all, she does. The end.
Another solid "Angel" episode, directed, I believe, by Mr. Whedon himself. Is that right? Hmm. I liked this one because both Bethany and Lilah are sort of grey-area characters. Neither one is evil--well, except for the lawyer aspect--but both have obstacles that keep them from being entirely good. I've met very few people in my life I'd characterise as evil, and only one person entirely, 100% good**. But hey, I've only met eleven people ever, so I'm not the best example.
Rish "Social Butterfly" Outfield
*Even odder, I DID know a girl named Bethel once.
**That would've been Shad Tobler, a real prince of a guy. I'll never forget the last time I saw him: it was midnight and he was digging holes in his backyard. He told me he had a lot of mulch to bury, and when I saw several garbage bags full by his feet, I made up an excuse and went back inside. I always wish I had helped him with his gardening because I found out two days later that his wife had walked out on him, just up and disappeared without a word to anyone. He really could've used a friend, I'll bet.
Because the spell-checker doesn't accept "Xander" as a real word, I found I used it thirty-four times in the last entry. Also in my last entry, I used the word "Gunn" seventeen times (spell-checker doesn't think that's a word either). This trivia is vitally important, isn't it, kids?
In order to help this station become operational as planned, tyranist is here with the first of his "Buffy" blog contributions. It was only after he completed his assignment that he let me know there would be no Buffy Wednesday this week, and no reason for me to get behind schedule. Hmmm.
So Rish talked me into guest blogging an episode of Buffy for him, something about if I didn't force him to watch so many at once . . . Anyway, I get to do "Out of My Mind." Not the best episode, but that probably has a lot to do with my problems with Marc Blucas, er, I mean Riley.
So Buffy is slaying vampires and Riley is showing up to help her even when she hasn't asked for it. Spike is still trying to interfere, but is discovering that he loves Buffy, which he and I think is totally wrong. Harmony, having been handily defeated two episodes ago in "Real Me" is deathly afraid of Buffy and thinks she's being hunted. Not true, because Buffy doesn't even see her as a threat, but there you go.
Dawn makes herself useful in this episode by being present when Joyce collapses (right before her episode, she looked at Dawn and seemed not to recognise her, finally mirroring every single "Buffy" viewer across the country. It's unclear what caused her to pass out, or if it was the knowledge that Dawn shouldn't be there that did it. --Rish) and by finding out that Riley's heart is beating much faster than it should. Apparently all the drugs the Initiative had Riley on are starting to kill him by pumping adrenalin into his system constantly.
Riley likes it because it makes him strong, Buffy hates it because it will kill Riley, I like it because it will kill Riley.
In swoops the organization that was formerly the Initiative but is now just an anonymous government entity to help Riley out. He refuses and beats them up. Buffy decides it's for the best though and sends Spike to find Riley in the old Initiative caves. Predictably, he goes after the doctor instead and intimidates him into taking the chip out of his head. Buffy heads to the caves (even though she sent Spike there and is seemingly oblivious to the fact that Spike didn't show up at all to help her like he said he would), finds Riley, and convinces him that she'll love him forevah, even if he turns into a girly man because he won't have so much adrenalin running through him.
Subsequently, there's a fight, Spike doesn't get the chip removed, Riley is saved by the doctor (even though the doctor said it was too late to save him at least twice in the episode), Buffy is happy again, and Spike has this mad dream in which he and Buffy snog.
Not my favourite episode and we're only four into the fifth season. Mostly I disliked it because it dealt with Buffy's two love interests: Riley and Spike, more than it dealt with the normal monsters and villains. I've never really liked the Buffy love interest episodes though, so this shouldn't surprise anyone. Except maybe Rish who inexplicably prefers them to good episodes.
Also, and it is unfortunate that I know this, there is a ton of setup for future stories in this episode. So many that the episode is probably more meaningful down the road when all of those storylines come to fruition. All I can hope is that the next episode gives us a little more of what I love.
Thanks, tyranist. He's right, I like "Buffy" relationship episodes just fine. Something about living vicariously through Joss's characters or something. I also a) can't wait for Spike to get that damn chip out of his head, and b) can't wait for Spike to proclaim his love for her, just to see what will happen.
