Rish Performs "Lallia (Dumarest 6)" on Audible.com

In 2013, I managed to produce audio versions of the first five "Dumarest of Terra" books for sale at Audible.  They're short books, and even though the chapters are long, five books in a year is a totally achievable goal.

In 2014, I managed one.  I think the publishers were pretty sure I was never going to get any of them done, because they hadn't even created cover art when I finally finished the project, "Lallia."  But now it's done, and available for purchase.

Each of these E.C. Tubb books tell the tale of Earl Dumarest, an adventurer, traveler, and hero, and the many people he encounters while searching for his long lost homeworld, a forgotten planet known as Earth.  In this one, Earl is forced to sign up to work on a small ship so he can get offworld, and gets to know a group of strangers, including a violent drunk, a religious zealot, a wide-eyed innocent, a gambler, a manic-depressive, and a woman accused of being a witch.

Here be yon link: http://www.audible.com/pd/Sci-Fi-Fantasy/Lallia-Audiobook/B00SVPTXS6/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1422937638&sr=1-1

Last year was a difficult one for balancing obligations, work, podcasting, and creating audiobooks (both for free and for a paycheck).  I got a few of them done, but there is still a list of projects I've committed to that aren't even close to finished (or started yet).  Among them, are more Dumarest books.  We'll see if I can do better in the coming months.

Rish

Rish Performs "So You've Decided To Adopt A Zeptonian Baby" on Podcastle

I don't know if this will be the last time I get to appear on PodCastle, the Fantasy Fiction Podcast, but I'm happy to have been able to read a story as part of their superhero flash fiction special this week.  Along with Mur Lafferty reading "The Sea City Six (Where Are They Now?)" and Sean D. Sorrentino reading "The Colors," I got to do the short piece "So You've Decided To Adopt A Zeptonian Baby" by David Steffen.

Host/editor of PodCastle, Dave Thompson has been very friendly toward me for the last little while, even mentioning that his kids listen to my performance of "The Christmas Mummy" every Rosh Hashanah, and I've appreciated the chance to appear on his show,* which gets, oh, a million times as many listeners as my own.  Usually, he'll pick a story that he thinks I'll do a good job with (or an amusing job, at least), and so I get a lot more funny, entertaining stories, than parables about womens' reproductive rights or the solipsism of a first-world country.

This was no exception.  "So You've Decided To Adopt" is a brief self-help instructional piece about the struggles parents of super-powered alien children are going to encounter.  After absolutely no deliberation, I decided to perform it in the voice of my favorite dead "Saturday Night Live" cast member.  Hopefully, somebody else will get a kick out of it.  Besides me, I mean.

Check it out at this link!

I do mention that this may be my last appearance on PodCastle because Dave Thompson recently announced he was stepping down from running PodCastle, to pursue his own endeavors, or raise his children, or spend a three-to-five stretch in jail.  Having tried my hand at podcasting a time or two, I have no earthly idea how someone could produce a weekly show the way he does, and it would be neat if he wanted me involved in whatever projects he goes on to do.

Except for the jail time.  I would never make it on the inside.

Rish Outfield

*Recently, somebody asked me why I would even WANT to be on somebody else's show, since it takes away from the time (and energy) necessary to do my own show.  But the truth is, there's only so much gas in the tank for doing Dunesteefs and Outcast and That Gets My Goats, where the motivation has to come from within.  If somebody else sends me a story (and a couple of them have been stinkers, don't get me wrong) and invites me to do it for their show, well, that's a chance to be a "very special guest star" or do a walk-on part (or whatever Hollywood comparison you want to make), and as soon as that job's done, it's done, with my focus now going back to my own stuff.  Those are usually pretty fun.  It's the assignments that never end that are the really daunting ones.

Besides, maybe somebody hears my reading on another show, and decides to check out my show because of it.  Then the money will just come pouring in.  I think.  It hasn't happened yet, but it could, couldn't it?

