Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Sometimes a cellular peptide cake is just . . .

I rented a DVD of a classic English Hitchcock film the other day, and while I quite enjoyed it, I found myself wondering about its making and influence. Luckily, there was an audio commentary done by a film historian, so I stuck it on, looking for a little enlightenment.

But what I got was something akin to a feature-length college thesis read aloud, discussing the Freudian undercurrents of the film.

Time and time again, the commentator talked about the secret sexual relevence of scenes, lines, and props in the film. "Note the candlestick on the far left," she said, "An obvious phallic symbol." "Ashcroft brandishes a phallic knife," she says later, then "The professor pokes at Hannay with his finger, its phallic intent inarguable." After the third time, I began screaming incoherently everytime the commentator mentioned that a train controller or telephone reciever or exclamation point was a phallic symbol, to the extent that three orderlies came into the room and medicated me in turn.

The first time I ever heard the phrase "phallic symbol" in my sheltered upbringing was when a McDonalds manager explained the blatant phallus in the poster for THE LITTLE MERMAID.

I quite enjoyed my Philosophy classes in school, but I don't believe that every banana is a dong. Listening to the commentary, I'm starting to believe in penis envy, however.

Rish "Notice The Crescent Moon In The Sky, An Obvious Phallic Symbol" Outfield

Sunday, April 06, 2008

April 6th, 2008

I've spent the weekend babysitting my sister's kid while she goes out and does stalker boyfriend superhero best friend psycho cigarette smoke stuff (I never quite understand these things), and we've had some fun watching DVDs and driving around town.

Last night, we watched all four hours of Peter Jackson's KING KONG extended cut, and my niece made it through the whole thing. Today, she wanted to watch JURASSIC PARK, and about five minutes in, she said, "This is really boring."

And you know, she's right. The first hour of JURASSIC PARK is quite dull (unlike the alien-free first hour of ALIENS, which is free of aliens, but still fascinating), with a lot of setup that doesn't seem totally necessary in retrospect.

But my niece sat and watched it, from the part with the lawyer and amber, to the part with Wayne Knight meeting his contact, to the Sam Neill dinosaur dig scenes. It, apparently, didn't occur to her to skip ahead to the non-boring parts. That impressed me.

It doesn't exactly fill me with hope for her generation, but it's a start.

Rish "All Boring Parts" Outfield

"Angel" catch-up marathon

April 4th-11th, 2008

So, tyranist and I haven't been able to get together for our Buffy Wednesdays much lately, and that's not likely to change anytime soon, but he did allow me to come over and watch enough "Angel"s to catch us up. I don't know how many episodes we saw (five, I think), and have no idea how many I've the energy to blog.

First up, though, was "Billy," written by Tim Minear and Jeffrey Bell. It was interesting, and I'm sure I have more to say about it than the others we saw.

It begins with Angel training Cordelia in fighting skills. It seems reminiscent of his sessions with Buffy and I'll be damned if there didn't seem to be something between them in these scenes. Tyranist told me, "You didn't think he'd spend all five years of this show loving only Buffy, did you?"*

Over at Wolfram & Hart, Lilah Miller has a prettyboy in her office, one named Billy, and seems unhappy about his behaviour. But she's unable to do anything about it because he comes from the closest thing America has to a royal family. After he leaves, Gavin Park, the lawyer harassing Angel about his hotel and also Jin from "Lost," attacks Lilah and we go to commercial.

Silly me, I thought maybe they had killed Lilah, red-shirting her to show how dangerous this Billy character is. Only then did I realise that Billy was the same guy that Angel broke out of a hellprison a couple of episodes back. Tyranist not only had no such confusion, he was sure to make me understand how stupid I was not to put two and two together.

Back at Angel Investigations, Wesley suddenly has romantic interest in Fred, and I gotta wonder just how many episodes I've missed. Cordelia is aware of Wesley's feelings and as she's telling him to go over and ask her out, she gets a vision. Turns out, the vision was of a man murdering a woman a week before . . . something she couldn't have done anything about. But after some digging, they see that Billy had been around the man just before he went berserk. Billy is a creepy woman-hating bastard, but he's unable to lay a finger on them himself, so he uses his innate abilities to fill men with overwhelming misogyny which tends to spill out and lead to violence.

Cordelia remembers why Angel busted this guy out (to save her), and feels guilty about it. I gotta say, Cordie really does seem to be a completely different person nowadays than she used to be. Guess those visions picked the right lass.

Angel doesn't blame Cordelia, he blames Lilah. So he goes to visit her and finds her all puffy and bruised. She fills in the details on how Billy operates and that because his last name is Kennedy, nobody can touch him.**

Some of the episode is spent trying to find Billy, but he manages to stay one step ahead of them. Even after he's arrested, Billy leaves violence in his wake and goes free. He does spill some blood, which Wesley collects to take home and examine.

I did want to mention a scene where Cordelia goes and confronts Lilah, only to find her broken and afraid. Cordelia gives her a nice speech about how hard it is to be a vicious bitch and that Lilah should have more respect for herself.

Fred helps Wesley check out Billy's blood under a microscope, and he tells her that his power is transmitted through touch. Then he tells her that she shouldn't dress so provocatively, since she's obviously a tease. And aren't women all teases, really? And shouldn't we get mad about that? And maybe all of us should beat women up, or better yet, grab a fire axe and kill them with it, like Wesley is tempted to do to Fred.

She flees, running upstairs instead of going out the front door (repeatedly), and Wesley follows her, spouting verbose woman-hating dialogue in his prim English accent.

Fred runs into Gunn, who pulls her into a vacant room and tries to protect her, but when she explains how Wesley was infected, admits that he just came from touching the blood himself (not really sure why you'd touch blood that wasn't yours, but heck, maybe it has a siren song about it). He tells Fred to knock him over the head before he can turn evil, and then immediately says something disparaging about the fairer sex, so she bops him a good one. Or two.

Wesley tries to get into the room and ends up hacking through the door, all the while belittling her. But she took the opportunity to improvise a booby trap which swings a fire extinguisher into his face, knocking him not only to the floor but through it.

Angel, meanwhile, finds out that Billy's family hate him too, and that he's got a private plane waiting to take him someplace at the tarmac of easiest accessibility. Cordelia gets there and sticks a taser into Billy's genitals (no need to be subtle at this point, do we?). Billy grabs Angel's face and sneers that Cordelia will get hers now. Strangely enough, Billy's power doesn't work on Angel, and commences to use Billy's head as a speedbag. Cordelia prepares to shoot Billy with a crossbow, but a gunshot rings out, and Billy falls dead. Lilah holds the smoking gun, having listened to Cordelia's buck-up talk. I guess she's reached closure, though if I were her, I'd arrange for a little accident to befall Gavin Park, just in case.

Angel explains to Cordelia that he doesn't carry hate around with him, and even as Angelus he killed for pleasure rather than hatred. I guess that's better, but . . .

The coda of the episode had Fred going to visit Wesley at his place, where he has sequestered himself out of shame for his actions. He tries to express how sorry he is for the things that he said and did, and she tries to absolve him of his bitter guilt. And I cried, if we're to be honest here. Fred persuades Wesley to return to work because he's a good man and is needed. After she leaves, he begins weeping. The end.

We haven't seen an "Angel" since "Fredless," and I gotta admit, it had been too long. Like I said, it wasn't until seven or eight minutes in that I even remembered who Billy was. But I'll try to do better in September when we get to "Angel" again.

I really enjoyed this episode, especially the end. We had a couple episodes left to watch to be caught up, so we put in "Offspring," written by show-runner David Greenwalt.

It begins with a flashback, one obviously set early in Angelus's career, since he still has his Liam accent. Angelus is fleeing Holtz, the vampire hunter, and is captured by Holtz and his men. If you recall, Holtz has been referred to several times, and I thought this was his actual first appearance, but tyranist once again put me in my place. I've never seen this show "Angel" you refer to before, what's it about?

Holtz is a burly man with a dark beard and an English accent that seems to come and go. He hates Angelus for the murder of his family, and tortures him in an attempt to find out where Darla is. On cue, Darla and a bunch of other vampires arrive and rescue Angelus, tossing a blanket over him and racing away to freedom.

Back in 2001, Darla arrives in Los Angeles, a trail of corpses in her wake.