At the end of the show, Buffy finds Spike in his crypt and is going to kill him for his treachery. He dares her to do it, to put him out of his misery (living in a world where he can't kill and where she foils his every plan). And then, he kisses her. Spike tells Buffy he loves her, and then Spike awakens, particularly horrified by this "nightmare." It had to have been the best part of this episode.
I was worried that tyranist would use his blog opportunity to make me look like an idiot, but then he reminded me that the best way to make me look like an idiot would be to let me open my mouth. So, here I am, to sum up "Untouched," the last "Angel" episode we watched. This one was written by Mere Smith, her first episode. But apparently far from her last.
Evil lawyeress Lilah Miller chats with Darla over at Wolfram & Hart. It seems that Angel has been drugged (presumably a mystical drug) into sleeping all the time and allowing Darla nocturnal access to him. It seems unlikely, at this point, that anyone outside our core group know about Angel's "pure happiness=no soul" trick, which is good.
Back at Angel Investigations, Cordelia gets a vision of a red-haired girl being chased by a couple of sleazy dudes. Just as they are about to reach her, she uses her mind to slam an iron dumpster into them, turning them into Knott's strawberry jam. Angel arrives at the scene and finds the girl hiding in (yet another) abandoned building. He tries to calm her and explain that he means her no harm, but she freaks and "Carrie White"s a pipe into his chest. When she sees he's still alive and he offers her his card, the girl flees.
Turns out that she is staying in the apartment of evil lawyer Lilah, who recruited the girl to maybe become an assassin for the lawfirm. The girl's name is Bethany, which is not an unusual name, but I can't honestly remember ever knowing a Bethany.* Bethany has little control over her powers, and lashes out when she becomes tense or afraid. She has a bad dream, causing a lamp to fly at Lilah. Embarrassed/distraught/afraid/mortified, she runs out and goes to Angel Investigations to ask for help.
She has a lot of issues and quite a nasty attitude, and something in her words tells Wesley that she was sexually abused, probably by her father. When he confronts her with this possibility, her powers strike out again, flinging him (and Angel) across the room. Angel tells Wesley to leave, and he assumes that means he is fired. Turns out that Angel just wants him to leave, as Bethany is really hostile toward him right now. I was impressed by this.
Angel offers to help her control her abilities, showing her how to focus on an object by standing on her hands and levitating R2-D2. In return, Bethany offers to be his bedmate. He declines, upset about her mental state. Elsewhere, Gunn has been sent to check out the dudes who Bethany flattened in the alley earlier (he's now an official employee of Angel Investigations). He learns that they were on someone's payroll . . . a certain slightly-eviler-than-the-rest lawfirm that wanted her to use her power to kill.
Cordelia tries to befriend Bethany, but the Wolfram & Hart guys interrupt that by first trying to kidnap her, and then by sending her father to Angel's hotel to confront her. At seeing him (I believe he was also Katie Holmes's father on "Dawson's Creek"), she does lose control, shattering all Angel's windows and flinging him out of them. At the last moment, though, she mentally catches her father and does not kill him. 'Twould seem that Angel got through to her after all.
Angel accompanies Bethany to Lilah's place, where she gets her stuff to move out, but Angel can't enter due to not being invited. He smirks and tells Lilah that she'll have to find somebody else's mind to screw around with. She smirks right back, since, after all, she does. The end.
Another solid "Angel" episode, directed, I believe, by Mr. Whedon himself. Is that right? Hmm. I liked this one because both Bethany and Lilah are sort of grey-area characters. Neither one is evil--well, except for the lawyer aspect--but both have obstacles that keep them from being entirely good. I've met very few people in my life I'd characterise as evil, and only one person entirely, 100% good**. But hey, I've only met eleven people ever, so I'm not the best example.
Rish "Social Butterfly" Outfield
*Even odder, I DID know a girl named Bethel once.
