Instagram Is For Pretty Girls

It's true, Lefou.  Just as Twitter is for jokes or incendiary political remarks, Instagram is a app/website intended solely for attractive girls (or young women) to take selfies and post them (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, as opposed to the reason for Twitter to exist). It's something new (and glorious) that I have discovered, probably years after you did.

I am not one of those pretty people, and seeing pictures of myself tends to depress me rather than thrill me, but a year ago, I got it into my head that maybe I could still contribute. I decided to create an Instagram page, as a way to showcase the various times I've gone to a local thrift shop and found stuffed animals of the characters from "Yo Gabba Gabba!", a horrific show Big Anklevich once made me watch until my pants were soiled, just so he wouldn't have to be the only one.

Over the years, once I got a Smartphone, I would send Big photos of the creatures I found, and eventually, I thought it would be amusing to publicly post photos like this one:

And "Hell No Gabba Gabba" was born.

I don't know if it brought joy or pleasure or a sick sort of curiosity to people out there (I got a handful of followers), but I made it a habit of trying to post one every week (although at first, I posted them in "Stories," not realizing that those only stayed up for a day and then disappeared (which pisses me off endlessly . . . once again reminding me that the app is intended for a beautiful young thing to take a picture of herself in a swimsuit or towel or mall changing room, only to have it unavailable twenty-four hours later).

Literally every time I went to a thrift store and found one of those characters from that terrifying show, I'd take one:

Sometimes I could convince my nephews to get in on the action:

My oldest nephew is not quite as exuberant about doing it, however.

Wow, three in one visit!

But my Instagram page has pretty much run its course, and though I still look in the Plush aisle every time I go into a Goodwill or Saver's, I haven't found a Brobie, Muno, or Uncle Scrotor in months.

The best I can do is take pictures like this one:

And I don't know if that's okay.  If it's alright to simply pivot to photos of ANY weird, unsettling, or ugly doll/stuffed animal, then maybe the account can continue.

If not, then I guess this can be its swan song.

For today, I walked past that section, and froze in my tracks.  Like the Three Sisters in MacBeth, the Fates in Clash of the Titans, or a hellish version of "Charlie's Angels," there were three creepy dolls arranged together on a high shelf, all for sale, and all disturbing.

You don't believe me?

You will, Doctor Jones.

 You will become . . . a true believer!

 I even got an elderly stranger to take a picture with me and the dolls.  She obliged, but said, "Why?  Those dolls are awful!"

But kids, stare hard at this image (if you dare).  Click on it, go ahead. If you do so, and you feel the darkness trying to get in, or it merely unsettles you . . . then Hell No Gabba Gabba was all worth it.