Angel and Cordelia are still training together, and I'll just come out and say it, it's just slow-motion foreplay we're witnessing here.

Wesley and Gunn procure a scroll that has an apocalyptic prophesy on it that's about to come to pass. We are reminded of the prophesy at the end of Season One, where it was revealed that Angel has a big part to play in averting Armageddon, and will be rewarded with humanity for his troubles. Fred tries to use her mathematic knowledge to predict when the end of the world is supposed to occur.

Angel, meanwhile, tells Cordelia he loves her, and she chooses to interpret this as the sort of thing you say to someone when the end is nigh. It's a very funny moment when everybody tells Angel they love him, even Gunn, and then a very pregnant Darla comes into the hotel, presenting her Orson Welles-sized belly and asking for help.

Darla explains that Angel knocked her up, even though vampires can't have children, and Cordelia is illogically upset that Angel would put a bun in Darla's oven then forget about it. I guess, I don't exactly understand. Darla also explains that nobody knows what's inside her or how to destroy it, so they decide to go to Lorne and find out a little destiny.

Lorne is still upset about the damage to his bar a century ago in "That Old Gang of Mine" and is still putting the finishing touches on Caritas, one of which will be a spell that prevents ALL violence within its walls (not just demon violence). Darla sings (and it ain't bad), but Lorne has nothing useful to tell us.

Darla does have a great deal of pain--contractions?--and Lorne lets her stay in his bedroom till it passes. Cordelia, having been inseminated at least twice since the show started, feels very protective of Darla, who has been acting awfully friendly and less murderous than we remember her, and volunteers to take care of her.

The others talk about this vampire child of hers and how it might fit into the prophecy. It could bring about the end of the world or it could stave it off. Or it could do what most new child additions do to television shows, and enable a shark to be jumped over.

In Lorne's bedroom, Cordelia attempts to comfort Darla, who complains about how hungry she always is. Then she vamps out and bites Cordelia on the neck. At that moment, she gets a vision--a much funkier one than usual, of a video arcade and a little blond boy--and her cries of pain bring Angel into the room. He throws Darla off Cordie and Darla flees the room and out into the night before he can do any more.

Angel goes after Darla, who does go to a video arcade, where a little Aryan boy has lost his mother. Darla draws him to the back, then swoops in to eat him. But Angel stops her and there's a battle and he pulls out a stake to kill her with, but feels a heart beating in Darla's stomach. If there's a heartbeat, there's a soul, apparently.

Angel takes Darla back to the hotel and gives her some yummy pig's blood (which she doesn't want), and has Gunn guard her. Fred and Wesley translate some more of the prophesy that a being will arrive that day that will be the linchpin in the end of the world.

In some underground chamber, a demon with a scar on its face
performs a ritual on a big stone or sarcophagus that cracks it open. Inside is a man, Holtz the Vampire Hunter, awake again after so very long.

That leads us to the next episode, "Quickening," which was Jeffrey Bell by written. It also starts with a flashback, showing how Angelus and Darla had left a trail for Holtz and his men to follow, then doubled back and went to his home. They persuaded his young daughter to invite them in, then killed her, her mother, and infant sibling. When Holtz realises he's been tricked, he rushes home, but is too late. Two of his family members are dead . . . but one is worse than dead. The vampires have converted his daughter into one of their own, and Holtz drags her out the front door and into the sunlight, where she hisses and dies.

Holtz, in the here and now, learns about the present day from the demon that brought him into the future. I really ought to find out that demon's name (after all, I went on and found out Jeffrey Bell episode the wrote), but for now, he's Scarface Demon.

Over at Angel Investigations, there's more confusion about the prophetic scrolls and what words mean and names signify. They consider how to destroy the Darla baby, but Angel now feels protective of it and vows to see it born.

We get a lot of scenes in the next two episodes involving office politics at Wolfram & Hart, and at the time, I wondered why they went on so long or existed at all. Gavin Park and Lilah Morgan are plotting against each other and an office toadie goes back and forth working for each of them. It is revealed that Wolfram & Hart have placed cameras around Angel's hotel lobby, and are spying on them.

Lilah's boss, Mr. Morrow, is brought in when they discover that Darla the vampire is pregnant. In fact, a lot of folks are excited about the prospect of a vampire baby, including religious vampires, a ninja-dude, and a bunch of hungry demons. Holtz and Scarface grab a couple of demon goons and also join in the hunt. There are a lot of interested parties and a lot of plot developments I won't mention because they are ultimately unimportant.

Of course, that's just my opinion, but it's also my opinion that this and the episode that follow are very very padded and might have been better as a single episode.

We get another flashback to the moment when Scarface Demon showed himself to Holtz and offered to take him to a time and place when he can destroy Angelus and Darla. Holtz accepts.

Darla gets contractions. Angel and Co. take her to a hospital and do an ultrasound. We find out that her baby is 1) human, 2) a boy, and 3) already better-endowed than I am. A bunch of vampires arrive and surround our heroes. They are there to protect the baby, but don't mind eating all the humans. Fred grabs a knife and holds it at Darla's stomach like a hostage (which I thought was cool), but then mentions that no weapon can harm the baby.

Mr. Morrow wants the baby for himself, and the many interested parties converge on the hotel. They end up fighting, and killing, each other, because Darla and the others haven't returned from the hospital.

In fact, they're all in Angel's car, parked in an alley, waiting for the coast to be clear. He volunteers to go in alone, grab the scrolls, and come back out again. When he goes in, though, he finds Holtz there waiting. And back in the car, Darla's water breaks.

This leads us into "Birthday," written by Tim Minear. Holtz's demon friends grab Angel and bind him so Holtz can interrogate him. He wants to know where Darla is and tosses a bit of holy water on Angel. Wolfram & Hart watches all this on their little cameras and Lilah arrives to find out who Holtz is. She tells Holtz that Angel now has a soul and this gives him pause (it would seem that Scarface Demon wasn't being 100% with our vampire hunter).

Angel takes the opportunity to pull the pin on a grenade one of the fallen military guys dropped, and uses the explosion to escape. Or maybe I dreamt that; it just seems a little too silly to me now.

Darla, snarling and going into labour, has scared the rest of the gang out of the car. When a bunch of demons arrive, she runs them over with the car and drives away. Angel gets back just a moment too late.

Lilah takes the scrolls and Wesley's translations with her back to W&H. Her translators say it's not birth but death it predicts.

Holtz meets Scarface at their hideout and is upset that he wasn't told about Angelus's soul. Scarface says it wasn't important, but doesn't tell him about Darla's pregnancy either.

Angel tracks Darla down, or up, rather, as she's on a rooftop overlooking the city. She tells him that she feels love for the baby inside her and it's because the child has a soul that she's sharing. But when that baby is born, what will happen to her and her feelings? Angel takes Darla (you know, when her water broke, didn't that mean the birth was imminent?) to Caritas, where the anti-violence spell will protect her and the baby.

Darla goes back to Lorne's bedroom, but there's no way to deliver the baby, as even a C-section won't work. I guess it has something to do with Darla's body being dead and the baby being alive. Darla starts to bleed out. Angel tries to keep her going, but she's feeling pretty hopeless about everything. Around that moment, I thought I had figured out how the child could be born, but I didn't think they would go there.

Holtz gets word where Angel/Darla are and shows up at Caritas. He uses explosives to destroy the bar again (which has to suck for poor Lorne), rendering the whole anti-violence spell kind of moot.

Angel and Darla slip out Lorne's back entrance, but she falls down in the alley, unable to go further. She tells Angel that the child inside her is the only good thing she ever did with Angel, then grabs a broken board and stakes herself with it.

She turns to dust, leaving only the baby lying on the ground. Angel scoops it up and wraps it in his cool black coat. Holtz meets him in the alley and has the chance to shoot him with a crossbow, but doesn't. He lets Angel go, but immediately proclaims he will show no mercy toward him. The end.

This one really should've been more satisfying, but it simply wasn't. A lot of it had to do with the way it ended: there was no sense of closure there. Which probably led tyranist to continue on to the next episode, "Dad," written by David Goodman.

It picks up just a little while later as Angel and company return to the hotel with the baby. Lorne goes there too, since his place was just destroyed.

Angel is still very protective of his son, and gets the pleasure of changing his diaper for the first time. Cordelia thinks Angel is taking too much responsibility onto himself, especially with so many others willing to pitch in, but Angel won't listen.