Commander Gant on "Star Trek: Outpost"

You know, I watched "Star Trek: The Next Generation" from the very first episode.  I noticed early on that every single character on that show eventually got their own episode, every single season, and in reading up, it was fascinating how difficult it was for the writers to come up with an interesting spotlight episode on, say, Wesley, or Deanna Troi, or Doctor Crusher.  But they certainly did try.*  Perhaps they were eager to avoid the shortcomings of "The Original Series," where Uhura never had anything to do . . . ever(?).

I bring this up because, over the years, I have had the pleasure and difficulty of voicing the character of Commander Gant on "Star Trek: Outpost," which is a long-running serialized audio drama set in Roddenberry's universe.  It's an enormously elaborate and detailed show, with every episode running an hour or so, and airing on a pretty regular schedule.  And in the most recent episode, "What Price Survival," is as close as we've come to giving the Tellarite Gant his own show.

In this episode, Gant and another engineer beam over to a derelict spacecraft, and end up exposed to an alien life form of the type that the Enterprise(s) always seemed to run into: the kind that takes over the body of a crewman in order to express itself.  But what happens when that invader refuses to leave?  (I don't know; I receive these scripts, and the episodes are released about five minutes after I get my lines in)

Here's the link, if you'd like to check it out (though it is Episode 65, so . . .).

I never felt the Tellarites got enough screentime on any of the Star Treks, so it's been fun to see how many different ways the writers can make Gant argue or question orders, which is typical of his species, but would make him a huge pain in the arse to work with.

You may actually work with a Tellarite already, and not even realize it.

Rish

*Indeed, it's fair to say that every single character on TNG (with the possible exception of Captain Picard) got at least one bad episode during the show's seven year run.  And Equal Opportunity programme if there ever was one.

Rish's "A Lovely Singing Voice" Finally Available on Amazon

Hey kids, remember that sprawling tale I wrote--and published--right here on my blog last year?  Well, I always intended to put it out in a more professional version* but allowed a busy schedule and no cover art to waylay me.

Well, the ever-faithful Gino Moretto came through with some cover art, and while no drawing can convey the sinister nature of Brekkyn Manion, his work was exactly what the doctor ordered.

As a reminder: "A Lovely Singing Voice" is the lengthy story of Tanissa Gunn, who meets a spoiled, lonely girl while visiting her father over the summer.  While her dad is at work, Tanissa and Brekkyn get to know one another, and we discover that Brekkyn always gets whatever she wants . . . always.

Here is the link, along with the usual author's note at the end: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00S31I64K.  Thanks!

Rish "Lovely Signing Voice" Outfield

*Sorry that it's taken this long; maybe I'm reverting to my spineless ways.

The Podcast That Dares Not Speak Its Name 9: "...Comedy Is Hard"

This episode is unlike any I have done before.  It's a lengthy (sprawling? interminable? endless?) essay recorded in one sitting.  The topic is Comedy.  What is off-limits in making people laugh, and do I know the difference between being funny and being offensive?  Can I keep on a single topic for more than five minutes?*  And what does Fake Sean Connery think?

If you've ever wanted a glimpse inside my head, here it is.  You've been warned.



To download the episode, right click RIGHT HERE.

Music for this episode was "Across the Divide" by Kevin McLeod, from Incompetech.com.


*Spoiler alert: no.

P.S.  It may not be apparent, but this episode wasn't just a bitch session, an hour of whining, or an invitation to a pity party.  If it wasn't at least somewhat interesting, and produced absolutely no laughter, then I did something wrong.  Either that, or you weren't listening with both ears.

Rish's story "The Pen Was Mightier" on The Way of the Buffalo

Some time ago, I'm not sure when, I must've sent my short story "The Pen Was Mightier" over to Hugh O'Donnell and his podcast "The Way of the Buffalo," because this week, he wrote to tell me the story was up and ready to go.

This was a nice surprise.  I used to have a major fear of sending my stories out to magazines and podcasts, and then, when I discovered self-publishing, I never had to get over that particular fear because, now, I could just publish them myself.  Hey, it works for Drac Von Stoller, and that guy has as much talent in his little finger as I have in my . . . wait, that guy has no talent at all.*  That's the point I was trying to make, sorry.

