Happy Turkey Day, Everybody!

There's plenty to go around.

Rish Tries To Mine His Manners

I know I said the last time would be the last time, and the time before that (Never again, is what you swore, the time before), but I ended up doing another narration for the Tales To Terrify podcast. Seth Williams, the editor, asked me to read another story, and as literally no other podcast wants me to do them anymore, I accepted, and even followed the inane directions I was criticized for ignoring the last two times.

But don't worry, I doubt they'll ask me to do it again.

This time, the story was "What's Mine Is Yours, What's Yours Is Mined" by L.T. Williams. It's a dreamlike--almost nonsensical--short tale of the owner of an English coal mine who discovers the world and people around him changing into some kind of bleak industrial hellscape. It's the kind of morality play you used to see on "The Twilight Zone," even though I don't quite understand it. But that's okay--I'm not an audiobook narrator, but I do play one on TV.

Check it out HERE.

Podcast That Dares 64: Smee

Rish presents A.M. Burrage's 1931 short horror story "Smee." A young man tells of a disturbing experience that happened to him while playing a game similar to Hide & Seek.

As always, you can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

And of course, you should support my Patreon by clicking HERE (they got an extended version of this episode).

Logo by Gino "Pee" Moretto.

Nine, Ten, Never Sleep Again

One of the tasks I don't tend to look forward to at the library is waking up sleeping patrons.*  Now, this has gotten much easier in the year since I first started (mostly because I now understand that while most of them are just sleeping, every once in a while . . . they ain't).

Tonight, there was an elderly man asleep in one of the chairs.  Sometimes it's hard to tell if they're sleeping or just looking at their phones/reading/meditating/praying, but this guy was clearly deep unconscious, just from the position of his body.  I approached him and said, "Hey there."  But he didn't stir.  I got closer.  " Sir, are you alright" I said louder, and there was no reaction.

Now, we're not supposed to touch people, so this time, I got very close and sort of shook the chair he was sitting in.  "Sir?" I said, "Are you--"  And he came awake.

Seeing my face looking down at him, you'd have thought I was the wolfman, a zombie, or worse, Mitch McConnell.**  He recoiled and actually exclaimed, "Ahh!" (which you don't hear all that often)

I apologized, saying I was just checking on him.

"You scared me," he mumbled, and put a hand over his heart.

"Sorry about that."  And I had no other option but to leave him alone.  As I walked back downstairs, I thought of how it would be to awaken to see me leering down at you.  It occurred to me that waking up to my face might well have killed the old bugger.

His inevitable nightmares tonight are preferable, though he may not consider them that way.

*It may sound like I'm complaining here--most of my job is quite pleasant, and I often feel useful--but I would rather mop up a spill (or worse) than wake up sleeping homeless people.

**I originally typed Willem DaFoe there.  But he doesn't deserve that.

Rish Outcast 314: The Factory of Fear

Happy Belated Halloween (I had intended to put out this one at the end of October, and I never hit Publish . . . sorry)!

Rish shares an experience from 2024 of attending The Fear Factory, an elaborate haunted house with his aunt and cousins. Spoiler: he makes it out alive.

Note: Since this was recorded a year ago, a lot of it is as new to me as it is to you. Funny that senility has an upside.

You can download the file by Right-Clicking HERE.

You can support me on Patreon by clicking HERE. 

Logo by Gino "Olfactory of Fear" Moretto.

Okay, Don't Have A Good One

In all the time--a year now--I've been working at the public library, I've probably told people to have a good night (or "a good one") a thousand times.  Every once in a while, they will ignore me, but usually, they will say, "You too" or "Thanks" or "The man in the moon has chickenpox."  It means nothing, but is a social nicety that nobody complains about.

Except one guy.

The other night, as people were leaving for the night, I told one particular dude to have a good night, and he was having none of it.  He stopped in his tracks and turned on me, like one of those vicious dogs behind a fence (at least I hope they're behind one).  

"Don't tell me that," he said, rather animatedly.  

"Sorry?"  

"Don't say that!" he shouted, which got the attention of every other patron about to leave the library (heck, even the girl at Circulation looked up from her phone for a moment).  I could tell that I was dealing with either an unstable person or a royal piece of crap.  "You don't tell somebody to have a good night!"

But he was standing there, waiting for a reply.

"What should I say?" I asked.

He took a step toward me (what law enforcement would refer to as a lunge) and said, "You say goodbye!"