The Scarface Demon is upset with Holtz for letting Angel live, but Holtz is temporarily satisfied with having seen Darla die. He decides to regroup and prepare for his vengeance against Angel, and the first step is to kill all of his current minions (which he does with poison) and find some new ones, better ones.

Demons and such keep coming to get the baby, and I was suggesting aloud that they call Willow and have her do one of those protection shields on the hotel like she did on that gas station last season. But it's apparently just as easy for Lorne to make a phone call and have the Furies who did the non-violence spell on his club do so on the hotel.

We also get a subplot that doesn't seem important (but might be so I'll mention it) where Lilah tries to figure out who the man who was holy watering Angel is. She goes down to the records department and finds out there's literally tons of material on Angel's past. She spends fourteen hours reading through things before she discovers that the secretary there has some kind of cybernetic memory of the entire file. She learns who Holtz is and what his connection to Angelus was.

Holtz, meanwhile, has tracked down a red-haired woman whose twin sister was killed by vampires, and recruits her to be his Jedi Padawan. It's a long scene but I imagine it will be a hell of a lot more relevant than a robot-brained secretary.

A ton of demons surround the hotel and start working their own magic to gain entrance. Angel has the baby in his arm and wants to run with it, but Cordelia again tries to get him to trust her friends to help. He refuses and heads for the sewers just as the shield goes down ("Commence attack on the Death Star's main reactor!"). The demons give chase, and those who don't are killed by the flame thrower Gunn happened to have lying around.

Angel, talking to his little bundle, gets in his car and drives up to Lancaster (which I actually shot an episode of "X-Files" at once) where there's a boarded-up mine that he slips into.

He is followed by a bunch of demons who manage to get the bundle away from him. As Angel makes his escape, the demons--and we--discover that it's not his son at all, but a bomb. Boom. No more pursuers.

It is revealed that Lorne had mentioned earlier that there were cameras watching Angel, so the whole second argument with Cordelia was for their benefit. In actuality, she and Fred had taken the baby to the hospital for a check-up.

Angel goes to Wolfram & Hart and bursts in on Mr. Morrow, despite the vampire alarms (which actually go off in this episode). He cuts Morrow and tells him that anything that happens to his son will also happen to him.

With that, Angel proclaims the boy safe, and heads to the hospital, where he's reunited with the baby. He has decided the child's name will be Connor, though I don't know why. The end.

That brings us to the end of a four-part episode and the one-part episode before it that I liked a lot more. I actually had a lot more to say about "Billy" than the other four put together.***

Something that happens a great deal in long-running series is the old stand-by of having something happen to the characters so they behave in ways that are not typical, not predictable, not in their nature. Whether its alien possession or body switching or a hanging out with the wrong crowd or mind-control or a medical condition or Angel losing his soul or the corrupting influence of magic or Spider-man making a deal with the devil (all but one of these being "Buffy/Angel" references), it's a fascinating trope in fiction, and it rarely gets old. At least not to these eyes.

The truth is, in real life, people act out of character all the time. I had a conversation with my mother a couple of years ago in which I was both shocked and disturbed by the things she said, only to have her deny ever saying them when I asked her about it later. And I've been around friends and had them do things that were either stinging or absolutely baffling when looking back. And I've felt intense attraction to absolutely unattractive people and nearly blinding hatred for people I've considered the closest. It's just amazing how many different people everyone can be.

So, I've been fascinated at Willow's increasingly dark turn on "Buffy" and both Wesley's Jack Torrance routine in "Billy" and Darla's loving human being impression in the four-parter. We can find heroism in villains and cowardice in heroes. It's a known fact that Hitler loved his dog, and that Mother Teresa regularly cheated at gin rummy.

And there was once a girl at the music store I worked for that thought I was completely lovable.

I think I've made my point.

Rish Outfield

*Actually, he said something similar to "You didn't think they'd let him go five seasons without a love interest, did you?" but I changed it so it would fit the rhyme scheme better.

**Actually, his last name was something else, but I'm here to samurai-sword through the bullshit, since I've got about eight episodes to go through this week.

***Still, I'm sure the death of Darla and the birth of Connor (not to mention the rebirth of Holtz) will have much more lasting consequences for the show than "Billy" did. And I really did intend to start this footnote with "actually," but I couldn't pull it off in good conscience.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Stupid Thing of the Week

You know how great it is in a movie or TV show when there's a character that rails against a certain kind of person, and then they do something and realise they've become what they most despise?

Well, yesterday, I was hanging out with Merrill, still trying to get him as excited about "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" as I've become. He mocked me for continuing to watch "Veronica Mars"--which I deserved--and explained that he hasn't really enjoyed the first few episodes of "Buffy"'s first season.

I told him how I didn't think they were all that special either, and that I never made it past the first disc when I lived in L.A., but that I've just discovered this past week that by episode six or seven, the show begins to fire on all cylinders and gets really good, I promise.

Somehow, though, we started talking about how I got into the show (oh, it was when he mocked me for starting Season Two of "Veronica Mars"), and how tyranist just pushed and pushed until I finally gave in and started watching "Buffy" (and VM) with him.*

I told Merrill that one of the things that contributed to me deciding to give "Buffy" one more try (which was actually try number three, as I've mentioned) was that we really got into this BBC/Sky One show called "Hex." "Hex" told the story of an astoundingly hot blonde (Christina Cole) in an English private school who finds out that she's inherited magickal ability and a destiny to fight against dark forces.

I told Merrill that I was lucky enough to see "Hex" before I saw "Buffy," so it didn't bother me that Cassie was pretty much "The Chosen One," and there was a dark, mysterious stranger who would show up from time to time, and that there's a really nasty bitch she goes to school with who eventually softens and joins the light side, or that her best friend is a lesbian who--

And Merrill said, "Wait, Willow is a lesbian? When did that happen?"

With that, I realised that I had become what I most despise. I tried to convince Merrill I was talking about Xander, but the damage was done.

As penance, I will go do actual work for, say, twelve minutes.

Rish "Self-loathing" Outfield

*I wish I had the same influence on tyranist to get him to do what I really want to do. But hey, there's gotta be losers in life to make you winners look all the better.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

And the Devil Laughed (Spring)

Something recently happened to me that was certainly a qualifier for Stupid Thing of the Week, but the more I thought about it, the more head-shaking it got. Thankfully, it's not nearly as Holocaust-level as MEET THE SPARTANS being a hit, but I'm going to cite it as my second post calling attention to the devil having a laugh.

I bid on things from time to time on eBay--as should any geek worth his salt--but I suppose I'm not always as detail-oriented as ought to be.* I'll try in the future not to let it happen again, but I placed my bid and went about my business.

A day or two later, I got the requisite email telling me I'd won the item, but when I checked the auction out, it sold for a heck of a lot more than I had intended on paying. I did the math in my head and figured my max bid had probably been $13.00, or maybe the extra-lucky $13.13, but there I was, the high bidder, at way over that.

So, I consulted my sneakie we-bid-so-you-don't-have-to site, and to my, well, displeasure, I saw that it had entered my maximum bid as . . . wait for it . . . $1313.00. Yeah, just about a thousand dollars over my max bid.

I think somebody told me what my options were in a situation like this, but it was hard to hear them over the Satanic laughter echoing off my walls.

Rish "Big Spender" Outfield

*Another example was a pretty-damn-close-to-fraudulent listing I bid on and won about a month ago. When the item arrived, I didn't even know what auction it had been from, but I figured it out soon enough. I had thought I was bidding on something other than what I received . . . but sure enough, in the item's description, they stated that the item wasn't the one in the accompanying photo, but was very much like it. Arrrgh.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Life's not a song (Buffy: The Musical)

"I died, many years ago.
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so."


I lived in a two bedroom apartment in the westernmost part of Los Angeles (three more blocks and it was Santa Monica), sleeping on the floor, and waiting until my roommate fell asleep so I could download filth. We were right off of Olympic Boulevard, and there was a big billboard a block before you turned for our apartment.

One day, in mid-October, the billboard became an advertisement for an upcoming episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" entitled "Buffy: The Musical." I remember that billboard vividly, even though I wasn't a watcher of the show.

And now I've just spent twenty minutes trying to find it online. God, I miss L.A.. They had movie (and TV) billboards everywhere, and I never had a digital camera there.