Anyway, I've been self-publishing a bit (not nearly as much as I ought to, but I'm trying), getting over my fear of sharing my work, and here TWOTB is to remind me that it's really cool when somebody else does it.  Hugh was the first place to run my story "Subtext," and Dave Robison's grand reading of my tale "Old Man River" is on there too.  His podcast has been around a while, this is his (Star Trekky) seventy-ninth episode, and I really ought to ask him if he needs a promo or a silly voice for his show.

"The Pen Was Mightier" is a light and silly tale about a writer who obtains a magic pen that creates only inspired art.  It's not hard to guess where I got the idea, but it's short, and it's cute, and it's available to listen to right here.  Thanks.

Rish "You're givin' away Penis Mightiers?" Outfield

*Do you know about this guy?  He's a writ--no, no, I gotta put it in quotes--he's a "writer" who consistently publishes his almost-stories which are usually one or two page present tense recaps of campfire tales and urban legends, but with absolutely no editing, pacing, grammar, or even a simple spell check.  His output is prodigious, and when I first got into audiobook production, I discovered a slew of his projects in search of narrators, and was frankly, bowled over when I attempted to audition for one.  No worries about pacing, character, depth, symbolism, or suspense, these stories hadn't passed the fourth grade checkpoint of Are there paragraphs?  Did you capitalize words or punctualize sentences?  Are they complete phrases or just jammed together strings of partially-digested writing?  Is there an ending to your story?  Does writing "The End" partway through count as an ending to your story?  Does your title give away the ending of your story?  Can people lick too?  Are you sure you mean "Your going too regret it?"  But hey, you have cover art, and that looks pretty good.

Anyway, I wouldn't be wasting my few remaining minutes before I have to go to work with this if it hadn't been for an interview I read with the guy.  Turns out he's a middle-aged man rather than an eleven year old with internet access, and he shocked me--I mean absolutely bowled me over--by not caring that his stories are really, really badly written and could be fixed with a simple seven or eight minute edit on each one, but doesn't care about all of that stupid stuff.  "A good story is a good story," he said to the interviewer, "and I don't think a person cares about how it's spelled or typed up if he's reading a good story."  And you know, maybe he has a point there (I'm willing to bend a little bit on this one) . . . IF it were a good story he was talking about here.  But his stuff is just awful, not even caring if it's in the same tense all the way through.  Big Anklevich's kid fancies herself a writer, and having read a couple of her stories for school, I'd be much more comfortable planting that moniker on her than on Drac Von Stoller.  She at least knows how to put a period on the end of a sentence.

Happy New Year

May 2015 be a happier, prouder, more successful year for you than was 2014.

Unless you were murdered in 2014.  Then you're just stuck.  Sorry.

Rish's story "Sleeptalkin' Gal" available on Amazon and Audible

My buddy has a wife who talks in her sleep.  Or maybe she actually wakes up, but not enough so she remembers the conversation the next morning.  This got me thinking, and the story "Sleeptalkin' Gal" was born.

 

Big was kind enough to create cover art for me, which is about fifty times better than what I'd be capable of, even though he says it's easy and fast.  If made ANY money off of these damned things, I'd toss some his way.  Or maybe I wouldn't.  Maybe I'd be too bowled over to be making money off these damned things.

Feel free (heck, feel compelled) to pick up a copy over at Amazon (here), or the audio version through Audible (here).

Rish "Sleepgawkin' Boy" Outfield

Rish Outcast 18 (Christmas show)

Sorry kids, I'm a bit too tired and busy to do a Christmas story this year.*  But I'm still up for talking about doing a story, and about the Christmasness of it all.

I will consider trying harder next year.

Rish "I Wish To Be Left Alone.  Since You Ask Me What I Wish, That Is My Answer" Outfield



Hey, kids, to download the episode, right click right HERE

*Since this recording, I did finish that story, and the only way I was able to get past its major problem was to embrace it.  It was fun to have a main character who didn't know the difference between French and Italian (or "manic" and "maniac," for that matter), and I'm sure I'd be a happier soul if I didn't know the difference either.

Apropos of Nothing

A girl at work seems a little weird. 