It was absurd enough I nearly laughed, but the man was disturbed enough already.  "Goodbye," I said.

"Thank you!" he half-yelled, then turned and left the library.

And that's it.  I didn't later learn that he'd shot up a yogurt shop or a pickleball court (one just opened here in town, so that would be extra unfortunate) or anything.  It was just a weird thing that happened to me.  Now that I've shared it with you, go ahead and have a nice day.

Poster Boy

(I struggled--as I often do--for a clever pun or play on words for the title of this post . . . but there's only so much blood you can get from a turnip)

So, Drew Struzan died recently (October 13th), and it was nice to see so many filmmakers and film fans mark his passing.  After all, he was the greatest artist of movie posters to ever live, which is saying something, considering movies are a hundred and thirty years old.  

I guess I first noticed Struzan's work when I first became a Star Wars fan, back in 1983, though most of the JEDI posters were done by other artists.  He did the INDY 2 posters the next year, though, and BACK TO THE FUTURE in '85.  His work was all over the Eighties, from GOONIES to BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, from BLADE RUNNER to POLICE ACADEMY 1-5.  If you wanted your movie to look exciting or magical or deeply appealing or just cinematic, you'd hire Drew to do the art.*

Took me an hour to make this collage--no lie.

I was lucky enough to meet the man one time, back in April of '99.  I had him sign my INDY 3 poster, and since it was about to come out, the PHANTOM MENACE one as well.  Back in those days, these folks would sign what you had for free, which is pretty much a thing of the past.

Believe it or not, this was NOT that long ago.

Struzan was sick for a long time.  One of his friends told me, gee, five years ago now, that he was too ill to do the poster for INDIANA JONES 5, and as far as I could see, INDY 4 was his last one.  He was seventy-eight, and should I live to be that old, I doubt I'll ever see somebody else as talented, or with the gift to capture the soul of the movies, as Drew.

*An anecdote I've never shared with anyone is first seeing the Struzan HARRY POTTER & THE SORCERER'S STONE poster at the AMC theater in LA, and marveling to my friend, "Huh.  That little girl with the unpronounceable first name . . . no way could she be that beautiful.  Well, we'll see when the movie comes out."

Abbie & Rish Read Robin Hobb 1

So, Abigail Hilton and I have started reading "Assassin's Apprentice" by Robin Hobb, and this is the podcast the two of us recorded when we reached the midway point in the book (approximately page 200 of 400, at least according to the library's copy--so, spoilers to that point, plus maybe two more). 

If you're interested in this first book in the Farseer Trilogy, what bit made each of us supremely angry, or listening to Abbie and me try not to interrupt each other, I think you'll get a kick out of it. It's for supporters of my Patreon, so check it out HERE (or HERE).

At least you'll enjoy the moment when she brings up (The Great) Brandon Sanderson and all he's done for authors and Kickstarter. Grrrr.

The Problem With Uranus

I was recently assigned a short story to read for a podcast, and it's not only got a mission to Uranus in it, but it's got Uranus in the title.

And I don't know if you're aware of this, but the name of that planet, at least in American, sounds somewhat like . . . well, I'll explain when you're older.

It's been a problem since before I was born, and will probably be a problem long after I'm dead, as long as there are dumbasses out there.  But it is hard to deliver in a serious way in a Science Fiction story, regardless of the tone of that story.

So, I tried pronouncing it the other way, I tried substituting the planet Neptune, and I tried to just be a grown up and read the story as though I weren't mentally ten years old.  But still, that word appears again and again, and . . . and nothing, I guess.  I suppose I just needed somebody to talk to about it.

Gotta say, that play on words positively wrecked 'em.

Exercise In Futility

At the beginning of the year, I set the goal of exercising 250 days in 2025.  October just ended, and here's my chart for the year-in-progress:

And lookie there, I have already reached my goal, with two months remaining.  Now I know what Big Anklevich much feel like when he does that insane writing spree thing he does so well.  

And I guess I can coast for the rest of the year.  Just like I planned.

Rish Outcast 313: In Security 6

Rish talks a little more about working at the library. In this volume, we get:

1) When a bomb threat calls
2) An exchange of puzzles
3) Sleeping beauty and the runaway toddler
4) The new librarian's new "friend"

Bonus . . . 5) Oh, no.

If you wish to download the episode, Right-Click HERE.

If you wish to support me on Patreon, click HERE.

Logo by Gino "Gin Security" Moretto.