Maybe someone out there has a picture of it and will send it to me.

And maybe I'll wake up tomorrow able to grow chest hair and be irresistible to every unmarried lass I meet.

Anyway, I remember that billboard, and I remember people being really interested in that episode.

At Comic-Con last year, they held a special screening of the musical the Whedonopolis president invited me to. I stood in line for a half an hour before being told it was sold out. But they had added a second showing. But it was sold out. So they had added a third showing. But I was tired, so I went home.

And later that summer, my cousin spent hours talking about BTVS, where he told me about it, proclaiming it "depressing." His little brother wondered how in the world a musical could be depressing.*

And a couple of weeks ago, when I was mad at tyranist (as usual, the man really is a git), I told him I was going to find the episode online and watch it without him. But he told me I would regret it, that he knew me well enough to know that if I watched it out of order, it would spoil things and I would be miserable.

So I waited. Even though I had the songs and listened to them all the time out of context, trying to imagine who, where, what, and why.

"Once More With Feeling" is the actual name of the episode, written and directed by Joss Whedon. Apparently, he spent an awful long time writing it and rehearsing it with his cast, and shot bits and pieces of it during the shooting of the episodes that preceded it.

It's not a standalone episode, and now that I think about it, none of them since episode seven or so are.

I don't know how to recap this one. It's so different than all the other episodes that . . . well, I'll have to give it a try.

The next morning has arrived, and everything is much more colourful and in a widescreen format (would that every episode afterward would be too, but hey, maybe they are).
Buffy goes patrolling and through the cemetery, and while she does, she sings a song about how she doesn't feel alive anymore and is just going through the motions.

The next day, the gang gathers at the Magic Box and talks about something strange that happened the night before: they all burst into song complete with backing orchestra or dancing. Speculating what might be behind it, they sing a song about their theories of what's behind it. Anya gets her own rocking verse about how evil bunnies "aren't just cute like everybody supposes."

Turns out it's not just them, but everyone in Sunnydale is similarly afflicted, singing their thoughts and feelings seemingly without their control. Dawn shows up and talks about people singing at school, then shoplifts an exotic-looking necklace.

Tara and Willow slip out and go to a park we've never seen before, where Tara--in a Snow Whitesque dress--gets checked out by a couple of dudes. She makes a joke that because the boys noticed her, suddenly she's cured of her gayity. It's not really a noteworthy part of the episode, but it was something that struck me (both when I saw it and afterward). I've talked ad nauseum about Willow turning gay on the show and how it's never really spelled out whether that was in her all along, waiting to get out, or if circumstances turned her to the fairer sex. But Tara has made a couple of comments before about such things, and her joke did thumb its nose at the whole theory (which I admit I have shared) that lesbians are just hetero girls who've been disappointed with men so they change sides.

Tangent, I know, but her use of the word "cured," also thumbs its nose at the segment of the population that sees homosexuality as some kind of unfortunate condition or delusion. But Tara is such a positive, hate-free character that there's no malice or ugliness to her character at all.

And reiterating this, she sings Willow a song that's all innocence and young love, expressing her feelings to Willow and also that she has changed since Willow put her under her spell. It's the kind of song that wouldn't be out of place in a Disney musical.

So imagine my surprise when oral copulation begins during Tara's "Under Your Spell" song. My god, I thought they were just friends!

But senuously, folks**, it is pretty unsubtle, especially for network TV. And especially for a show that didn't show Willow and Tara kissing until a year into the relationship (and even then, the network wanted it cut out). I'm not complaining (like Paul Reiser used to say, "I love lesbian sex. The thing is, I agree with both of them."), but it was a little startling.

After that, we get some time with Xander and Anya at their place, as they each sing about their delight at being together, but their secret annoyances and fears about their relationship, thing's they would never tell. It's really funny and super-choreographed, with dancing and big camera moves and felt the most like something they would've done back in the heyday of movie musicals.

So I suppose what we're seeing is the inner secrets of our characters coming out in songs (really brilliant songs all written by Joss, in differing styles). But it's not all flowers and cartoon birds--we witness a shadowy figure and at least one person dancing themselves into spontaneous combustion.

There's more than one death and everyone turns to Giles to solve it, but his thoughts are elsewhere, at how changed Buffy is, and how distant. Xander reminds Giles that she was stuck in hell/ademondimension for an untold amount of time, so she's just readjusting.

Speaking of Buffy, as soon as the sun sets, she heads to Spike's lair to do her weekly goth thing, asking if he knows anything. But Spike begins to sing a song about how he knows she comes to visit because he's not a person, just a dead man, and she thinks she can be herself with him, despite his feelings for her. The song turns more than a bit angry, with him telling her it hurts to be around her and that she should stay away and "stop visiting my grave." She gets the drift, and stomps away.

Tara is babysitting Dawn (see, I wish English had a word that meant "babysitting" but didn't have "baby" in it***) and Dawn tells her she's glad she and Willow got over their argument, since they're such a cute couple. Tara, however, has no memory of any argument, and remembers the flower she found in her bedroom the night before (or maybe it's two nights before, I can't really figure out the math).

She rushes out for a minute, leaving Dawn alone with her box full of stolen wares. Dawn starts to sing a lonely song, but it is interrupted by the appearance of a trio of puppet-like henchman, who grab her.

She is taken before a red-skinned demon (bright red-skinned, not "How, kemosabe" red-skinned) who was called Sweet on the soundtrack, who explains (through song) that he was summoned by her for a little entertainment, and that he has the power to make people sing and dance . . . dance until they burst into flame. Oh, he also mentions that Dawnie is going to have to go back to his dimension and be his bride. Nice.

But Dawn mentions that her sister is the Slayer, so Sweet sends his henchmen to find Buffy and bring her back, so he can watch her burn.

Back at the magic shop, Buffy is training with Giles, and again mentions how safe and comfortable she is with him around. Giles then sings a heartbreaking tune about how he'd love to play the part of the protective father, he's standing in the way of Buffy's development as an adult, and must go. Buffy doesn't hear this song, though, so I'm not sure how the singing works.

In the next room, Tara has discovered that the flower Willow used was called Lethe's Bramble, a memory charm. Tara reprises her song "Under Your Spell," but it's got a darker tint to it now, as she realises what Willow has crossed a line that can't be uncrossed, and that their relationship is done. At the same time, Giles reprises "Standing," both singing about having to leave, and though both Willow and Buffy are in the room, neither of them hear the words.

Spike comes in with one of Sweet's henchmen, who reveals that Dawn is being kept at the Bronze and that Buffy has to go there (this could easily have been a song, but it's amusing that he takes about four seconds to just say it). Everyone wants to go there with her, but Giles forbids it, telling Buffy she has to do this alone. Spike ignores Giles, but Buffy brushes him off and he hits the bricks, telling her he hopes she and her sister burn.

Buffy goes by herself, singing a song about walking through the fire without feeling its heat. The song continues, with Spike vacillating between "I'm free if that bitch dies" and "I'd better help her out." Giles sings about whether he was right to send Buffy off alone, and Sweet sings about the Slayer's death being inevitable. Buffy seems to feel it too and goes to embrace it. In the end, all the gang (Spike included) turn around and head toward the Bronze to stand by Buffy's side.

Buffy arrives and tells Sweet she'll go with him instead of her sister, unless he kills her first. Either way, it's the same thing. He chuckles at her fatalism, and asks her if she really feels that way. Buffy responds with a song despairing all the silly platitudes about life and how what she really needs is something to sing about. Buffy beats up Sweet's henchmen, but can't help dancing (which is Sweet's trick). Giles and company arrive, and in one of the funniest moments, he tells Tara and Anya to go back Buffy up, which they do as backup singers.

The song continues, and Buffy reveals that she was at peace, finally, in Heaven, but then her unthinking friends pulled her out and back here to Hell. Xander and especially Willow respond with horror at this statement, and then Buffy begins to dance uncontrollably, smoke rising from her body.

And Spike steps in, stopping her. "The pain that you feel," he sings, "Only can heal . . . by living." Dawn stands up and reminds Buffy of her own last words: "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it." Sweet's plan is foiled, but Dawn is still going to have to go with him for summoning him.

But then Xander reveals that he was the one who made the wish/incantation/summoning/something-offscreen-that-I-don't-quite-understand, in hopes that everything would turn out all singy-happy between him and Anya.