**That would've been Shad Tobler, a real prince of a guy. I'll never forget the last time I saw him: it was midnight and he was digging holes in his backyard. He told me he had a lot of mulch to bury, and when I saw several garbage bags full by his feet, I made up an excuse and went back inside. I always wish I had helped him with his gardening because I found out two days later that his wife had walked out on him, just up and disappeared without a word to anyone. He really could've used a friend, I'll bet.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Stupid? Thing of the Week
I've not listed a Stupid Thing in a long time. Not because I've not done or said anything stupid, but because . . . well, I don't know why. Maybe I'm just not very smart.*
Anyway, there was a Stupid Thing today that, as I thought about it, didn't seem all that stupid. I went out to dinner with my family, and my niece was ranting about this doll she wants called "Baby Alive," that is remarkable in that it urinates and, get this . . . defecates on command.
My niece wants one, and the store shelves tend to be empty, so a lot of others do too. And she says that her chief reason for wanting this doll is that it "pees and poops." Heck, it says it right on the package.
You know, that alone merits an entry here, believe me.
But afterward, my brother and I started riffing on spin-off toys they could make from Baby Alive. He suggested Crack Baby Alive (self explanatory). I suggested Baby Dead (which would do nothing). Maybe they'd make a bedridden grandparent doll that was also incontinent.
And then I thought about Baby Undead. They could make a series of zombie babies, with different features (such as bleeding or dismemberment or fresh from the autopsy table) and differing levels of decomposition. You could squeeze them and they would moan or say, "Braiiiiiins!" Or you could remove body parts, and like the old Cabbage Patch Dolls, they could come with a death certificate. Maybe a headstone.
We laughed about this sick idea for a few minutes, and then my mother ruined our fun, not by telling us we were eating or that this was in bad taste, but by saying, "You know, you ought to market that. I think something like that would really sell. And not just for Halloween either."
Well, our conversation puttered to a halt after that, but I do wonder, was my mother right? Would people buy something like Baby Undead? Or would only the sickest of adults (like me) find that amusing? And wow, imagine the outcry from parent and religious groups. People like my aunt, perhaps armed with pitchforks and torches, would thirst for the manufacturer's blood. It would be like high school all over again.
Ah well,
Rish "Barely Alive" Outfield
*Actually, there was a post a while back that I started to make, then didn't publish, because I looked like such an a-hole in it. I wrote it, but never stuck it on here because, as much as I dislike myself, there was just too much to dislike in that one. Maybe I'll reconsider, I don't know.
Anyway, there was a Stupid Thing today that, as I thought about it, didn't seem all that stupid. I went out to dinner with my family, and my niece was ranting about this doll she wants called "Baby Alive," that is remarkable in that it urinates and, get this . . . defecates on command.
My niece wants one, and the store shelves tend to be empty, so a lot of others do too. And she says that her chief reason for wanting this doll is that it "pees and poops." Heck, it says it right on the package.
You know, that alone merits an entry here, believe me.
But afterward, my brother and I started riffing on spin-off toys they could make from Baby Alive. He suggested Crack Baby Alive (self explanatory). I suggested Baby Dead (which would do nothing). Maybe they'd make a bedridden grandparent doll that was also incontinent.
And then I thought about Baby Undead. They could make a series of zombie babies, with different features (such as bleeding or dismemberment or fresh from the autopsy table) and differing levels of decomposition. You could squeeze them and they would moan or say, "Braiiiiiins!" Or you could remove body parts, and like the old Cabbage Patch Dolls, they could come with a death certificate. Maybe a headstone.
We laughed about this sick idea for a few minutes, and then my mother ruined our fun, not by telling us we were eating or that this was in bad taste, but by saying, "You know, you ought to market that. I think something like that would really sell. And not just for Halloween either."
Well, our conversation puttered to a halt after that, but I do wonder, was my mother right? Would people buy something like Baby Undead? Or would only the sickest of adults (like me) find that amusing? And wow, imagine the outcry from parent and religious groups. People like my aunt, perhaps armed with pitchforks and torches, would thirst for the manufacturer's blood. It would be like high school all over again.
Ah well,
Rish "Barely Alive" Outfield
*Actually, there was a post a while back that I started to make, then didn't publish, because I looked like such an a-hole in it. I wrote it, but never stuck it on here because, as much as I dislike myself, there was just too much to dislike in that one. Maybe I'll reconsider, I don't know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)