It started to snow this morning. At first, it was those tiny little fluff flakes, like mild dandruff, and I ignored it. But then, it was replaced by the big, heavy flakes, like severe dandruff, and I thought, "Oh, I need to drive over to the storage unit and record my Christmas Serenade video!" I'd had a song in mind for the past month or so, and have been putting it off until the first snow fell (we did get snow during the night a couple of weeks back, but it was all melted by late morning).
So, I grabbed the song's lyrics, checked my phone . . . and it had no memory. It wouldn't even let me take a single photo this morning of how weird my bedhead looked. So, I quickly scrolled through and deleted the last few photos I took to send to my cousin or friend, and yet, the phone still claimed it had no memory. So I checked the oldest video on the phone--a song I recorded in July while standing in a field of gold right out of a Sting song (oddly, it was a Marc Cohn song I sang instead--a little tone deaf in retrospect)--and considered whether to delete it or not.
Big Anklevich explained to me recently that when you delete stuff from your phone, it's not really deleted, but sent to a folder for later elimination, hence my phone always being full no matter how many files I remove. This time, when I tried to delete a video of the sunset from September, it said "There is not enough memory to complete this task. Would you like to remove this file permanently?" Well, that's what I'd had in mind with ALL the files I delete, but I have no idea how to do it that way. So, I deleted the sunset video, and then the phone claimed it had enough space to record a song.
I grabbed my coat, and went out to the car, but I didn't get anywhere. The snow had stopped falling.
So, alas.
I did think I ought to sit down and write up a little poem to go to that sunset video I shot (I made sure I had transferred it to my laptop before deleting it). It would count as writing, after all.
I'm on the second floor of the library (the quiet floor, where you're not supposed to talk on your phone or make any noise), and a guy behind me took a cellphone call, and just spoke normally for a few minutes, saying he was almost done here, but he could swing by, no problem. I found it hard to concentrate on my shite writing, so looked through emails and Facebook while he talked.
I realize that one day, I'll have quit this daily writing/daily blogging thing, and will miss it and/or feel really proud of myself, but right now, I don't feel proud at all. I guess I should pack it in.
While I was sitting here, I noticed a blonde girl not wearing a mask a few desks over. She had a mask set on the table in front of her, but wasn't wearing it. I watched her study, wondering if she'd already had COVID, or if she had forgotten about the mask, or if she was one of those people who was too special to wear one. She was plenty attractive, but honestly, I don't know if that's just the fact that I never see girls' faces anymore, or am just super lonely, or what.
Anyway, an hour passed, and I wrote a bit more of my story. I've gotten past the point I was at when the power went out, but I don't think I wrote the same thing. I don't know where the story should go now, since I'm in a slightly different place than I was. After a while, the sun started to set and it was looking pretty out the window over there, but the library has actually stacked up tons of desks against the windows so that no one can approach them or get near enough to take pictures of the sunset.
The girl over there still wasn't wearing her mask, and as I was writing, a dude--also not wearing a mask, with curly blond hair--walked up to her, and at full volume (not quietly in the least) started flirting with her, asking what she was doing, what finals she was studying for, where she was from, and "what's your name again?" (even though she hadn't given it before)
She was fairly pleasant to him, and I just marveled, that this stranger walked up to another stranger and just began talking to her. He went as far as to say, "So, when you're not doing finals, we should get together, get something to eat. I live right around here, in Cottontree Apartments. Where do you live?" And she told him that her complex is just a block away and she sometimes comes here to study. He laughed, "Whoa, me too! We should totally hang out then." She wasn't particularly committal, but he said, "Here, let me give you my number. You can call if you want." And he gave it to her, then walked away, his head held high, still not wearing a mask.
I watched (and heard) that entire exchange, and observed her expression as the guy left. It was neither excited nor mortified, but after a few seconds, she went back to studying.
My mom said something once about enjoying watching people when she was on vacation, and now I'm just watching the people around me. There's a deaf guy that I used to know, only two rows away (he makes noises while he reads, and I always wondered if he was aware of that). I used to greet him whenever I saw him, but he started wearing a MAGA hat a year or two back, so I leave him alone now.
A guy with a heavy coat on and a baseball cap just walked by (he was wearing a mask, by the way), and when he saw me looking his way, he said something behind the mask. I'm pretty sure it was "Jerk," but that doesn't make any sense. Nobody says "jerk" anymore, and if he was really upset that I was looking at him, he'd say something like "Weirdo" or "Asshole" to me. If the shoe fits, right?
There's a girl in the corner hunched over a laptop. She keeps doing stretches where she turns her upper body one way and then another, and her underwear shows when she does it. Maybe Mom was right about people-watching.
Oh, I saw a guy wearing sunglasses stand up from one of the computers, and I just realized it's the blind Korean guy. How strange that a blind guy and a deaf guy are both in front of me, and they don't even know it (how could they, right?). I think I ought to take off now.
A dude with a bright yellow beanie and with his mask pulled down to his chin just sat down opposite the blonde. He could have sat anywhere--in fact, there are entire tables surrounding me with nobody at them--but he chose to sit right there where she was. I don't know what to think about that, except that I kind of admire him. "Do you mind?" he just said, and she didn't say anything back. He plugged his own laptop into the outlet in front of her, and then looked over at me when I was watching him do it.
I am bummed about my life. I wish I had managed to at least do a Christmas song in the snow. It's supposed to snow quite a bit tomorrow. I will do what I can about it.
I looked over at the beanie guy just now, and he was staring right at me. It occurred to me that, while I was writing, I stuck my little finger in my ear to dig some wax out, and I wondered if he saw me do it. I met his gaze, trying to figure out why he was looking at me (did he know I had been blogging about him? Does he see me as competition for the unmasked blonde's affection?). He raised his eyebrows at me, and I don't know what that means.
A moment later, he stood up and walked away, leaving his coat, charger, and laptop there with the blonde girl. Pretty trusting guy, I'd say. I don't even dare leave library books at my place when I go to the bathroom.
I miss seeing people's faces, and I miss being able to go to a drinking fountain pretty much wherever I was. I also miss stuff I've never experienced. Not sure if "missing" it is the correct word, then.
The blonde girl just looked over at me too. I wonder if she felt my gaze on her. Does she feel the gaze of strange men on her all the time? Is that enjoyable? Is that why she's not wearing a mask? Sort of a "Hey, somebody notice me. I'm kind of pretty, don't you think? I'm from California, from a town called Santa Barbara. Did you hear me tell that guy with the curly blond hair that?" kind of thing.
It tried hard not to break her gaze, but it was too uncomfortable. I didn't want her muttering "Jerk" too.
Have you ever heard that song by Linus of Hollywood that goes "To be a girl, must be the most beautiful feeling?"
Well, I'm going to go home now. I didn't get nearly as many words written today as yesterday, despite being here just as long. I hope your day is a good one.
Sit-ups Today: 100
Sit-ups In December: 1044
Do you know the word "Lethologica?" It's the word for when your mind can't remember the word you're looking for. It has its root in Lethe, or the River of Forgetfulness in Hades. There is something both cool and uniquely sad about that.
Words Today: 1258
Words In December: 9654
This was the picture from this morning, with the caption "I'm not a fan of Dragonball Z. But my hair is."
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