Whoops. Sweet seems to really be defeated now (though it seems like he could've claimed Xander as his bride; he does have a purty mouth), but mentions that everybody's secrets are out now and in a way, that's a victory. He disappears, leaving everyone else to wonder where they go from here. I can't help but despair watching Willow during this song, she looks like the tiny, pathetic girl we met in season one, knowing what she did to Buffy and that she's somehow alienated Tara as well. But everybody is forced to join hands and sing, until, that is, Spike sees the absurdity of the moment and slinks away to the back alleys that he fills so well.

While the others finish their song, Buffy joins him in the alley, and they reprise their "Walk Through the Fire" tune, with Buffy saying, "This isn't real, but I just want to feel," and kissing him. As they kiss, the curtain falls, and the episode comes to an end.

So there you go. I was blown away by this episode, maybe more so on the second viewing, and now when I hear the songs I've been listening to for months, I can finally put images and places to the sounds. Pretty cool.

Here I am, several days later, finishing up this post, and I still find myself singing, "She does pretty well with fiends from hell, but lately we can tell, that she's just going through the motions . . ." That's either a very good thing, or something very, very bad.

I looked for the billboard, and found one of those silly, pointless quizzes. This one was which song from the episode are you? Turns out I am "Going Through The Motions," even though my favourite song is actually "Under Your Spell/Standing (Reprise)." Interesting.****

Oh, and in looking up the lyrics to one of the songs, I made a shocking discovery: Anthony Stewart Head is the brother of Murray Head, who continues to get airplay with One Night In Bangkok!!!!!

Maybe you already knew that, but then, you also know what's going to happen in the next episode. And so far, I've been lucky enough not to (though dammit, I found out something else that happens in the next handful of shows just this week that I wish I hadn't. If it had only held back a few more days . . .), though I am anxious to continue the tale and be entertained, tickled, and moved.
Yeah, I cried. How could I not?

I really ought to cry more often.

Rish "Doctor Sunshine" Outfield

*Well, I just got home from seeing it, and I want to blow my brains out. So, yeah, Ryan, you were right.

**I saw a Brazilian bootleg of a Phil Collins album when I was in South America that was called "But Senuously..." and I've never quite gotten it out of my head.

***There isn't, so don't give me "tending" or "sitting."

****I'm almost tempted to go on there and make up my own quiz, something like "What Truly Awful Way To Die Are You?" What do you think?

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Another Buffy/Angel marathon

March 22-25, 2008 

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that I'm really wasting my time with these "Buffy"/"Angel" blogs. There are many places on the internet where you can find better recaps, and my attempts at humour seem to be falling on deaf . . . well, eyes. 

Around 1989, I thought it would be a good idea to write in my journal every time I went to see a movie (which wasn't often, dependent on what money I had and a way to get there). I filled a page or two with my experiences of, say, seeing BATMAN that summer, and would tape my ticket stub in there at the end. It seemed like fun, and until recently, I was still writing about my movie experiences, although in a much more regimented way. 

But now, in 2008, while I'd rather clean elementary school erasers with my tongue than read through those old journal entries (honestly, was Alison Watkins really all that?), if I were to do so, I'd much rather read about who I saw BATMAN with and the specifics of what I thought about it than a synopsis of the story or a rundown of the cast. I know better than 1989 Rish who was in which movies, but what I don't know anymore was where I went and how I got there, and most importantly, what I felt about it all. 

So, I guess what I'm saying is, even though these Buffy Wednesday entries are indeed a waste of time, I'm going to continue to do them, and if anything, I'm going to put more personal observations and unfunny jokes in here than I did before. Consider yourself warned. 

And speaking of which, oh, tyranist and I caught more than our share of "Buf-gel"s this past weekend. We watched "Buffy" first, instead of "Angel" like I resolved to do this season, and the episode we started with was "Flooded," written by Jane Espenson and Doug Petrie. It begins with Buffy in the Summers' basement, when all the pipes seem to burst at the same time, pouring in water. Xander's plumber friend gives them an estimate for repairs, and the bill is near the gross national product of Columbia (minus the drug export, of course). Willow and Tara reveal that while Joyce did leave Buffy some money, her hospital bills ate most of it up. The house payments (before repairs) are quite extensive, and the Summers are pretty much broke.* 

This led tyranist and me to wonder if the Slayer shouldn't receive an income from the Watchers Council, the same as Giles does. It was my sickeningly plausible idea that there is indeed a paying contract with each new Slayer, but that the girl doesn't start getting a check until she has been slaying for two years. The mortality rate is so high, the Council almost never has to pay a dime.  Of course, there's no way the Watchers Council pays Buffy anything, and I'm still reeling from last season's revelation that the Watchers get a paycheck. So Buffy is in trouble. 

So, Buffy goes to the bank to see if she could get a home loan. Unfortunately, property values aren't real good in Sunnydale, and without a job, Buffy isn't in a position to get loaned an umbrella, let alone how many thousands of dollars she needs. They have also just turned down Peter Parker and his aunt, but that's a couple of desks over. And on the other side of the bank is a demon, who's there to rob the place. 

Buffy's wearing a nice, tight skirt, which she has to slice down the side to beat up the demon. She chases it away, but a) it still manages to steal a lot of money, and b) the bank still won't give her a loan. Buffy doesn't seem all that stressed about it, which is an aftereffect of her death, blissful rest, and unwanted resurrection. Willow tries to get a rise out of her by admitting her torrid affairs with both Riley and Angel, but that sounds about as believable to Buffy as Willow marrying Wesley Windham Price. 

Buffy gets a bit of joy back when Giles returns from England. He is invited to stay with them (sleeping on the couch), and Buffy immediately begins to defer her decisions to him. The gang discovers that the demon who robbed the bank wasn't acting of its own accord, but was serving someone else, someone very powerful. That someone is revealed to be three someones: Jonathan (the geek from several episodes past), Warren (the robot-maker), and someone named Andrew (who is referred to have set winged monkeys on a school play in the first season**), three geeky friends with aspirations to rule the world. The demon is unhappy about its encounter with the Slayer and Warren takes it aside and provides it with Buffy's address. 

At night, Giles takes Willow aside in Buffy's kitchen and, well, while I don't imagine Giles would approve of this phrase, he rips her a new one for daring to cast a resurrection spell on Buffy. She tells him how scary the spell was, and he calls her a very stupid girl. He warns her (belatedly) about the danger of such spells and how it might have gone wrong, and I can't help but wonder if the reason they performed the spell when they did wasn't because they'd been waiting for the Urn of Osiris but because Willow was waiting for Giles to be out of the picture. Giles really lays into Willow, but she gets all cold on him and says, basically, "If I'm powerful enough to bring someone back from the dead, then you better not piss me off." It was truly chilling, and darn, I wish I didn't know (the general direction of) where this is going. 

Buffy goes outside and Spike tosses a cigarette butt at her. Ahh, love. They talk a bit, and it's weird how she seems to have changed toward Spike. The demon bursts into the house while she's gone, however, and knocks out Giles. Buffy shows up and beats up the demon again, freaking out about the expensive damage it's doing. Spike helps her in the fight and they thrash the demon soundly. 

The trio of geeks decide to band together and take down the Slayer. Buffy, however, is still upset about her money woes and now-damaged home. Then she talks to Angel all the way over on the WB and agrees to meet him at a midway point (since the WB was Channel 5 and UPN was Channel 13, that should put them around Channel 9). The end. 

I enjoyed the episode, particularly a great Xander line about Spider-man, but was upset by the ending. I bemoaned the fact that we watched the shows out of order, missing Angel's discovery that Buffy is still alive/alive again. Tyranist argued that not only did it no longer matter what order we watch them in, but that I am a mongoloid. 

Our first "Angel" of the evening was "Carpe Noctem," written by someone named Scott Murphy (his first episode), and tells the story of Angel Investigations looking into a couple of muscular young men who, acting peculiar, drop dead of some sort of life-sucking spell. Angel wants to go see a Charlton Heston film festival at the New Art, and only Fred will go with him. She comes back thinking it was a date, and nursing something of a crush on him (on Angel, that is, not Chuck Heston . . . though both would be understandable). 