That’s okay, anybody who’s anybody is weird.  It’s the “normal” ones who aren’t worth knowing and should all be put into camps, but I digress.  Anyway, she seems to enjoy talking about herself (and yes, everybody enjoys talking about themselves, and I’d like to stop digressing or I’ll never finish this thing), but in strange, semi-personal, oversharing ways, such as talking about bad experiences she’s had with other jobs and arguments she’s had with people I will never know.  Today, she mentioned that she hates it when people poke her in the ribs.  “It’s one of my pet peeves.” 

“Do people poke you in the ribs a lot?” I asked, because it certainly doesn’t happen to me (although my uncle is fond of grabbing my buttocks during Sunday dinners, so I can relate). 

“Yeah, sometimes.  My ex-brother-in-law used to do it all the time.  And sometimes guys at work do it.”  I nodded and continued my work.  “See,” she continued, “I’m really, really ticklish.  So I hate it when somebody does that.” 

“Oh,” said I. 

“Also, it kind of hurts.  Not a lot, but just enough that it bothers me.”  I could not see why she was explaining in such detail, but ah well. 

“Alright,” I said, “I promise I won’t poke you in the ribs.” 

“That’s good, because I’d probably hit you if you did.”

Fair enough.  Except that, now I kind of did want to poke her in the ribs, just a little bit.  Not enough that I’d actually do it, but apparently enough that I’m writing a blog post about it an hour or three later.  Maybe I’m the weird one, huh?

 Rish Out—

 Okay, that’s not the end.  I thought it was, but she came up to me a few minutes later and said, “Sometimes I’ll get a side-ache, mostly because I’ve drank something that has milk in it.” 

 

“What?” I asked her, not sure if I heard her right. 

 

“My sides will ache, because I drank something with milk in it.  That’s another reason I don’t like to be poked there.” 

 

“Oh,” said I, wondering if maybe she’d also had this conversation with somebody else, but was misremembering it as being with me, “are you lactose intolerant?”  My nephews seem to both be that way, and have to drink soy milk, which may or may not taste like actual milk, but I’d never drink it because I’ve a bias against soy, unless it’s soy sauce.  Or soy, the Spanish work for “I am.”  But guess what?  That’s another digression.

“No,” my coworker said, “I’m not intolerant.  I just have a milk allergy.” 

 

“Okay,” says me, and continued to do my work.  Potato, potato.  Which I realize just doesn’t work when you type it.  Maybe I could type ‘poh-tayto, poh-tahto.’  Does that make sense?  This post may well not be heading anywhere at this point.

A few seconds later, the coworker says to me, “So, don’t poke me in the ribs, okay?  If you’re gonna poke me, do it in the stomach.”  I kid you not, she said this, which is probably the whole reason I felt I had to describe her as weird.  I imagine that’s what they mean by ‘show, don’t tell,’ which was always a weakness in my screenwriting.  It’s easy for me to say, ‘Adelaide was weird.  She was short and thin and wore big glasses that made her look like a nerd on a Disney Channel sitcom, and she absolutely adored Robin from the Batman franchise, but not necessarily Batman.  She had an upturned nose, which was a little weird, but it was mostly her personality that made her weird, not the way she looked.  Oh, and her name ABSOLUTELY sucked.’  Rather than illustrate how she was weird through action or anything other than dialogue.  That was a fault in my writing, and probably still is.  I should work on it sometime, but I think it’s more important that I work on getting to a point in my writing, rather than going off on useless tangents that do nothing to tell the story or get to the end, which is what any reader truly desires, right?

So, I finished my shift, and didn’t see her—the employee in question (in case you had forgotten)--until I was walking out to the parking lot.  She saw me and said, “Hey, I’ve decided you can poke me in the ribs if you want to.”

The end.

Rish Outcast 17: Birth of a Sidekick (Part 4)

So, here's the end of the story.  Special thanks to Marshal Latham, who was kind enough to lend his voice to this episode. 

Hopefully, you enjoyed the lengthier story (and the shorter space between shows).  If so, let us (ie, me) know.



Hey, kids, to download the episode, right click right HERE

As usual, the full text can be purchased here (on Amazon), and the audiobook right here (on Audible).

P.S. If you REALLY enjoyed this story, a sequel was published a year or so later, called "A Sidekick's Journey," which takes place not long after this one ends.  Check it out!