Back on the case, Angel and Cordelia go to a gym where two of the victims were members, and Angel sees an old man with binoculars across the street at the retirement home. He goes up to see the old man, Marcus (played by Clint Howard's father), and Marcus quickly casts a spell which exchanges his life force with Angel's. In other words, it's the body switch movies of the late Eighties, only with a vampire this time. 

Actually, the episode is much better than I'm making it sound. "Angel" gets driven home by Cordelia, and is surprised to find out that he's a private investigator. Cordelia tells "Angel" she should talk to Fred about them just being friends, and "Angel" thinks Wesley is Fred, setting up an amusing attempted break-up on his part. Meanwhile, Angel wakes up in the body of an old man, but has no confusion over what has happened. He calls Angel Investigations, and leaves a message for Cordelia (it's amazing that cellphones don't exist on "Buffy," and astounding that they don't exist on "Angel"), but Marcus intercepts it.

"Marcus" gets in trouble for using the phone, and he finds himself a veritable prisoner in the retirement home. "Angel," however, is delighted to find out that he's a vampire, and there's no danger of this host's lifeforce running out like the other men he switched places with did. "Angel" goes out on the town, enjoying his increased strength, and the perfect hair that has women throwing themselves at him. He also comes onto Fred (who he realises is a woman after all), and when evillawyerchick Lilah Morgan comes over to resolve Angel's property dispute, he promptly mounts her, then gets carried away and bites her. She flees, more angry than afraid, and I imagine their next meeting will be less than warm. 

"Marcus" tries to find a way to get out of the retirement home, and ends up with a heart attack. When "Angel" shows up there, having decided to keep this body and kill his old one, "Marcus" uses his knowledge of vampire weaknesses to defeat him, then promptly switches their bodies back. Now old and frail again, Marcus yells at Angel, but ends up having another heart attack. In the end, Cordelia gets a phone call from Willow, revealing that Buffy is alive. 

Hoping to see the historic meet-up with Buffy and Angel, I insisted we keep watching "Angel," namely the episode "Fredless," written by Mere Smith. It begins with Angel having left to meet Buffy, and Fred asking the others what the situation is between them. In a hilarious exchange, Cordelia pretends to be Buffy and Wesley pretend to be Angel, and they ruthlessly mock the starcrossed lovers until they realise Angel is standing right there. Unamused, he takes Fred out for ice cream, and they come back via the sewers, following a demon they encountered offscreen. Fred sees some pink crystals, which will become important later, and Angel sends her home alone so he can dispatch the demon. 

There are almost no spoilers left for me on "Buffy" (and it's starting on "Angel" as well) that I have yet to stumble across, but somehow I didn't know we wouldn't get a Buffy/Angel reunion scene. It still bothers me that it didn't happen (though I suppose I understand why it didn't). 

Back at the hotel, an older couple with Southern accents arrives, in search of their daughter Fred (who's been gone for five years). They hired another investigator to find her and he said she was living in the hotel. My Spider Sense was tingling off the charts with these two, but maybe I have parent issues. Wesley, Gunn, and Cordelia try to explain her absence without mentioning vampires, demons, and parallel dimensions, but the Burkles are suspicious. Fred enters while they're talking, and just as quickly sneaks away again. Angel bursts in, carrying the severed head of the demon he just killed, boasting about it. 

Cordelia quickly explains to the Burkles that Angel works on monster movies and the head is just a prop. He tells Fred's parents that their daughter is probably up in her room now, and they go up to see her. If you recall, Fred had covered her walls with gibberish, formulas and drawings and such, and her parents are more suspicious to see them. Angel and company aren't sure what to make of the parents, who are getting really pushy and suspicious themselves, and Angel wonders why she would run away from them and where she would go. The Burkles go with our heroes to the library where she disappeared, but of course, she's not there. Angel also goes down to the sewer location where he saw her last, but doesn't find her. Some mantis-like insect-creature watches him from the shadows. 

Fred has actually gone to Caritas, which makes sense, and convinces Lorne to let her in, even though the place is closed due to the damage inflicted two episodes back. Lorne is grouchy about it, but Fred is just so darn lovable that he listens to her plight. Angel and Company arrive a little while later, and Cordelia explains that Lorne works on monster movies with Angel, hence the elaborate makeup. Lorne reveals that Fred has gone to the bus station, planning to start a new life without any money or prospects in a new town. The gang (and Fred's parents) arrive and stop her from leaving. The reason she was fleeing her parents was because she didn't want to explain that she lived for years in a cave, hunted and abused like an animal, and talking about it would make it real. Her folks don't understand, exactly, but when the giant mantis monster from the sewer arrives, and Angel is forced to vamp out and fight it, well, that makes things more complicated. Fred also fights the creature, and Fred's mother ends up driving a bus into the mantis, squashing it. 

The Burkles are astounded that Fred lives in a world with monsters and vampires and demons and giant bugs and black people and fake breasts, but they're also impressed that she's a sort of hero, defender of goodness against the power of darkness. But Fred doesn't feel like a hero, or that she belongs with the others, and packs her things to leave town with her parents. She tells everyone goodbye, and I began to be sad that we were losing such a great character so soon after she'd been introduced. Fred had created some kind of contraption, which the gang thought was either a weapon or a toaster, and leaves it there in the lobby for her friends. The Burkles--all three of them--get in a cab and drive away. Fred looks at her jacket and sees more of the odd pink crystals attached to it. Gunn makes a funny comment about the severed demon head they still have in the lobby, and almost immediately after, Angel and the others are attacked by a half-dozen of the giant mantis critters. Angel was barely a match for one before, and is in trouble against many. But then Fred bursts in, and deploys her device, which fires a big axe-blade across the room and into the severed demon head. The head splits open, spilling out dozens of fat brown cockroach-bugs, which are the offspring of the mantis creatures. Reunited, the small bugs and the big ones leave in peace. 

Fred had realised that the pink crystals were the monster's eggs, and they were only after their sweet, deah babbies. She also realises that she was useful and a part of the team, and hell yeah she's a hero like the others. She and her parents part, and she and the others paint over all the scribblings crazy Fred had drawn on her bedroom wall. The end. 

This was good, good stuff. The addition of Fred is truly a welcome one, and the group dynamic between all the Angel Investigations is amusing and interesting. May I live to see it continue. 

So, then we got the "Buffy" episode "Life Serial," which I've actually watched twice, for some reason. It was written by David Fury and Jane Espenson, and it begins after the non-existent crossover with Angel where they talk. Buffy returns home, and would rather talk about her future plans than what happened with Angel on Channel 9. Tara and Willow convince her to come to college classes with them, so she heads off to school. 

Meanwhile, the Terrible Trio (Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew) have gotten themselves a van to be their mobile headquarters. Andrew paints a Death Star on the side, but the others make him take it off. These three are very similar, geek-wise, to my friends and me, just with a lot less profanity. Buffy goes to class with Willow, but everyone seems to be speaking in some kind of intellectual uberbrain-tongue (what I commonly refer to as "tyranist language"), and Buffy feels dumb. While heading to a class with Tara, Warren sticks a little device on her that I assumed was some kind of Spider-Tracer or hidden microphone. What it ends up being is some kind of time displacement inducer, and Buffy finds herself jumping forward in time, and then the opposite--standing still while everyone around her zooms by. Finally, she discovers the device, and Warren causes it to self-destruct. 

The other members of the Trio give Warren a score on how well he did in, I don't know, testing or annoying the Slayer. Then it's Andrew's turn. Buffy can't explain what happened to her, but flees the campus like . . . I don't know, a pretty girl confronted by me at a high school dance. Giles tells Buffy she can come work at the magic shop, but she doesn't want to do that. So Xander pulls some strings to get Buffy work at a construction site. The foreman is not impressed when he sees all seventy-five pounds of her, but she is able to carry heavy materials and work much faster than the others. 

The van pulls up to the site, and Andrew does his thing (which involves some sort of pan flute). Suddenly, a bunch of demons appear, terrorising the jobsite and causing all sorts of destruction. Buffy kills them, but their bodies turn into green goo then disappear after they die. For some reason, none of the other construction workers claim to have seen the demons, and the foreman thinks Buffy went psycho on him. Xander realises the repairs will be costly, and tells Buffy to go do research on what's happening to her. In other words, she's fired. 

So, Buffy goes to work at the Magic Box while the Terrible Trio watches from hidden cameras. Jonathan casts a spell and Buffy goes to help her first customer, a woman who wants to buy a magical mummy hand. Unfortunately, she is unable to satisfy the customer, and the encounter restarts, with the woman coming in again, asking about the mummy hand. Try as Buffy may to give the woman what she wants, she fails and the scenario repeats. Finally, Buffy tells the woman she can't give her that particular hand, but would be happy to special order one for her. The woman accepts, and Buffy breaks free of the time loop. 

But Anya notices she didn't charge the woman for the delivery of the item, and Buffy leaves in a disgusted huff. She goes off to visit Spike, and they drown their sorrows in alcohol (Buffy is at her cutest every time she takes a drink and shudders at the awfulness of it all), then go off to talk to Spike's underworld contacts about who might be messing with her. They go to a poker game with a trio of demons (all of whom appear to be cheating), who are playing for kittens, because, well, they're delicious. 

Inside their van, the trio of baddies congratulate themselves on . . . annoying the Slayer, I suppose. But when Buffy and Spike come out of the bar, she recognises the vehicle and stomps toward it. Jonathan casts a spell to make himself look like a big red-skinned demon, and Buffy takes him down with one kick (luckily, she's very drunk, or she probably would've taken his head off). He pretends to die, then makes it to the van, where they drive away. They have tested Buffy's abilities and it's given them the knowledge they need for whatever else they've got planned. 

Buffy goes home to be sick. When she comes out of the bathroom, Giles is there to comfort her. He has written her a check, which she should be able to use to get on top of things again, and she seems to revert to a childlike state, glad that Giles is there to make everything alright. The end. 

This has to be the lightest episode of the season, and it's quite welcome after some of the pain, doubt, and misery we've experienced thusfar. Though it was now time to switch over to "Angel" again, I was not piloting the DVD player, and tyranist put on the next "Buffy" episode, entitled, "All the Way." 

This was another Halloween show, and was written by Steven S. DeKnight. Halloween is apparently a very busy day for the magic shop, and virtually everyone is working there to help out. It's very funny stuff, as Willow sneers at the people dressed as warty stereotypical witches and Anya is dressed as an Angel (as in "Charlie's," complete with Farrah hair and a pair of shorts the size of of a handkerchief). At the end of the business day, Xander (dressed as a pirate) decides it's time to announce his engagement to Anya. 

Everyone goes to Buffy's house for a Halloween/engagement party. Willow casts a spell to decorate the house, when it could've been done physically with little problem. Tara notices this too, so it's not just Giles and me now. I also find myself getting a little nervous seeing how controlling and obsessed with her upcoming wedding Anya becomes, even at this early stage. It's become obvious that I'm not going to see a happy ending here, either in my own life or those of the "Buffy" universe. 

Dawn tells Buffy she's going to spend the night at her friend Amber Tamblyn's house to spend the night, and meets Amber Tamblyn, who has told her parents she's staying at Dawn's house. I'm sure Dawn steals at some point in this episode too.*** The girls hook up with two older-looking boys who are apparently in their high school, and quickly pair off. Justin is the name of Dawn's date, and he's a handsome lad, seemingly harmless, but when the two boys are alone, they talk about going all the way with the girls later. 

At the beginning of the episode, we are introduced to a creepy old man who hums Pop Goes the Weasel to himself, and looks more than a little villainous. Well, it turns out that, for a thrill, the four teenagers head to his house for some mischief. Only Dawn is brave enough to go up and grab his pumpkin (which sounds a lot dirtier than it is), but when he steps out and invites them in, all four go inside. The old man appears to be harmless, but has something special cooking for them in the kitchen. He invites Amber Tamblyn's date to go with him and help, and you can just connect the dots from there what happens. Except you'd be wrong. Turns out that the man was just baking cookies, and the two boys are vampires. The old man is killed and the four teens leave, with the boys trying to decide whether they'll kill their dates, or "go all the way" and convert them to the undead. 

Buffy slips away to patrol, even though it's understood that vampires and demons always take Halloween off, you know, to keep its true meaning in their hearts. Once she's gone, Amber Tamblyn's mother calls the Summers house. She asks to speak to her daughter, revealing the girls' lie to Giles and the others. Xander and Anya stay there, but the others go out looking for Dawn. Eventually Buffy discovers a vampire's victim and knows there's trouble a'brewin'. Giles finds Spike and tells him what's what, then Buffy finds Spike and they go out looking for her sister together. Giles saves Amber Tamblyn from being eaten/envamped by her date. In a rare ass-kicking moment, Giles tussles with the vampire and ends up triumphant. 

Dawn and Justin are in his car, sharing a romantic moment. They kiss, and he seems to be moved when he realises it was her first kiss. They continue the making out, and in a scene reminiscent of Season One, he vamps out. Willow and Tara go to the Bronze, but it's really crowded. Willow suggests she cast a spell to momentarily send everyone there who isn't Dawn into another dimension. Tara balks at this idea and while they argue, Willow casts a spell to make everyone else in the Bronze go silent so they can talk. This only cements Tara's argument further, that Willow has gone overboard with the magic, and seems almost to be addicted to casting spells. It's interesting that they live in a world with thousands of demons, yet almost no cellphones. 

Justin catches up to Dawn and tells her she shouldn't be afraid, that she's special, and she seems willing to let him bite her. Giles, however, appears, to stop him. Unfortunately, a whole gaggle of vampires arrives at that moment, surrounding Giles. But then Spike and Buffy arrive. Ignoring all the vampires, Buffy yells at Dawn for her behaviour, and Dawn gives the old "Oh, so it's okay when you fall for a vampire, but not me," argument we've all used at one time or another. Then the fight begins. Spike dusts a couple (mostly he's upset that the other vampires didn't respect the holiday), Giles dusts more than his share, and Buffy kills about eight hundred and twenty six vampires, one using a car door. But Justin catches up to Dawn and mounts her on the leaf-covered ground. He tells her he likes her and she tells him she likes him back, then jabs him with the stake in her hand. It's really kind of sweet, and I wish I had had a moment even remotely as romantic as that when I was fifteen. 

Everyone goes home, and Tara is especially distant from Willow. Buffy is about to talk to Dawn about her behaviour, but as soon as she sees Giles, she tells him to do it for her and retreats to her room. Giles does talk to Dawn, but it's a shame we don't get to hear their conversation. If I had children, I'd wish I could be the kind of father Giles is, complete with lovely singing voice and proper diction. Willow can't understand why Tara is so upset with her, but rather than go to bed angry, she gets a flower and casts a spell on it. When she gets into bed, her spell makes Tara forget they ever had a disagreement. The end.

Dang, this was good stuff. The Halloween episodes are always special, but I'm starting to believe that every episode of "Buffy" is special. The other day, my cousin came over and we watched a couple early episodes. When my uncle asked what we were watching, my cousin said, "Only the greatest TV show of all time." And I realised that I didn't disagree with him.**** 

So, back at tyranist's place, with our Buffy/Angel marathon behind us, tyranist and I talked for a moment about the many character arcs set in motion. Since he would be out of town next week, I was glad we'd gotten so many episodes in. I went to the bathroom to, you know, "declutter the icechest," and when I came back, the TV was black. "I guess you're going to kick me out now," I said. Tyranist told me that the best vengeance for the years of torturing him with my presence would be to make me wait, like, a month to see "Once More With Feeling." I told him that really was the best plan. It would give me time to write my blogs and we could spend some weeks watching "Twin Peaks," and catching up on the "Angel" episodes we'd gotten behind on by-- 

And he pushed Play. I guess he had started the episode while I was out, and paused it on the black before the title began. It was a pretty clever trick, really. So, then began my most anticipated episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." 

Rish "Anticlimax" Outfield 

*I wonder if they could somehow modify Dawn's stealing hobby to a more positive, income-producing habit. But that's a discussion for another time. 

**Never happened, but in "The Prom," it was his brother who had them hellhounds trained to go after promgoers. 

***Tyranist and I were pretty damn sure she had somehow snagged Anya's engagement ring, but when the episode ended and nobody mentioned it, we decided we were wrong. Later, Dawn does brag to Justin about her penchant for thievery, though. Yet I continue to like her. What is wrong with me? Other than the obvious, that is. 

****A year ago, I would've said "Firefly" fit that description, but I've now seen BTVS episodes that have eclipsed even "Firefly"'s greatness, and my love for these characters have long overshadowed my love for Mal and Company. It makes me a bit sad to say it, but with more episodes to get to know and care about the characters, my affection for Giles, Spike, Xander, Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Anya, and Tara can't help but grow.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Stupid Thing addendum

Remember how I felt guilty for showing "South Park" to my seven year old niece the other day? So, my uncle had his daughter for Easter weekend, but he needed to go to court to, I don't know, get some skinhead cannibal drug dealers off the streets, and he had me watch his five year old kid while he was gone.

To keep her occupied, he left his device, a Video IPod, I think, loaded up with movies she could watch during that time.

So, I was wandering around, cleaning, putting things in envelopes, and I listened to what she was watching, trying to identify what it was by the dialogue or music. But I didn't recognise it. There was classical, John Williams-esque score, but I couldn't think of an animated film J.W. had ever done. "What are you watching?" I asked. "Is it RATATOUILLE?"

"No," the child said.

I looked across the room and saw what appeared to be black and white images on her screen. "Is it INCREDIBLES?"I asked, even though that's not in B&W, but I thought maybe the flashback scenes were or something.

"No," she said again.

"What is it?" I finally asked, I listened for a moment more, hearing what I thought was Liam Neeson's voice. Ah, must be LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE. "Is it NARNIA?" I asked, thinking that was pretty heady stuff for an especially slow five year old.

"No," she said again.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked, giving up. There are a lot of mediocre children's flicks out there, so I figured it must be one I haven't seen.

"I don't know," she said.

So I walked over and looked at it for a moment. Yes, it was in black and white, and yes, it was Liam Neeson's voice.

Sure enough, my uncle's five year old Down's Syndrome daughter was watching SCHINDLER'S LIST.

Thanks for playing.

Rish

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Happy Easter, boys and girls!



That's all the time we have for today's show. Thanks for joining us!

Veronicangel Wednesday

19 March 2008

Tyranist and I spent most of our Buffy Wednesday finishing Season One of "Veronica Mars," which, for some reason, I've begun to refuse to mention by name, as though it's the Scottish play or something. All I know is that it pisses tyranist off, so of course I'm onboard.

I honestly didn't know who had killed Laura Pal--er, Lily Kane, but in just joking around, I guess I stumbled onto the answer. Tyranist told me he was about to pause it and ask how I figured it out, but instead said nothing, so that when the killer was actually revealed, I was fully surprised. Good on him, really.

The show was good, maybe not without its flaws (one of the episodes we watched tonight I didn't like at all, and its plot was so easy to figure out that I started second-guessing it to try and figure out what the twist would be), but kept my interest and my enjoyment from our first sitting to tonight. Mostly I just like the clever dialogue, interesting character dynamics, and a father who is not painted as a jackass or total moron.

Tyranist would've been fine to start watching Season Two tonight, but I'd rather give it a break for a while and maybe watch one of my DVDs for a change.

The one "Angel" episode we watched was called "That Old Gang of Mine," by Tim Minear.

The episode begins at Caritas, the demon karaoke bar, and all the gang has gathered around Merl, the snitch, who has been mistreated by pretty much everyone. I didn't mention it, but he was in the season opener, and has appeared in several episodes, some of which un-notably. But in this one, he is being apologised to by Angel, reading a prepared statement from Cordelia.

Tyranist mentioned that Cordelia looked and acted better in this episode than he ever remembered her before. Surely the visions have matured her . . . but I'm sure she'll backslide to self-centered gold-digging in no time.

Angel, being a man's man, tells Merl he can hit him if he wants to. Merl tries, but is zapped by the spell on the bar that prevents demons from harming demons. Merl is upset and he goes home. Once there, he is attacked and murdered.

There are mixed feelings concerning Merl's death. Wesley seems saddened by it, but Gunn wonders why it's a big deal, since Merl was a demon, and demons are bad. In fact, he's so unconcerned about Wesley's investigation that he goes back to his old hangout and has a reunion with his old (titular) gang. There's a new guy, Geo, there from Florida, who gives Gunn a bottle and a half of 'tude, and there's lots of testosterone and really convoluted black slang (which tyranist usually complains about, since it sounds like the middle-aged Jewish guys writing "Luke Cage" in the Seventies). To make a lengthy bunch of scenes short, Geo is a loudmouthed bag of douche, and he thinks Gunn has gone soft, or worse, is now a vampire-lovin' Uncle Tom.

The gang, now that Gunn is no longer leading them, has been tracking down perfectly-harmless demonfolk and killing them, simply because of their gooey, non-human heritage. Gunn has to make a decision as to which side he's on, and goes as far as to hide evidence to keep Angel Investigations from coming after his old gang.

Cordelia decides to take Fred out on the town, and Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia, and Fred go to Caritas, but that turns out to be the same night Geo is leading the gang there, to kill everybody inside. The gang shoots the place up, kills a few of the demons, and harasses everybody else. Gunn does what he can to protect Lorne, but he and Geo argue about what is right and wrong.

Finally, Geo tells Cordelia she is free to go, as long as she brings Angel back there. She tells Angel what's happening, and he charges her with convincing the trio of Furies who cast the "no demon violence" spell to lift it. They are three hot chicks who talk in succession, and want to make the beast with four backs with Angel.

Angel arrives and Geo tells Gunn to prove his loyalty to humanity by killing Angel. He won't do it, even though Geo taunts him about his sister turning into a vampire back in Season One. Finally, the spell is broken, and one of the timid demons cowering in the corner leaps up and bites Geo's head off. Nice.

Outside, Wesley tells Gunn he'll be fired if he ever hampers an investigation again, and Gunn tells Angel that he hopes he has proven his loyalty by not killing him in there. Angel says Gunn will prove his loyalty when he has to kill Angel and he does. You know, I hate statements like that.* The end.

It wasn't all that good an episode, really, but hey, even the worst "Angel"s have a lot to recommended them. And it's the only one we got in for the week. Unless some kind of miracle happens.

Rish Outfield

*I can't help but be reminded of my pal Matthew, who used to say, "If you're really my friend, you'll kill me if I ever order a fish sandwich at Burger King again." Then he had the temerity to report me to the authorities when I tried.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Stupid Thing . . . or not

17 March 2008

So, I went to a convention the other day and they had a--

No, that's not the Stupid Thing. Jeez, give me a chance here.

They had a panel for the NBC series "Heroes," just like they did last year. In 2007, there was a lot of interesting discussion about the show (which was a hit new show at the time) that I was able to spread around to all those I pretend are my friends.

This year, however, because of the writers' strike, they had absolutely nothing to talk about. It was shocking, really, how little content was placed before the rather large assemblage of fans. They were excited to get back to work on the show (which is coming back in September with a "healthy dose of episodes"), but the panel just wouldn't answer any questions about "Heroes" storylines or plans or changes or ideas or anything of any relevance.

They didn't have any clips or any real news to share. So, there ended up being time at the end there wouldn't have been with a normal panel. They just opened it up to the audience for questions.

Milo Ventimiglia, who plays Peter Petrelli, was on the panel (and have you ever noticed that he is always referred to as "Peter Petrelli," never just as "Peter" or "Pete?"), and he seemed like a really nice guy, talking about how there's always an a-hole on every set, and since he couldn't think of anyone in the production who fit that bill, it was probably him.


I didn't take a lot of pictures, and the few I got turned out really dark, like a Tim Burton film festival during a power outage.

Beta Ray Charles went to the panel with me, and at one point suggested a question for me to ask Milo. It was wholly inappropriate, and while I laughed, I wasn't about to actually ask it.*

But again, it's really disappointing that there was so little to talk about at the panel, at least not without hearing, "I hate to say it again, but we're not able to talk about that." Even the questions from the audience trickled into nothing but coughs, whispers, and cellphones going off.

The moderator said, "Are there any more questions for Milo Ventimiglia?"

Beta Ray nudged me, but I just couldn't ask it. I chickened out . . . or you could say that good taste won out in the end. But afterward, I wondered what the response might have been, and if it might not have produced, at the very least, an amusing story to tell.

So, the panel ended and we went our separate ways, and I never got to ask Milo, "Yeah, I've got a question: what's it like to nail the cheerleader?"

Rish Mister Self-Restraint Outfield

*Which reminds me of another story, where something similar happened to me, quite hilariously. I'm not going to relate it here, I was just reminded of it.